How close are you to extended family?

[Phoenix84]

How close are you to your extended family? How often do you see them?

By extended family, I mean aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents ect.

[Tennesseer]

Dead, dead, Facebook, dead.

[mmhmm]

Not at all, I'm afraid. Our close family is very close. We all live within a half-hour of one another (my kids and their kids). My brother and I are estranged - by my choice. I was never close to cousins, as we lived far apart for most of our lives. 

[TheOtherMe]

Mostly FB for cousins.  I have not been close to them as adults because I lived far away from them and an entirely different lifestyle for 35 years.  Can't relate to kids and grandkids and raising goats.

[Deleted]

Using Tennesseer's method: one by email, one by phon once a year, one by text on occasion, dead. My family is not overly large and the ones I was closest to have passed. Only have one aunt left on mom's side and 2 uncles on dad's side. One I see when I go to cousin's family event but that's about it really. Otherwise it's the usual family reunion thing of funerals. Only time we get together as none of the kids are old enough to get married yet.

Dh's side: eh.

[MarleyKeezy78]

While we don't hang out a ton anymore, we are like brothers and sisters mostly. I have a pretty big family and when we get together we get silly   My cousins and I however are going to start getting together and learning new recipies together, we had our first session last month at our grandmas and we did really well with a family favorite! I will be teaching them how to make perogies in a few months and I can't wait!

[wvugurl26]

Depends on the side of the family. Dad's parents super close, they helped raise me when my parents were first divorced. Grandpa is gone but I see grandma about once a month and talk more often. Aunt, uncle and cousins on that side not so close.

Mom's side parents not super close. I see them a couple times a year max. They are on Facebook. Mom's sister I'm very close to. She's more of a mom than my own. The rest Facebook and see a couple times a year.

Ex step mom I talk and text with and see a few times a year. Normally in connection with my niece.

Beyond second cousins I don't interact much besides Facebook and randomly seeing them at family reunions or the various parties.

[KaraBoo]

Apr 4, 2015 20:53:23 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

How close are you to your extended family? How often do you see them?

By extended family, I mean aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents ect.

Just got home from visiting extended family.

My dads side of the family is extremely close. When I was growing up, the 5 siblings (dad's brothers and sister- 5 total) lived less than 30 miles from each other. Everyone had 2+ kids and couldn't afford baby sitters, so they'd meet up at someone's house, everyone brought a dish, and had their "date nights" that way. Kids played with cousins (13 of us) while the adults talked and played penny ante poker.

Now some of our kids have kids. The last family gathering where ALL of us were in attendance, there was over 50 people. I probably see the extended family an average of once a month or so.

Today, we had about 35-40, but was a mix of our family and my cousin's wife's family, so I didn't know half of the people there.

[cronewitch]

Mostly dead, one aunt left, no uncles, no grandparents, no parents. One cousin I do things with the rest are facebook friends. When to see the aunt a year ago, brother went last month, I might go see her this summer for a day trip she is 87 and not doing too good. I haven't spent time with her kids for 50 some years. I am the third oldest person in the family now so our family goes the other direction. My brother's have kids and grand kids, I see the locals occasionally.

[mollyanna58]

Apr 4, 2015 20:55:06 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Dead, dead, Facebook, dead.

Ditto.

Before they passed away, I was very close to my mom's sister, chatted with my dad's brother by phone occasionally, and drove my dad to see his sister every few months and called her about twice a month.

I have five cousins, and two step-cousins.  I keep in touch with three via FB (although I blocked one from posting to my newsfeed); one I've only seen twice in the past 30 years, at his parents' funerals (when he was an actor, I went to see a movie he was in), and the other I talked to once in a while about his mother (dad's sister).  I helped one step-cousin rehome a dog last September, and I wouldn't be able to pick the other one out of a lineup.  They had a brother; I didn't know he had passed away.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I have distanced myself from my mother and one sister. I see the other sister at least every other month, though she maybe moving to another continent soon. No more grandparents, though if my grandmother were alive I would talk to her via phone at least weekly. Aunts and uncles and cousins, funerals , weddings, and Facebook. .

[msventoux]

No contact at all with the cousins.  They're all deadbeats and criminals who are in and out of jail for drugs, prostitution and a couple of more serious crimes.  No grandparents left.  No contact with my father's sister.  She's just as insane as he is and their mother was, but as a bonus is wrapped up in an impenetrable cloak of religious nutbaggery. 

I'm pretty close with my only other uncle and his wife.  We live in the same town and text, Facebook and talk usually at least weekly.  I don't actually see them much as our schedules rarely mesh, but we keep in contact and look out for each other. 

[Shooby]

Apr 4, 2015 20:55:06 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Dead, dead, Facebook, dead.

Pretty much me too.  DH and my parents are dead.  Most of the Aunts and Uncles are dead. We never really had much of a relationship with any cousins. The only extended family I see are DH's brother and my SIL. And, my sister. That's it.

[NoNamePerson]

Apr 4, 2015 20:55:06 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Dead, dead, Facebook, dead.

Same here except for the FB - ALL dead  

[Ava]

On my mother's side there are a lot of them; she has 9 siblings and they are all alive and kicking. Add to them the 2-3 children they had and also their children. It's a huge family and closely knit.

I am Facebook friends with some of them. I see the majority once a year when I go visit the old country. My brother hosts a barbecue and we all get together. Some of them don't attend every year, so I may see them every now an then.

I don't keep in touch with my father's side of the family. Even when we were little and he lived with us, we mostly hang out with my mom's family and saw his side on a few occasions (birthdays and New Year's Day).

The only person I'm in touch with is my half brother from my father's second marriage. I just made contact with him and we plan to meet when I go back again. I reached out to him a couple of months ago. I don't know, it seemed unfair that he was left out. My brother and I are his only siblings.

[stillmovingforward]

None. There is only my brother on my side of the family and he doesn't understand my lifestyle (non-biological kids) so he won't communicate with me. SDH side - the kids see their grampa, who loves them dearly. The rest are petty criminals, so we only see them if they are at grampa's house at the same time.

[thyme4change]

I have never lived very close to any of my extended family.  We moved to the other side of the country when I was pretty young, so we didn't see them very often - not even once per year.  Oddly, my kids spent 4 days with my favorite cousin a couple of years ago.  I haven't seen him for 20 years.  We do chat on Facebook.

[mroped]

Eh! Try to do my best.
I call my mom every Sunday at or immediately after 8 amEST. Dad died, my older brother died, my secon oldest I talk to him maybe once a year, seen him last 3 years ago after a break of 20, my sister calls or I call maybe 4-5 times a year, my youngest brother calls or I call once in a while.
Haven't seen my whole family together(parents, siblings, uncles, cousins, GP) since October 27 of 1990.
There are some cousins that I talk to occasionally and the same with nephews except one.
Seen mom last fall in October and some of the immediate family too.

On DW side, I see them more often given the proximity. Exception is my SIL and her husband.
Family reunions are not much of interest to us here and back with my blood, we never cared for such thing.

[Phoenix84]

I'm not that close to my extended family.

With one exception, all of my aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins lived out of the state. Usually we'd meet up with one of my Aunts and her kids (my cousins) every year for Christmas, but that was about it. Other than that, I saw my cousins and aunts/uncles maybe once every 2-3 years growing up.

Now we don't really talk at all. I'd say I'm slightly closer to my mom's side than my dad's side. But that's not saying much. I might see my cousins in my mom's side once every couple of years.

Unfortunately my dad's mom died before I was born, so I never met her.  I saw my dad's dad maybe once every few years growing up, since he lived pretty far away. Both of my mom's parents died when I was 10, and they also lived a ways away, so I didn't see them much growing up either.

[flamingo]

I'm real close with my mom's parents. I spent almost as much time with them growing up as I did at home. I'm Facebook friends with my cousins on my mom's side (me, my brother, and 3 cousins). I see the whole group a couple times a year when I visit gramma and grandpa. I've lived out of state from everyone for 13 years now, so I only see them all when i travel "home". 

My dad's dad died long before I was born and his mother died when I was 18. We were never real close to her, she lived ~80 miles away, whereas my mom's parents lived less than 5 miles away. My dad has 1 brother who has 2 sons and I'm not even on Facebook with any of them. 1 of my cousins is super religious and I can't handle his daily bible postings to I de-friended him. His brother is relatively normal, but he's 13 years older than me and we don't have a lot in common. 

My DH has 1 brother who lived on the east coast and they are not close. His dad lives out near his brother now, so while they are close they don't talk/see each other very often now. His dad is 90 and in a nursing home, so it's a little different. My DH's brother and his wife are obnoxious and hard to be around for any length of time, so there is no real hope of being close with them. 

I like having a small group of family that i'm close with. It's what i know and they make me happy (most of the time).

[tcu2003]

Fairly close to some, at least FB friends with all who are alive (on my side - somewhat true on DH's side - he's FB friends with all, I'm only with some of his family, but that's partly because his Catholic family is way larger than my smaller Protestant one). I'll only address my side.

Grandparents are all deceased.

Dad's sister passed about 2 years ago, but we were fairly close - talked/emailed at least once a month or so, and saw her maybe once per year, depending on where I was living. She has 2 kids that I am FB friends with, and get to see every couple of years or so, usually when I'm in San Antonio for work, which is where one lives and one lives a couple of hours away.

Dad's brother is still alive, and lives in my hometown where my mom still lives. I see him and my aunt almost every time I'm home, and at other large family events.  They were essentially second parents to sis and I, so we're fairly close.  Their daughter is a surrogate big sister to me, and she and her husband are my son's godparents, and vice versa for DH and I to her son. We also talk several times a week, so we're close. There are 2 male cousins, and I see them at big family gatherings, occasionally text with them (or their wives), and send birthday gifts for their kiddos.

Mom's brother I see maybe once per year or so - he's an executive chef for a major casino (well he was, but just got promoted), so he works almost all holidays. His wife would usually come to family stuff, though, when they lived near us, but as they just moved, not sure when I'll see them next - maybe if I'm ever in their new area for work. He has one son that I also see rarely.

Mom's sister is still alive, and I talk to her maybe twice per year - usually when she calls my mom and I'm with my mom, so mom passes off the phone for me to "say hi." She has one daughter that lives in the same area as me, and I see her a few times per year.

My sister and I live about 15 minutes apart, and our kids go to the same daycare/are best buds, so we see and talk often. I talk to my mom multiple times per week, and usually see her about once per month, depending on when she comes to visit sis and I (really, the grandkids), or I go down there. And that's it for my family.

[andi9899]

I have a huge extended family. We are incredibly close. We do everything for each other. I wouldn't change them for the world even though I feel like I have had enough of them some times. I am so lucky to have them.

[bobosensei]

Most of them are dead.  The living ones almost all have totally screwed up lives so we were never allowed to be around them when we were kids- I mean major screw ups like in jail for serious crimes to things like having abusive spouses or drug and alcohol problems.  My parents are both dead now (I am only 33), and while I could probably maintain boundaries and have relationships with some of them I just don't.  At the moment there is too much physical distance for this to even be possible, and it has been this way since I was 18 and went away to college really.  I am facebook friends with two Aunts, 6 first cousins, and maybe 10 second cousins, but I don't really post on facebook.  They will like photos my sister puts up or mention my mom or grandmother and tag me in posts sometimes, but other than that no real relationship to speak of.  I might feel bad about it if they weren't such screwed up people.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My parents are only children so I have no aunts or uncles.

My maternal grandparents are both dead. My paternal grandfather died last September.

I know one great aunt/uncle on my mother's side. The rest moved to Arizona. The last time I saw them was at my grandfather's funeral when I was nine.

I know a handful of my mom's cousins. I don't know any of their children.

My dad's extended family on my grandpa's side all live in North Carolina. They rarely visit. I met some of them at my grandfather's funeral for the first time.

The only living relative on my paternal grandmother's side is her brother, my great uncle. I know him very well, I worked in his restaurant off/on for 10 years.

[cael]

My set of grandparents who lived near us are both dead. My remaining grandmother lives in Philadelphia and we only see her once every year or two (that was standard most of my life) - although my dad has been going down to help her more often recently, she's 100 and starting to decline (only in the last year, though!)

I have exactly one first cousin, who lives in Oregon. I've spent time with him exactly.... probably 5 times: once when I was a baby, once as an 8 year old, once as a 13yo, and maybe three visits as an adult, ok so 6 times. I've seen his mother, my aunt, more than that because she visits (from AZ) more, and I've visited her twice there. My uncle, my mom's brother and cousin's father, has been dead since I was 16ish. Otherwise we basically don't have any other family to see... my mother has a zillion cousins in the area but they don't really talk (several firsts, but way more second and further removed). I am facebook friends with my cousin so we kind of keep in touch that way.

DH has a bunch of cousins here (NJ) and in Greece, who he's never met but will in June when we visit! He also has 2 uncles and an aunt over there I believe. We usually only see one of his cousins in NJ when we visit. He has one aunt still living and an uncle in NJ, we barely see them (first time I met his uncle was at our wedding, even DH was shocked that uncle wanted to come to the wedding) No living grandparents on DH's side anymore.

[muttleynfelix]

I'm really close to my aunt and uncle on my dad's side. Like they made a trip 2 hours out of their way to see me while we were house hunting type of close. The not so funny thing is that my aunt (by marriage, this is my dad's bro and wife) is a lot closer to me than my parents. There are some long standing issues with my older siblings being 3 and 4 months older than their kids. So some rivalry that my grandparents probably unintentionally brought on. I have 2 cousins on that side of the fam and I haven't spent a lot of time with them in the last 15 years. I just moved to the same state as the younger one and expect to see her and hang with her more. We get along really well despite the fact we don't have a ton in common. Ironically, she is estranged from her parents. Hopefully, me living here will help bridge that gap some. But I'm not going to push it.

My mom's side, I get along well with my aunt and uncle. I just don't see them that often. My cousin on that side and I used to be close. But she joined the air force, got divorced anf I haven't seen her in 3 years.

My only living grandma and I but heads like we are a couple bulls in the ring. She's not doing real well, but lives in the same town as my parents. So I see her fairly often. I'm also close to her sister whom I consider another grandma. I was super close to my Grandpa on that side and my grandma on my dad's side.

DHs side is not as close, I'm working on them since their aren't that many of them.

[happyhoix]

Close to one sister and her kids, have only the barest possible relationship with the other sister, due to her issues. Would like to have a relationship with that sister's kids, but can't.

My mom hated Dad's family, so we didn't have much to do with that side growing up. There are lots of cousins remaining on my Mom's side, but we never lived close to them and rarely saw them. I email one or two now and then, that's about it. 

Frankly I have a much closer relationship with my DH's family - they live closer together and don't have the personality problems that seem so common in my own family. Usually see them for the major holidays.

[NancysSummerSip]

Parents and grandparents are dead; I do keep in contact with my mother's brother, his kids and their kids, all of whom are wonderful people. Also some of her distant cousins in other states.

As for my father's brother and his wretched clan of thieves, the less said the better.

DH's mother is still living, as is his sister. His dad, aunts and uncles are gone, and no contact with any of his cousins, what few could still be alive at this point (both his parents were the youngest in their respective families; MIL is 90 now).

I do see and text my brothers regularly. DH's sister hits the bottle somewhat hard and rather regularly, so we don't see much of her.

[busymom]

We've got family living literally from coast to coast, & frankly, there are a lot of cousins I've never even met. Add a certain amount of dysfunction on my Dad's side of the family, & you'll understand why I'm very selective of who I am in contact with.

[Peace Of Mind]

Apr 5, 2015 2:33:19 GMT -5 msventoux said:

No contact at all with the cousins.  They're all deadbeats and criminals who are in and out of jail for drugs, prostitution and a couple of more serious crimes.  No grandparents left.  No contact with my father's sister.  She's just as insane as he is and their mother was, but as a bonus is wrapped up in an impenetrable cloak of religious nutbaggery. 

I'm pretty close with my only other uncle and his wife.  We live in the same town and text, Facebook and talk usually at least weekly.  I don't actually see them much as our schedules rarely mesh, but we keep in contact and look out for each other. 

 

Not close at all and I really don't even know them.  I have some in NJ and found out I have one in PA on my real dad's side.  His wife and I tried to interact but I just had nothing to talk to her about.  The one I did know and liked on my mom's side died of cancer at 50.   He has 2 living siblings.  One is an Air Marshall that my favorite (also the only living relative left that I like) uncle keeps in touch with.  There is a female cousin who I never liked even as kids that I have no interest in interacting with. DH's dad's side of the family is very country and they are nice people but we just don't have anything in common with them and don't know them on a personal level.  His mom's side there was one or two cousins that nobody seems interested in keeping in contact with.  We can barely keep in touch with each other or the parents these days. We're a lazy lot! 

We do find that we like relatives much more when we see them much less.