cktc
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 19, 2013 22:15:31 GMT -5
Posts: 3,202
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Post by cktc on May 27, 2015 11:01:11 GMT -5
Like last week when I brought leftover asparagus for lunch. My coworker told me she loves asparagus, but it is just SSSOOOOO EXPENSIVE, she cannot afford it.
Really It was on sale!!! Now I am looking for asparagus on sale so I can tell her.
If she's like the people in my life - she doesn't really want to know where to get asparagus on sale. I think there's some expected 'scripted' response you were suppose to say after she said she couldn't afford it... but I have no idea what it is. I wonder if it's because I don't have Cable so I haven't been exposed to whatever "script" is being used for these kinds of personal interactions on TV.... cause those things slip into real life. : Mostly when I get that kind of response. it's a conversation killer. I just kind of look and them and practice my "OMG! YOU HAVE TWO HEADS! and one of them is REALLLY ugly... " look. (have to do the 'really ugly" part because, well, two heads always makes me think of Zaphod Beeblebrox and that's just funny... ) I don't think it has anything to do with TV. Some people just like to bitch and will have no other conversation. Shields up, and indulge in the woe is me game. It's pretty much the only way to connect with toxic people. Heaven forbid something good be going on in your life, better to complain about how tired/broke/stressed/unappreciated you are. Oh and be envious or in awe or whatever when something good happens for them. Just because you can't be happy it doesn't mean you aren't supposed to be happy for them.
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CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
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Post by CarolinaKat on May 27, 2015 11:33:59 GMT -5
600 mi from MIL. We told her 4x visits per year. DH calls her every Sunday.
Much easier to avoid my brother who lives 500mi away. Although I'd like to see his children more often especially my niece.
My Dad isn't necessarily toxic but like all of us he definitely has his issues. I limit visiting him to one or two over nights (he's also in San Diego) with no set schedule but probably 3x to 4x per year. He does live with his long-time girlfriend so I don't worry about him as much as we do MIL. Even though MIL's issues are about 90% self inflicted. When my aunts lived out of state, they would invite me to stay with them a week over summer break. I enjoyed it and I believe it helped us have a good relationship (even if they are a little loopy). Can you have your niece visit?
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 7:25:51 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 12:07:20 GMT -5
Fortunately, my family is pretty functional so no issues there.
I was once described by a perceptive boss as "non-confrontational". I tend to tolerate toxic people for too long, trying to be nice, trying to placate them, and finally realizing they're gonna drag me down with them. at that point I take evasive action. I divorced a toxic husband and have left a few toxic bosses by changing jobs. I've blocked a few people from my e-mail In Box, including my Ex and an old college BF. The correspondence would start out civil and friendly and then go downhill. Both knew how to push my buttons. I don't need that crap.
I wish I were better at detecting toxic people earlier and confronting them, but getting them out of my life and surrounding myself with people I love and trust has worked well for me.
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Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
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Post by Bonny on May 27, 2015 14:12:01 GMT -5
600 mi from MIL. We told her 4x visits per year. DH calls her every Sunday.
Much easier to avoid my brother who lives 500mi away. Although I'd like to see his children more often especially my niece.
My Dad isn't necessarily toxic but like all of us he definitely has his issues. I limit visiting him to one or two over nights (he's also in San Diego) with no set schedule but probably 3x to 4x per year. He does live with his long-time girlfriend so I don't worry about him as much as we do MIL. Even though MIL's issues are about 90% self inflicted. When my aunts lived out of state, they would invite me to stay with them a week over summer break. I enjoyed it and I believe it helped us have a good relationship (even if they are a little loopy). Can you have your niece visit? Funny I was just thinking about that this morning. Our birthdays are both in August.
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nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
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Post by nutty on May 28, 2015 7:04:58 GMT -5
No in depth conversations, nod and smile, I never allow them to suck my zest for life dry. I have some drama ridden people in my life, but they are good people all around so I deal.
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