kdamron
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 10:52:02 GMT -5
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Post by kdamron on Mar 8, 2011 15:37:20 GMT -5
Wow. How did she manage to see around all the red flags popping up in front of her while they were dating?
No, you're not crazy, and it is very frustrating to watch someone make all the wrong choices and not be able to do anything but bite your tongue and wish them all the best.
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cael
Junior Associate
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Post by cael on Mar 8, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
They dated for 3 months before getting engaged. lol.
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kdamron
Familiar Member
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Post by kdamron on Mar 8, 2011 16:22:17 GMT -5
I thought they dated for eight months...still...
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cael
Junior Associate
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Post by cael on Mar 8, 2011 16:40:05 GMT -5
Oh, no they got married 8 months after meeting eachother. I did screw it up a little tho... think they met in a December, got engaged in February and got married in August. I think. So they dated 2 months not 3.
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Deleted
Joined: May 7, 2024 7:14:35 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2011 16:45:40 GMT -5
Oh, no they got married 8 months after meeting eachother. I did screw it up a little tho... think they met in a December, got engaged in February and got married in August. I think. So they dated 2 months not 3. What can I say... love is blind
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 8, 2011 17:13:58 GMT -5
What can I say... love is blind And sometimes it's deaf and dumb too LOL. Cael, I'm sure it is infuriating. I have two close friends whose spending habits / complaints about money drive me nuts. But you just have to keep a healthy distance from it. Keeping that distance has served me well. I find it very sad that your friend's father decided that his principles and reputation were more important than his daughter (JMO of course), but it is what it is. You can't change things, all you can do is be supportive of her and not get too involved. Kudos to you (and karma if I can) for being a concerned friend. ETA: From what I've seen on the threads like this, most people have good signs that their partner is like this (or has these tendencies), and overlook them for stories, lies, hopes about the future, or concern that if they don't settle down now they will have no time to have kids, buy a home, etc.Both Stats and Stubikky have said more or less the same thing. I agree: people need to look at what their BFs / GFs and fiancés / fiancées DO, rather that just what they SAY. The clues are there, always. Part of "growing up" is learning not to disregard them.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 8, 2011 17:42:36 GMT -5
We've had friends like this before, it's really frustrating. I remember going to one wedding where we were talking on the drive home about whether or not they'd even last a year (My money was on no). In that case it was her not him though, and she was pretty hot, so I guess I know why he was ignoring all the flags. She left him for the guy she was cheating with, but I think they lasted closer to two years than one, so I was off there. Then again, the affair was going for a while before she finally served the guy...
The other married couple that I never understood why she put up with it, is still together, and it's got to be getting close to a decade now. I'm pretty sure she's still fairly unhappy in the relationship, but it looks like she's going to stick with the guy no matter what, so whatever. There was even some drama with another woman, but she made a promise or something... maybe she's afraid to be on her own... I don't know. Their whole relationship has never made sense to me. I like the guy, but he's an asshole. Why any woman would put up with him is beyond me.
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cael
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Post by cael on Mar 8, 2011 17:55:11 GMT -5
That's kind of how I feel about my friend's husband here. He's always been a nice guy, to me and others. But he definitely takes the cake for shittiest spouse ever.
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happyscooter
Senior Member
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 8, 2011 18:26:45 GMT -5
OK, did the mom AND dad move back to the area or just the mom? If it was just her, have the parents been apart? If so, why is the dad telling the daughter not to be apart from her husband?
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cael
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Post by cael on Mar 8, 2011 18:42:36 GMT -5
Parents split up when she was a toddler, she grew up with dad due to substance abuse issues her mother had when she was a kid. Mom lived in VA for years (remarried, divorced eventually), then more recently lived with her sick mother in PA. My friend actually lived on VA with mom for a while when she was in her 20s, then came back up here. Her mom's really nice and a good person, I think she'll have a good impact on my friend since she's back in this area.
I think dad discouraged them from splitting because he's a minister and thought they should work it out instead.
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happyscooter
Senior Member
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 9, 2011 13:41:56 GMT -5
I guess I was wondering why the minister dad didn't work on his OWN marriage.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 9, 2011 13:44:33 GMT -5
A minister saying do as I say not as I do??? Shocking!!!
/sarcasm
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cael
Junior Associate
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Post by cael on Mar 9, 2011 13:45:14 GMT -5
They were really young when they got married, and she ended up with the substance abuse problems, I don't know what else went on there. Makes me wonder too.
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cael
Junior Associate
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Post by cael on Mar 9, 2011 13:45:58 GMT -5
A minister saying do as I say not as I do??? Shocking!!! /sarcasm LOL! Karma!
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hurley1980
Well-Known Member
I am all that is wrong with the world....don't get too close, I'm contagious.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 17:35:06 GMT -5
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Post by hurley1980 on Mar 9, 2011 15:40:15 GMT -5
I almost had one of these marriages, luckily I came to my senses and got out, although with us, it was more of a phase for him than a way of life. My ex had a great job, owned his own house, and took care of his disabled mother when we first met, but a nervous breakdown of sorts cause him to sell everything he owned, quit his job, and decide he wanted to go back to his hometown of Bucharest (with poor disabled mom in tow). I knew he would be back, so I waited it out, and he did come back, but he was very depressed afterward and never did try to get a job, leaving me to pay for everything and work my ass off while he sat at home drinking all day. I also somehow became the supporter and caregiver for his mom. He tried to start his own business too, which I helped with, because I was desperate for him to do something, but after 2 years of this, I gave up, and kicked him out. Apparently, thats what he needed because he has now gotten back on track, and we are very good friends still, so it all worked out in the end. It was a stressful couple of years though! I cannot even imagine living that lifestyle of parenting your SO for a decade or more! By the time he finally left I was so resentful of him, we didnt even talk for close to 6 months.
Sometimes people do stupid things when they are in love, or at least THINK they are in love. I'm sure my friends hated hearing me bitch about him and do nothing, but its not always easy to leave a situation in which you are comfortable. Her dad doesn't seem to be making it any easier for her. I kind of feel bad for her, just because I've been close to her situation before. The only thing that stopped me from being in her place is that I really have no desire to get married, and realized that shortly after we got engaged.
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woodwand
Initiate Member
My next boyfriend is going to have an RV.
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:00:07 GMT -5
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Post by woodwand on Mar 9, 2011 19:21:48 GMT -5
I have a friend who went with a guy for several years even though he treated her like crap. Luckily, she has a good job and owns her own home. Well, he ended up dumping her & she's now going with a great guy. When I saw her this weekend, I asked her why she'd put up with being treated like that for so long. She told me that ex bf had a really, really big Richard. Everyone has their priorities.
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Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 9, 2011 19:44:50 GMT -5
Lol Woodwand. That is a reason to keep him on the speed dial, but not a reason to have a relationship and be engaged.
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daylight
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Post by daylight on Mar 13, 2011 15:23:56 GMT -5
Cael - I'm glad you posted. My sister is showing signs of becoming a trainwreck (financial and otherwise) and threads like these show me that she is actually doing fine compared to other people. You are not crazy at all. However, she (your friend) is probably used to being the caregiver and carried this over to her marriage (read: she made sure she married someone who needed "care"), which just about equals low self-esteem. She knows she is being used.
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TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
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Post by TD2K on Mar 13, 2011 18:49:38 GMT -5
Anyone is better than no one.......NOT!
How true.
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