How would you explain this?

[Ava]

My brother had a muscle injury last month.

He's doing therapy for it.

He's been on sick leave since then and apparently will remain on sick leave for a very long time on a relatively minor injury.

He's a math teacher, so it's not like he couldn't do his job. The only issue would be writing on the board but I'm sure he can find a way around it.

The point is; my brother is having some personal issues and he always turns his emotional problems into physical ones. He never deals with the real problem; he just lets it linger hoping it would disappear eventually.

I, on the other hand, face issues, immediately develop a plan and act on it.

I did it right away when I failed statistics. I am doing it right now with my obesity and diabetes. I always do that.

And that is just one example, we are so different in so many ways.

How do you explain that two siblings very close in age, raised in exactly the same environment are very different?

It's a fascinating mystery to me and I would like to discuss.

[billisonboard]

You are female,  correct? 

[Angel!]

Genetics. If it isn't nurture, then it must be nature.

[msventoux]

Different personalities, different expectations placed on you from families and society, different life experiences and interpretation of those experiences, different goals. 

My sibling and I are different.  We're both different from our parents.  My sibling was the oldest and the golden child.  He's not a bad person by any means, but because he was the oldest and a boy he could basically do no wrong, and some of those attitudes have carried over into adulthood, and I believe not for the better.  He has the expectation that whatever woman is around him (mother, sister, girlfriend) should handle whatever unpleasant things reality throws at him, leaving him earn money and do all of the fun stuff. 

I was the youngest and a girl.  My label was shy, timid crybaby who was meant to grow up and take care of a man and provide children.  I went the opposite direction and became (quietly) assertive with a career and a "take care of your own shit, I'm busy taking care of mine" attitude.  So NOT a caregiver personality.   

My sibling is still the golden child because he's mostly following the script that was given to him.  By most metrics I'm someone my parents should have been proud of, but I'm a disappointment and failure because I'm not playing out my prescribed role. 

[Artemis Windsong]

He probably has carpal tunnel in his handwriting hand and therefore cannot grip something to write on the board.  The problem appears simple but is not.

My GrS has this and cannot grip a dish to wash it.

[Deleted]

In a very real way people just are who they are and no amount of parenting or other influences are going to change them.  I noticed this with DD.  I can influence at the edges and direct a little, but the core personality seemed to be wired at birth. 

[Jaguar]

I have 8 siblings, none of us are alike in any way except my two sisters born 13 months apart. The rest of us are just different from each other.

[thyme4change]

Not to criticize, because we are all flawed humans - but if you dealt with all your problems immediately and head on, would you have gotten to the point where you would have to deal with obesity?  Maybe you aren't as on-task as you think you are.  I'm saying this as a person with all kinds of problems, and all kinds of things that I **think** I do, but in reality I do not.

[Ava]

Apr 25, 2015 10:04:25 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

You are female,  correct? 

Correct.

[Ava]

Apr 25, 2015 11:43:27 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

He probably has carpal tunnel in his handwriting hand and therefore cannot grip something to write on the board.  The problem appears simple but is not.

My GrS has this and cannot grip a dish to wash it.

Apparently, he has tendinitis.

But that's his general attitude when he's unhappy about something going on in his life. He gets sick. I'm not saying he got tendinitis because he's unhappy. But once he's sad, depressed or overwhelmed by something it takes him a very long time to recover. My nephew (his son) does something similar. If he's bored or tired and wants to leave he'll start having headaches or stomach pain.

Both are great people, by the way. I'm just pointing out differences between us.

[Robert not Bobby]

Apr 25, 2015 9:59:07 GMT -5 Ava said:

My brother had a muscle injury last month.

He's doing therapy for it.

He's been on sick leave since then and apparently will remain on sick leave for a very long time on a relatively minor injury.

He's a math teacher, so it's not like he couldn't do his job. The only issue would be writing on the board but I'm sure he can find a way around it.

The point is; my brother is having some personal issues and he always turns his emotional problems into physical ones. He never deals with the real problem; he just lets it linger hoping it would disappear eventually.

I, on the other hand, face issues, immediately develop a plan and act on it.

I did it right away when I failed statistics. I am doing it right now with my obesity and diabetes. I always do that.

And that is just one example, we are so different in so many ways.

How do you explain that two siblings very close in age, raised in exactly the same environment are very different?

It's a fascinating mystery to me and I would like to discuss.

Just because you came from the same womb and the same sperm. doesn't make you the same.

In fact, siblings often fight...that is human nature.

It really isn't a mystery.

Try to get to know your brother better, spend some time together...just because.

[Ava]

Apr 25, 2015 12:01:54 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Not to criticize, because we are all flawed humans - but if you dealt with all your problems immediately and head on, would you have gotten to the point where you would have to deal with obesity?  Maybe you aren't as on-task as you think you are.  I'm saying this as a person with all kinds of problems, and all kinds of things that I **think** I do, but in reality I do not.

No problem

Yes, I was aware of my obesity for years (how could I not be?)

I've always struggled with weight issues, all my life.

Then I started working full time and going to school full time and the problem ballooned. I didn't have too much time to sleep, cook, eat healthy, exercise, etc. I was always busy, always on the run.

But I had my annual check ups and everything always came normal. The doctors would tell me I needed to lose weight and  I thought I would do it once school was finished.

This year I got diagnosed with diabetes and the doctor talked to me long and hard.

The moment I got out of the clinic I was in full fight mood. I've been battling high sugar with plenty of exercise, healthy food, and medication. So far it has gone down quite a bit, but I'm still not where I need it to be.

School is almost over and it has taken a necessary back seat because my health comes first now. I make an hour a day to exercise and I study when I can. I eat breakfast every day even if that means arriving a little late at work. That sort of thing.

The moment I found out I had health issues I faced them. Yes, I cried for a few days and it was hell in the beginning, but I am dealing with it.

My brother, on the other hand, hasn't gone to a doctor for a general check up in years. He's overweight, has been putting on extra weight lately, and turned 40 last year. He doesn't want to know if there are any health issues.

That's the kind of attitude I'm talking about.

And I'm not being critical of him. I love him with all my heart. But we are so, so different in so many ways, that sometimes it amazes me.

[Ava]

Apr 25, 2015 13:17:15 GMT -5 Robert not Bobby said:

Apr 25, 2015 9:59:07 GMT -5 Ava said:

My brother had a muscle injury last month.

He's doing therapy for it.

He's been on sick leave since then and apparently will remain on sick leave for a very long time on a relatively minor injury.

He's a math teacher, so it's not like he couldn't do his job. The only issue would be writing on the board but I'm sure he can find a way around it.

The point is; my brother is having some personal issues and he always turns his emotional problems into physical ones. He never deals with the real problem; he just lets it linger hoping it would disappear eventually.

I, on the other hand, face issues, immediately develop a plan and act on it.

I did it right away when I failed statistics. I am doing it right now with my obesity and diabetes. I always do that.

And that is just one example, we are so different in so many ways.

How do you explain that two siblings very close in age, raised in exactly the same environment are very different?

It's a fascinating mystery to me and I would like to discuss.

Just because you came from the same womb and the same sperm. doesn't make you the same.

In fact, siblings often fight...that is human nature.

It really isn't a mystery.

Try to get to know your brother better, spend some time together...just because.

I spend almost all my time with him when I visit. He lives in my old country. I see him for about three weeks every year.

We talk on the phone and keep in touch through email and phone calls during the years.

[mmhmm]

My brother and I are also very, very different. I'm a firm believer in a strong genetic input to personality. I believe nurture and experience act on that original, genetic personality to form the adult. I've watched little ones in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) over the years and have seen vastly different personalities, even in twins. Unless there was some genetic link, newborns would all be alike in their reactions to stimuli. Believe me, they're not. 

[souldoubt]

My GF is a twin and one of her good friends is as well.  Her and her friend are alike in more ways than either of them are with their twin both of whom are emotionally and financially the babies of their respective family.  My mom's younger brother is similar to ava's brother by the sound of it.  He had an injury that required surgery and he's trying for permanent disability when his job doesn't require manual labor.  He's worked for 30+ years and he's never been on disability prior so it's not like he's milking the system rather he doesn't deal well with emotional issues and it seems to finally to have gotten to a breaking point.  I think in these cases it's a combination of nature and nurture, especially the nurture part when I see how my grandma treated my uncle as opposed to her other children.  Also I think thyme may be onto something.  Everyone deals with things in their own way, some of us are better at dealing with certain things than others and vice versa.  We don't all necessarily have it as together as we think or rather deal as well as we think we do with certain things.   

[mmhmm]

Apr 25, 2015 13:21:07 GMT -5 Ava said:

Apr 25, 2015 12:01:54 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Not to criticize, because we are all flawed humans - but if you dealt with all your problems immediately and head on, would you have gotten to the point where you would have to deal with obesity?  Maybe you aren't as on-task as you think you are.  I'm saying this as a person with all kinds of problems, and all kinds of things that I **think** I do, but in reality I do not.

No problem

Yes, I was aware of my obesity for years (how could I not be?)

I've always struggled with weight issues, all my life.

Then I started working full time and going to school full time and the problem ballooned. I didn't have too much time to sleep, cook, eat healthy, exercise, etc. I was always busy, always on the run.

But I had my annual check ups and everything always came normal. The doctors would tell me I needed to lose weight and  I thought I would do it once school was finished.

This year I got diagnosed with diabetes and the doctor talked to me long and hard.

The moment I got out of the clinic I was in full fight mood. I've been battling high sugar with plenty of exercise, healthy food, and medication. So far it has gone down quite a bit, but I'm still not where I need it to be.

School is almost over and it has taken a necessary back seat because my health comes first now. I make an hour a day to exercise and I study when I can. I eat breakfast every day even if that means arriving a little late at work. That sort of thing.

The moment I found out I had health issues I faced them. Yes, I cried for a few days and it was hell in the beginning, but I am dealing with it.

My brother, on the other hand, hasn't gone to a doctor for a general check up in years. He's overweight, has been putting on extra weight lately, and turned 40 last year. He doesn't want to know if there are any health issues.

That's the kind of attitude I'm talking about.

And I'm not being critical of him. I love him with all my heart. But we are so, so different in so many ways, that sometimes it amazes me.

You're attacking your diabetes and obesity head-on, Ava. That's to your credit as I'm well aware it isn't easy to change your lifestyle so drastically. I admire anyone who does. You and ❤ mollymouser ❤ should be darned proud of all you're doing and the example you're setting for others.

It's good you can still care for your brother despite your differences. That's what's really important. My brother and I are estranged and the estrangement is, by my choice, irreversible. I tolerated him as long as mother was alive, despite the fact that he used her, robbed her blind on several occasions, and was more into himself and his needs than into anyone else. When he couldn't be bothered to call her once a week (she even paid for the damned calls!) or to visit her once he moved to within two hours of her, that was enough for me. Once she passed, he passed from my life. It's best for both of us. I'm really, really glad this isn't the case for you.

[Robert not Bobby]

I will have to defer to mmhmm, she is a nurse.

But yeah, siblings should not be all alike...how boring would that be?

In terms of you obesity...that is a different matter.

But I would suggest taking aggressive action sooner rather than later...it is a health issue...your health.

[Robert not Bobby]

Apr 25, 2015 13:35:20 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

My brother and I are very different.  I'm practicing backing up and shutting my mouth with my family because I've realized that I'm much harder on them than on other people. 

Ahh, families, aren't they wonderful.

Still, make an effort. You know that old saying about "blood being thicker than..."

Maybe it is true, maybe not.

Just don't run away from the problem, whatever your problem is.

[giramomma]

Yes, I have three kids.

What I find interesting is that not only do they all have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses, but they don't even have the right birth order characteristics.

[thyme4change]

My sisters and I are different in some ways and the same in some ways.  

Isn't that always the truth?

[swamp]

My siblings and I are absolutely nothing like one another. Other than having a sense of humor, that's about the only characteristic we share. 

[Deleted]

My sister and I are nothing alike.  She is the nicer one.

However, don't denigrate your brother's illness. Teaching is different from a lot of professions. For one thing, most doctor appointments require a full day of sick leave even if you are through at 9 a.m. Most systems don't allow half-day subs because no one wants to pick them up. Mine doesn't. Plus, the ability to grip a pencil/pen without pain is essential to grading papers.  Arthritis runs in my family, and there are times when my hands hurt a lot after grading a lot of papers.  I could do a lot of stuff at that point, but I can't write. 

In other words, you might be able to fulfill the requirements of your job with the same illness. He can't.   Just something to remember . . .

I've found in my old age (61) that I really don't want to police or judge what other people do.  I have to do that with my students, but the adults are on their own.  It's like people thinking I might be the Grammar Police.  Um, not unless you are paying me.   

[Robert not Bobby]

Apr 25, 2015 18:19:18 GMT -5 swamp said:

My siblings and I are absolutely nothing like one another. Other than having a sense of humor, that's about the only characteristic we share. 

You have a sense humor?...I must have missed that.

Anyway, yeah; we are all different.

[Robert not Bobby]

Apr 25, 2015 11:59:57 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

I have 8 siblings, none of us are alike in any way except my two sisters born 13 months apart. The rest of us are just different from each other.

Eight...that is a wonderful and beautiful thing, I always wanted to have a large famaly.

Good for you...if it is OK with you?

[Jaguar]

Apr 25, 2015 19:18:42 GMT -5 Robert not Bobby said:

Apr 25, 2015 11:59:57 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

I have 8 siblings, none of us are alike in any way except my two sisters born 13 months apart. The rest of us are just different from each other.

Eight...that is a wonderful and beautiful thing, I always wanted to have a large famaly.

Good for you...if it is OK with you?

I wanted more, Mom & Dad short changed me.

[Artemis Windsong]

Apr 25, 2015 13:09:35 GMT -5 Ava said:

Apr 25, 2015 11:43:27 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

He probably has carpal tunnel in his handwriting hand and therefore cannot grip something to write on the board.  The problem appears simple but is not.

My GrS has this and cannot grip a dish to wash it.

Apparently, he has tendinitis.

But that's his general attitude when he's unhappy about something going on in his life. He gets sick. I'm not saying he got tendinitis because he's unhappy. But once he's sad, depressed or overwhelmed by something it takes him a very long time to recover. My nephew (his son) does something similar. If he's bored or tired and wants to leave he'll start having headaches or stomach pain.

Both are great people, by the way. I'm just pointing out differences between us.

My older brother used to intentionally injure himself if the parents said they had work for him to do.  He's still a jerk.  Now he's just drunk all the time.

I, like you, take care of or prevent any issue before hand. 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Apparently, he has tendinitis.

But that's his general attitude when he's unhappy about something going on in his life. He gets sick. I'm not saying he got tendinitis because he's unhappy. But once he's sad, depressed or overwhelmed by something it takes him a very long time to recover. My nephew (his son) does something similar. If he's bored or tired and wants to leave he'll start having headaches or stomach pain.

Both are great people, by the way. I'm just pointing out differences between us.

Sounds more like Hypochondria.

[moneymaven]

My siblings and I all have drastically different personalities but very similar tendencies. We all like things deep cleaned and tidy, thrive in structure and organization, planners, type A, hard working, honest.

One of us is the intellect and analyzer, another the clown and impulsive, one very creative and eccentric, and I am the maternal, even keeled one.

[cronewitch]

My brothers and I are different. Oldest I think is a little nuts but much better now with current wife, still nuts but better. He was the golden child, first born male, pride of his mother. He is ok but spent 20 years in the Air Force, had 10-12 kids/stepkids, 4 wives, 6 marriages and 5 divorces. He leaned on parents moved home after divorce 4 for years with no rent. While with wife 2 between marriage 3 and divorce 4 he lived in a shed for a year and didn't want to deal with taxes or drivers licenses, said they couldn't make him. Now he post political stuff on Facebook but is cooperating with the government. Wife 4 and he live in Mexico and he wants to bring her here after he get his perminant visa to get her immigrated so she can collect on his SS and pension when he dies and his step son will be a resident here for college so he is being ok with our government.

I am lazy but like money, pretty much a loner now, don't want to do chores do as little as I can. One marriage, one divorce, one long term relationship, no kids.

Younger brother married once at 18 still married at 65, two kids, two grand kids. He is a driven worker always doing some work, building, painting cleaning. Last week his gall bladder exploded so he spent a week in the hospital. When the poison is out they will remove it. Meanwhile he worries his lawn is too long and dog poop in the yard. He should be remodeling his son's kitchen or building his son a deck or helping me build something maybe a deck for ISO but instead he is just sick and thinking of working doing things. I always thought he worked so hard to please his wife but I think that is just a side benefit, he does whatever his wife tells him she wants but he would find his own chores if she didn't have wants.

[Phoenix84]

Usually these kinds of things boil down to "nature" vs. "nurture."

His genetics are different, as well as his life experiences.  The combination of the two made him into a different person.  That's as really about as specific as I can be.