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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 8:08:34 GMT -5
For those of you with kids 11-15 or so, how much do you dictate their Summer? I was discussing the upcoming time off with a coworker friend of mine with kids about the same age and we're kind of polar opposites. I try to book something for every week (not usually possible the last 4 weeks of the Summer) where he schedules nothing. He had some good points and I'm wondering if maybe I'm doing more harm than good not letting DS just veg out for a few months. The thing is, I know my kid. He wouldn't take the initiative to go biking and fishing. He would just sit around and play video games from sun up to sun down. This discussion came up because this is about the last year scheduling isn't going to be an issue. Next year (going into 9th grade) he ages out of pretty much everything. He can be a Jr. Counselor at some camps and already has been for Invention Camp starting last year, but for the most part. Too old for most of the Summer programs and too young to get a job. He'll have Scouts, so summer camp there and he's going on a high adventure trip next Summer, but the other 10 of 12 weeks will be nothing.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Apr 30, 2015 8:12:15 GMT -5
My parents were poor so I never went to camps. My mom worked for the schools so had summers off with me. My BF and I used to just ride our bikes or hang out at one of our houses. Big excitement was a day trip to the beach occasionally.
I feel like that kind of thing just doesn't happen now, every kid is at daycare or camp whether they have a parent home or not.
I don't know which option is right, probably a mix of both.
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ponomo
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Post by ponomo on Apr 30, 2015 8:48:21 GMT -5
I'm a SAHM so I'm here all summer with the kids (4,8,14,18), we pretty much schedule nothing. We have a community pool and reservoirs that we frequent, but most days are spent playing outside with all the neighbor kids. Every year I think maybe I should put them in some sort of camp, but I really think we all need the break from schedules and routine.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 8:49:05 GMT -5
I think having a parent home changes things a lot, but my kid would be home by himself for 11 hours a day, day in and day out. There aren't even other kids around here.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 30, 2015 8:58:38 GMT -5
I think it depends on the kid. I don't think 12 weeks of playing video games all day every day would be good for him.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 9:03:33 GMT -5
I think it depends on the kid. I don't think 12 weeks of playing video games all day every day would be good for him. I have friends with kids in sports or who work the farm that can keep themselves occupied productively for weeks on end. Even the kids that just get together and spend their days going to the local pool every afternoon. But...my son...nope. He wouldn't do that. I'd get home on a beautiful sunny and 75 degree day and he'd still be in his pajamas.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Apr 30, 2015 9:05:17 GMT -5
Like everything else probably highly regional too. I live in a neighborhood with a lot of SAHMs and kids are never outside playing all day. Sometimes in the after school hours 4-8pm you'll see a few. It really surprised me, especially the summers I was home on maternity leave and literally saw no one outside for days. They kids are scheduled year round, even with a SAHM. So now I feel like I have to work anyway, just so I can send them to day camps
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 30, 2015 9:05:29 GMT -5
Good question, I'm dreading this already. As much as I hate paying almost $1K/mo for daycare, it's nice to have a place for DD to go 5 days a week. My mom's office was about 10 minutes from our house so during the summers after I was 7-8 I would sleep in and hang out during the morning, then she would come home on her lunch break and pick me up and take me back downtown with her. I'd either go read at the library or walk down to the pet store and play with the kittens, etc. That's not even going to remotely be an option with DD (DH works the closest and is still 20 minutes away). All of the camps offered through Parks and Rec have aftercare through 6th grade, but I have no idea what to do after that. There are plenty of activities near where I work, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to let an unattended 12yo walk around downtown Indy all day
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 30, 2015 9:08:07 GMT -5
I think it depends on the kid. I don't think 12 weeks of playing video games all day every day would be good for him. I have friends with kids in sports or who work the farm that can keep themselves occupied productively for weeks on end. Even the kids that just get together and spend their days going to the local pool every afternoon. But...my son...nope. He wouldn't do that. I'd get home on a beautiful sunny and 75 degree day and he'd still be in his pajamas. As a pajama lover, what's wrong with that? I buy groceries that they can fix themselves easily, and tell them not to kill each other. I'm sure they spend a lot of time indoors and in front of screens, that might change this year because we moved to where more kids are nearby. I'll have to figure out rules about the pool, I suspect they won't like it because I think it's going to be a "when I can take you then you can go thing".
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Apr 30, 2015 9:09:29 GMT -5
I think the question is how does your son feel about it?
Eleven hours is a long time for a teenager to be alone. I tried to do what you are doing. My school district has a pretty decent summer school program that is about 1/2 day for 2 3 week sessions. The kids did that for a few years ( until they started to complain how boring it was etc) The only way it was possible for us to get the kids to/from was with assistance of my in-laws. They had to pick the kids up at noon at ferry them home. Then my MIL fed the kids lunch and they hung around my house for a few hours so the kids were not alone for a long stretch of the day.
We did this with the advice of our family who had been through the teenage years already. They told us the worst/risks hours of the day were the early/late afternoon...when teenagers got into the most trouble. My in-laws had been our daycare providers, and we paid them for transportation and day care. When we asked them to shift over to keeping an eye on the kids unobtrusively at our house they were fine with the new role. They were both very active - FIL was happy cutting the grass, and MIL was happy cleaning the house. I never asked her to clean or do dishes, but she did it...so I told DH to just make sure she got paid for it. I had the impression that MIL loved doing what she liked to do and getting paid for it.
My in-laws stopped doing this for us when one of my younger BIL's got divorced and needed them to ferry his kids back and forth to grade school and provide daycare. Those kids are brats, and MIL watches them, but really does not love doing it like she did with my kids.
Idk, if your son does not want to go to camp, can he "help" one of your farmer neighbors with chores so he has some structure to his day - or ask the neighbors to stop in once a day and quietly check on the kids?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 9:15:12 GMT -5
I did a lot of camps growing up...usually just Y camp, but a few religious ones thrown in there for good measure. All kinds of churches because my Mom just chose based on what was a good deal and they were usually cheap. LOL When I hit about 12 or 13 I was taken to my Aunt's out on a remote farm and babysat her two kids that were like 6 and 4 for something like $50/week.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 9:21:49 GMT -5
I think the question is how does your son feel about it?
Yeah, great question. It would be nice if he would have some input but he always just goes along with whatever and doesn't have much to say about it one way or another. I was going to not enroll him as a counselor in Invention Camp this year because it was kind of a pain getting him to and from that one, but he got upset about that and said he definitely wanted to go.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 9:25:37 GMT -5
I don't schedule all day/every day. There are a couple all day, day camps and one where he's gone for 7 nights up north, but a lot of the stuff I put in there is just short get him out of the house stuff. An hour or two of fun classes or a 3 hour a day video game design camp. There's also a week with one set of Grandparents in the city where they do all kinds of things together and a trip to Colorado with the other set of Grandparents as well as our annual "not sure where we're going" Summer road trip. The last 4 weeks are nothing. 4 weeks of being a vegetable should be enough shouldn't it?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 30, 2015 9:28:00 GMT -5
I don't schedule all day/every day. There are a couple all day, day camps and one where he's gone for 7 nights up north, but a lot of the stuff I put in there is just short get him out of the house stuff. An hour or two of fun classes or a 3 hour a day video game design camp. There's also a week with one set of Grandparents in the city where they do all kinds of things together and a trip to Colorado with the other set of Grandparents as well as our annual "not sure where we're going" Summer road trip. The last 4 weeks are nothing. 4 weeks of being a vegetable should be enough shouldn't it? Um, I think being a vegetable was a hobby of mine so I may not be the best to ask but I think he'll be fine for those 4 weeks.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 30, 2015 9:32:55 GMT -5
We are doing a combination of vegging and camp.
DS is doing scout camp, little league, a few summer sports clinics, and an activity with the grands.
That's enough, as he needs to stare at the clouds. And, we have to balance his needs with DD1's needs.
We are also going to do a 2.5-3 week vacation (I'm trading in my YM card for that) , so that will take out a big chunk of summer.
I can't help you out much, because I work opposite hours from DH in the summer. So the kids are always with a parent. I'm hoping to do some day trips. The kids want to go to the Miss River Museum, I want to take them to Grant's house, etc. I try to get out of the house with the kids as much as we can. I'll probably even sneak in a little merit badge work. (Oh, look. That geocache we found..it counts towards a merit badge. Isn't that nice!)
I also want to start a prosper.com account for DS, so he can start learning about loans, interest, risk, etc. And we have to learn some french, because we are going to French speaking Canada on our vacation.
Next year will be the year of camps, and a small vacation. But, still, it's only three weeks of camp for the whole summer for DS, maybe 4.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 9:34:03 GMT -5
I don't schedule all day/every day. There are a couple all day, day camps and one where he's gone for 7 nights up north, but a lot of the stuff I put in there is just short get him out of the house stuff. An hour or two of fun classes or a 3 hour a day video game design camp. There's also a week with one set of Grandparents in the city where they do all kinds of things together and a trip to Colorado with the other set of Grandparents as well as our annual "not sure where we're going" Summer road trip. The last 4 weeks are nothing. 4 weeks of being a vegetable should be enough shouldn't it? Um, I think being a vegetable was a hobby of mine so I may not be the best to ask but I think he'll be fine for those 4 weeks. Yeah, mine too. But I didn't turn out so great.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 30, 2015 9:34:46 GMT -5
Um, I think being a vegetable was a hobby of mine so I may not be the best to ask but I think he'll be fine for those 4 weeks. Yeah, mine too. But I didn't turn out so great. Says who?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 9:43:59 GMT -5
Yeah, mine too. But I didn't turn out so great. Says who? Well, lets just say, I don't want them to have my life.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 30, 2015 9:47:47 GMT -5
Says who? Well, lets just say, I don't want them to have my life. Well, my life isn't super awesome but if it had gone differently I wouldn't have the kids or my current DH. (My running into him in the universe was directly related to XH's wanting to move, I wouldn't have been there otherwise.) Also, I've never been homeless, so they could do worse. You're teaching them what you've learned and they're learning from you trying to improve things as you go, so I think they'll be fine. ETA: by "not super awesome" I mean I don't have enough cash to light people's cigarette's with $100 bills
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 30, 2015 9:48:43 GMT -5
I have been trying to think about what to do with DS this summer. Our area only has the less expensive type day camps up until elem school. So with DS ending 6th grade he has aged out, but this year we will have even less adult coverage than ever. And he totally would spend all day everyday online playing video games. Last year DD actually helped a lot with this. We worked different schedules from each other so if I wasn't home she was. Summer should be the slow time for DH, and I at my FT job, but it didn't work that way last year for DH. He was gone by 6am and didn't come home until after 6 pm almost every day. And the ADHD makes it more difficult to even try and call and tell him to do things. He will literally either forget as he is saying okay or just lie and then not do it. And I am not meaning big things that he would not like, just regular things like eat lunch.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 30, 2015 9:53:02 GMT -5
Even mine remembers to eat Beach! It might be the box of Little Debbies, but he eats something! I've finally got him realizing that no, it can't be that for breakfast, it has to sort of have nutrition, but I'm not dumb enough to think he'll do that if I'm not standing over him.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 30, 2015 10:01:12 GMT -5
I've finally got him realizing that no, it can't be that for breakfast, it has to sort of have nutritionIDK according to legend all my great grandmother ate were Little Debbies and grape jelly. She lived to be 102.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 10:02:19 GMT -5
Oh, mine will eat...and eat...and eat....
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 30, 2015 10:24:17 GMT -5
I've finally got him realizing that no, it can't be that for breakfast, it has to sort of have nutritionIDK according to legend all my great grandmother ate were Little Debbies and grape jelly. She lived to be 102. He'll be fine, he eats enough sugar to kill us all His version of nutrition is a PB&J. THEN he can have a cookie.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 30, 2015 10:42:13 GMT -5
Even mine remembers to eat Beach! It might be the box of Little Debbies, but he eats something! I've finally got him realizing that no, it can't be that for breakfast, it has to sort of have nutrition, but I'm not dumb enough to think he'll do that if I'm not standing over him. Nope he just won't unless there is some outside pressure to. At school he goes with the flow and since everyone else is eating he will. For breakfast he will eat because I make it for him and tell him to eat it. If he was left alone I have no idea how long it would take him to actually be hungry enough to make him want to eat. I have thought about it as an experiement but was afraid of Dyfus coming after me. Just think of the headlines. 12 year old starves to death 5 feet from food. If left to his own choice it would probably be orange soda and ritz crackers.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 30, 2015 10:50:22 GMT -5
Even mine remembers to eat Beach! It might be the box of Little Debbies, but he eats something! I've finally got him realizing that no, it can't be that for breakfast, it has to sort of have nutrition, but I'm not dumb enough to think he'll do that if I'm not standing over him. Nope he just won't unless there is some outside pressure to. At school he goes with the flow and since everyone else is eating he will. For breakfast he will eat because I make it for him and tell him to eat it. If he was left alone I have no idea how long it would take him to actually be hungry enough to make him want to eat. I have thought about it as an experiement but was afraid of Dyfus coming after me. Just think of the headlines. 12 year old starves to death 5 feet from food. If left to his own choice it would probably be orange soda and ritz crackers. Feed him breakfast one weekend and wait and see how long he waits to ask for food after that. It won't kill him if lunch is late once.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Apr 30, 2015 10:52:48 GMT -5
He has baseball in the evenings through late june. His days are pretty open and he'll do some swimming and getting together with his friends, but he tends to sit on his bum. Last year, he claimed he couldn't go swimming because he'd be too tired to pitch. Yeah right.
But come July- he goes from camp to camp. I signed him up to do some "volunteering" with the local animal shelter. They do a week long thing where the kids prep a dog for adoption. He did it last year and quite enjoyed it. Partly because he was the only boy amongst a sea of girls.
Followed by a STEM camp at local university Scout Camp 2nd STEM camp Scout 50 Miler
I feel a little guilty, but he wanted to do it all. Opportunities just kept coming up. By the time he's done- he'll have two weeks before school starts.
But I'd rather have him super busy, then bored. Only the scout camps are overnight, so it's not like he'll be gone all summer.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 30, 2015 10:56:06 GMT -5
Nope he just won't unless there is some outside pressure to. At school he goes with the flow and since everyone else is eating he will. For breakfast he will eat because I make it for him and tell him to eat it. If he was left alone I have no idea how long it would take him to actually be hungry enough to make him want to eat. I have thought about it as an experiement but was afraid of Dyfus coming after me. Just think of the headlines. 12 year old starves to death 5 feet from food. If left to his own choice it would probably be orange soda and ritz crackers. Feed him breakfast one weekend and wait and see how long he waits to ask for food after that. It won't kill him if lunch is late once. Oh that won't be nearly enough time to make him hungry! I have had weekends where I left before he and DH got up. I just "assumed" DH would feed him. Although I'm sure DH fed himself, he never fed or even asked DS if he had eaten. so I get home at 9PM and asked DS what they ate and DS just says nothing but I will get something now if you want. So if he hadn't eaten since dinner the night before and it wasn't enough to make him even a little peckish I seriously doubt a missed lunch would even come close.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 10:56:34 GMT -5
Oh, volunteer work! I like that. DS is an animal fanatic. He could sit at the Humane Society all day and play with the cats.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 30, 2015 10:57:37 GMT -5
Feed him breakfast one weekend and wait and see how long he waits to ask for food after that. It won't kill him if lunch is late once. Oh that won't be nearly enough time to make him hungry! I have had weekends where I left before he and DH got up. I just "assumed" DH would feed him. Although I'm sure DH fed himself, he never fed or even asked DS if he had eaten. so I get home at 9PM and asked DS what they ate and DS just says nothing but I will get something now if you want. So if he hadn't eaten since dinner the night before and it wasn't enough to make him even a little peckish I seriously doubt a missed lunch would even come close. What on earth is he focusing on so intently? lol
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