thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 31, 2015 8:45:18 GMT -5
I didn't go to either of my Grandma's funerals. One I was super pregnant, the other one I had a baby, a toddler and a husband who wasn't working yet. I didn't go to my Grandpa's funeral either. My mother said I couldn't miss school.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 31, 2015 8:46:43 GMT -5
I went to funerals when I was little. I took my kids to them also. It never occurred to me not to. So that isn't a mid west thing. Weddings are different because they are basically parties and some are for everyone and some are for adults only. When DD was little we had a few family members and friends die in the period of a year or so. When someone asked DD where she was she told them "at a reunion". In her mind since everyone got together and it didn't happen often it had to be a reunion.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 31, 2015 9:41:07 GMT -5
I went to funerals when I was little. I took my kids to them also. It never occurred to me not to. So that isn't a mid west thing. Weddings are different because they are basically parties and some are for everyone and some are for adults only. When DD was little we had a few family members and friends die in the period of a year or so. When someone asked DD where she was she told them "at a reunion". In her mind since everyone got together and it didn't happen often it had to be a reunion. I'm from the South and kids go to funerals here. They babies might be in a 'crying room' but they go. When I was 3, going on 4, my mother almost died. So I was sent to stay with my father's parents while she recovered. I have no idea how many funerals I attended in those months. My granny was the matriarch of the rural church and one of the two in the Scottish clan. She knew everyone and I went to every wake/funeral/church event/fundraiser the entire time I was with them. My grandfather and the other farmers got to beg off because it was the middle of the season, but I got dolled up and put in a cute dress and followed Granny around and did what I was supposed to do.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 31, 2015 17:39:47 GMT -5
In our family, there are always children present. They are part of the family. I was in 3rd grade when my maternal grandmother died and I don't remember much more than my mother fainting. I was in 7th grade when my maternal grandfather died and I do remember it. My paternal grandfather died the month before I was born. I was there, just in the womb. My paternal grandmother died while I was in the UK on vacation and we had decided beforehand that I wasn't coming home early if she died. That was because grandma was not going to die. She had come back from several health crises before, but it wasn't to be this time.
When my mom died a little over a year ago, we would not have dreamed of telling people children were not invited. It was on a school day, so the only school age kids there were my great nephew and niece. There were kids younger than school age. My great niece actually made us laugh in the limo as we were getting ready to go to the cemetery for mom's burial. I was in the front with the driver, dad and my brother-in-law and great nephew were in the middle row. DS, her daughter and great niece were in the back row. Just as we were ready to leave, we heard this voice saying "I'm supposed to wear a seat belt!" and everybody laughed.
As for weddings, I come from a large family and kids are always invited.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 7, 2015 8:15:58 GMT -5
So I wasn't losing my mind. We did tentatively have it scheduled for that Sunday. Then a COUPLE DAYS after that, my SIL changed it to the Thursday and didn't tell us. It wasn't an assumption on our part. That really was the plan.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Aug 7, 2015 8:42:43 GMT -5
So I wasn't losing my mind. We did tentatively have it scheduled for that Sunday. Then a COUPLE DAYS after that, my SIL changed it to the Thursday and didn't tell us. It wasn't an assumption on our part. That really was the plan.
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 7, 2015 10:03:23 GMT -5
Aw hugs Mutt.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Aug 7, 2015 10:18:42 GMT -5
I'm not really upset about it. We got it figured out. I think I'm more irritated about her freaking out about the costs. She was complaining about the headstone, urns etc. Total cost looks to be around $1000. Even if there isn't any money left in the estate and we split the cost 3 ways, it is $300-$350 each. She may be worried about getting the money out of DH and his brother, but I don't know why. His brother is the responsible one and she's never had to deal with me and money. We've had more trouble getting money out of her when we've split things before. Who knows, maybe her CC is maxed out.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Aug 7, 2015 10:32:16 GMT -5
I remember when my XH's mom got sick. His brother wanted each sibling (four total) to start putting $100 per month in to an account to prepare for funeral costs. There was no possible way for us to do that without actually giving up food, electricity, or another actual essential. I had a panic attack over it. I don't know what XH told his brother, but it didn' t really come up again. We were in our early 20s, had two kids , and were making <$20K per year.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Aug 12, 2015 17:56:19 GMT -5
My parents have prepaid burial funds. After mom died, the funeral home told me there should be enough left for dad, but if he went in to a nursing home and it starts looking like he has to go on Title 19, to contact them and he'd take a closer look.
They already had the headstone and their plan included adding the date of death. Dad wanted some additional flowers and the meal had gone up $100. They also had to come pick up mom's body since my parents had moved three hours away.
My mother was very pregnant with me when my paternal grandfather died. She always said that was the most miserable funeral she ever attended. It was hot and she was about 8 1/2 months pregnant.
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