Career Suicide??

[Sam_2.0]

We are in the process of transferring billing systems. Moving from CIS+ to CC&B, for those who care. My boss just told me that they had plugged my name in to lead one of the functional teams for integration. It would be a 3yr full time committment. Excellent for my resume and future with the company.

Problem is, I don't know that I want it. I finally got a job that I LOVE. I don't want to leave it now! I got the flexibility, location near home, no OT. I don't want to go back downtown, working long weeks, being away from my kids all the time. I don't know that I want the stress either.

And, to be very honest, I am scared of it. I don't know that I could do the job, and with such high visibility, any failure would surely be seen.

So how do I politely decline and not kill any future opportunities?

[Deleted]

Do you trust your boss enough to ask him/her those questions? Leave out the stuff about not being sure you can do it. ( One study showed that men will apply for a job if they think they fit 50% of the qualifications. Women, on average, won't apply unless they think they fit 90% of the qualifications.  In this case, think like a man.  ) 

There are specific facts you can bring in here.  "I love what I'm doing in (department).  While I see the huge opportunity here and I appreciate your confidence in me, I can also see that I'd be downtown more and would be working longer hours with less flexibility.  I need to weigh these options carefully,.  If I were to turn this down, how do you think it would affect my career here? 

Or, even better, "I'd like to make this work.  Here's how I'd structure it to make it manageable."  Is there any way you can structure it in a way that works for YOU?  More teleconferences, working from more convenient office, delegating some stuff to other team members so you don't get overwhelmed?  Can you ask for specific people you like and trust to be on the team? 

[zibazinski]

Jul 21, 2015 9:35:50 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Do you trust your boss enough to ask him/her those questions? Leave out the stuff about not being sure you can do it. ( One study showed that men will apply for a job if they think they fit 50% of the qualifications. Women, on average, won't apply unless they think they fit 90% of the qualifications.  In this case, think like a man.  ) 

There are specific facts you can bring in here.  "I love what I'm doing in (department).  While I see the huge opportunity here and I appreciate your confidence in me, I can also see that I'd be downtown more and would be working longer hours with less flexibility.  I need to weigh these options carefully,.  If I were to turn this down, how do you think it would affect my career here? 

Or, even better, "I'd like to make this work.  Here's how I'd structure it to make it manageable."  Is there any way you can structure it in a way that works for YOU?  More teleconferences, working from more convenient office, delegating some stuff to other team members so you don't get overwhelmed?  Can you ask for specific people you like and trust to be on the team? 

I can't LIKE Athena's post enough!!!

[Deleted]

You can decline, but it will put a dent in your promotability. It sounds like that is what you want for the next few years however, so that should be okay.  Just let the boss know that you appreciate the confidence he/she has in you, but at this time the location, hours and flexibility allow you to properly participate in your family life and that is a priority for you for the next 5 years (or is it 10). 

I toasted my career path doing this once; yup I was out of the running for any of the other field positions with 50% travel included. Yup, black balled from that hell    Oh wait, so then I got promotions at the location where I lived. Wow, I guess that worked out okay then.  Long standing "rumors" started by management that your career is over if you don't just go where and for what they volunteer you. 

Yeah, that is one of those "I think I saved myself" moments. They wanted to relocate me to LA and I am pretty sure that I would have been financially sunk in short order. 

[milee]

I may be misremembering, but isn't something like this - leading a team for integration - a promotion?  If they're expecting you to do that for no raise and no bonus, that would make it a lot easier to decline. Teams involved with system integration tend to work unpredictable and occasionally long hours, so they're paid more and also should be eligible for bonuses based on the integration meeting the timelines. No way would it be reasonable to expect you to do this type of job without a raise.

[justme]

Are you assuming that it's downtown with longer hours or have they said that? In other words, if they want you for the role negotiate it until it fits what you want. Downtown only for meetings, etc.

[Deleted]

Is your current job being eliminated and he's giving you this opportunity so you won't be unemployed?

[Opti]

Jul 21, 2015 9:16:16 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

We are in the process of transferring billing systems. Moving from CIS+ to CC&B, for those who care. My boss just told me that they had plugged my name in to lead one of the functional teams for integration. It would be a 3yr full time committment. Excellent for my resume and future with the company.

Problem is, I don't know that I want it. I finally got a job that I LOVE. I don't want to leave it now! I got the flexibility, location near home, no OT. I don't want to go back downtown, working long weeks, being away from my kids all the time. I don't know that I want the stress either.

And, to be very honest, I am scared of it. I don't know that I could do the job, and with such high visibility, any failure would surely be seen.

So how do I politely decline and not kill any future opportunities?

Do not politely decline. Accept and/or start whining about modifications you think you need in order to do the position.

I made a mistake around 2002/2003 that I am still paying for. I was asked/told to move to another building, another manager, and my secondary UNIX admin expertise, HP-UX. I wanted to stay in Solaris and work with women in UNIX which was a rarity. Unbeknownst to me things were radically changing and the correct answer was yes. Had they warned me a week in advance of asking I probably would have taken it, but I was going through so much change in my personal life I felt I could not handle more.

In retrospect it would have been much easier to deal with than my summer of 2003 layoff. I am still working on recovering from that misstep, and financially have not even made 50% in a year of what I made in 2002. Heed my warning!

[Sam_2.0]

To answer a few things - It's been brought up that I would be on this team in some way or another for a few years now. Even when I was in my other role downtown. I took this job I have now knowing that I was stepping back and out of visibility, but also knowing that it was what I needed at the time. But they seem to have found me

I was on the integration team for our meter data management system that just went in. Seems like I did a good job, got great reports from the team leaders, earned a nice bonus, and they threw my name in for the next system integration. Just being on the team would be a promotion - eligible for raises and bonuses. LEADING the sub-team would really be a step up. Financially I would be compensated just fine. I am not worried about that part.

I am currently a business analyst in the Billing dept. I would continue to work very closely with this dept and my boss through the integration. I don't know if they would backfill my position, but the possiblity of returning to it when the integration is over is pretty slim. The integration team is located downtown and they are big on face-time. I could maybe pull off working here 1-2 days per week, but that would be pushing it. So that adds another 2 hours on to my day for commuting.

I know taking this job would be the right step for my career. The thing is...I don't know if I want it. Financially, we make OK money. I could stay at this salary for a long time and be ok, especially since DH is now making money. We had talked about me transitioning to part time in 2-3 years and my current analyst position would be perfect for that. Yet in the back of my mind I keep thinking - what if something happens to DH and I need to rely on my career to support my family? I could do that at my current salary, but obviously growth would be helpful there too.

I guess I am at a crossroads. Do I want the career or do I want to mommy-track it, knowing I could well be taking an option that would affect my future options. It's a really tough decision. When the boss told me today what they had in line for me, my stomach sank and I wanted to throw up. Nerves? Who knows.  

[Deleted]

Are you guys still planning to homeschool? How many years out is that?

[Sam_2.0]

Aly is 4, she starts K next year. The plan is to start her at the local elementary but HS is still on the table if that's what she needs. I would definitely need to go PT or quit for that to happen.

We also want to have another kid in the next two years. Taking 3 months out of a project team for maternity leave isn't a good idea. And I don't want to put that on-hold just because of a big work project. We have a chance of having issues again (ICP for me, heterotaxy to some degree for baby), so the likelihood of having a pregnancy as complex as Aubree's is slim but the chance of having some level of complications is pretty high.

[Deleted]

Well. It might seem counterintuitive, but if I was planning to quit eventually, I'd go full force now for as long as a could. Or at least full force for 3 years and then reexamine.

However, I guess the 3rd kid in that time frame could challenge that.

I'm not sure what your middle/high schools are like, but for those I know that only can/do homeschool one section, middle school is generally better/more impactful than high school.

[midjd]

When the boss told me today what they had in line for me, my stomach sank and I wanted to throw up.

Life is short. Don't take a job that makes you want to throw up. 

My advice might be different if you needed the extra money, or if you were DINKS -- but it sounds like the gig you have now is pretty good already. 

My bias - although I graduated into a terrible market and basically took the first job I was offered, I feel very lucky to be here. I know now that I'd rather work 40 hour weeks for my current salary and benefits than 80 hour weeks for twice the money, especially now that I have DD. A flexible job offers a number of advantages that can't easily be made up by extra compensation, and it sounds like parts of this flexibility are very important to your life (and your family).

[Sam_2.0]

Jul 21, 2015 12:51:54 GMT -5 oped said:

Well. It might seem counterintuitive, but if I was planning to quit eventually, I'd go full force now for as long as a could. Or at least full force for 3 years and then reexamine.

However, I guess the 3rd kid in that time frame could challenge that.

I'm not sure what your middle/high schools are like, but for those I know that only can/do homeschool one section, middle school is generally better/more impactful than high school.

It would be my preference not to home school for high school because of the issues with getting into college afterwards. I've seen too many struggle with that.

I've thought about going full-force now, since the kiddos are little and really won't remember much of this anyway. But I feel like this would burn me out and I would want to quit completely instead of transitioning to PT later. I like the idea of keeping my foot in the door by working PT. I have been strategic about learning skills that make me valuable to keep around, even if it is just here & there.

I guess I need to find a good way to politely decline.

[Deleted]

I have actually not witnessed anyone struggle to get in to college from high school in PA. Might be different in other states? But that might be a different thread

Wouldn't going full force for 3 years give you even more options/skills for being kept around later in differing capacities.

[quince]

If you don't want it, and the track it would put you on is not your dream track, decline.

I was offered a promotion that I turned down once.  Offered again a couple years later, except this time the title was a level higher.    Probably still shouldn't have taken it, but now I know, for an absolute fact, that supervising others is not for me. If it derailed further promotions or slowed them, it doesn't matter, because the only way to go from that point was higher levels of management, and people wrangling is something I am not good at and do not enjoy.

[Sam_2.0]

Well, I did talk to my boss about it. Said I was torn because I knew it was a great opportunity, but I wasnt willing to add so many more hours to my day (2 hours just for commute, then longer hours on top, plus higher taxes, commuting costs, etc). He said he understood and would let them know that it would have to be well worth it for me to accept. I guess we will see if they come back with a salary offer that is enticing enough.

I am honestly thinking its not worth it for less than 20k raise after I factor in commuting, parking, taxes, and higher daycare costs. I would also want to outsource many household chores since my time at home would be reduced and I dont want to spend every Saturday cleaning.

[mojothehelpermonkey]

I contemplated  a different version of career suicide last year. I was working a stressful job for a company that I hated, but making pretty good money. The smartest thing to do would have been to stay there until I had something else lined up, but I ended up quitting anyway.
Right now, I am basically volunteering my time for a start up (plugging the hole in my resume ) and still trying to find a real job. My emergency fund is still fairly healthy, but I realize that my decision may mean that I will have to leave the HCOL area that I currently live in and possibly change fields. I still don't really regret my choice.
For me, it came down to deciding whether I wanted I happy life or a financially rewarding career. I think I can still find a way to live a happy life, even if I never make six figures. I know that those things don't always have to be mutually exclusive, but I decided that I would rather live on less than work a job that makes me miserable.
 At the same time, I don't have any dependents. Also, if this is one of those situations where you would just need to suck it up for a few years for a brighter future, then it may be worth it.