Would You Move?

[haapai]

Jun 24, 2015 19:46:52 GMT -5 @workingshasta said:

Sorry, I wasn't avoiding the question. No, we have not yet spent time together.

Why? Because we haven't figured out if we want to deal with a long-term relationship that would eventually require one of us to move.

It's not a situation where I am thinking - I want this dude, let's move south. It's a matter of I am moving in the next couple years, but if I don't want to move south, then he and I can't really logically have a relationship.

He owns a large custom built house and has to stay there for work. I don't have that complication.

Why couldn't I rent? I have 3 cats, 3 dogs and an iguana. And, bad credit....

Good for you for answering the question so plainly.

Extra credit for mentioning the bad credit.  I was under the impression that the herd was the reason that you could not rent.  Now I know that selling and renting for a while isn't a cheap or easy option.  (Ditto for buying somewhere else.)

It's good to get an accurate idea of what your options are,  Now could you tell us all a bit about this bad credit?  Is it something that can be repaired relatively quickly or is your credit history marred by one of the big bads that will prevent you from getting a mortgage for years no matter how much scrubbing you do?  Is it really bad enough that you cannot rent and if so, how long will it remain that way?   

[haapai]

This is a bit off-topic, but do you know the terms under which the out-of-towners are buying up property?  Are they paying cash?  Are they getting financing?  Are they negotiating seller-carries and land contracts? 

[Deleted]

After my husband died 4.5 years ago I filed Ch 7 BK. So, yes, my credit sucks. And, while I know I could pay a year's rent at once, or whatever, renting with a large stable of animals isn't going to be easy/possible. And, I am not thrilled about the idea of renting at all.

I am currently "house poor" in that all of my available asset is in my home. I can now sell my house for about $120K.

My oldest is 23 and finally working and wants to move out. Once he does, I won't feel an obligation to house him any longer... and I would have the cash to help him if I needed to in order to keep him independent. He is not an easy person to live with, by any stroke of the imagination.

My youngest is going south for college and plans on staying year round in an apartment. He doesn't really have any attachment to this area other than the fact that I live here. He wants to be an actor and live in LA. So, that's a plus.

Interestingly enough, I talked to my dude today and he happened to ask about him coming up to visit. Kinda weird how that worked.  LOL  I almost wanted to ask if he has been on any message boards lately.

Honestly, I am not being punked or catfished, he is amazing, and we seem to have something interesting together. He is in the running for that award they give out each year in Norway! So, he is brilliant, but that doesn't always mean socially aware, IMHO.

[Deleted]

Jun 24, 2015 21:46:34 GMT -5 haapai said:

This is a bit off-topic, but do you know the terms under which the out-of-towners are buying up property?  Are they paying cash?  Are they getting financing?  Are they negotiating seller-carries and land contracts? 

There is an Asian corporation that is funding the land purchases. They are bought in cash with immediate closings. We hear they are a Hmong gang. At least that's what the local sheriff says when they talk about the problem.

The corp then immediately transfers the deed to a random Asian person. There were 225 of these sales in the last year. All of the properties now have different owners, all Asian names, all purchased originally by the same corporation.

First thing they do is show up en masse and erect a tall fence. Then they bring in multiple large water tanks and a generator for their pump system. Each lot now has 99 plants, because apparently they think they are in Humbolt where that is legal. Our legal limit here is 12. Period. 

The sheriff has said they are coming through this area at some point and doing major busts. Everyone is demanding they do. Even those of us in the legalize camp don't feel horribly safe at the moment.

[haapai]

I'm glad, for your sake, to hear that cash is being offered. 

I'm somewhat surprised to hear that the Hmong are mixed up in this.  In my area of the world, they aren't exactly known for having deep pockets, but I can see how they'd make lovely straw buyers. 

I don't want to say anything that might either pooh-pooh or exaggerate your safety fears.  You are almost certainly a better judge of that than I ever could be.  It's pretty amazing how a person can live 15 miles out of town and feel away from everything and then realize that they have only two routes into town unless they want to make a 50 mile detour.  My parents are in this situation because of a few lakes that interrupt the grid-line of roads in their part of the midwest.  I can't imagine what mountains do. 

[Deleted]

Jun 24, 2015 22:50:19 GMT -5 haapai said:

I'm glad, for your sake, to hear that cash is being offered. 

I'm somewhat surprised to hear that the Hmong are mixed up in this.  In my area of the world, they aren't exactly known for having deep pockets, but I can see how they'd make lovely straw buyers. 

I don't want to say anything that might either pooh-pooh or exaggerate your safety fears.  You are almost certainly a better judge of that than I ever could be.  It's pretty amazing how a person can live 15 miles out of town and feel away from everything and then realize that they have only two routes into town unless they want to make a 50 mile detour.  My parents are in this situation because of a few lakes that interrupt the grid-line of roads in their part of the midwest.  I can't imagine what mountains do. 

I live on the edge of a valley with roads all over the place. Lots of BLM and forest service roads, along with paved highways. They cut a lot of roads in high fire danger areas.  

I like living on the edge of society because it is dark at night so you can enjoy the stars, it's quiet, and there isn't any neighborhood drama most of the time. I can't ever imagine going back to living in a house right next door to another and being subjected to 24/7 dog barking again. Um, no thanks.

Where my guy friend is concerned, he agrees with this sentiment. His house is also out in the sticks and he isn't into town living. Thankfully.

Last night we had an interesting conversation about him coming up for a while to explore the area - initiated by him 100%. The timing was kinda weird... since I just posted this question yesterday. But, it's nice because he really started to be open and seems interested in moving forward and seeing where we go. 

It's always been kinda cute - you live in hell, you live too far away, yes, but people vacation here - not where you live....  

I'm not delusional about the whole "in person is different" thing. I think we both worry about that to some degree. But, I think that is important because if we didn't then I know we wouldn't work.

Dude knows my story and my quest for a quiet and happy life. I know his story and it is very similar, minus years of miserable marriage...

One of my big hangups is I refuse to ever be in another relationship that isn't supportive and a true partnership. I was perfectly happy being alone forever, but this seems to have changed that feeling. Part of me fights it, but part of me knows we might have something amazing and at least wants to try. Argh... men.....  

[whoisjohngalt]

Jun 24, 2015 14:57:43 GMT -5 @workingshasta said:

I should have mentioned:

He lives on an outlying area that is still rural and inexpensive. I actually could probably purchase a smaller house there.

I work for myself and can work anywhere I have internet.

I am very non-materialistic and not the most social creature, so I don't like LA. His area is a bit better, but too damn hot all the time... Though, my iguana would like that climate......

My mother's advice (OMG) was to make him come to me and not go down there to see him. I'm kinda of the opinion that we are both homebodies of a sort and both hate to travel, so if that's the case I might not get to spend time with him - which is needed to see if we actually like each other in person...

I guess it would have just been too easy to find a guy who lives in my county...

First of all, I am very happy to hear that you are interested in someone and kinda sorta dating.

But if he won't come to you, not only I wouldn't move, I wouldn't even continue dating him.  that's just me.

Otherwise, I would only move if you like the area and would enjoy living there if you guys broke up. 

[kittensaver]

I know other people have said similar things, but here's my two cents:

Sell because it makes sense to sell. Actually, it sounds like you NEED to sell, given what is going on around you; it also sounds like the timing is right. I hope you don't end up being "the holdout" who misses out on maximizing your sale because you didn't jump when the time was right. Living there could potentially get very dangerous. I'd bail and let law enforcement deal with the turnover in the area, but that's just me . . .

And you're correct - the sons are old enough to begin making their way in the world. There is nothing requiring or compelling you to figure either one of them into your long-term living plans; you're all still together because, well, that's just the way it's been (they were minors when you moved there). Time to give them wings to fly.

The pets, on the other hand, DO figure into your immediate future plans. I know you love them, and you have made a commitment to them for the remainder of their lives. I admire that greatly.  

Proceed with making plans for your happy, single life. Find a place that works for YOU. Do it because it makes YOU happy (and financially secure) in the long run. If dude is willing to play along (be open to other areas, compromise as a couple on something that works for both of you), then that is all gravy. I agree that you should only move close to him if it is an area where you would otherwise still be happy if the relationship didn't work out. Personally, I hope it works out for you .

Good luck whatever you decide.

PS: the Antelope Valley IS a desert, but it can also be breathtakingly beautiful. Some of the most spectacular photographs I own/I took were in February/March a few years back; we were standing in a field so thick with poppies and lupine you had to step on them - you couldn't step around them. And in the midst of that riot of color on the valley floor were the Tehachapi Mountains on one side and the San Bernardino mountains on the other - covered in snow under a brilliant blue sky. I will remember that day and those moments for the rest of my life. The desert CAN have a beauty all its own.

[swamp]

I don't have any advice for you, but I wish you the best and much happiness.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Shasta, my advice, since you asked, is to take this seemingly once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to sell and then stash the cash.  

You've struggling financially for so long -- real struggles:  food insecurity, lack of funds for gas and tires and heat.  

I am am excited that, as much as you truly love where you live, you could build a little emergency fund for yourself for once.

But, you should follow the recommendations they give to new widows and lottery winners and people who inherit big money: make no big moves for at least a year.

That said, you absolutely need to move closer to town -- within 3 miles or so, so that you could walk to a grocery store or pharmacy or even a job if you needed to.  

With the boys and the animals, you can't rent a 3 bedroom apartment in a nice complex.

But, your posts over the years have led me to believe that your area is generally economically depressed.  I am sure there is a cabin/home/ranch owner within a couple of miles of town who would jump at the chance to rent their property.  

Sell your place.  Rent close to town.  STASH THE CASH.  Catch your breath.  Then, develop two plans for your future:  1) for you--YOUR living/working future, and 2)for you and him.  Do the research.  Meditate on it all.  Find the right answer for you.  And then, ONLY then, move on a plan.

[haapai]

This is wildly off topic.  Do you have any idea how long it would take operating at the 99-plants level to pay off the sales price?  I'm curious about how long-term the buyers are thinking. 

No, I'm not recommending that you consider it for yourself, nor am I interested in doing anything similar.  I'm just wondering how many years it would take to break even assuming that the land was completely abandoned at the end. 

[Deleted]

Jun 25, 2015 14:22:00 GMT -5 swamp said:

I don't have any advice for you, but I wish you the best and much happiness.

[Bonny]

Shasta,

Have you recently run your credit? You might be surprised that it's not as bad as you think. I have rented to folks who have filed BK before.

I would also expect that LLs whose property is in the country and who have less than premium properties would expect to have renters who have pets. From what I recall, you're a hard worker who is good at cleaning up a property. I think you need to turn this around and talk about the positives you're capable of. I would practice with writing a short covering letter. Talk about the bankruptcy but briefly and the lessons learned. Then talk about how much you've accomplished over the last few years. There's a winner in there, you just need to let that girl out!

[Peace Of Mind]

My advice is also to only move where you think you'd want to live.  I do think if I were in your position I'd want to downsize my work load and responsibilities so I do hope you find a place you'll be happy living and if new man is close to that area - Bonus!  But no way in hell would I move where somebody I've never even met or dated in person and had sumpin' sumpin' with lives unless it's a place I'd love to live any way.

But this is from somebody who wouldn't even move for her husband if I didn't like the place/area.  His previous and current company tried to get us to relocate to Miami.  I told DH if he felt strongly about it and wanted the position he could rent an apt. there and I would stay here.  I would never want to live in Miami.  Ever.  Luckily he doesn't want to either. 

Disclaimer:  If you think Miami is all that good for you!  I don't.

[resolution]

I agree with the others to separate selling your home from the decision on whether or not you would be willing to move. I think you should take the opportunity to sell while it is available.  Your area sounds like there would be rural rentals available with room for the animals; my sister in law lives in a rural area and has always been able to find old farm houses on acreage that would take a few horses and dogs.

I don't see any reason you couldn't sell your home and rent locally or in the area that you want to live and then set up a few in person dates to get to know him before you make a decision on relocating. The fact that you are considering the possibility should meet his criteria of it being possible. When I dated DH we would alternate weekend visits once a month. We did that for a year before I moved out there and married him.

[Deleted]

Jun 25, 2015 15:27:54 GMT -5 haapai said:

This is wildly off topic.  Do you have any idea how long it would take operating at the 99-plants level to pay off the sales price?  I'm curious about how long-term the buyers are thinking. 

No, I'm not recommending that you consider it for yourself, nor am I interested in doing anything similar.  I'm just wondering how many years it would take to break even assuming that the land was completely abandoned at the end. 

There is now an ordinance in my county that makes more than 12 plants, on less than 20 acres with an approved residence, well, septic, and power illegal.

Every single property with more than 12 plants here is illegal. Blatantly illegal and no one can figure out WTH they are thinking. There are literally signs at the end of all of our roads explaining the ordinace.

12 plants have a street value of about 90K if sold. Supposedly. My calculation is about 2K per pound wholesale and you get about a pound from a large plant. So, I vote $24K vs. the law's estimate of 90K...

Since posting, I talked to our HOA manager about the situation behind my house - where they fenced nearly an entire block! (kid walked their fence the other night to see where it went)

They say that they have called in the Feds and there will be a targeted raid on all of the 225 new Asian properties. The law claims they are mostly all approved for concealed carry permits and has suggested local residents stay the hell away from their lands.

They say they are going to come through and bust, then set up road blocks during the time they pull the plants to catch the rest of them during transport. The local highway goes through National Forest lands, so the feds have free range.

The advantage of my property is I have well, septic, electrical and all that crap to be legal to grow. And, I am one of the only places with water. Right now they are all paying $200 for 1000 gallons of water to be trucked in.  

[Deleted]

The concept of renting is different here. There is ZERO inventory. And, since the fire burned down most of the housing in Weed last summer, it is even worse. People everyday post on our local FB groups begging for someone to rent to them. Most end up moving south or north to find somewhere.

I don't say that to make an excuse, it is true. This is not a rental friendly area and not having a lot of contractors to build leaves the area very short on available housing.

I also have a hard time with the idea of moving more than once. As if moving isn't already impossible enough, do it multiple times? Ewwww....

[Deleted]

On the weed topic, check out this water bladder they found in the giant bust yesterday. That thing would hold a lake's worth of water....


lostcoastoutpost.com/2015/jun/26/island-mountain-marijuana-grow-raid-details-provid/

[haapai]

Thanks for giving me a better idea of gross revenue.  I only see the figures in the papers and anyone with a brain knows that those numbers are useless and have been useless for the last 20 years.  Twelve legal plants sounds like a nice little side business.  Ninety-nine illegal ones baffles me.  Maybe there is a long-term plan, possibly one that involves reviving the grows after the first set of busts, but I don't see it.  I can't think that big and that criminally.

Are you and your sons prepared for the busts?  It sounds like you are going to experience some roadblocks.  You may get stuck at home or away from home for a couple of days. 

[Deleted]

Jun 27, 2015 13:34:16 GMT -5 haapai said:

Thanks for giving me a better idea of gross revenue.  I only see the figures in the papers and anyone with a brain knows that those numbers are useless and have been useless for the last 20 years.  Twelve legal plants sounds like a nice little side business.  Ninety-nine illegal ones baffles me.  Maybe there is a long-term plan, possibly one that involves reviving the grows after the first set of busts, but I don't see it.  I can't think that big and that criminally.

Are you and your sons prepared for the busts?  It sounds like you are going to experience some roadblocks.  You may get stuck at home or away from home for a couple of days. 

They usually come in by air and leave in a day. They mostly just hack the plants down and pile them for later burning. They are nowhere near bud stage, so at this point they are just giant yard weeds.

[debthaven]

I think this would be a wonderful opportunity for you to sell. Also, I know that you started decluttering a while back, but from things you have said about your late DH and the fact that you have had so much space for so long, that will probably take a while. 

I don't generally believe in "storage" but if you opt to sell quickly, it could be a viable (temporary) solution for you. 

I too would separate selling from moving towards your friend, at least for now. But you've been struggling for a long time, your boys are becoming independent, it's time to think of the next step for you.

It's great that he wants to visit! You can spend time together in person and see how it goes. I too was bothered by the fact that you would have to go to him but that seems to have resolved itself. If it goes well, since you can work from anywhere, you can visit him for a while. Once both of you have spent time together in both places you will probably have a better idea of where the relationship could go.  

Other thought: if you do sell well, you might want to gift your boys a bit of money to use for a security deposit, EF, car, etc to help them on their road to independence.

Best of luck to you! I'm sure it's scary, but it's exciting too. :-) 

ETA: With the recent / planned busts, do you think your land will still be desireable? 

[Deleted]

Dude asked me what town he should stay in today.  

I'm happy. I am actually really happy.

I am a realistic person. Miserable marriage for years on end will do that to you. But this relationship has been in the works for a very, very long time and I really am hopeful. 

It's always weird to meet someone you have had a lot of conversations with but haven't met IRL. But, I like that I am really honest about what I want and don't and he hasn't run away screaming.  

It's taken me 4+ years to finally get into a good place, and I am not willing to ever let that slide backwards for a guy. But I really like him and I want to at least try this geographically-challenged cluster and see if us two dorks and find happiness.  

[cronewitch]

How old are the dogs? If you expect a dog or two to die before you move it might make it easier to rent. Does one of your sons want to and is able to keep a dog? Can you find a vacant lot to buy and then buy a mobile home to put on it? That is quicker than building and even a single wide is 2 bedrooms, 2 baths so you can have a guest room for visiting sons.
Throw up a small garage to keep the dogs out of the sun and they can stay outside if they are too big for house pets.

[Deleted]

@workingshasta, you two guys have talked on the phone a lot, right?