What is appropriate?

[Abby Normal]

We have an employee who has been out on FMLA because his child has been really ill.  Wife has been spending most of the time with child at the hospital and he's staying home caring for the other kids.

The prognosis for the child isn't good and he will not likely make it.  

The supervisor asked if we could buy a gift card (for groceries) but since we'd have to count it as income to him, I'm not thrilled with that. I suggested we start a fund for those who might like to help out with some cash for expenses.

But what are some other ideas?  We don't have a vacation sharing option. 

[Deleted]

I have no idea, but I had to say, that what he is going through is my worst nightmare.  Even worse than just having a kid die.  Having to deal with a long-term illness that you know isn't going to end well.  The loss of work during the time, and just being able to function with a child in that bad of shape.  Ugh.  I hope you come up with something.

[joemilitary]

ask if people are willing to cook a meal that can re-heated, like lasagna......put it in a cheap disposable foil pan and give it to him

Maybe have people volunteer for different days (give him a meal every other day?)

save them time cooking and will be appreciated and not too expensive I think (depending on the food)

[gooddecisions]

You could use meal train to organize the meals:
www.mealtrain.com/

I loved it when my co-workers and neighbors did this for me. It was porch drop-off, so no need to be there or even open the door if I wasn't up for it.

[ginpin]

I don't know how close you all are, but why not just everyone contribute to a grocery card, without counting as income?  I would think that would be helpful.  I like the idea of a food delivery service as well.

[The Captain]

Apr 28, 2015 13:00:38 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

We have an employee who has been out on FMLA because his child has been really ill.  Wife has been spending most of the time with child at the hospital and he's staying home caring for the other kids.

The prognosis for the child isn't good and he will not likely make it.  

The supervisor asked if we could buy a gift card (for groceries) but since we'd have to count it as income to him, I'm not thrilled with that. I suggested we start a fund for those who might like to help out with some cash for expenses.

But what are some other ideas?  We don't have a vacation sharing option. 

How very kind.  I'm sorry for what your employee is going through.

I know you can't do vacation sharing, but is there a chance some employees/friends may be willing to take a half or full vacation day to watch the other kids so both parents can be at the hospital with the child.  Right now I would guess time is the most valuable thing they have.

You probably already know this but you can always do a tax gross-up on any gifts that have to be included in income to make the employee whole.  Just a suggestion.

[Abby Normal]

Apr 28, 2015 13:21:34 GMT -5 The Captain said:

You probably already know this but you can always do a tax gross-up on any gifts that have to be included in income to make the employee whole.  Just a suggestion.

I know we can.  But that arrangement doesn't translate well to some of the employees.  We get that every year when we do gift cards for the holidays.  It ends up in bitterness, so I try not to go that route.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

We don't have a vacation sharing option.


Do you have a sick time sharing option.  This would qualify.

[NancysSummerSip]

I like the idea of the cash fund, so the family can use it for whatever, whenever something comes up. Can you establish a fund at a specific place, like a grocery store they use, hospital (where the child is being treated) or something that's still cash but a little more personal?  Is it possible to pay their gas/electric/cable service for them via a fund or gift card-type thing?

I'm just trying to think of ways to maybe pay some of their bills for them, ahead of schedule, so they don't have to worry about them.

[quince]

Starting a fund is good, meal delivery if people are willing is even better, something to take a task of their shoulders. Gift card, groceries or even for take-out.

Yikes. It's very nice that you're working out away to show your sympathies in a helpful fashion.

[Chocolate Lover]

If the gift card isn't coming out of company money but donations given freely by coworkers, why do you have to count it as income? That's confusing. 

I don't really have any good suggestions beyond expanding the gift card universe. Walmart or Target ones can get things besides groceries. My MIL quit her job and moved in with my SIL & other niece and nephew last year when my youngest nephew was in the hospital. She did the dealing with kids and meals. I'm sure any help is appreciated. 

[HoneyBBQ]

Can't you just take up a collection? Ugh. My worst nightmare.

And second the food suggestion. 

[giramomma]

I would also second the suggestion of figuring out a way to give the dad a respite.

But, also, Abby Normal Has anyone asked the family what they might want/need?

One of DD1's classmate's mom had cancer and underwent chemo as part of treatment. Someone else organized meals for the family. There were particular meal requests and the mom also asked that we not discuss the mom's health with the girl.

[Abby Normal]

Apr 28, 2015 14:11:44 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

If the gift card isn't coming out of company money but donations given freely by coworkers, why do you have to count it as income? That's confusing. 

I don't really have any good suggestions beyond expanding the gift card universe. Walmart or Target ones can get things besides groceries. My MIL quit her job and moved in with my SIL & other niece and nephew last year when my youngest nephew was in the hospital. She did the dealing with kids and meals. I'm sure any help is appreciated. 

The supervisor asked if we (the company) could buy a gift card- which would be income.  My suggestion was to pool money- which would avoid that. 

[alabamagal]

I think it is better to do services (food service, laundry service) than giving money or gift cards.

You are assuming that they need financial help. Maybe they don't.

[Chocolate Lover]

Apr 28, 2015 15:03:44 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Apr 28, 2015 14:11:44 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

If the gift card isn't coming out of company money but donations given freely by coworkers, why do you have to count it as income? That's confusing. 

I don't really have any good suggestions beyond expanding the gift card universe. Walmart or Target ones can get things besides groceries. My MIL quit her job and moved in with my SIL & other niece and nephew last year when my youngest nephew was in the hospital. She did the dealing with kids and meals. I'm sure any help is appreciated. 

The supervisor asked if we (the company) could buy a gift card- which would be income.  My suggestion was to pool money- which would avoid that. 

Ok, that makes sense. 

[Chocolate Lover]

Apr 28, 2015 15:20:25 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

I think it is better to do services (food service, laundry service) than giving money or gift cards.

You are assuming that they need financial help. Maybe they don't.

They're piling up medical bills, of course they need money. Unless the kid's on Medicaid? 

I'd rather someone offer me gift cards honestly, I'd be weird about people out of my household doing my laundry. Or cooking for me. Not everyone is a good cook.

[chen35]

I think I would prefer gift cards too. When my step-kids little half brother was in and out of the hospital, a lot of people brought meals in. It was a nice thought, but they had TONS of food that they couldn't eat, and a lot wasn't their taste. The family was grateful for everything, but a lot went to waste.

[Robert not Bobby]

Holy shit...this is starting to become a 3rd world country.

Don't show up with a basket of chocolate covered crackers..this is his son, for Christ sakes...if you can, give him the time off that he needs, and pay him.

[TheHaitian]

Apr 28, 2015 16:11:07 GMT -5 chen35 said:

I think I would prefer gift cards too. When my step-kids little half brother was in and out of the hospital, a lot of people brought meals in. It was a nice thought, but they had TONS of food that they couldn't eat, and a lot wasn't their taste. The family was grateful for everything, but a lot went to waste.

Sorry to hijack but was wondering how the kids were holding up after losing their younger brother??

[chen35]

They are doing pretty well. The older two have done counseling at the school. The older one has had some trouble with grades, but it's hard to tell if it's because of his brother, or because he likes to play soccer too much. But for the most part they are doing well. Thanks for asking

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Apr 28, 2015 15:20:25 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

I think it is better to do services (food service, laundry service) than giving money or gift cards.

You are assuming that they need financial help. Maybe they don't.

Even if you have excellent insurance, massive medical treatment has expenses everywhere.

Hell, TD was carrying an $800 gas bill each month while I was in the hospital, about 4x normal.

[chen35]

Yeah, even with great insurance, the gas to and from the hospital really adds up. Add in the food for the person hanging out at the hospital, and you can get to over a grand a month without even considering any actual medical expenses. 

[Deleted]

A thinking of you or get well soon card; a small toy for each child (ill & healthy because they are all affected . . . unless the sick one is fighting leukemia & can't have outside things come into the room, then you have to get more creative); cash collection for the family to spend as they need.

If any of the workers are closer to the guy/family, then offering sitting services for the kids at home would be really nice. Maybe make out a couple of coupons for sitting services to allow them couple visiting time.

[moneymaven]

We had an employee whose spouse had a kidney transplant very unexpectedly. We elected to specifically and only do a cash collection. We gathered information on a variety of services that may be useful, like food delivery, laundry service, home cleaning, etc. and included it with the card and cash.

That way they could use the money for whatever they needed and they had information right at hand for things that may get neglected during such a chaotic time. The staff also was happy to make contributions that they were comfortable with. I think we quickly gathered about $1000 in short order (larger company). Their gratitude was incredible.

[trippypea]

The parent who is at the hospital is probably either eating in the cafeteria or fast food. When my DD was in the hospital for several weeks, I didn't see the light of day, and if I ate, it was at the on site McDonald's or cafeteria. So maybe you can see if the hospital does gift cards that can be used in the cafeteria, or if there is a fast food place close by. For the parent who stays at home, I would think a grocery store gift card would be more appropriate than co-workers helping out at the house everyday. I know I would feel like I had to entertain (even if they didn't expect that) and that is just more pressure on an already stressed parent. You can always put it out there that if they need anything, like someone to help out with the house or kids, just ask, but I would think unless they didn't have anyone else (family, friends), they wouldn't want that...

[Wisconsin Beth]

I like the respite child care idea.  And I love Moneymaven's info on services to be included with funds raised by the employees. 

From the point of view of a stressed parent with my own surgery planned - I'd love to the kids overnight but the people the kids trust aren't available anytime soon. 

[thyme4change]

I get gift cards from my company and they don't count them as income.  I wonder what the difference is - maybe because they are part of a drawing?  Even though everyone gets one?

How much would you want to give him?  Could you figure out the approximate tax amount and ask people to contribute up to the amount the taxes would be?  Could your boss give you a bonus for the amount (plus taxes) and you, out of the goodness of your heart) could personally give the gift card along with a sympathy card that everyone signed?  

If you do figure out a way to give him something - try to make it either a Visa card or to a place like a Super-Target, or Wal-Mart with groceries.  That way they can use it for more than just groceries.  

[ArchietheDragon]

Apr 29, 2015 9:02:35 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I get gift cards from my company and they don't count them as income.  I wonder what the difference is - maybe because they are part of a drawing?  Even though everyone gets one?

How much would you want to give him?  Could you figure out the approximate tax amount and ask people to contribute up to the amount the taxes would be?  Could your boss give you a bonus for the amount (plus taxes) and you, out of the goodness of your heart) could personally give the gift card along with a sympathy card that everyone signed?  

If you do figure out a way to give him something - try to make it either a Visa card or to a place like a Super-Target, or Wal-Mart with groceries.  That way they can use it for more than just groceries.  

You company is not doing it right

[Abby Normal]

Apr 28, 2015 16:11:07 GMT -5 chen35 said:

I think I would prefer gift cards too. When my step-kids little half brother was in and out of the hospital, a lot of people brought meals in. It was a nice thought, but they had TONS of food that they couldn't eat, and a lot wasn't their taste. The family was grateful for everything, but a lot went to waste.

Thanks- that is a helpful perspective.   I don't know this employee well, but my impression of him is a no frills, meat and potato guy. With 4 other young kids- I can imagine that they would get a lot of food they wouldn't eat.