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Post by mtshastawriter on Mar 8, 2011 8:15:34 GMT -5
My husband was asked yesterday about removing himself from dialysis and allowing himself to die. He apparently agreed. However, I am not sure he was mentally competent to make this decision. I was there earlier in the day and he could talk to me but not more than a word or two at a time. I don't really think he heard/understood what the doctor was asking him to decide...
I have a conference call with the doctor this morning and plan on having his care transferred to another nephrologist who I trust more and think has more knowledge.
While I am not in total disagreement with stopping his dialysis, I don't understand why it is necessary right now when he was still walking/driving this time last week! And, we don't even know yet if he will be able to get over the infection or if it will kill him. I think we need to see the results of that first.
I am so incredibly stressed out. The worst thing, financially, is that I have enough savings to get through about 2-3 months of living before I run out. And, that does not take into account having to pay final expenses for DH when that is necessary. He has no life insurance because he couldn't qualify for any.
I do some freelance technical writing, so I will continue with that. This will bring in a few hundred dollars a month, but it is not enough to live on.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2011 8:18:01 GMT -5
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patchwork150
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Post by patchwork150 on Mar 8, 2011 8:19:04 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through! I don't know what to say to this, I can't imagine going through this. Words sometimes are just not enough, I wish I could give you a hug.
How old are your children? I will certainly be praying for you and your husband.
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sapphire12
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Post by sapphire12 on Mar 8, 2011 8:20:05 GMT -5
Hugs for you and your family during this difficult time.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Mar 8, 2011 8:30:39 GMT -5
I will be praying for you and your family. I hope that the new doctor will make a big difference.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Mar 8, 2011 8:34:52 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through.
While I am not in total disagreement with stopping his dialysis, I don't understand why it is necessary right now when he was still walking/driving this time last week!
That's something to ask them about. There should be a social worker or family advocate at the hospital to help you get an answer if you feel things are not clear. I would suspect they're offering because he's terminal and they want to give him the option to give up if he feels this is getting to be too much to bear.
It's scary trusting other people to know what's right for someone you love. I went through this with both of my kids in the hospital.
The worst thing, financially, is that I have enough savings to get through about 2-3 months of living before I run out. And, that does not take into account having to pay final expenses for DH when that is necessary.
That's really scary, but do you think the situation is going to be resolved for better or worse within that time frame? Does he still have any credit in his name that you could use if you needed to now? Once he's gone, late payments on his accounts are not going to matter. And if he dies, the funeral home is not going to expect you to pay up front and if your family and friends are aware of the situation, you'll be surprised how generous people can be to grieving families.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 8, 2011 8:34:56 GMT -5
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Lena
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Post by isabella on Mar 8, 2011 8:36:01 GMT -5
mtshastawriter I will hold you and your family close in thoughts and prayers, to find strength and courage as you navigate through this most difficult time. Please continue to seek other medical opinions for your dear husband. God bless.
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wodehouse
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Post by wodehouse on Mar 8, 2011 8:36:23 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. You all have my best wishes and prayers.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Mar 8, 2011 8:38:39 GMT -5
We're sending prayers your way! Good for you for getting a different doctor!
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cael
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Post by cael on Mar 8, 2011 8:50:15 GMT -5
Karma and prayers!  |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2011 8:51:32 GMT -5
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Post by justwhoever on Mar 8, 2011 8:55:46 GMT -5
Sorry that you are facing this. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Mar 8, 2011 9:08:08 GMT -5
hugs and peace to you and yours.  |
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Mar 8, 2011 9:16:33 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm praying for you and your family.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Mar 8, 2011 9:20:57 GMT -5
I am terribly sorry. As your children are minors won't they qualify for social security payments if your husband dies? That should take off some of the financial burden if not the emotional one.
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Post by mtshastawriter on Mar 8, 2011 10:23:51 GMT -5
Thanks for everyone's good thoughts and prayers. That is much appreciated.
I spend way more time on this message board than my post history shows, and you are all like extended family, internet acquaintances, or whatever people you "know" about who post on a message board are... So, being able to vent what I am feeling really does help...
My kids are 16 and 18. We get SSDI now for our 18 year old but that will stop in June because he will graduate. Since my youngest is 16, I loose DH's SSDI but will still get a fairly small amount for my 16 year old for the next two years. However, with a mortgage and all that goes with owning a home, etc... that isn't nearly enough to live on.
In answer to the question above, no we do not have access to any credit.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Mar 8, 2011 10:27:07 GMT -5
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mercee
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Post by mercee on Mar 8, 2011 10:28:22 GMT -5
**hugs** I've been in similar shoes when my mom decided to stop fighting her melanoma cancer. It's a tough place to be when your loved one makes that hard decision. **hugs**
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 8, 2011 10:29:10 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2011 10:30:15 GMT -5
OP, have you tried searching for programs or grants that may be able to help you during a transitional period like this one? And it may be a good idea to start looking at less expensive housing now. I know it's hard with all this going on, but doing it now will be easier than doing it when your back is against the wall. |
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Post by mawmawandlovingit on Mar 8, 2011 10:32:26 GMT -5
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2011 10:39:20 GMT -5
Thoughts, prayers and hugs mtshastawriter.
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kdamron
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Post by kdamron on Mar 8, 2011 10:40:14 GMT -5
Hugs and prayers to you and yours. |
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Mar 8, 2011 10:44:43 GMT -5
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2011 11:04:02 GMT -5
Thinking of you and yours.
Can your church help in the short term? I know one can also go to the salvation army and other type organizations for short term releif. I would think the hospital would have a social worker or someone like that on staff that might be able to point you towards different sources of aid?
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Mar 8, 2011 11:09:53 GMT -5
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Post by debtheaven on Mar 8, 2011 11:11:25 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Mar 8, 2011 11:57:19 GMT -5
I am so very sorry about the difficult decisions to be made. Don't forget to breathe.
Get other opinions about everything you are dealing with. Hopefully your children are included in all the discussions, even though not completely understanding. Talk to your church clergy, social worker, hospital chaplin, other medical people.
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dianartemis
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Post by dianartemis on Mar 8, 2011 12:01:48 GMT -5
hugs, just hugs.
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