When do girls become women?

[Phoenix84]

It may seem like a strange question, but hear me out.

Something that has always seemed strange to me is how women often refer to themselves as girls. It's very common in the online dating relm, where women well into their 30's and beyond even refer to themselves as girls.

It always seemed strange to me, since with men, it's offensive to call a man a boy. But it seems to be "a thing." I'm just wondering why women use that term to refer to themselves, because I've never really felt comfortable calling women my age girls.

[Chocolate Lover]

A different set of standards? Guys are willing to call themselves men even when they still act like children. We don't feel like grown ups who have their stuff together so don't claim the descriptor? 

[mmhmm]

I think you may be loading the word "girl" with more meaning than it carries, Phoenix. If I say: "You go, girl!", I'm not putting any weight into the word "girl". It's just a saying - nothing more. 

[msventoux]

I don't particularly feel like an adult yet since I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I might have it figured out by the time I retire, so maybe I'll call myself a girl until then. 

As for referring to ourselves as girls?  I don't really know.  Maybe we feel like we have to take care of everything and everyone, so in our more lighthearted moments amongst other women we don't want to be called "woman" and subconsciously be reminded of all of our responsibilities. 

It would also generally be ill-advised for you to refer to a woman as a girl, at least in a professional setting.  We had a guy admin who insisted on calling the professional staff "girls" when speaking to clients. He didn't last very long. 

[weltschmerz]

May 18, 2015 21:12:49 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

It may seem like a strange question, but hear me out.

Something that has always seemed strange to me is how women often refer to themselves as girls. It's very common in the online dating relm, where women well into their 30's and beyond even refer to themselves as girls.

It always seemed strange to me, since with men, it's offensive to call a man a boy. But it seems to be "a thing." I'm just wondering why women use that term to refer to themselves, because I've never really felt comfortable calling women my age girls.

It's because men need to feel like the "top dog" all the time. A puppy isn't a top dog.

[Bonny]

It's all about the context.

You will hear women refer to having a "Girls' Night Out". It's really not different than a "Boys' Night Out". Fine to say "Are you having a Girls' Night Out"?

The hard one to respond to is the "Me and the girls are going to do X". Besides the bad grammar <shudder> you have to respond with "You and the ladies are going to do X? "

Best to always respond to adult females (18+) as ladies or women if you're not sure of the context.

ETA: And then there's the trend for women to refer to their breasts as "the girls". I'm not sure I'm comfortable about that myself. Again, understand the context!

Good luck Phoenix. It's not just you!

[thyme4change]

Because the word "ladies" sounds creepy and the word "women" doesn't roll off the tongue.  Neither of those are attractive words - one because it sounds weird, and the other is because we have made it weird.  

[teen persuasion]

I think it is about context, and connotation.

If you are talking about boys and girls, yes, I think of children.  But change it to guys and girls, and it works for adults.  What other terms could you use for the females?  "Ladies" feels a bit pretentious with the more casual term "guys", and "women" sounds more appropriate as a govt statistic label.

I also think that the cultural bias towards youth, especially for women, plays into the attempt to act and appear closer to the girl than the mature woman end of the spectrum.

[Deleted]

Exactly. No one says I'm going out with the women tonight... Any more than they say im going out with the men.  It's guys and girls. It's not that they are children.

[weltschmerz]

May 18, 2015 22:19:05 GMT -5 oped said:

Exactly. No one says I'm going out with the women tonight... Any more than they say im going out with the men.  It's guys and girls. It's not that they are children.

Shouldn't it be guys and gals, then?

A girl is an immature woman.

[andi9899]

I don't think women really look that deep into it. I call other women girl all the time. Men wouldn't say "How you doing, boy" whereas it's not uncommon for women to do just that. I routinely talk to women and say something like "what's up, girl" and no one thinks twice about it. Maybe men just need to relax.

[Deleted]

No weltz. Girl obviously has multiple meanings based on context. Guy and girl are regularly used in a similar manner.

"women who mix socially or belong to a particular group, team, or profession."

[teen persuasion]

May 18, 2015 22:23:07 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

May 18, 2015 22:19:05 GMT -5 oped said:

Exactly. No one says I'm going out with the women tonight... Any more than they say im going out with the men.  It's guys and girls. It's not that they are children.

Shouldn't it be guys and gals, then?

A girl is an immature woman.

Maybe it should be, if English were a logical language, but "gals" really isn't in my vocabulary.  I never use it.  OTOH, I do use "guys" for groups of any sex, not just males.  As in, "C'mon, guys, knock it off."

[Deleted]

I decided I would no longer think of myself as a girl when I had a real job and my own place to live. That was when I was 22.

I never say, "you go, girl" to women, nor do I refer to my female friends as "girlfriends". I just can't - it's the feminist in me. And PLEASE don't get me started on people who address me as "young lady". I'm 62, dammit, and I earned every one of these grey hairs.

[Tennesseer]

It's just a word. I never felt the need to ponder the usage of the word. Harmless usage at that.

Some men call their testicles, 'boys', as in 'the boys' Meh..

[Phoenix84]

May 18, 2015 21:47:54 GMT -5 msventoux said:

I don't particularly feel like an adult yet since I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I might have it figured out by the time I retire, so maybe I'll call myself a girl until then. 

As for referring to ourselves as girls?  I don't really know.  Maybe we feel like we have to take care of everything and everyone, so in our more lighthearted moments amongst other women we don't want to be called "woman" and subconsciously be reminded of all of our responsibilities. 

It would also generally be ill-advised for you to refer to a woman as a girl, at least in a professional setting.  We had a guy admin who insisted on calling the professional staff "girls" when speaking to clients. He didn't last very long. 

I don't work with many women, but I've never been one to call women at work "girls."  It would be even weirder since all the women I work with are at least 10 years older than me.

I think Thyme4change has a point. "Women" doesn't roll off the toungue like "girls" does.

Mmhmm is probably right that I'm over thinking it. But I like to analyze these kinds of things because I think it can be indicitive of our subconscious outlook on life and where we fit in it.

[Phoenix84]

May 18, 2015 23:20:29 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

It's just a word. I never felt the need to ponder the usage of the word. Harmless usage at that.

Some men call their testicles, 'boys', as in 'the boys' Meh..

Really?  I don't think I've talked about my testicles much if at all.

It's just not something that works it's way into general conversation very often.

[quince]

I call mine "boobs."

I call myself a girl as much as I call my husband a boy: usually when I'm making fun of gender divides.

[Tennesseer]

May 18, 2015 23:27:58 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

May 18, 2015 23:20:29 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

It's just a word. I never felt the need to ponder the usage of the word. Harmless usage at that.

Some men call their testicles, 'boys', as in 'the boys' Meh..

Really?  I don't think I've talked about my testicles much if at all.

It's just not something that works it's way into general conversation very often.

Some women refer to their breasts as "the girls".

[cronewitch]

One thing is the term "boy" was misused to treat black man as less than men. An elderly black man would be called boy by even a young white man. So no black people will call their son boy or at least not allow others to call him boy. A group of young black males are called young men or gentlemen. The term girl was also misused to put down women in the work force. Calling a worker, girl, sweetheart, princess, angel, honey, or any other name you would call a grand daughter says you don't see her as a full adult even if she is older than you. I would avoid the term boy for all black youth and for other young men over about 17.
Women used to call themselves girls in things like girls night out or just between we girls but I personally wouldn't call any woman a girl in a professional setting.

[billisonboard]

When do girls become women?  According to Neil,  "Soon".

[truthbound]

May 18, 2015 21:12:49 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

It may seem like a strange question, but hear me out.

Something that has always seemed strange to me is how women often refer to themselves as girls. It's very common in the online dating relm, where women well into their 30's and beyond even refer to themselves as girls.

It always seemed strange to me, since with men, it's offensive to call a man a boy. But it seems to be "a thing." I'm just wondering why women use that term to refer to themselves, because I've never really felt comfortable calling women my age girls.

It's not offensive to me. In fact I double down and mix the two. Every time I run into one of these 30 year old Millennials who are living at home I tell them to get their 'manboy' ass together and quit occupying their parents' back yard.

[Deleted]

May 18, 2015 22:43:21 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

May 18, 2015 22:23:07 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Shouldn't it be guys and gals, then?

A girl is an immature woman.

Maybe it should be, if English were a logical language, but "gals" really isn't in my vocabulary.  I never use it.  OTOH, I do use "guys" for groups of any sex, not just males.  As in, "C'mon, guys, knock it off."

Actually, the "gal" to me has always come across as insulting.  I think that's a Southern thing.

[giramomma]

When do girls become women?

Well, my 7 year old thinks she's going on 21-25 sometimes, so according to her, maybe 8?

Once I had a client that was a non-practicing Jewish boy. When he was 9, he told me very excitedly that he'd be a man when he was 13.

My boobs are "ladies," thankyouverymuch.

I never referred to myself as a girl past my late teens. For me it that implies age. And, well, there's sense me trying to regain my youth at this point.

I've been referred to as "hey girl, come here" when I went to the bars. Fine.

So, I guess, it all depends..

[teen persuasion]

May 19, 2015 7:14:52 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

May 18, 2015 22:43:21 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

Maybe it should be, if English were a logical language, but "gals" really isn't in my vocabulary.  I never use it.  OTOH, I do use "guys" for groups of any sex, not just males.  As in, "C'mon, guys, knock it off."

Actually, the "gal" to me has always come across as insulting.  I think that's a Southern thing.

Exactly - I think this is why it is not in my vocabulary, the connotations, and regionalism.

[milee]

May 18, 2015 23:43:13 GMT -5 cronewitch said:

One thing is the term "boy" was misused to treat black man as less than men. An elderly black man would be called boy by even a young white man. So no black people will call their son boy or at least not allow others to call him boy. A group of young black males are called young men or gentlemen. The term girl was also misused to put down women in the work force. Calling a worker, girl, sweetheart, princess, angel, honey, or any other name you would call a grand daughter says you don't see her as a full adult even if she is older than you. I would avoid the term boy for all black youth and for other young men over about 17.
Women used to call themselves girls in things like girls night out or just between we girls but I personally wouldn't call any woman a girl in a professional setting.

That's a good way to explain it.  When I was working in a professional environment, someone calling the women "girls" was an insult because it was a term used to belittle them women and by insinuation make them seem less consequential, so I didn't like the term.

Now that I'm not in a professional environment, I do like and use "girls", but more as a fun way to own it and indicate who's a close friend.  Similar to how gays took back the terms "gay" and "queer" by making them their own. More of a - hey, I'm so fantastic that instead of being insulted by this label, I'm going to proudly claim it and use it for myself.

[ArchietheDragon]

May 19, 2015 7:33:44 GMT -5 milee said:

May 18, 2015 23:43:13 GMT -5 cronewitch said:

One thing is the term "boy" was misused to treat black man as less than men. An elderly black man would be called boy by even a young white man. So no black people will call their son boy or at least not allow others to call him boy. A group of young black males are called young men or gentlemen. The term girl was also misused to put down women in the work force. Calling a worker, girl, sweetheart, princess, angel, honey, or any other name you would call a grand daughter says you don't see her as a full adult even if she is older than you. I would avoid the term boy for all black youth and for other young men over about 17.
Women used to call themselves girls in things like girls night out or just between we girls but I personally wouldn't call any woman a girl in a professional setting.

That's a good way to explain it.  When I was working in a professional environment, someone calling the women "girls" was an insult because it was a term used to belittle them women and by insinuation make them seem less consequential, so I didn't like the term.

Now that I'm not in a professional environment, I do like and use "girls", but more as a fun way to own it and indicate who's a close friend.  Similar to how gays took back the terms "gay" and "queer" by making them their own. More of a - hey, I'm so fantastic that instead of being insulted by this label, I'm going to proudly claim it and use it for myself.

I thought that was why women called each other  "my bitches".

[milee]

May 19, 2015 7:15:18 GMT -5 giramomma said:

My boobs are "ladies," thankyouverymuch.

Mine are too poorly behaved to be called "ladies."

[milee]

May 19, 2015 7:34:49 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

May 19, 2015 7:33:44 GMT -5 milee said:

That's a good way to explain it.  When I was working in a professional environment, someone calling the women "girls" was an insult because it was a term used to belittle them women and by insinuation make them seem less consequential, so I didn't like the term.

Now that I'm not in a professional environment, I do like and use "girls", but more as a fun way to own it and indicate who's a close friend.  Similar to how gays took back the terms "gay" and "queer" by making them their own. More of a - hey, I'm so fantastic that instead of being insulted by this label, I'm going to proudly claim it and use it for myself.

I thought that was why women called each other  "my bitches".

Same idea. I just don't like to use the word bitch.

[mollyanna58]

May 19, 2015 3:42:37 GMT -5 truthbound said:

May 18, 2015 21:12:49 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

 

It always seemed strange to me, since with men, it's offensive to call a man a boy. But it seems to be "a thing." I'm just wondering why women use that term to refer to themselves, because I've never really felt comfortable calling women my age girls.

It's not offensive to me. In fact I double down and mix the two. Every time I run into one of these 30 year old Millennials who are living at home I tell them to get their 'manboy' ass together and quit occupying their parents' back yard.

But you do that to be offensive and/or insulting.