NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 7, 2015 11:58:16 GMT -5
If I'm a guy, that's a possible red flag for me. Not a deal-breaker, but I'd wonder why a woman did not have a viable vehicle, especially in an area with inadequate public transit. I know in big cities with good trains, subways, etc., many people do not own a personal vehicle, and that is the norm.
Hey, stuff happens, I know. All of us wind up at some time or another with the car in the shop for a bit...or longer than a bit. If it's a mechanical issue that needs time to repair, that's one thing. If it's a money issue (like you cannot afford to fix it), but you're out and about on dates and nights out, that's something else.
The people you seem to know don't necessarily strike me as quality people. There's a lot of them, but not a lot of quality to them. Get to a higher place in terms of where you meet people. Find a job; it's the best way to meet a better class of folks. You seem to go to a lot of places for fun; why not inquire about working in one of them, even part-time?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2015 12:09:00 GMT -5
The car thing is me being lazy about deciding to fix or sell.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 7, 2015 12:22:21 GMT -5
decide and act.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 7, 2015 12:54:48 GMT -5
Three perfect words.  This is not the time in your life to be lazy, Nutty. Granted, you need to take time for careful consideration on some things (like boyfriends and dating), but not when it comes to transportation. Living where you do, in the situation you are in, you don't have the luxury of time with this issue. Our state lacks reliable public transportation as a whole. Getting yourself out and independent in the real and respectable world means having a vehicle. Not a fancy vehicle, but a reliable one, at least. Telling a man you cannot meet them because you don't have wheels won't work. And you cannot seriously even consider letting a near-total stranger pick you up for a date - you meet a new man on neutral grounds, to establish that he is safe and trustworthy. And you have to have an escape plan, in case that date goes horribly wrong. And that escape plan has to be your own car. You may not have the time to call a cab or a friend or your kids. Like I said, in bigger cities with better public transit, a personal vehicle is less of an issue. But not here, and not for you. A car, however humble it may look, gets you to better places in life and puts you in contact with better people. |
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 7, 2015 16:18:48 GMT -5
So a few of you are right, especially hoops. I text him and said that I was coming to see him play pool one one night, so I can see him in action (he is in a pool league and that what he talks about in the evening) 10 mins later he said sounds great !! I will look forward to it.
thanks guys for giving me the push, and yes I did get two exclamation marks...lmao
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 8, 2015 21:30:39 GMT -5
Men are stupid. Oh, and how did it go nutty?  |
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 8, 2015 22:29:05 GMT -5
If she goes missing it's Hoop's fault!!  |
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 8, 2015 23:10:30 GMT -5
J isn't going to ask you out. It's clear from your stories that he's basically thrown testers out there to see if you're interested and has gotten nothing back to suggest you are. You don't necessarily have to ask him out, but you have to make it clear you want to be asked out by him. Maybe you're doing it and he's still not getting it, hard to really tell. Here's the scenario I am envisioning: What is happening: J: I'm going to this bar tonight to watch YM Band perform. You: Have a good time. What should happen: J: I'm going to this bar tonight to watch YM Band perform. You: YM Band? Never heard of them. Do you go to a lot of live shows? I love checking out new acts. J: I love live shows, Hoops Band is playing next weekend, do you want to go with me? You're online, you need to give him the in-person equivalent of a smile or a little touch on the arm. You don't have to ask him out, but you do have to make it seem like you're at least remotely interested in going out with him. TY for this post. I'm pretty straightforward, so I don't always remember what you posted. Sometimes I might be jealous or other times only mildly interested. Could use a guy's take on what is the best response in the latter situation. |
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jul 8, 2015 23:59:46 GMT -5
If I'm a guy, that's a possible red flag for me. Not a deal-breaker, Really? How about the not divorced, unemployed, bar fly status? If her sitution were a guy she was thinking about dating, is there anyone on the planet who would say go for it? |
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jul 9, 2015 7:24:21 GMT -5
HAha I am much more than that but as you are insulting me don't forget the other terrible things about me, but I am not pretending to be someone I am not. Also I don't care too much, they can pass if they choose.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 9, 2015 8:27:19 GMT -5
If I'm a guy, that's a possible red flag for me. Not a deal-breaker, 1) Really? How about the not divorced, unemployed, bar fly status? 2) If her sitution were a guy she was thinking about dating, is there anyone on the planet who would say go for it? 1) Well, that too. The car was the obvious one because of where she lives; public transit sucks and she may not be able to depend on her kids or friends for a ride if things go bad on a date. I was thinking the safety issue. 2) And no, I'd run from that faster than an ice cube from a lava flow.  |
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 9, 2015 8:58:36 GMT -5
If I'm a guy, that's a possible red flag for me. Not a deal-breaker, Really? How about the not divorced, unemployed, bar fly status? If her sitution were a guy she was thinking about dating, is there anyone on the planet who would say go for it? |
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jul 9, 2015 10:02:36 GMT -5
::TY for this post. I'm pretty straightforward, so I don't always remember what you posted. Sometimes I might be jealous or other times only mildly interested. Could use a guy's take on what is the best response in the latter situation. ::
I would say your level of interest is fairly irrelevant, what is relevant is "do you want to meet this person?". (I say that because some people who are mildly interested might say yes, some might say no). If you want to meet them, act interested...because you are. If you don't want to meet them then the best option is to tell them obviously. Barring that, showing no interest is a less straightforward way of displaying your disinterest. I don't think you need to hash out your interest level prior to meeting someone other than figuring out if you want to meet them in person or not. There's no benefit in making sure they know you want to meet but are only mildly interested vs wanting to meet because you think you're in love. Both are best tempered by seeing what happens in person.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 9, 2015 10:09:04 GMT -5
::TY for this post. I'm pretty straightforward, so I don't always remember what you posted. Sometimes I might be jealous or other times only mildly interested. Could use a guy's take on what is the best response in the latter situation. :: I would say your level of interest is fairly irrelevant, what is relevant is "do you want to meet this person?". (I say that because some people who are mildly interested might say yes, some might say no). If you want to meet them, act interested...because you are. If you don't want to meet them then the best option is to tell them obviously. Barring that, showing no interest is a less straightforward way of displaying your disinterest. I don't think you need to hash out your interest level prior to meeting someone other than figuring out if you want to meet them in person or not. There's no benefit in making sure they know you want to meet but are only mildly interested vs wanting to meet because you think you're in love. Both are best tempered by seeing what happens in person. Correct, you want to meet this person, but does that translate to you doing anything together even a potential turnoff just to meet? If a woman invited a man to a beauty school hair cutting day, would he go just to meet her? I'd be somewhat concerned it would mean more invitations to beauty school hair cutting days especially if I weren't interested from day on nor after the first experience.
I know I am not saying it well, but how is one going to compliment the experience & the guy, if its an experience you are not interested in or at best Meh about?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jul 9, 2015 10:22:25 GMT -5
Good god. The last thing I would want after 23 years of marriage is to have to put up with someone else's shit right away.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jul 9, 2015 10:51:25 GMT -5
::TY for this post. I'm pretty straightforward, so I don't always remember what you posted. Sometimes I might be jealous or other times only mildly interested. Could use a guy's take on what is the best response in the latter situation. :: I would say your level of interest is fairly irrelevant, what is relevant is "do you want to meet this person?". (I say that because some people who are mildly interested might say yes, some might say no). If you want to meet them, act interested...because you are. If you don't want to meet them then the best option is to tell them obviously. Barring that, showing no interest is a less straightforward way of displaying your disinterest. I don't think you need to hash out your interest level prior to meeting someone other than figuring out if you want to meet them in person or not. There's no benefit in making sure they know you want to meet but are only mildly interested vs wanting to meet because you think you're in love. Both are best tempered by seeing what happens in person. Correct, you want to meet this person, but does that translate to you doing anything together even a potential turnoff just to meet? If a woman invited a man to a beauty school hair cutting day, would he go just to meet her? I'd be somewhat concerned it would mean more invitations to beauty school hair cutting days especially if I weren't interested from day on nor after the first experience.
I know I am not saying it well, but how is one going to compliment the experience & the guy, if its an experience you are not interested in or at best Meh about?
I see what you're saying. No, I wouldn't do that. What I would say is that if you're doing the online thing, you should know some things about them at that point, enough to steer the conversation to something mutual at least. You don't have to compliment the experience: Guy: I'm going to Joe's bar to watch YM Band play tonight. You: That's cool you like live music, I've never really been into that. I prefer to spend my time hiking (if you know hiking is one of the things you have in common). Guy: I love hiking, I'm going to the Randomly Named Trail this weekend with some friends, what spots do you like to hike? etc, etc. The point is you have to show some level of interest in something you can do to meet up. It doesn't have to be a business transaction, it's a conversation. Even if you aren't forward enough to ask someone out, you can help guide the conversation to common interests. |
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 9, 2015 10:56:33 GMT -5
Good god. The last thing I would want after 23 years of marriage is to have to put up with someone else's shit right away. We all have shit. How do you avoid it? |
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jul 9, 2015 11:41:19 GMT -5
Good god. The last thing I would want after 23 years of marriage is to have to put up with someone else's shit right away. We all have shit. How do you avoid it? At least I'd just wallow in my own shit and not someone else's. |
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 9, 2015 11:49:16 GMT -5
At least I'd just wallow in my own shit and not someone else's.  Yep I've got enough of my own to shovel. I love DH but if something happens to him I am not interested in dating or marrying ever again.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 9, 2015 11:52:17 GMT -5
We all have shit. How do you avoid it? At least I'd just wallow in my own shit and not someone else's. If you can truly just casually date (some can't), then you can get out & have a good time without getting involved in other's shit. I think that is nutty's ultimate goal. Although I think she should be more proactive if that is the goal. IMO spending weeks getting to know people via text implies that you are looking for something serious & long-term. If you just want to hang out, then finish a conversation with "It was great talking to you, but I have to go do X now. Let me know if you want to meet up sometime".
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 9, 2015 12:17:07 GMT -5
At least I'd just wallow in my own shit and not someone else's. Yep I've got enough of my own to shovel. I love DH but if something happens to him I am not interested in dating or marrying ever again. Amen, sister. I enjoy my marriage, but if I outlive DH, I am a one-and-done woman. I may date or do the "let's hang out and have a good time" kind of thing. But a second marriage is not ever on the table. Nothing against men in general. I like men. Men are very useful.  But putting up with all the crap - oh, heck no. And honestly, I'm not all that much fun to put up with, either sometimes. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2015 13:13:54 GMT -5
At least I'd just wallow in my own shit and not someone else's. Yep I've got enough of my own to shovel. I love DH but if something happens to him I am not interested in dating or marrying ever again. Amen, sister. I enjoy my marriage, but if I outlive DH, I am a one-and-done woman. I may date or do the "let's hang out and have a good time" kind of thing. But a second marriage is not ever on the table. Nothing against men in general. I like men. Men are very useful. But putting up with all the crap - oh, heck no. And honestly, I'm not all that much fun to put up with, either sometimes. I really wasn't interested in marrying the second time. I enjoyed the freedom of being single and I very much loved dating the guy...I was head over heels crazy about him, but I was begged, blackmailed, coerced...you name it. Even my family encouraged it. Finally I gave in rather than lose him. In hindsight...  These days someone would have to come find me and sweep me off my feet before I'd even date. I'm not pursuing anyone or even looking and I'm SURE not interested in marriage or even a live-in. I have first ex I can call to fix things around the house if I need it and second ex for sex if I need that. (JUST KIDDING! It's true, but it would be a dumb move on my part). What else do I need a guy around for? |
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 9, 2015 13:23:07 GMT -5
Amen, sister. I enjoy my marriage, but if I outlive DH, I am a one-and-done woman. I may date or do the "let's hang out and have a good time" kind of thing. But a second marriage is not ever on the table. Nothing against men in general. I like men. Men are very useful. But putting up with all the crap - oh, heck no. And honestly, I'm not all that much fun to put up with, either sometimes. I really wasn't interested in marrying the second time. I enjoyed the freedom of being single and I very much loved dating the guy...I was head over heels crazy about him, but I was begged, blackmailed, coerced...you name it. Even my family encouraged it. Finally I gave in rather than lose him. In hindsight... These days someone would have to come find me and sweep me off my feet before I'd even date. I'm not pursuing anyone or even looking and I'm SURE not interested in marriage or even a live-in. I have first ex I can call to fix things around the house if I need it and second ex for sex if I need that. (JUST KIDDING! It's true, but it would be a dumb move on my part). What else do I need a guy around for? I don't think your logic is bad at all, actually. You want a man around for some things, like fixing stuff. And for sex. It's nice if it's the same guy (well, convenient, anyway), but it's fine if it isn't. As for the whole swept off my feet thing...nah. It's too much prep work on my part.  |
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 10, 2015 19:16:17 GMT -5
I'm going out tonight with a guy I met a few months ago tonight. He's a very good guy from what I know. He's not as pretty as I like them. He's a financial advisor, so way different than the losers I seem to attract. We'll see how it goes.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 10, 2015 19:27:06 GMT -5
Tuesday night I met up with guy from one of the sites I use. He seemed pretty nice and we talked about going out again soon. Last night I received a dickture. WTF, MEN?!?!?!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 10, 2015 19:39:51 GMT -5
Tuesday night I met up with guy from one of the sites I use. He seemed pretty nice and we talked about going out again soon. Last night I received a dickture. WTF, MEN?!?!?! Why do they do that?! |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2015 20:02:02 GMT -5
What is a dickture? Is it a picture of their package? Yuk!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 10, 2015 20:11:02 GMT -5
Tuesday night I met up with guy from one of the sites I use. He seemed pretty nice and we talked about going out again soon. Last night I received a dickture. WTF, MEN?!?!?! Why do they do that?! I guess they think it has the same effect on us as us sending them an ass or boob shot has on them. My stance has always been that I'd much rather see it live and in action. The ones that send it are usually proud of what they have (with good reason)... still doesn't mean I want it on my phone though. |
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 10, 2015 20:30:07 GMT -5
Tuesday night I met up with guy from one of the sites I use. He seemed pretty nice and we talked about going out again soon. Last night I received a dickture. WTF, MEN?!?!?! You seem to be a dickturenet. |
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 10, 2015 20:39:15 GMT -5
And here I was thinking that most guys really didn't see me that way....
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