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Post by cytoglycerine on Mar 11, 2011 14:28:50 GMT -5
"this co-worker does all this slacking, and then come raise/bonus/promotion time, they get passed up, and then they turn into a green-eyed monster and complain about how "unfair" it is and how "lucky" you are to have gotten rewarded." cytoglycerine- your scenario is actually very accurate! This coworker and a similar slacker who is always late for work & meetings, doesn't respond to emails for weeks, etc both get extremely jealous whenever an email goes out announcing a promotion. They have both been n the same jobs for years and don't understand why. Um, when people come looking for you at 9:30 and no one knows if you're going to be in..... Why, oh why is it that people who act this way rarely (if ever) see any fault in their own actions? How do they not see that they are the ones perpetrating their own personal hell? Not their boss, or their greedy company, or the govt, or the economy...THEM! They are the reason why!!
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Post by bobbysgirl on Mar 11, 2011 14:31:45 GMT -5
No outside force can make someone feel guilty. It comes from within. He's just blaming you so he can do what he wants without a thought. Don't be concerned, he'll let you know what a good time he had and spend a lot of money.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 11, 2011 14:36:58 GMT -5
Oddly yes, although I'm surprised by it as I really think about it. I'm in the mortgage business and own 2 properties with my parents, so I've seen their income/tax returns (although not for 10 years or so). I have a pretty good idea about their retirement. Dad will say he wanted to get to 'x', and that they got pretty close, but he didn't think to specify twice that for him and a spouse. My sil makes very similar money to me, has asked for budget help, and lived with us. She knows how I budget and what my savings goals are. I've done taxes for several friends, or helped them on mortgage loans, reviewed credit reports with them, etc. so I end up knowing lots of their details.
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azphx1972
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Post by azphx1972 on Mar 11, 2011 15:20:51 GMT -5
Not as much as we used to. People do the dumbest things with their money and then whine how "lucky" we are as they spend, spend, spend. I've learned to avoid money topics because I will try to teach them how to be "lucky" too, but they don't want to change their ways. If you think about it, you are extremely lucky in that you have the intelligence, motivation, and discipline to manage your money. Yes it's hard work, but I think about how "unlucky" those lotto winners and pro athletes are who come into sudden fortunes, only to lose them because they don't know how to control their spending. We are all very lucky indeed, and I count my blessings everyday.
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Clever Username
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Post by Clever Username on Mar 11, 2011 16:02:54 GMT -5
I think there's a line in Fight Club, where the protagonist is confronted with another "tourist." He becomes quite unhinged... Why? Because it causes him to confront his own lies. No one wants to confront their own lies.
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Post by cytoglycerine on Mar 11, 2011 16:08:57 GMT -5
I think there's a line in Fight Club, where the protagonist is confronted with another "tourist." He becomes quite unhinged... Why? Because it causes him to confront his own lies. No one wants to confront their own lies. “Marla, the big tourist. Her lie reflected my lie. And suddenly, I felt nothing. I couldn’t cry. So once again, I couldn’t sleep.” I love Fight Club - It's one of my favourite movies of all time! Brad Pitt + Edward Norton + Messed up Plot Line =
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patchwork150
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Post by patchwork150 on Mar 11, 2011 16:13:29 GMT -5
hmmm. I wish I had people in real life I could talk to and get something out of the conversation. Maybe thats why I love this board??? One 'friend' is a financial wreck, who always has excuses for everything. She talks like she wants help, but has no motivation to help herself, and can only find reasons why sx or y won't work. I only talk to her a couple times a year now because I can't stand it. I cannot talk to my family either, and DH is not much interested in the finances past 'are the bills paid' and 'how much can I spend'. Telling him that we should hit our (mostly my) goal for having a 20% DP on a house this year (after only leaving debt behind in August) doesn't SEEM to mean much to him yet.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Mar 11, 2011 16:22:21 GMT -5
That's why I love this board too! We don't always agree on the best ways to invest or pay down debt, but we respectfully (most of the time!) agree to disagree.
I'm also interested in other people's life experiences. Experience can be a b****, but a real good teacher! ;D
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Post by poodlemom on Mar 11, 2011 16:30:59 GMT -5
I agree with the OP. I would like to talk about money to my friends, but can't. I have one friend who is a financial train wreck who can't bear to hear anything about money. I do not give her financial advice. Even so, she has taken offense at off-hand comments, say when we are in the car and the radio reports the market is down, and I said, wow, that's a buying opportunity for someone.
I think that the OP is right. People don't want to hear because they hear it as an indirect criticism of their spending choices.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 11, 2011 19:21:05 GMT -5
I have a few friends who are also trying to make good money choices, so will talk in generalities about money.
If someone specifically asks what I think, I will tell them.
But mostly, I like to keep my finances to myself. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, it's that I don't want friends/family to know. That's a sure way to get hit up for money. And it's not as though I have A LOT, it's just that I have more than most of those I know. To someone who doesn't understand basic financial concepts, if you say you have some cash in the bank and stock and bond funds set aside for retirement, they will suddenly view you as filthy rich. For example, I mentioned that I am saving for a trip to Egypt to a friend who knows I have some retirement money, and this friend said "Save? You have PLENTY of money, just go!!"
I will talk about it here and even have a boring blog ( I enjoy it, but hey, I know it is pretty boring).
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Mar 12, 2011 0:09:27 GMT -5
Not too many of my friends are in the same income bracket as DH and I; I do my best to avoid discussing our finances because I expect it'll come off as bragging and/or lead to awkwardness. I'm happy to discuss their issues if they bring them up, but again, there's typically a pretty big divide. My one friend should finish her surgical fellowship in the next couple of years and then we can bitch together about being classified as evil incarnate for making good money. A couple of DH's friends have roughly similar incomes, and they're interesting to talk to in general including money topics. Still not a lot of hard numbers, but it's nice to be less wary. Sometimes we'll talk a bit about finances at work, but even there, most of my colleagues in similar pay grades are the family breadwinners; and I'm not, so I'm careful what I say. It's kind of a pain because I like talking finances. Luckily, somebody started an msn money board clone!
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Mar 12, 2011 1:38:26 GMT -5
I have a guy friend that we talk about mostly his money. Then I try to understand HOW does he live? His money decisions are so horrible!! it is absolutely pathetic!! <<grabs dictionary on pathetic>> I mean really what dumb ass kind of person walks into a dealership and straight up tells the salesman I have NO MONEY - work EVERYTHING into the payment including the license and registration. but that's NOT all!! WHY did he go to the dealership in the first place? to buy is 2x greater stupid wife an SUV! but there is more there relationship had been getting worse over the years, I for one told him no don't do that, she can't maintain it! OH! I'm sorry she doesn't have a valid drivers license for years. and lastly he did it anyway, she fucked it up by crashing into a row of parked cars and fled the scene, later on SUV got repossessed for non payment!! all and more within UNDER 2 years it all could have been avoided!! now I just basically listen to his decisions and not really mention how much better I'm doing than he is.
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