Losing is Good for You

[Shooby]

LOS ANGELES — AS children return to school this fall and sign up for a new year’s worth of extracurricular activities, parents should keep one question in mind. Whether your kid loves Little League or gymnastics, ask the program organizers this: “Which kids get awards?” If the answer is, “Everybody gets a trophy,” find another program.

Trophies were once rare things — sterling silver loving cups bought from jewelry stores for truly special occasions. But in the 1960s, they began to be mass-produced, marketed in catalogs to teachers and coaches, and sold in sporting-goods stores.

Today, participation trophies and prizes are almost a given, as children are constantly assured that they are winners. One Maryland summer program gives awards every day — and the “day” is one hour long. In Southern California, a regional branch of the American Youth Soccer Organization hands out roughly 3,500 awards each season — each player gets one, while around a third get two. Nationally, A.Y.S.O. local branches typically spend as much as 12 percent of their yearly budgets on trophies.

www.nytimes.com/2013/09/25/opinion/losing-is-good-for-you.html?_r=0

  Good article worth reading.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Giving every kid a trophy just for participating or showing up, doesn't do anyone a favor - especially the kids.

An award, ribbon, medal or trophy should be something for kids to strive for. If they work hard, practice hard, study hard, etc. - and go into something with a mind set on succeeding, winning, or being the best they can be, and then winning the award on their work, it has more meaning because they've EARNED it.

A room full of cheap trophies that are given just for showing up, have no meaning or value - compared to the ONE trophy someone wins for their actual success.

[Shooby]

I think we can celebrate effort and hard work and also celebrate success. But, too many "participation" teams now have kids that really don't care to be there. Kids who are just dropped off by parents as a way to fill time. It is detrimental to the team to have kids that don't practice, don't work to make themselves better and cop attitudes. Uncoachable kids become unemployable adults.

[Ryan]

Doesn't bother me at all.  They could get rid of the trophies or keep them, I don't think the kids care all that much either way.  Besides, giving a trophy to all the players on the 1st place team isn't really fair either when you think about it.  Most of those kids probably just rode the bench and didn't really do anything to help their team.  

People make too much of a big deal out of this type of stuff.

With that AYSO example, AYSO is totally run by volunteers and the cost to join is minimal.  It is something like $50 for a 16 game season.  They don't pay refs, coaches, or park district fees, etc.  My point is that saying it's 12% of the budget is a little misleading since there aren't that many costs.  Your $50 gets you a jersey, shorts, socks, a trophy, and covers equipment that usually will last several seasons (balls, bags, goals, etc).  

[Deleted]

I think a lot people underestimate the kids. They know who the winners really are. I don't think a trophy changes that.

[alabamagal]

When my son played index basketball league (grades 1 and 2) they didn't keep score. He asked me to count the score for him.

Of course that was my son who was fascinated by numbers. When he played baseball he learned how to calculate his batting average and era when most kids on the team were learning to add 1 + 1

[Deleted]

Apr 21, 2015 15:16:57 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

When my son played index basketball league (grades 1 and 2) they didn't keep score. He asked me to count the score for him.

Of course that was my son who was fascinated by numbers. When he played baseball he learned how to calculate his batting average and era when most kids on the team were learning to add 1 + 1

They don't keep score in the younger leagues where my kid played, but every one of those kids on the team knew the score. The league emphasized good sportsmanship and learning skills over winning, but they wanted to win!

[Shooby]

When did it become wrong to want to win? When did 'Just let the kids have fun" become synonymous with goofing off, not working hard to develop good skills, and not improving yourself for the sake of your teammates/?

[Shooby]

Do you know what is fun? Discipline, practice, hard work and perseverance that pays off is Fun. Doing something WELL and with Excellence is FUN.

Oh well the "tried". Did they? Did they really try? Did they go home and practice and become a student of what they were learning? Did they commit to working hard to make themselves better? Or , did they just show up unprepared? I don't call that "trying".

[Shooby]

Leagues should be defined. Is this a Competitive league? Or is this the Everybody Plays League? Which is it? Are you playing to win and are going to put the best players on the floor or is this just putting in time? You can't have both. You can pretend you can have both, but you can't.

[Robert not Bobby]

Apr 22, 2015 15:49:52 GMT -5 Shooby said:

When did it become wrong to want to win? When did 'Just let the kids have fun" become synonymous with goofing off, not working hard to develop good skills, and not improving yourself for the sake of your teammates/?

You're back to your scary monster face...yikes. You're the one who likes "The Middle"...pretty good program.

I agree with you. If you have a competition, the winner, logically should win. We are not doing our kids any favors by being so "touchy feely"...with an everybody wins kind of attitude.

If you didn't win and it means something to you, you try harder, you become better.

Some folks take it too far, you know, Number One is all that matters. But some people take it too far the other way.

Healthy competition is character building.

[zibazinski]

I can go along with that depending on the age. I'm all for little kids and those just beginning a sport to just learn how to play and have fun. Former PE teacher mode, I suppose. For those who decide to go on and take it more seriously, there should be leagues for that, too. I'd hate to see someone 5 or 6 burn out or start to cry because something fun turned into something they're not ready to handle.

[mroped]

As ryan pointed out, AsYSO is all on volunteering basis. That fee at the begining of the season covers everything.
Sometimes they would have fundraisers for new equipment and the likes.

I coached for about six years straight and the only ones that I had a problem with were the parents. Always unhapy: why doesn't my kid play more, why is it that just that one keeps on scoring and stupid things like that.
And yes, some parents treat that as "time at the babysitter". They just drop the kid off and return for pick up.
The thing with "everybody is a winner and gets a trophy" drove me nuts.
At the end of one season I couldnt take it anymore and "recommended" to a few parents that their child should try other sports. Oh man! Big mistake, big,big, big!

All this BS about being a "winner" starts in fact with the parents that sometimes push the children into whatever sport just so they can brag to their friends and family.
That's absolutely stupid if you ask me. Lucky that nobody does!

[Shooby]

Why is losing sooooo devastating? I mean, what is the big deal? Isn't that how you learned to cope in life? Oh, we played hard, the other team played better than us, congrats. Now, let's get back to practice and work harder. Losing is not devastating to children. It is now because we have conditioned them that it is the Horror of all Horrors.

[Shooby]

But, praising people for half assed efforts and mediocrity? No.

[Shooby]

Maybe employers should be giving out more trophies. I mean this generation won't know how to function without them! Lol

[Deleted]

Apr 22, 2015 16:26:33 GMT -5 mroped said:

As ryan pointed out, AsYSO is all on volunteering basis. That fee at the begining of the season covers everything.
Sometimes they would have fundraisers for new equipment and the likes.

I coached for about six years straight and the only ones that I had a problem with were the parents. Always unhapy: why doesn't my kid play more, why is it that just that one keeps on scoring and stupid things like that.
And yes, some parents treat that as "time at the babysitter". They just drop the kid off and return for pick up.
The thing with "everybody is a winner and gets a trophy" drove me nuts.
At the end of one season I couldnt take it anymore and "recommended" to a few parents that their child should try other sports. Oh man! Big mistake, big,big, big!

All this BS about being a "winner" starts in fact with the parents that sometimes push the children into whatever sport just so they can brag to their friends and family.
That's absolutely stupid if you ask me. Lucky that nobody does!

You are a brave man!

My husband has coached for years and we have met some really great parents. However, in general, parents are nuts (especially the ones in the bleachers!)!

[Deleted]

Apr 22, 2015 16:39:45 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Why is losing sooooo devastating? I mean, what is the big deal? Isn't that how you learned to cope in life? Oh, we played hard, the other team played better than us, congrats. Now, let's get back to practice and work harder. Losing is not devastating to children. It is now because we have conditioned them that it is the Horror of all Horrors.

My daughter has been on both undefeated teams and Bad News Bears type teams and I think she benefitted from both experiences for sure.

[Shooby]

Well, if the team is just not that good, then they aren't that good. But our school no longer has Try Outs. So, for the Jr High Girls volleyball team there were 40 girls on the team. What is the point of that?

[zibazinski]

Incredibly stupid

[billisonboard]

Apr 24, 2015 12:18:32 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Well, if the team is just not that good, then they aren't that good. But our school no longer has Try Outs. So, for the Jr High Girls volleyball team there were 40 girls on the team. What is the point of that?

So they aren't out having sex.

[Shooby]

Apr 24, 2015 19:49:14 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Apr 24, 2015 12:18:32 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Well, if the team is just not that good, then they aren't that good. But our school no longer has Try Outs. So, for the Jr High Girls volleyball team there were 40 girls on the team. What is the point of that?

So they aren't out having sex.

Those are the only 2 options?