shelby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 21:29:02 GMT -5
Posts: 1,368
|
Post by shelby on May 27, 2015 15:13:44 GMT -5
I spoke to my sister today and her daughter is graduating in a few weeks. The ceremony will be on a Saturday night, my sister is going in for urgent surgery 2 days prior but will still be going. I mentioned even if she can't make it her DH/father will still be going....but she said no, he won't?!?! Aparently my nephew who is a few years younger will have a baseball game (really). She mentioned how it is an elite team so he cannot miss it (again really). They have spent so much time and effort on his baseball career that his father does not work (another issue) and literally spends almost all his time revolved around this. My niece is already upset and feels ignored because of this. The worst part is she had some major trauma happen about 2 years ago that set off a series of isseus that she has struggled through and was close to not graduating at all. So I am just really pretty pissed about it and really I just cannot understand how a parent would not do everything possible to see their daughter graduate.  |
|
chen35
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 6, 2011 19:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,312
|
Post by chen35 on May 27, 2015 15:15:50 GMT -5
Why does the son having a baseball game impact if he can go to graduation? Can't someone else take the kid to the game? I would be beyond pissed.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on May 27, 2015 15:17:57 GMT -5
Dontcha know boys and sports are more important than education? Just kidding!!!  Let me know if I need to swing by with my bat... Be the embarrassing over the top relative who stands up and cheers for her like there's no tomorrow! Screw the boys, they won't know what they're missing until it's too late. |
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on May 27, 2015 15:20:06 GMT -5
if my dad missed my graduation for a damn baseball game, he wouldn't be invited to any other major life events.
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on May 27, 2015 15:22:29 GMT -5
I spoke to my sister today and her daughter is graduating in a few weeks. The ceremony will be on a Saturday night, my sister is going in for urgent surgery 2 days prior but will still be going. I mentioned even if she can't make it her DH/father will still be going....but she said no, he won't?!?! Aparently my nephew who is a few years younger will have a baseball game (really). She mentioned how it is an elite team so he cannot miss it (again really). They have spent so much time and effort on his baseball career that his father does not work (another issue) and literally spends almost all his time revolved around this. My niece is already upset and feels ignored because of this. The worst part is she had some major trauma happen about 2 years ago that set off a series of isseus that she has struggled through and was close to not graduating at all. So I am just really pretty pissed about it and really I just cannot understand how a parent would not do everything possible to see their daughter graduate. That sucks. Dad can miss one baseball game in order to see his daughter graduate. There have been many baseball games already and likely will be many more; his daughter will graduate (from high school) just once. Supporting his daughter is every bit as important as supporting his son.
Edit: Shelby, you go right ahead and tell him Plain Old Petunia thinks so.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,692
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 27, 2015 15:23:29 GMT -5
Karma will get these two. The chances of this kid making it into anything remotely resembling a paying career in baseball are pretty small. Ditto any kind of full scholarship to college. That's not to say he shouldn't play, but obviously, between the mom obsessing about him playing to the point of missing a graduation and the dad devoting his time to the son's "career", these two have (baseball) bats in their belfry.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on May 27, 2015 15:26:05 GMT -5
maybe he can watch the graduation with facetime or something?
|
|
shelby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 21:29:02 GMT -5
Posts: 1,368
|
Post by shelby on May 27, 2015 15:27:25 GMT -5
if my dad missed my graduation for a damn baseball game, he wouldn't be invited to any other major life events. Yes I am guessing she will never forget this, and always hold a grudge. |
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on May 27, 2015 15:27:55 GMT -5
BTW, my son is graduating from high school Friday, a mere two days from now. His father has still not said for sure whether or not he is coming. My son only gets 7 tickets. I told him last night, tell your dad we want to know for sure one way or the other as there are others who would like to have that ticket.
|
|
imawino
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 22:58:16 GMT -5
Posts: 5,370
|
Post by imawino on May 27, 2015 15:28:00 GMT -5
Karma will get these two. The chances of this kid making it into anything remotely resembling a paying career in baseball are pretty small. Ditto any kind of full scholarship to college. That's not to say he shouldn't play, but obviously, between the mom obsessing about him playing to the point of missing a graduation and the dad devoting his time to the son's "career", these two have (baseball) bats in their belfry. The mom is not missing the graduation. It's just the dad. |
|
tskeeter
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 20, 2011 19:37:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,831
|
Post by tskeeter on May 27, 2015 15:29:25 GMT -5
Regardless of who in your niece's immediate family attends graduation, go and be the supportive Aunt. Hug her and tell her how proud you are of her. Take lots of pictures and generally make a fuss. Even though her Dad thinks baseball is more important than recogizing his child's effort to get an education, you can help make up for his absence.
|
|
Opti
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 10:45:38 GMT -5
Posts: 42,246
Location: New Jersey
Mini-Profile Name Color: c28523
Mini-Profile Text Color: 990033
|
Post by Opti on May 27, 2015 15:35:12 GMT -5
Even if the son needs to go to this game, there likely is a way to have one of his team-mates take him there and back. I hope your sister will convince her husband otherwise, but maybe both parents are invested in this my son, the baseball prodigy, idea.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 21,588
|
Post by happyhoix on May 27, 2015 15:37:11 GMT -5
Sounds like someone is living vicariously through his son's baseball success.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,692
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 27, 2015 15:38:47 GMT -5
Karma will get these two. The chances of this kid making it into anything remotely resembling a paying career in baseball are pretty small. Ditto any kind of full scholarship to college. That's not to say he shouldn't play, but obviously, between the mom obsessing about him playing to the point of missing a graduation and the dad devoting his time to the son's "career", these two have (baseball) bats in their belfry. The mom is not missing the graduation. It's just the dad. I know. I'd still not be happy with the mom, though. It doesn't sound like she's all that caring about sitting down with son and dad and saying: "Yanno, missing one game won't kill ya." Plus, the mother is having surgery 48 hours before the graduation...what if all does not go well? What if mom cannot go to the graduation? What's dad going to say, "Tough toots, the boy has a game, so girl's on her own." |
|
shelby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 21:29:02 GMT -5
Posts: 1,368
|
Post by shelby on May 27, 2015 15:41:08 GMT -5
Even if the son needs to go to this game, there likely is a way to have one of his team-mates take him there and back. I hope your sister will convince her husband otherwise, but maybe both parents are invested in this my son, the baseball prodigy, idea.
Yes this is the problem. I could not believe she was defending his decision as if it was the right one. |
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on May 27, 2015 15:43:34 GMT -5
Even if the son needs to go to this game, there likely is a way to have one of his team-mates take him there and back. I hope your sister will convince her husband otherwise, but maybe both parents are invested in this my son, the baseball prodigy, idea.
Yes this is the problem. I could not believe she was defending his decision as if it was the right one. How is your relationship with him? Consider giving him a call. This slight is going to be hurtful to his daughter. Maybe he honestly doesn't get that and needs to have it pointed out to him. Maybe it won't make a difference, but at least you tried. |
|
imawino
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 22:58:16 GMT -5
Posts: 5,370
|
Post by imawino on May 27, 2015 15:49:06 GMT -5
The mom is not missing the graduation. It's just the dad. I know. I'd still not be happy with the mom, though. It doesn't sound like she's all that caring about sitting down with son and dad and saying: "Yanno, missing one game won't kill ya." Plus, the mother is having surgery 48 hours before the graduation...what if all does not go well? What if mom cannot go to the graduation? What's dad going to say, "Tough toots, the boy has a game, so girl's on her own." Well, I presume the surgery is necessary and unavoidable. But what you said is the mom is obsessed with baseball to the point of missing graduation. I'm not sure where you got that. The mom seems to be upset both because her surgery may cause her to not be there and because her husband is opting for baseball over graduation. I don't think she sounds like the bad guy here.
ETA: I just read Shelby's comment that her sister was defending the dad's choice. yeah, that's pretty crappy.
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,979
|
Post by cronewitch on May 27, 2015 15:49:59 GMT -5
if my dad missed my graduation for a damn baseball game, he wouldn't be invited to any other major life events. Yes I am guessing she will never forget this, and always hold a grudge. My dad missed my brother's graduation in 1967 and he hasn't forgotten. I don't remember my parents or anyone going to mine but it wasn't important to me mom must have and dad may have had to work or not wanted to but I didn't care. Oldest brother's was a big deal, he got four tickets so parents and grandparents went, I had to babysit my great grandmother so my grandparents could go. |
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,692
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on May 27, 2015 15:54:11 GMT -5
I know. I'd still not be happy with the mom, though. It doesn't sound like she's all that caring about sitting down with son and dad and saying: "Yanno, missing one game won't kill ya." Plus, the mother is having surgery 48 hours before the graduation...what if all does not go well? What if mom cannot go to the graduation? What's dad going to say, "Tough toots, the boy has a game, so girl's on her own." Well, I presume the surgery is necessary and unavoidable. But what you said is the mom is obsessed with baseball to the point of missing graduation. I'm not sure where you got that. The mom seems to be upset both because her surgery may cause her to not be there and because her husband is opting for baseball over graduation. I don't think she sounds like the bad guy here. I don't think she's bad. Not very supportive, from what we are getting based on the OP. But that's my conjecture, based purely on that OP. And yes, I don't think she'd be doing surgery 48 hours before such an event unless she had to. I don't have kids, so it's probably easier for me to say this than it would be for most people: if I were her, I'd let dad know that the boy is my son, too. And I get to make a decision about his activities as well. And if I think that game on that night is something the two of them can do without, then I am making that decision. Like I said, without more info on the dynamics, I'm just taking a poke at this. |
|
shelby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 21:29:02 GMT -5
Posts: 1,368
|
Post by shelby on May 27, 2015 16:01:24 GMT -5
Yes this is the problem. I could not believe she was defending his decision as if it was the right one. How is your relationship with him? Consider giving him a call. This slight is going to be hurtful to his daughter. Maybe he honestly doesn't get that and needs to have it pointed out to him. Maybe it won't make a difference, but at least you tried. The are not the receptive people but I will try. |
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on May 27, 2015 16:04:34 GMT -5
Yes I am guessing she will never forget this, and always hold a grudge. My dad missed my brother's graduation in 1967 and he hasn't forgotten. I don't remember my parents or anyone going to mine but it wasn't important to me mom must have and dad may have had to work or not wanted to but I didn't care. Oldest brother's was a big deal, he got four tickets so parents and grandparents went, I had to babysit my great grandmother so my grandparents could go. My mom missed my 8th grade graduation, and I still remember that. She had good reason, but it still stung. She was at the hospital with my dad. He died 6 days later. |
|
shelby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 21:29:02 GMT -5
Posts: 1,368
|
Post by shelby on May 27, 2015 16:16:41 GMT -5
We are very close and she is close with her grampa (my father) so we will definitely be doing something special. It is just a very messed up situation for her at home for many reasons.
|
|
bean29
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 10,208 
|
Post by bean29 on May 27, 2015 16:19:34 GMT -5
My DS graduated in 1980. I can remember my Aunt Came from Missouri for her Grad...She was with other family I think.
When I graduated, my Grad was during the week, Dad was working 3 hours away, but he made it to my Grad. I got a little emotional when I thought of the importance my family placed on HS Grad vs. this poor girl.
My Kids Graduation is at the Major League baseball park and I can buy unlimited tickets. I bought 8, but I am only expecting DH, Myself, DS and 3 Grands to attend. DD says it is boring and why would anyone want to go?
I have a policy, I never talk negatively about stuff like this if it could ruin the event for someone else.
It is crappy that the Dad is not going, but, it is probably not the end of the world. If the Son does get a scholarship for baseball the 'rents conceivably have more $$ to spend on the daughter.
My DD has quite a few classmates that got full ride scholarships for sports, and I have a co-worker with a daughter that got a full scholarship too. My co-worker probably spent as much traveling around getting his daughter to all the sporting events, but this is not a family that needed a scholarship to sent their kid to college.
Best of luck to your niece Shelby.
|
|
Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,544 
|
Post by Tennesseer on May 27, 2015 16:32:00 GMT -5
There will be another baseball game played after the game played on the same day and time as the graduation ceremony. There will be only one graduation ceremony.
I assume this is a high school graduation? if so, the father missing one baseball game will not affect the son's possibilities of a professional baseball player in the future as he has two more years of high school to play and be noticed. After all, it is not the father actually playing the game but his son.
|
|
The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
|
Post by The Captain on May 27, 2015 16:32:26 GMT -5
My DS graduated in 1980. I can remember my Aunt Came from Missouri for her Grad...She was with other family I think.
When I graduated, my Grad was during the week, Dad was working 3 hours away, but he made it to my Grad. I got a little emotional when I thought of the importance my family placed on HS Grad vs. this poor girl.
My Kids Graduation is at the Major League baseball park and I can buy unlimited tickets. I bought 8, but I am only expecting DH, Myself, DS and 3 Grands to attend. DD says it is boring and why would anyone want to go?
I have a policy, I never talk negatively about stuff like this if it could ruin the event for someone else.
It is crappy that the Dad is not going, but, it is probably not the end of the world. If the Son does get a scholarship for baseball the 'rents conceivably have more $$ to spend on the daughter.
My DD has quite a few classmates that got full ride scholarships for sports, and I have a co-worker with a daughter that got a full scholarship too. My co-worker probably spent as much traveling around getting his daughter to all the sporting events, but this is not a family that needed a scholarship to sent their kid to college.
Best of luck to your niece Shelby.
I could actually give the son a pass in this situation... but not the father. Bullshit. It's his sister for godsake. Nice message about what ranks where, in terms of priority. If the coach made an issue of it I'd tell him where to stick his bat. Family first. |
|
bean29
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 10,208
|
Post by bean29 on May 27, 2015 17:10:27 GMT -5
I could actually give the son a pass in this situation... but not the father. Bullshit. It's his sister for godsake. Nice message about what ranks where, in terms of priority. If the coach made an issue of it I'd tell him where to stick his bat. Family first. Well yeah, but the whole family fighting about the priority being DD's Grad when the Dad and DB just don't see it that way prolly won't end in them attending the Grad, and will make the daughter feel worse about their non attendance.
I would quietly push for them to attend, but I would not make a huge deal about it.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on May 27, 2015 19:17:46 GMT -5
I wouldn't say anything to the father.
There are certain things in life that are like jokes - if you have to explain it, then it will be lost on the recipient already. This is one of those times.
Bc even if the father goes, his heart won't be in it and how much you want to bet that his daughter will know it?
As far as brother is concern - yeah, I would probably talk to him. But I think it's his mother's job, not the aunt's
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 7:22:40 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 19:57:35 GMT -5
shelby Can you do something a little special for niece's graduation? A friend of mine sent my DD Hawaiian woven lei's for the occasion. It was different and kind of special. You can order the traditional flower lei's too, but the woven green leaf ones were really interesting. Hope this picture works!!  I think if it is important to the child, then parents should clue in & make sure dad goes to the graduation.
|
|
tallguy
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 2, 2011 19:21:59 GMT -5
Posts: 14,567
|
Post by tallguy on May 27, 2015 20:58:41 GMT -5
I went to my kids' graduations. The one I almost didn't go to was...mine. I'm not (and never have been) big on ceremony, and it was utterly meaningless to me. It's not like there was ever a doubt that I would graduate (I mean who can't, really, if they make ANY kind of effort), and being there or not would have absolutely no effect on the "accomplishment." But my mother and grandmother were going to cry, "Oh, you have to...." So I did. And I was right. It was utterly meaningless to me.  |
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 28,110
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on May 27, 2015 21:52:28 GMT -5
My 91 year old father still remembers that nobody from his family showed up for his graduation. At that time, that was the most important thing in his young life and his parents did not care. Those are his words.
|
|
