Sam_2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:42:45 GMT -5
Posts: 12,350
|
Post by Sam_2.0 on Apr 21, 2015 11:01:25 GMT -5
Children's birthday parties. DD LOVES to have a party (she's our social butterfly). Of course any mention of gifts is supposedly taboo, but I would love to throw her a party in July for all of her friends. Can we just call it a birthday playdate and say no gifts, please? She really just wants her friends to all come over, play, and eat LOTS of cake and junk food And there has to be a pinata, but that changes daily as to what she actually wants. We never really got to have or participate in birthday parties growing up. A lot of people in our social circles can't really afford to buy presents for all of these occasions. Maybe I will just start the trend for our circle. If people are really offended by the mention of gifts then I guess they don't need to come. Heaven knows we don't need any more crap around the house, espcially since grandparents will buy her stuff anyway.
|
|
chen35
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 6, 2011 19:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,312
|
Post by chen35 on Apr 21, 2015 11:04:35 GMT -5
I think not being able to say 'no gifts' is stupid. There is an expectation of gifts at a birthday party, you want to make it clear that this isn't what you wanting. Why should that be an issue? I like the idea of calling it a birthday playdate.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 12, 2024 3:29:07 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2015 11:04:45 GMT -5
We've always had a big birthday bash in July for older son and one of his cousins whose birthday is just a few days off and tell everyone no gifts. About half comply.
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on Apr 21, 2015 11:05:44 GMT -5
We've been to parties where it says nothing and we bring a gift and also some invites where it said "no gift please" and I still just bought an age appropriate book and brought it along (yes I can't follow directions). I think it's fine to say no gifts please and still call it a party.
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Apr 21, 2015 11:11:21 GMT -5
We've had no gift birthday parties for years. I don't see anything wrong with it. But we also do seperate party with his friends than family. For family, trying to get them to not do gifts is a bit like trying to hold back the tide. That way, if a kid doesn't bring a gift, they don't have to watch as DS still opens some from family.
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 21, 2015 11:13:37 GMT -5
I like this idea. Especially since usually the kids want to open the gifts and you know they have absolutely no inside voice, so if they hate it everyone will know right away. That also eliminates setting aside a gift area, noting what was given, and writing thank-you notes!
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Apr 21, 2015 11:18:52 GMT -5
I like this idea. Especially since usually the kids want to open the gifts and you know they have absolutely no inside voice, so if they hate it everyone will know right away. Or the inevitable " I already have this" and shoving it aside. Crushing the kid who gave it to them....
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on Apr 21, 2015 11:21:23 GMT -5
Also that a group of 5 year olds can't always control themselves. We expect 10 or so kids to sit still while 1 kid opens presents... ok...it just avoids all kinds of issues IMO if you don't have this big elaborate opening presents moment.
Note - I'm also not against presents. My kid knows how to hold it together for that part, I've watched him in action, it's impressive.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,153
|
Post by giramomma on Apr 21, 2015 11:23:23 GMT -5
We've had no gift birthday parties for years. I don't see anything wrong with it. But we also do seperate party with his friends than family. For family, trying to get them to not do gifts is a bit like trying to hold back the tide. That way, if a kid doesn't bring a gift, they don't have to watch as DS still opens some from family. We also do separate friends/family parties as well. But, for us, our extended family doesn't want to sit through a bunch of fart jokes and seeing who can get the furthest through the alphabet in one belch. Or get hit in the head with a nerf dart of some kind. We did no gift parties until age 6. In about 1st grade, it becomes OK to invite a few kids, rather than the entire class, to parties. I don't know when one ages out from receiving gifts from friends. DS is 11 and he still received them from friends this year. If someone was really insistent, I would suggest consumable things: stickers, chalk, etc. We're starting to purge the baby stuff. I cannot believe how many freaking board books we had. I think we've filled up two paper grocery bags full of them for recycling, and maybe we've dealt with half the books. I do rock home parties. Usually the kids hide or cry when it's time to go home.
|
|
gs11rmb
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 12:43:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,369
|
Post by gs11rmb on Apr 21, 2015 11:24:09 GMT -5
I suggest you say nothing and some will bring gifts and others will not - that in itself is an appropriate lesson. I confess that I think it is really sad when parents don't let their children have gifts at their parties. We go to a lot of birthday parties (my daughters are almost 7 and 3) and our gifts are usually in the $10-$15 range, so not extravagant. We went to a few "no gift" parties in the early years but by about 4 that dictate was no longer issued - probably because it upset their children. I'm also clearly in the minority on this board in that I really dislike receiving invitations that read "no gifts" or "just books" or "legos" or "charity of the children's choice" (yes that actually happened). An important part of growing up is learning to receive what you are given with some grace; an important part of being a parent is not complaining about how you were inconvenienced by the choice of gift. I have a feeling I'm going to need a flame suit . Edit: I wanted to add that the presents are never opened at the party.
|
|
yogiii
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 19:38:00 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
|
Post by yogiii on Apr 21, 2015 11:26:19 GMT -5
I suggest you say nothing and some will bring gifts and others will not - that in itself is an appropriate lesson. I confess that I think it is really sad when parents don't let their children have gifts at their parties. We go to a lot of birthday parties (my daughters are almost 7 and 3) and our gifts are usually in the $10-$15 range, so not extravagant. We went to a few "no gift" parties in the early years but by about 4 that dictate was no longer issued - probably because it upset their children. I'm also clearly in the minority on this board in that I really dislike receiving invitations that read "no gifts" or "just books" or "legos" or "charity of the children's choice" (yes that actually happened). An important part of growing up is learning to receive what you are given with some grace; an important part of being a parent is not complaining about how you were inconvenienced by the choice of gift. I have a feeling I'm going to need a flame suit . IMO "no gifts" is way different than "just legos" but I get your point. I haven't done a kids party yet but we've attended them. Everything is so complicated!
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Apr 21, 2015 11:34:56 GMT -5
We primarily did the no gift thing- because his bday falls close to christmas. We didn't need 10 cheap toys from his friends- followed by the oodles from DH"s side of the family. We still exchange with his close friends- just not at the party. It's better now that they are older because it's not such a random guess as to what they might like anymore.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 21, 2015 11:37:31 GMT -5
I suggest you say nothing and some will bring gifts and others will not - that in itself is an appropriate lesson. I confess that I think it is really sad when parents don't let their children have gifts at their parties. We go to a lot of birthday parties (my daughters are almost 7 and 3) and our gifts are usually in the $10-$15 range, so not extravagant. We went to a few "no gift" parties in the early years but by about 4 that dictate was no longer issued - probably because it upset their children. I'm also clearly in the minority on this board in that I really dislike receiving invitations that read "no gifts" or "just books" or "legos" or "charity of the children's choice" (yes that actually happened). An important part of growing up is learning to receive what you are given with some grace; an important part of being a parent is not complaining about how you were inconvenienced by the choice of gift. I have a feeling I'm going to need a flame suit . Edit: I wanted to add that the presents are never opened at the party. I know people whose entire week's budget would be messed up by having to buy a birthday party gift, even getting the kid to the party could be difficult. It's best to "know your audience" in this case and if "no gifts" would be a relief to some parents of invited guests.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,153
|
Post by giramomma on Apr 21, 2015 11:39:36 GMT -5
Edit: I wanted to add that the presents are never opened at the party. See, around here, the kids get upset if you don't open gifts at the party. We did that the first year DS had a present party. All the other kids that bought gifts were upset they didn't get to see DS open their gifts up. It was a thing, trust me. I understand the desire of teaching kids to be grateful, but if I'm going to give a gift, I want it to be used and enjoyed, not just donated or sold at a garage sale because the kid has too much of that toy type or doesn't like it. I also like having my kids get gifts they will use. "No gifts, please" is generally the only thing I've ever seen on invites. Then usually, when parents RSVP specifics are discussed.
|
|
Sam_2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:42:45 GMT -5
Posts: 12,350
|
Post by Sam_2.0 on Apr 21, 2015 11:45:56 GMT -5
I suggest you say nothing and some will bring gifts and others will not - that in itself is an appropriate lesson. I confess that I think it is really sad when parents don't let their children have gifts at their parties. We go to a lot of birthday parties (my daughters are almost 7 and 3) and our gifts are usually in the $10-$15 range, so not extravagant. We went to a few "no gift" parties in the early years but by about 4 that dictate was no longer issued - probably because it upset their children. I'm also clearly in the minority on this board in that I really dislike receiving invitations that read "no gifts" or "just books" or "legos" or "charity of the children's choice" (yes that actually happened). An important part of growing up is learning to receive what you are given with some grace; an important part of being a parent is not complaining about how you were inconvenienced by the choice of gift. I have a feeling I'm going to need a flame suit . Edit: I wanted to add that the presents are never opened at the party. I know people whose entire week's budget would be messed up by having to buy a birthday party gift, even getting the kid to the party could be difficult. It's best to "know your audience" in this case and if "no gifts" would be a relief to some parents of invited guests. In our case, $10-15 would be a lot for half of the guest list. Some of those people are family, and I've heard their complaints about having to get gifts for every occasion. DD isn't lacking in opportunities to receive presents, but I also don't want her thinking that people owe her something just because it's her birthday. She's still little and really just wants to have fun. We got her an easel, so I was thinking of getting some art supplies and having a big painting party on the driveway. Around here, presents are always opened at the party. It's considered rude to not open a gift in the presence of the giver (something I learned the hard way - oops!). Since the kids are little, that leads to a lot of other issues. Children not sitting still and getting into the newly opened presents, birthday kid freaking out about someone touching their new toys, etc. I would really rather avoid all that. And baby J really doesn't need anything for his first birthday, but I know family will expect us to have a party. It's the last regular season Royals game so I think we will have a BBQ and watch baseball, then have some cake for J.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 21, 2015 11:47:31 GMT -5
I love the no gifts birthday playdate idea, Sam. Hopefully people actually listen to that part.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2015 11:50:22 GMT -5
Birthday parties should have gifts. If u just want to have a party then have a party. Geez let your kid get some gifts. It teaches them to be gracious and also how to reciprocate. We don't need to turn simple kids bday parties into social statements.
|
|
chen35
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 6, 2011 19:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,312
|
Post by chen35 on Apr 21, 2015 12:01:54 GMT -5
I don't think being respectful of my friends and their money (or lack thereof) is a 'social statement'.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2015 12:04:48 GMT -5
People spend more on a cup of coffee. Its not some hardship. Talk about Drama Llama.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2015 12:06:25 GMT -5
Where else can your kid be babysat , fed and entertained for 3 hrs for such a nominal cost?
|
|
chen35
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 6, 2011 19:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,312
|
Post by chen35 on Apr 21, 2015 12:08:12 GMT -5
If they are spending more on a cup of coffee, then my kid is getting a bunch of crap toys that are going to clutter up the place in all their broken pieces glory. It's not that big of a deal to not have presents at a birthday party. Talk about Drama Llama.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,153
|
Post by giramomma on Apr 21, 2015 12:13:35 GMT -5
Birthday parties should have gifts. If u just want to have a party then have a party. Geez let your kid get some gifts. It teaches them to be gracious and also how to reciprocate. We don't need to turn simple kids bday parties into social statements. We barely had room for kids in our house. Seriously, DD1 had to sleep in a playpen in the living room, because there was no other place for her. We didn't have room to get a bunch of kid toys, either. If you include friend birthday parties, it easily could have gotten close to 50-75 new toys in our house between two kids in one year. Yeah, no. And, so far, my DS has not complained about being robbed because he didn't get 15-20 birthday presents from friends when he was 4. I said on my other thread, the norm in my parts is to spend $20-25 on gifts for kids birthday parties. That's one huge latte!
|
|
gs11rmb
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 12:43:39 GMT -5
Posts: 3,369
|
Post by gs11rmb on Apr 21, 2015 12:24:41 GMT -5
I know people whose entire week's budget would be messed up by having to buy a birthday party gift, even getting the kid to the party could be difficult. It's best to "know your audience" in this case and if "no gifts" would be a relief to some parents of invited guests. I wanted to add that I am not in the least offended if someone doesn't bring a gift to my daughters' birthday parties. It's an important lesson that the guests were invited because you want their company and for no other reason. That's why I don't like instructions on invitations, you invite someone because you want to celebrate, a gift should never be required. As for the whole, "I want something my kid can use" argument, my older daughter has received all sorts of presents I never would have picked out but some have been real 'hits'.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2015 12:54:18 GMT -5
If they are spending more on a cup of coffee, then my kid is getting a bunch of crap toys that are going to clutter up the place in all their broken pieces glory. It's not that big of a deal to not have presents at a birthday party. Talk about Drama Llama. I am not the one comparing bringing a small gift to the destruction of personal finances and homeless starvation on the streets so yeah.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2015 12:55:14 GMT -5
Birthday parties should have gifts. If u just want to have a party then have a party. Geez let your kid get some gifts. It teaches them to be gracious and also how to reciprocate. We don't need to turn simple kids bday parties into social statements. We barely had room for kids in our house. Seriously, DD1 had to sleep in a playpen in the living room, because there was no other place for her. We didn't have room to get a bunch of kid toys, either. If you include friend birthday parties, it easily could have gotten close to 50-75 new toys in our house between two kids in one year. Yeah, no. And, so far, my DS has not complained about being robbed because he didn't get 15-20 birthday presents from friends when he was 4. I said on my other thread, the norm in my parts is to spend $20-25 on gifts for kids birthday parties. That's one huge latte! If you plan, like a GOOD Ymer, you can would already have purchased some gifts on clearance far in advance.
|
|
chen35
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 6, 2011 19:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,312
|
Post by chen35 on Apr 21, 2015 12:59:30 GMT -5
If they are spending more on a cup of coffee, then my kid is getting a bunch of crap toys that are going to clutter up the place in all their broken pieces glory. It's not that big of a deal to not have presents at a birthday party. Talk about Drama Llama. I am not the one comparing bringing a small gift to the destruction of personal finances and homeless starvation on the streets so yeah. Because that's exactly what I said. Buying a kid a birthday gift equates to starvation on the streets. You are obviously in a position in your life where buying a kids birthday gift isn't a big deal. So am I. But have you read any of the posts from people who have friends where this absolutely isn't the case? Someone said 'know your audience', and I couldn't agree more.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2015 13:02:18 GMT -5
I am not the one comparing bringing a small gift to the destruction of personal finances and homeless starvation on the streets so yeah. Because that's exactly what I said. Buying a kid a birthday gift equates to starvation on the streets. You are obviously in a position in your life where buying a kids birthday gift isn't a big deal. So am I. But have you read any of the posts from people who have friends where this absolutely isn't the case? Someone said 'know your audience', and I couldn't agree more. I have never had a problem buying a gift for a kid's birthday. Maybe we can petition the govt for Kids' Birthday Gift Subsidies?
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2015 13:06:14 GMT -5
What is wrong with giving gifts to people? I think learning how to give and receive a gift is an important life lesson.
|
|
chen35
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 6, 2011 19:35:45 GMT -5
Posts: 2,312
|
Post by chen35 on Apr 21, 2015 13:12:06 GMT -5
Because that's exactly what I said. Buying a kid a birthday gift equates to starvation on the streets. You are obviously in a position in your life where buying a kids birthday gift isn't a big deal. So am I. But have you read any of the posts from people who have friends where this absolutely isn't the case? Someone said 'know your audience', and I couldn't agree more. I have never had a problem buying a gift for a kid's birthday. Maybe we can petition the govt for Kids' Birthday Gift Subsidies? Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize. If you've never had a problem then it must have never happened to anyone. My mistake. Carry on.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2015 13:14:39 GMT -5
A pack of crayons and a coloring book. A 50 cent toy from Goodwill. But, yeah, maybe I am just good with money.
|
|