The Single Parent Thread- s/o of the style thread

[jelloshots4all]

I know we have quite a few on this board and I hope this is okay to start. Mods please remove if it is not.

Some days I wish my ex had to walk a mile or even a block in my shoes! Kids up for school, me off to work, home to run them to practices, feed them, homework, laundry, everything else, and finally crashing to sleep for a few hours before the drill starts again.  I am worn out as the end of the school year draws near.  And I know I am complaining, but the weekends are non-stop too!

I don't want this to become a bashing thread because my ex and I do get along (it helps that he lives 1,00 miles away), but shit- Calgon and wine take me away for a weekend!!  And a hot masseuse!!

Thanks!

[t-dog]

Oh how I hear you jelloshots4all !!!!  BUT you do have the plus that your kiddos likely spend some time with your ex so you have brief respite at least.

[Deleted]

May 15, 2015 12:33:41 GMT -5 t-dog said:

Oh how I hear you jelloshots4all !!!!  BUT you do have the plus that your kiddos likely spend some time with your ex so you have brief respite at least.

Probably not a lot if he lives 1000 miles away!  Or is it 100?  I'm not sure what 1,00 really is.

[t-dog]

Well considering my kids dad lives in heaven what ever it is, 100 or 1000 miles, its closer than what I got.

[MJ2.0]

I can't really complain as X and I have a 3 day/4 day split, so I do get some down time. The "on" time is really intense though. I expected that, but I guess I didn't know exactly how it was all going to play out. We've been doing it since August and it has gotten a bit easier, but mealtimes are always the worst (trying to slap together a cheap, half decent meal in less than 30 minutes). Lately it's been stuff like chicken nuggets, carrot sticks, and bread - or last night he had a turkey dog, bread, a banana, and a fruit pouch.

[Deleted]

We do a lot of dinners like that too.  I HATE to cook, so I try to batch cook on crappy weekend days and freeze individual servings.  It helps on those nights when there just isn't time to make anything (or I can think of 100 things I'd rather do than cook!)

Older son is getting a lot more independent and will make his own meals and even something for his brother which is helpful. 

[yogiii]

Sorry to intrude, but my go-to things for quick kids meals are : peanut butter sandwich with carrot sticks, pita with hummus and frozen peas, scrambled eggs with steamed broccoli, English muffin pizzas made in the toaster oven with pepper strips.

Usually Fridays are pick one of the above for them because we've run out of the batch cooked meals by then and I'm extra tired, if that's a thing even.

[jelloshots4all]

Thanks guys. He lives 1,000 miles away so very little help. They visited him for a long weekend in March. They used to spend a couple of weeks with him during the summer, which was time for me to recharge. Now that they are older and in sports, etc, that won't be happening this summer- maybe another long weekend.

And I have been doing this for 9 years.  Somedays I really hate shouldering all of the responsibility to make them into productive members of society.  But I did luck out with amazing kids!!  If they were monsters I think they would be in boarding school.

[Robert not Bobby]

May 14, 2015 22:46:03 GMT -5 jelloshots4all said:

I know we have quite a few on this board and I hope this is okay to start. Mods please remove if it is not.

Some days I wish my ex had to walk a mile or even a block in my shoes! Kids up for school, me off to work, home to run them to practices, feed them, homework, laundry, everything else, and finally crashing to sleep for a few hours before the drill starts again.  I am worn out as the end of the school year draws near.  And I know I am complaining, but the weekends are non-stop too!

I don't want this to become a bashing thread because my ex and I do get along (it helps that he lives 1,00 miles away), but shit- Calgon and wine take me away for a weekend!!  And a hot masseuse!!

Thanks!

You are my hero, for today.

I am also divorced, but constantly in my children's lives, not only financially, but physically.

It gets better...you will have your own life again.

[andi9899]

We won't even get me started on my thoughts on my ex. I will say that it is nice to have the girls all to myself though. They are getting older so they are more interested in going out with their friends than hanging out with me now. I'm starting to get a life again.

[raeoflyte]

May 15, 2015 13:05:07 GMT -5 yogiii said:

Sorry to intrude, but my go-to things for quick kids meals are : peanut butter sandwich with carrot sticks, pita with hummus and frozen peas, scrambled eggs with steamed broccoli, English muffin pizzas made in the toaster oven with pepper strips.

Usually Fridays are pick one of the above for them because we've run out of the batch cooked meals by then and I'm extra tired, if that's a thing even.

It is totally a real thing.  

[whoisjohngalt]

My husband worked out of state for 2 yrs so it was just me with 3 kids for most of the week.

The thing that I found exhausting the most was not the meals or bedtimes or outings (although that wasn't easy) - it was the decision making and the responsibility. 

We don't have any family around so - I couldn't get sick.  I couldn't say "go ask daddy".  I couldn't not get up in the middle of the night no matter how tired I was.  

I always knew single parenting is hard, but it was after those two years that I pretty much equated single parents to saints!

[jelloshots4all]

Hugs tdog.

Thanks Bobby!

Agreed johngalt. It is never ending!!  And my family is not close either.

I think the part that is adding to it is I don't have a partner/spouse, etc that I can vent to about my day or to share in my triumphs.  I have a great family and wonderful friends, but I can't share certain things with them.

I am a female Exec in a TOTAL male world with my industry.  And I would be okay just relaxing at home with peace and quiet after a tough day (like today), but my house is NEVER quiet!!  I am the house the all the kids want to be at.  Which I love most days.

I just told them all to go outside on the trampolines and gave them flash lights to play tag when it gets dark.  I told them I would let them back in the house at 10pm!  I need wine and maybe a movie!

(BTW I live on a dead end street and these are neighbor kids so they run freely).  I didn't just tell them to run the streets

[Spellbound454]

Totally know where you are coming from

I was a single parent through university (second time)...with no family nearby

Sometimes I felt I had 10 juggling balls in the air at the same time.

I was lonely, frazzled and never got a day off.

but I managed because I'm a strong, resilient and well organised person.

If something needed sorting, I'd get it done.

and if the world was ending...I'd grab my babies...and survive.

 You are the same....

[Sharon]

I did the single parent thing for my DD's entire life and still have the bills to prove it.   Our family motto became "We will figure it out" and somehow we always did.  Somehow I managed to keep juggling all those balls through private school, swim lessons, dance lessons (hours and hours of dance lessons), music lessons, band, etc.  DD is now married to a good man and they have both graduated college and are both employed. 

I am still learning how to get my life back but I will figure it out.

[jelloshots4all]

Thanks Spell and Sharon!! I know I am resilient!

Spent an awesome day at the baseball fields watching my son today. I am UBER proud!!

I am sad that his dad is missing his kids grow up and excel! His choice though. I share pictures and accomplishments through text, but I CANNOT imagine missing these moments I real time.

[Phoenix84]

Just curious, if being a single parent is so hard, do you ever regret getting divorced?

[Deleted]

May 17, 2015 9:42:12 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Just curious, if being a single parent is so hard, do you ever regret getting divorced?

Single parenting might be hard, but being in a bad relationship is worse. 

[Deleted]

May 17, 2015 9:42:12 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Just curious, if being a single parent is so hard, do you ever regret getting divorced?

No. 

I regret marrying a selfish, dishonest, waste of a human being. I regret that I was too naive to understand there were crap people like this in the world.

I regret that society shuns single parents (at least the church community does). Lots of talk of it taking a 'community' to raise a child, but absolutely no community for single parents with kids. It was like the 'whole families' didn't want to get that shit on them.

[Phoenix84]

May 17, 2015 9:47:39 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

May 17, 2015 9:42:12 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Just curious, if being a single parent is so hard, do you ever regret getting divorced?

Single parenting might be hard, but being in a bad relationship is worse. 

Aww MPL, sounds like you need a man in your life

[t-dog]

So true rockit.  I tried to sigh my son up for religious education classes at church the one evening they had a 5:45 start time.  All the other classes started at 4pm.  Of course i was told the 5:45 class was full and they couldn't expand it by 1 student.  I never did get an answer from the director about why they don't hold some of the late class spots for students with single working parents.  Mind you this woman helped arrange a lunch after late hubby funeral service, so it's not like she could claim ignorance of my situation.

[Deleted]

May 17, 2015 12:02:40 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

May 17, 2015 9:47:39 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Single parenting might be hard, but being in a bad relationship is worse. 

Aww MPL, sounds like you need a man in your life

Only if he cooks, cleans and fixes fences and then goes home.

[weltschmerz]

May 17, 2015 9:42:12 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Just curious, if being a single parent is so hard, do you ever regret getting divorced?

Nope.

[Phoenix84]

May 18, 2015 11:28:23 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

May 17, 2015 9:42:12 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Just curious, if being a single parent is so hard, do you ever regret getting divorced?

Nope.

Fair enough.

[jelloshots4all]

I do regret being divorced, but my ex regrets it even more. If he could have been a responsible, adult male and supported his family instead of being selfish, we might (and that is a stretch) still be together.  And this is what he has told me, so not bashing.

I have great parents, am a bit estranged from my sister, but now I have the "family" I have chosen.  And I am very blessed!