For those with separate finances - WWYD?

[telephus44]

Ok, we actually have his, hers, and ours finances. But I have a dilemna, wondering what you would do.

DH and I each have our own personal checking account and credit card. We each have an equal "allowance" each pay period, and while we occasionally talk about our personal stuff, we don't have the same strict accountability that our joint account does. Say, I may mention that I spent $300 this month on clothes, and DH might mention that his CC balance is higher than he'd like and he sent them an extra $50 this month, but I don't open his bank statements and he doesn't open my credit card bill. I mean, it's not like we each keep our stuff under lock and key, but it's a courtesy thing.

So- here's my issue. Our health insurance will reimburse up to $400 a year for gym memberships/golf lessons/ski lift tickets/etc. For 2010, DH joined a gym, but he paid it out of his allowance. I told him if he wanted to submit the paperwork (easy form, but also need copies of credit card statements to prove costs) he could have the $400. I've asked him 4 times now, so I'm veering into "nag" territory. The deadline for submission is March 31st. Would you "snoop" and take copies of your spouses credit card statements and submit them for a $400 reimbursement, or not?

If it makes a difference, it's not like I need $400 to make the mortgage payment or put food on the table, but still - $400 isn't exactly chump change to me, either. I was thinking I'd put it in the Roth.

[Plain Old Petunia]

I wouldn't snoop. I would ask him, "Hey, I'd like to get this $400. Are you willing to give me statement copies or not?" Maybe he will just say go ahead and make copies yourself.

[Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ]

The deadline for submission is March 31st. Would you "snoop" and take copies of your spouses credit card statements and submit them for a $400 reimbursement, or not?

You've asked... he is a big boy...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH is a horrible procrastinator and will leave things sitting for MONTHS before he gets around to them. Only reason he got his license plate sticker renewed is because I reminded him in June that he had 30 days to do it and even then he waited the full 30 days.

So I just gave up and I organize everything myself if it is important to me. I tell him I need X, Y and Z and hegets it for me and I go off and do the paperwork myself.

I think if your DH is on board with it and just isn't filling out the paperwork it's fine to ask him where they are at so you can take them down to make copies, but I wouldn't just take his files and go off and do what I want with them. $400 isn't worth the argument we'd have over it.

[oreo]

I'd ask him if he can just give you what you need to submit everything and tell him you'll do all of the paperwork etc. But in the end, if he's getting the $400 back anyway (so you aren't out anything), as the saying goes "you can lead a horse to water...".

I totally understand your frustration though! It is difficult when there is free money to be had and someone else just doesn't care about it like you do. I've been there trust me!

[Gardening Grandma]

I'm with dramaqueen. If he just hates paperwork, I'd ask, "Do you mind if I go ahead and copy the required paperwork and get it sent in?"

[whoisjohngalt]

Well, did he say "yes, I want to do it" or he didn't really answer your question. If he said yes, I would tell him "hey, you have a week to get me paperwork or let me know if you want me to do it". If he didn't answer your question - there is your answer

Lena

[Clever Username]

Be simple and direct about it. Tell him tonight, your goal is to get that $400 submitted tomorrow.
Tomorrow, tell him at breakfast that you're going to work on that $400 now.
If he doesn't start looking for it, he will not be shocked when you do.

[illinicheme]

I agree with simple and direct. I'd probably say something like "I'd like to submit that paperwork to get you the $400 reimbursement for the gym cost. Can you lend me the appropriate credit card statement right now? Or can I go look for it?" Ask at a time when he's most likely to go get it for you right at that moment (i.e. don't interrupt him watching his team on TV to ask him to go dig up paperwork).

[Deleted]

Are you wondering if he really did join the gym?

[driller53]

OK...so this is pretty obvious....

He has a higher balance than he wants you to see.....or he's buying things he does not want to reveal witht the detail on the statement.

Been there, done that.....I got the Tshirt.

[Gardening Grandma]

So, OP, what did you decide? Inquiring minds want to know!

[Deleted]

I'd just ask him for it. It may be his and hers, but $400 would make a nice ours of some sort. My DH and I have separate finances and he's not really into my couponing as much, but he's learned that a rebate is a rebate. He bought a handgun with a $50 rebate. I filled it out for him (he had to sign), addressed the envelope, and put it in the mail. When he got it, I offered to cash it for him but he passed.

[suziq38]

Since you are married, why all the secrecy about the bank accounts and CC balances?
A Credit Report is a good move anyway.
You BOTH need to know the true money situation here.
If you file for the $400.00 rebate use it for a vacation that you both benefit from, or put it in your retirement accounts 50/50.

[daisylu]

Every relationship is different. We also have mine, your's, and our accounts - but we still share all info. All records are kept in the same place - so we both have the same access. Our internet is attached to his cell bill, but I open it every month to see how close we came on the usage.

DH is horrible at claiming rebates and such, so I would do what I had to do to get the free money. BUT, we both know and agree on that.

[Bluerobin]

Tele, no receipt, no gym. He ain't going out to get fit! The gym could give him a receipt if it exists.

[The J]

Why does laziness automatically imply that he's lying?

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"I'm with dramaqueen. If he just hates paperwork, I'd ask, "Do you mind if I go ahead and copy the required paperwork and get it sent in?"":::...

If you decide that you don't want to let the $400 go (whether its to keep yourself, or split with him, or give to him), then just say "I need the <x> papers, where are they". Better yet, find them but don't look at them and say "are these the <x> papers? Good, I need them to submit for the insurance refund".

I stopped trying to figure out why some people will let free money go. I think some people figure that if they don't have it, then they haven't lost it and things zero out. They don't see it as getting ahead, they just see it as not falling back.

[telephus44]

Here's my update.

First, driller53 is right. The balance is a lot higher than he'd like me to know. He has a habit of running the card up, then paying it all off, then running it up again, then paying it off - he's done thirs 3 times in the 10 years we've been together. I'm ok with this. He only has one card, he doesn't open new ones, and even if he had it maxed out it's not enough that I couldn't cover it if something catatrophic happened. But, he knows that I'm "good with money" so he doesn't want to admit it to me.

And yes, he did actually join a gym. Or if he's being really sneaky, he managed to get a keytag from a gym and started carrying it on his keychain. But I have no doubts that he joined.

I've decided I'm going to print out the form (again) and ask him tomorrow (Tuesday). He had to work last night, so I know he'll be short on sleep and not as receptive tonight (he works odd hours that vary). And I will phrase it as is "Here's the form. Do you want me to fill it out for you? I can take copies of your statements if you're too busy." and see if that will get him to do it. I'll also offer that if he want to keep the $400 check, he can do that.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Since he paid for the gym out of his allowance, he should get the $400 to do whatever he wants with it. I'd give it 1 more try and make sure he understands he stands to get $400 back, to do with as he pleases. Maybe he'll put it towards the cc...

[telephus44]

In case anyone cares, DH decided to sit down and enter receipts/pay bills for his stuff last night for the first time in a while - I took advantage of the opportunity, and this morning he left me a filled out form AND photocopies of his statements. So he's getting his $400. I'm hoping he puts it towards his CC, too... he actually admitted how high the balance was last night, and is working on a plan to pay it down (again).

[Deleted]

;D

[illinicheme]

Thanks for the update! Glad it worked out.