Age for Social Media?

[giramomma]

DS wants an Instagram account. He's not yet of age.

I don't know if I want him to have one. DH and I have not yet talked it over.

The discussion is tabled until Wednesday.

I want to be reasonable. DS is preparing his arguments..Though I did tell him that if one of his reasons was "all his friends have an account," the conversation would be over and the answer would be "no."

For the most part, DS respects all our technology rules. He did watch Stand By Me without asking, and that got his netflix privileges tighted up a little bit. And, in general, DS is a rule follower..

What would you do?

[andi9899]

Mine weren't allowed any social media until high school. That may seem strict, but that was our rule.

[Deleted]

The thing about 'parental guidance' stages is the ability to enforce guidance. Ie. Sure. Let's set it up. At your age you need an adult to do so, meaning I know your password and monitor your account... Etc.

[debthaven]

That was our rule too, but if my kids were younger, I'd lower the age to MS today. 

A lot also depends on where they use the computer. My DS1 and DS2 used the desktop computer in a niche in the LR until they were seniors in HS, at which point they both had laptops (but they are 26 and 28 today). If there was too much of closing pages or nonchalantly swinging arms across the screen, they lost privileges. 

I don't think that's realistic today. Things are moving so fast in that domain. I can't remember exactly how old your DS is. 10 or 11?

DH's cousins are extremely strict with their young kids about social media. But I do remember that the first social media network they let their DS1 join was Instagram. Mom set up the account and she got on Intragram too, to monitor her son. I think they let him set up that account when he was 10 or 11 (can't remember which).

I wouldn't want a younger kid with access to all of that alone in his room, for sure. Maybe a compromise could be that you both set up an account (so you have the password, as Oped said). Then he has limited time on it, you can see it too, and he only uses it in the communal areas of the house. If he doesn't have "his own" smartphone / tablet / laptop that solves a lot of the issues, at least for now because he won't be taking it into his bedroom with him. 

Those rules won't last for years, for sure, but they're a good start. 

[Deleted]

Does Instagram have any parental controls on it? You can find pictures of anything on there. 

What is his maturity level? Does he understand you don't repost pictures of naked girls/boys? Does he know how to react if someone posts a threat via instagram? and so on!

[debthaven]

You can find pictures of anything on there.

I don't have an Instagram account so I don't know what you can find on there. But, at least in my experience, most kids just want to be able to talk to their friends, they're not looking for anything seedy. So personally that wouldn't scare me, but I'd definitely monitor the account. My fear (which happened with DD back in the Myspace days) would be divulging too much info. She had our exact suburb, the name of her school, etc. I FREAKED OUT, made her take that info down ASAP, and then she had a month of time out on the account until (with our help) she grew some common sense. 

I think it's much better to let them get on with it (at a reasonable age, ie late primary school) and then help them learn to do it safely and intelligently. 

[milee]

May 12, 2015 18:11:58 GMT -5 debthaven said:

You can find pictures of anything on there.

I don't have an Instagram account so I don't know what you can find on there. But, at least in my experience, most kids just want to be able to talk to their friends, they're not looking for anything seedy.

Totally agree that most kids have good intentions. It isn't tough to stumble on adult appropriate content, though. YouTube is IMHO one of the worst offenders in that regard. Definitely worth considering how mature your kid is and how he'd handle it if he came on pictures of nudity, porn, etc.

[debthaven]

There's another absolutely brilliant thing a close friend did. She has 4 kids. She is a doctor, a sleep specialist. 

Since everybody know that screen time affects sleep (even for adults) she told her kids that since she absolutely wanted them to sleep properly, they had to leave their phones / laptops downstairs in the family office area, every night. She insisted that they all have old-fashioned alarm clocks (which many people don't have anymore, since they use their phones as alarm clocks). 

As she says, great way to kill two birds with one stone LOL! 

She relented with the older kids the summer before their senior year of HS. I think she relented with the younger kids the year before that. But by then they were late 16/17 and they already had their habits, and by then she had been monitoring them for years. 

[debthaven]

Good point Milee.

But although you can ask your young kid, what would you do if somebody offers you candy and asks you to get into their car, I'm not sure you can ask your young kid, what would you do if you're looking up your favorite singer and you inadvertently end up on a porn site? 

ETA: I'm guessing you can regulate the content on the account, although I freely admit, I don't know how. But I'm guessing there's a way, if that is a concern.

[Shooby]

Kids who aren't allowed social media at home will find ways to use it outside the home. But yes it can be tricky to navigate.

[giramomma]

May 12, 2015 18:02:30 GMT -5 @rockit said:

Does Instagram have any parental controls on it? You can find pictures of anything on there. 

What is his maturity level? Does he understand you don't repost pictures of naked girls/boys? Does he know how to react if someone posts a threat via instagram? and so on!

He's 11. Still in the girls are gross stage, and reports to us about how some of his friends are talking about crushes and what not. He isn't going there.

Yes, we've talked about how it's pictures of a good minecraft thing now, but in a year or two, it's bras or less. Brett Favre gave us a lovely talking point about that as well.

Threats are a good one we haven't talked about. His school did a thing on cyber bullying. Not sure if threats were stressed.

We have the typical rules: electronics are plugged in the kitchen at night. Kids have a laptop to share; homework is done at the kitchen table on said laptop. If DS wants a new app, he has to get it approved by one of us. He has his own email address, and he knows if we choose to look through email or messages, we can at this point. He's always abided by it.

Our philosophy has always been to give our kids more rope to see if they hang themselves. So far, DS never has. 

[moon/Laura]

What is the minimum on Instagram? Facebook and even ProBoards is 13. If Instagram is 13 too, I personally think 11 is too much too young. But that's me. My son is turning 13 in August and I doubt I'll let him get on FB before that. I know lots of parents who go ahead and let their kids do it. But,to me, all that teaches is that it doesn't matter if there are rules.

[MJ2.0]

I think 13 is even too young for IG. Women post fully nude photos on there.

[giramomma]

May 12, 2015 20:06:02 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I think 13 is even too young for IG. Women post fully nude photos on there.

Yes. I picked DS up from his activity and the first thing he said is "I DO NOT WANT AN IG ACCOUNT!"

Because of the nudie pics.
He's now told me he's not dating until he's 18

We had a discussion about how he's going to have to be careful of technology in high school. I also told him there would be rules about dating...and we discussed age of consent..and how the possible consequences of misusing technology and age of consent issues are the same...possibly life-altering.

That said, I was surprised at the families that have let their kids have IG accounts. Pretty conservative, sheltering families.

DH and I agreed that we would let him get an account. But we have to be on the account and it has to be set to private.

DS wants the IG account because he made a new friend (that doesn't go to his school) and wants to interact with him. I encouraged him to message the friend rather than use IG.  DS also told me, that getting another kid's phone number is "old fashioned."

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Mine had to be 13. I have the passwords to everything. Phones go on the kitchen counter at 9:00pm for the 13yo and 9:45ish for the 17yo. We read texts, FB messages, etc. We do not allow snap chat. 

[Deleted]

I know absolutely nothing about Instagram, but my almost 13 year old has had a Facebook account for a couple of years.  Honestly, he may actually have made himself an Instagram account without me knowing it, but I kind of doubt it.  He's mainly into researching drones and playing Minecraft.  He rarely puts anything on Facebook and is kind of judgemental of his peers that do hang out there, so I don't see him getting too caught up in it (although gaming sites are a different story).

I cannot believe the stuff some of the kids in his class put on their Facebook accounts though!    If I was their parent, they'd be locked up with no computer privileges for a long-assed time!

I also do not allow any electronics in the bedroom at night and usually when he's on his computer he's in the kitchen or the porch off the kitchen.  Unfortunately his Dad lets him have a desktop in his room at his house, but not much I can do about that.  I'm hoping now that the in-laws have gone back to China they can turn their bedroom back into the computer room it used to be.

[Peace Of Mind]

Age for Social Media?

30.  

[Formerly SK]

We have two desktops in the family room (one bought last summer, one bought last month).  This way they don't have to fight over the computer when doing homework.  At the same time, the desktop is completely visible to everyone in the family (I don't allow ear buds either).  I figure this sort of monitoring will work in the short term (they're 10 and 9).  

NO WAY would I let them take an iPod/phone to their bedroom.  

DS1 does a lot on youTube.  It freaks me to death because it is SO easy to click beyond what is appropriate.  But blocking youTube can be an academic hindrance, too.  Hence we have old-fashioned desktops.  

[techguy]

May 12, 2015 20:06:02 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I think 13 is even too young for IG. Women post fully nude photos on there.

It is AGAINST Instagram policy to have any nude photos on there.

Sure, some people try to post them, but they are quickly caught and removed.

It's actually easier to find nudy pics via Google.

I think IG and FB is pretty good at restricting nudy pics.  It's the cyber bullying/jealousy that I'm more worried about.

[MJ2.0]

May 13, 2015 11:05:07 GMT -5 techguy said:

May 12, 2015 20:06:02 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I think 13 is even too young for IG. Women post fully nude photos on there.

It is AGAINST Instagram policy to have any nude photos on there.

Sure, some people try to post them, but they are quickly caught and removed.

It's actually easier to find nudy pics via Google.

I think IG and FB is pretty good at restricting nudy pics.  It's the cyber bullying/jealousy that I'm more worried about.

the photos can only be removed as fast as they are reported, so in theory hundreds of people could have oogled a naked photo of a person before it's reported and taken down. Even the not fully nude photos aren't something I'd want a 13-year-old to see.

[cael]

Interesting timing of this post. A friend of a friend just had a baby and they already made the baby her own facebook page.... I don't get it!!!

I see the value in maybe registering an email address in your baby's name for their use in the future and to placehold it so no one else can... but not facebook or anything else. Insane.

[The Captain]

DD is 12.  She's had limited access to social media since she was 11.

DH works in IT - we've been very transparent about the fact the for the privilege of giving her access we expect the ability to snoop at any time.  We also had the perverts, creeps, inappropriate content talk (nannyware can only do so much).

The kid frequently forgets her phone or runs out of juice on trips and borrows my phone.  She then forgets to log out of her accounts and I can see everything before I log her out.  She knows this and doesn't really care what we see.  That gives me a great deal of comfort.

Yea, she gets on youtube.  Yea, there's a lot of stuff out there I would prefer she doesn't see.  But, as I've pointed out to her, do you really want to be learning about stuff from people so lacking in self respect they put it out there for the whole world to see?

I can only hope that we've taught her well.  Can't keep her in a bubble forever.

[Cookies Galore]

May 13, 2015 11:14:21 GMT -5 cael said:

Interesting timing of this post. A friend of a friend just had a baby and they already made the baby her own facebook page.... I don't get it!!!

I see the value in maybe registering an email address in your baby's name for their use in the future and to placehold it so no one else can... but not facebook or anything else. Insane.

Maybe a page strictly for the baby so their regular Facebook page isn't bombarding friends with baby pictures? One can dream! Lol. (Aside, why is it the uglier the kid the more likely you are to post 50,000 images a day?)

[Opti]

May 12, 2015 22:45:20 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Age for Social Media?

30.  

 I was going to say 40 before you posted.

[thyme4change]

First off - if your kid wants to find pictures of naked people, your kid will find pictures of naked people. No instagram account is needed.

We have the rule that all electronics get put on the counter at 8 pm. I have my daughter's log in and check what she posts frequently. Her account is.private and I have reviewed all her followers to make sure they are friends, not creepy weirdo strangers. I also monitor who she is following.

The worst part is that I have an account and she follows me and some of her friends do too. I have had several pictures posted on there that are not the best role model pictures. Like when I went to the bars with my friend and her sister who dresses like a $5 hooker.

[cael]

May 13, 2015 11:41:37 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

May 13, 2015 11:14:21 GMT -5 cael said:

Interesting timing of this post. A friend of a friend just had a baby and they already made the baby her own facebook page.... I don't get it!!!

I see the value in maybe registering an email address in your baby's name for their use in the future and to placehold it so no one else can... but not facebook or anything else. Insane.

Maybe a page strictly for the baby so their regular Facebook page isn't bombarding friends with baby pictures? One can dream! Lol. (Aside, why is it the uglier the kid the more likely you are to post 50,000 images a day?)

Funny thing is the other people I know who made their baby a facebook page still post all the pictures... and just tag her in them, so their friends are still equally bombarded! lol.

[ArchietheDragon]

May 13, 2015 11:56:30 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

First off - if your kid wants to find pictures of naked people, your kid will find pictures of naked people. No instagram account is needed.

We have the rule that all electronics get put on the counter at 8 pm. I have my daughter's log in and check what she posts frequently. Her account is.private and I have reviewed all her followers to make sure they are friends, not creepy weirdo strangers. I also monitor who she is following.

The worst part is that I have an account and she follows me and some of her friends do too. I have had several pictures posted on there that are not the best role model pictures. Like when I went to the bars with my friend and her sister who dresses like a $5 hooker.

I remember back when you wanted to see pictures of naked people you had to pass around an old copy of Hustler that one your friends had taken from his dad.   Kids don't know how easy they have it these days.  

[Cookies Galore]

May 13, 2015 11:57:45 GMT -5 cael said:

May 13, 2015 11:41:37 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Maybe a page strictly for the baby so their regular Facebook page isn't bombarding friends with baby pictures? One can dream! Lol. (Aside, why is it the uglier the kid the more likely you are to post 50,000 images a day?)

Funny thing is the other people I know who made their baby a facebook page still post all the pictures... and just tag her in them, so their friends are still equally bombarded! lol.

The worst.

[MJ2.0]

May 13, 2015 12:00:37 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

May 13, 2015 11:56:30 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

First off - if your kid wants to find pictures of naked people, your kid will find pictures of naked people. No instagram account is needed.

We have the rule that all electronics get put on the counter at 8 pm. I have my daughter's log in and check what she posts frequently. Her account is.private and I have reviewed all her followers to make sure they are friends, not creepy weirdo strangers. I also monitor who she is following.

The worst part is that I have an account and she follows me and some of her friends do too. I have had several pictures posted on there that are not the best role model pictures. Like when I went to the bars with my friend and her sister who dresses like a $5 hooker.

I remember back when you wanted to see pictures of naked people you had to pass around an old copy of Hustler that one your friends had taken from his dad.   Kids don't know how easy they have it these days.  

when I was younger (about 8) it was as easy as using the bathroom at my friend's house, where her stepfather kept at least a year's worth of Playboy magazines next to the toilet. I got curious and took a look one day.

[cael]

Two of my friends and I found Playboys under one friend's older brother's bed, we looked at them (we were maybe 10-12)... the neighborhood kids and us found them in the huge paper recycling dumpster at our apartment complex too.  we would've had it so much easier these days!