You ever feel trapped by your responsibilities?

[Phoenix84]

Do you ever feel trapped by your commitments and responsibilities? Or by past decisions?

Here's an example of what I'm talking about.

As a thought exercise, I thought about what could I do work fewer hours at work. Meaning get another job that would be part time. What kind of job would it be?

The truth is, there really aren't really any part time jobs in my field that I know of, maybe some contractor work might be part time, but it'd be hard to find.  I could always try to go into a different field, but I wouldn't make anywhere near as much as I do here.

In theory, it might be possible, but the truth is I'm in a sense, trapped in my current field. Breaking out could be possible, but it'd require a lot of sacrifice.

Do you ever feel the same way? Like you're chained to your job, family life, friends or other commitments?

[msventoux]

Yes.  I've eliminated the people who sucked up energy and resources and provided little to nothing in return.  I'm making enough now that I feel comfortable working less and my job is okay with it as long as the work gets done.

I would love to move out of state, but that's a daunting prospect.  Finding a job, selling my house, moving or getting rid of a lot of my crap.  I sometimes feel trapped by my possessions.  It would be easier to move without having a household of stuff to sort through, a house to get rid of and it would be difficult to find a place to rent with as many pets as I have.  Pretty sure I'd need to look to buy immediately rather than rent. 

[weltschmerz]

Sometimes, I feel trapped by my bills. I finally scrape up enough money to pay the phone or Hydro bill, heave a sigh of relief, only to find new ones in the mailbox the very next day.

Otherwise, no, not so much. I've picked up and moved many times, sometimes to other countries. I don't have a house that needs to be sold first and my son is old enough to care for himself.

I can't see myself moving away from here, however, because I love this city.

[mmhmm]

I think everyone feels that way from time to time, Phoenix84. I loved my job and never felt trapped in it. I found joy in it. When I had to retire, I didn't feel trapped by mother's needs. That, too, was something I felt joy in being able to provide. Yet, there have certainly been times in my life when I felt trapped by responsibility and commitments. Fortunately, those times passed. That's not to say similar will not reappear in future, but that, too, will pass.

[gacpa]

This is a good question, and I do not mean to sound self righteous when I write this:  I am grateful for the responsibilities I have, they keep me from making stupid decisions.  They have kept me on the straight and narrow.

My responsibilities are a reflection of what I wanted out of life, a home, a family, a stable lifestyle.  I am grateful for those things.

I can see (and have seen) a younger person resenting too much responsibility, or someone forced to shoulder responsibilities they did not ask for or had to take on before they were ready.  I understand that resentment. 

I think after a person hits their 30's or 40's, what else is left besides taking responsibility for your life?

Forgive me for rambling.

[Lizard Queen]

All of the time.  I have a 2 yo, 5 yo and 86 yo to take care of.  

[Artemis Windsong]

Yes.  All would be great except from one major flaw in my relationship.

[Bonny]

Jun 21, 2015 17:00:36 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Do you ever feel trapped by your commitments and responsibilities? Or by past decisions?

Here's an example of what I'm talking about.

As a thought exercise, I thought about what could I do work fewer hours at work. Meaning get another job that would be part time. What kind of job would it be?

The truth is, there really aren't really any part time jobs in my field that I know of, maybe some contractor work might be part time, but it'd be hard to find.  I could always try to go into a different field, but I wouldn't make anywhere near as much as I do here.

In theory, it might be possible, but the truth is I'm in a sense, trapped in my current field. Breaking out could be possible, but it'd require a lot of sacrifice.

Do you ever feel the same way? Like you're chained to your job, family life, friends or other commitments?

Phoenix,

I like you and I hope I don't come across as harsh but other than your job responsibilities you don't really have much to feel trapped about. You rent, you're not married, don't have children and aren't taking care of elderly parents.

While you have a duty to be self-supporting, there's really no reason you couldn't quit your present job train to be a guide and live a very low maintenance life guiding wilderness tours or whatever you wanted.

[Shooby]

  I think many people could reconfigure their lives if they really wanted to.   For instance, my GF has been working FT all of her life. She would like to kick back a bit and work PT. They have plenty of money. They are financially set. But, her DH says "no, you can't go part time".  I mean, yes, that is something that as a couple you want to negotiate. But, there are real benefits to having somebody at home. More of the home chores get done, more home cooking and I think a more relaxed lifestyle, just my opinion. I mean, she is a nurse and she could go PT and then she could go back FT when he retires (he is quite a bit older), etc. But, that's up to them I guess.

I have seen plenty of people working in jobs for years they hate only to drop dead shortly after they finally do get to retire and never really doing some of the things they wanted to do in life.  Not saying to quit your job, there is a balance to be had. But, sometime you might be faced with a promotion making you even busier and may decide a step up isn't worth the loss of your time. I don't know. Look around, you never know what opportunities are out there unless you look.

[giramomma]

Yes. I'm trapped. I have three kids and a husband that will likely never find full time work in our city. I also have specialized skills that makes a second job lucrative.

I have no choice but to work. We can't really dial it back any further than I have.

I cannot dwell on it..my only choice is to keep moving forward.

[Shooby]

Well, the farther you go down the path of life, the more responsibilities you accrue so in a sense you are trapped by the "trappings" of life. Owning a home, a car, a job, kids, a pet, elderly parents and on and on. As you grow up and the years go by, you get more on your plate. So, no, life is never again going to be like the first year you got out of college and lived with 2 roommates with $50 in the bank and lawn chairs for furniture and no real responsibilities of life yet.

[Deleted]

Phoenix, why does the second job have to pay as much?  I enjoyed retail precisely because it was so different from teaching.  Teaching required prepping as well as grading.  Retail required a smile and a helpful attitude.  It was fun to do something different!

ETA: I felt like I had few responsibilities in retail other than to do my best during my shift.  It was extremely liberating.  Don't misunderstand.  I worked hard and won awards even.  Retail is like a gigantic pep rally at times.  But I left it when I left the building.  That is awesome.

[zibazinski]

Yes

[chiver78]

Jun 21, 2015 17:49:35 GMT -5 gacpa said:

This is a good question, and I do not mean to sound self righteous when I write this:  I am grateful for the responsibilities I have, they keep me from making stupid decisions.  They have kept me on the straight and narrow.

My responsibilities are a reflection of what I wanted out of life, a home, a family, a stable lifestyle.  I am grateful for those things.

I can see (and have seen) a younger person resenting too much responsibility, or someone forced to shoulder responsibilities they did not ask for or had to take on before they were ready.  I understand that resentment. 

I think after a person hits their 30's or 40's, what else is left besides taking responsibility for your life?

Forgive me for rambling.

I don't at all think you're rambling, and I am completely with you that my responsibilities are a reflection of what I want out of life.....even though the results are different from yours. I'm still letting the dust settle on what is my new "normal" from a number of perspectives, but the big changes from my prior homestead are that this place is a house vs a condo, and there is a pup here now. there are other things, but those are the big ones.

I guess the only thing I might argue in your own commentary, and I hope it doesn't devolve into a moral abortion argument b/c then I'll have to start nuking posts as a mod, is that nobody should be forced into responsibilities they didn't ask for....and that includes those that have taken on parental responsibilities in their late teens/early 20s. you own your own problems, you should never be expected to tackle anyone else's.

all that said, yes, right now I do feel a little trapped by my responsibilities. I have taken on a new house and pup, as well as a roommate that is currently paying more in pup sitting and landscaping than in cash. that helps, and is still a positive in the cash flow column b/c I'd been helping him out with rent prior, but it's still a bit of a responsibility on my head. I also have been actively looking for a new job for awhile now, in the hopes that I can find something closer to my new home, but first and foremost something that will actually let me use my engineering degree.

and further.....all that said, this weekend also provided me some objective insight to my little circus, from some weekend guests that are very objective outsiders. their insight had a few things I was already aware of as well as a few other things that I hadn't ever considered.

[beergut]

Jun 21, 2015 17:00:36 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Do you ever feel trapped by your commitments and responsibilities? Or by past decisions?

Here's an example of what I'm talking about.

As a thought exercise, I thought about what could I do work fewer hours at work. Meaning get another job that would be part time. What kind of job would it be?

The truth is, there really aren't really any part time jobs in my field that I know of, maybe some contractor work might be part time, but it'd be hard to find.  I could always try to go into a different field, but I wouldn't make anywhere near as much as I do here.

In theory, it might be possible, but the truth is I'm in a sense, trapped in my current field. Breaking out could be possible, but it'd require a lot of sacrifice.

Do you ever feel the same way? Like you're chained to your job, family life, friends or other commitments?

You aren't trapped in your job or your field, you're 'trapped' by the current lifestyle you have, and have become accustomed to. Once you decide it will be okay to make less money, the 'trap' will disappear. 

[Phoenix84]

Jun 21, 2015 18:52:02 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Jun 21, 2015 17:00:36 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Do you ever feel trapped by your commitments and responsibilities? Or by past decisions?

Here's an example of what I'm talking about.

As a thought exercise, I thought about what could I do work fewer hours at work. Meaning get another job that would be part time. What kind of job would it be?

The truth is, there really aren't really any part time jobs in my field that I know of, maybe some contractor work might be part time, but it'd be hard to find.  I could always try to go into a different field, but I wouldn't make anywhere near as much as I do here.

In theory, it might be possible, but the truth is I'm in a sense, trapped in my current field. Breaking out could be possible, but it'd require a lot of sacrifice.

Do you ever feel the same way? Like you're chained to your job, family life, friends or other commitments?

Phoenix,

I like you and I hope I don't come across as harsh but other than your job responsibilities you don't really have much to feel trapped about. You rent, you're not married, don't have children and aren't taking care of elderly parents.

While you have a duty to be self-supporting, there's really no reason you couldn't quit your present job train to be a guide and live a very low maintenance life guiding wilderness tours or whatever you wanted.

Eh, good point.  I know others have commitments more than I do.

It's not even that I don't like my job, but between that and studying for the CHP exam, it feels like I work all the time.  From Monday through Friday, by the time I get home and eat and everything, it's 6:30 or so and I only have 4 hours or so until I need to go to bed and do it all over again.  And a lot of that 4 hours is spent studying, so it's just sometimes nice to daydream about working less.

[ArchietheDragon]

I think that is the definition of the mid life crisis. The time when you rebel against all of the responsibilities you have taken on through your life and try to feel like you did when you were 18 and had no responsibilities. And it seems like most people go through a mid life crisis in one way or another.

[yogiii]

Yes but that is why I'm working towards early retirement, makes it all seem a little better.

[emma1420]

Jun 21, 2015 19:20:07 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  I think many people could reconfigure their lives if they really wanted to.   For instance, my GF has been working FT all of her life. She would like to kick back a bit and work PT. They have plenty of money. They are financially set. But, her DH says "no, you can't go part time".  I mean, yes, that is something that as a couple you want to negotiate. But, there are real benefits to having somebody at home. More of the home chores get done, more home cooking and I think a more relaxed lifestyle, just my opinion. I mean, she is a nurse and she could go PT and then she could go back FT when he retires (he is quite a bit older), etc. But, that's up to them I guess.

I have seen plenty of people working in jobs for years they hate only to drop dead shortly after they finally do get to retire and never really doing some of the things they wanted to do in life.  Not saying to quit your job, there is a balance to be had. But, sometime you might be faced with a promotion making you even busier and may decide a step up isn't worth the loss of your time. I don't know. Look around, you never know what opportunities are out there unless you look.

I agree with this.  Making a major change is scary, especially when you are established in your career, but it's doable if you want it enough.  Having things like kids makes it more challenging, but without kids I think most people can reconfigure their lives if they want it enough.

[MJ2.0]

Jun 21, 2015 17:00:36 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Do you ever feel trapped by your commitments and responsibilities?

only when I'm awake.

Phoenix, whether you realize it or not, your life is pretty simple right now. The only thing stopping you from switching things up is you.  And people change careers all the time, with a lot more attachments than you currently have. So if you want change, just do it already!

[muttleynfelix]

I felt pretty trapped at my old job and old location. I didn't think DH would be up for moving. I was burned out doing the job I waa doing. I couldn't earn as much/make a switch to get more into the work I wanted to there. Fortunately, DH was on board with a move. I don't feel nearly as trapped now. I can change positions in my company. I can switch companies without breaking my boss' s heart. I feel a lot freer. I don't feel trapped here. I have the kids by myself next weekend, so I'm going to my parents house. I also have disposable income for the first time in 5 years. That helps a lot too.

I will say, I felt more like all I did was work the 2 weeks that DH and the kids weren't at home with me. Now I was in a mad rush at work and working until 6 or later. Then I would have to walk the dog (when the kids and DH ate at home with him he gets plenty of exercise and does not need to be walked). Then eat a quick supper and back to work. There was a lot less balance those 2 weeks. My routine wasn't mine. I had things I wanted to do for fun and didn't get to do them. Sometimes having more responsibility brings a built in balance. I have to be home Tuesday/Thursday in time for T-Ball. While it is more responsibility, it is more balance too.

[NancysSummerSip]

At times, yes. But I don't have kids, or elderly parents (both my mom and dad have passed away) or a lot of major bills or a mortgage. We own what we have. I cannot work part time in my field, either and finding a new job will mean leaving the field. Which is a good but scary thing.

I keep telling myself I have worked through tougher things than applying for a new job.

[Deleted]

Trapped by your line of work and income desires? I don't really feel like that is being trapped since there are many ways to achieve new education or certifications to alter your path. 

From the American, first world perspective:
Single parent as sole provider and care-taker of kids is a little trapped because your responsibility is to physically & financially care for kids. 

Parent with a seriously disabled child that can't work due to the child's care needs is majorly trapped; or one who must work because the other parent bailed or is gone. I have a lot of respect for those parents.

A person that can no longer work due to their health or age, but needs the income, is also trapped.


I hate when I have sucky jobs, but no longer feel trapped because it is really just me that I need to worry about.
House can feel like you are trapped (my house is demanding) but you can sell that and escape.


I am reminded about how much freedom we have when I look at the photos of refugees that take flight from their homes, carrying kids, water, and the clothes on their backs. No, we are not trapped except by our own minds.

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2015 7:36:47 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

I think that is the definition of the mid life crisis. The time when you rebel against all of the responsibilities you have taken on through your life and try to feel like you did when you were 18 and had no responsibilities. And it seems like most people go through a mid life crisis in one way or another.

Damn, I think I might need you as my therapist Archie. That sounds just like whats going on at my house    What the heck are you doing in accounting?

[ArchietheDragon]

Jun 22, 2015 9:34:23 GMT -5 @rockit said:

Jun 22, 2015 7:36:47 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

I think that is the definition of the mid life crisis. The time when you rebel against all of the responsibilities you have taken on through your life and try to feel like you did when you were 18 and had no responsibilities. And it seems like most people go through a mid life crisis in one way or another.

What the heck are you doing in accounting?

Feeling trapped. 

[Peace Of Mind]

Jun 22, 2015 9:35:03 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Jun 22, 2015 9:34:23 GMT -5 @rockit said:

What the heck are you doing in accounting?

Feeling trapped. 

LMAO!!!

No, I do not feel trapped.  I learned to embrace my laziness many, many years ago and got off the hedonic treadmill, cut out toxic relationships that were sucking my soul dry and I am living the American dream with my DH (who I only want to smother every few months or so) and my kitties and friends. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 21, 2015 18:00:52 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

All of the time.  I have a 2 yo, 5 yo and 86 yo to take care of.  

Something similar here.

I have a 5.5 year old and a 7 year old.  So I often feel stuck.  My income provides a hair under half of our income.  I carry the health insurance.  And I tend to deal with more of the kid rearing stuff and house stuff. 

[swamp]

Jun 21, 2015 23:03:37 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Jun 21, 2015 18:52:02 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Phoenix,

I like you and I hope I don't come across as harsh but other than your job responsibilities you don't really have much to feel trapped about. You rent, you're not married, don't have children and aren't taking care of elderly parents.

While you have a duty to be self-supporting, there's really no reason you couldn't quit your present job train to be a guide and live a very low maintenance life guiding wilderness tours or whatever you wanted.

Eh, good point.  I know others have commitments more than I do.

It's not even that I don't like my job, but between that and studying for the CHP exam, it feels like I work all the time.  From Monday through Friday, by the time I get home and eat and everything, it's 6:30 or so and I only have 4 hours or so until I need to go to bed and do it all over again.  And a lot of that 4 hours is spent studying, so it's just sometimes nice to daydream about working less.

stick taking care of a few kids in there, and that's life for most dual income parents.

[The Captain]

I think trapped conveys more about the mindset than anything else.

I feel grateful that I have a family that I'm responsible for, including my husband, daughter, and father and mother in law.

While I wish I could help more with my Dad, and it would be a privilege to be able to pay him back for all he's done for us, my sister is his primary support person.

My life would be a lot less complicated, and a lot more empty, if I did not have these responsibilities.

So I'll gladly take them.  I'm not trapped by anything.

[Tiny]

Jun 21, 2015 23:03:37 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Jun 21, 2015 18:52:02 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Phoenix,

I like you and I hope I don't come across as harsh but other than your job responsibilities you don't really have much to feel trapped about. You rent, you're not married, don't have children and aren't taking care of elderly parents.

While you have a duty to be self-supporting, there's really no reason you couldn't quit your present job train to be a guide and live a very low maintenance life guiding wilderness tours or whatever you wanted.

Eh, good point.  I know others have commitments more than I do.

It's not even that I don't like my job, but between that and studying for the CHP exam, it feels like I work all the time.  From Monday through Friday, by the time I get home and eat and everything, it's 6:30 or so and I only have 4 hours or so until I need to go to bed and do it all over again.  And a lot of that 4 hours is spent studying, so it's just sometimes nice to daydream about working less.

But, your 'trapped" feeling ends eventually - you'll take and hopefully pass the test and then you'll have your "personal time" back again. It's a trade off.   

No one's mentioned feeling 'trapped' by other's expectations.    I use to feel trapped by other's expectations - that I was suppose to be eagerly yearning to be married, have the house with the picket fence and kids!    Um, no not so much.    Thankfully, I managed to avoid what for me was a 'trap'.

That said, I feel 'trapped' by my responsibilities all the time.    I can't ever seem to get past maintaining my 'lifestyle' to do other things I'd maybe like to do.   There's only 24 hours in a day.     Unfortunetely I like my 'lifestyle' I just wish there were more hours in the day

One solution to the 'feeling trapped' problem is to acknowledge the feeling and then see if what's making you feel trapped is temporary OR is it a choice that gets you something you ultimately want or value?     Going about getting what you ultimately want or value is not always glamourous and fun.  Sometimes it's messy, frustrating, and tiring.  
If the thing that makes you feel 'trapped' doesn't have a worth while payoff that you can envision and WANT... then maybe you really are trapped, and it's time to look for an exit.


Just saying....