Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Apr 1, 2015 11:14:55 GMT -5
Baptists are evangelicals, which means they believe in converting everyone. Have you discussed this with your girlfriend? If she is practicing, converting you is going to be on her radar. If you are not comfortable with this, she should know now.
And you should be aware, it is very common for a non-practicing religious person to take a new interest in practicing once a child enters the picture. Very, very, very common.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 1, 2015 11:17:35 GMT -5
And you should be aware, it is very common for a non-practicing religious person to take a new interest in practicing once a child enters the picture. Very, very, very common.
That explains A LOT. DH's issues with me being an atheist coincide with the same time Gwen was born.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 1, 2015 11:25:32 GMT -5
If you get married in her church, expect to do some faith-based premarital counselingDepends on the minister I've found. My parents got married in the Lutheran church and had to do counseling, but my mom said it didn't really delve into religion, it was like any other pre-marital counseling session and she actually got some good advice out of it. Meanwhile when I got married in the Lutheran church the minister told us not to worry about it. He said we'd been together for 5 years by that point, if we didn't know we wanted to get married by now counseling wasn't going to solve anything" DH's cousin recommended her church to us, she's Methodist. Her minister required we take a 35 minute compatibility quiz and then based on our answers would decide how much counseling we needed and it could take as many as 6 weeks. With a fee per week of course.
I don't think so. We can go on Eharmony for free and take their quiz. If DH doesn't pop up in my recommendations then I know we're not meant to be. [img src=" WTH images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif" src="http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png"] ?? I can't believe they'd make you pay!! We had marriage councilling. It wasn't that bad, 3 sessions total, one of which was detailing out the wedding. It was basically a 'have you thought about these things?' type-deal. If we had been 18/19 and getting married right out of HS, I think it would've been super beneficial. But as 20-somethings with established careers and a communal household, it was kind of pointless. I did however scare the guy on 'budget day.' I brought in an annualized budget (THANK YOU YM) that included both our incomes, retirement savings, mutual expenses and short and medium-term savings. It was color coded. I don't think he'd ever seen anything like it. I also then explained to him the benefits of using CCs to get rewards points and how to maximize this while not caring a CC balance or getting into consumer debt.... After this session he cut us loose from the counseling I also think that might have been the session DH turned in the 'my cat ate my homework' personality quiz.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 1, 2015 11:35:35 GMT -5
If you get married in her church, expect to do some faith-based premarital counselingDepends on the minister I've found. My parents got married in the Lutheran church and had to do counseling, but my mom said it didn't really delve into religion, it was like any other pre-marital counseling session and she actually got some good advice out of it. Meanwhile when I got married in the Lutheran church the minister told us not to worry about it. He said we'd been together for 5 years by that point, if we didn't know we wanted to get married by now counseling wasn't going to solve anything" DH's cousin recommended her church to us, she's Methodist. Her minister required we take a 35 minute compatibility quiz and then based on our answers would decide how much counseling we needed and it could take as many as 6 weeks. With a fee per week of course. I don't think so. We can go on Eharmony for free and take their quiz. If DH doesn't pop up in my recommendations then I know we're not meant to be. I did PreCana. I found it very helpful. I just put the "god" stuff aside and focused on the relationship issues.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 1, 2015 11:40:35 GMT -5
I'm Jewish, married to a Presbyterian. Neither of us practices. Married by a rabbi, offisite (at at country club). We had the chuppah, the glass-breaking ceremony, the chair dance and all the Jewish rituals (my family outnumbered his ). I am the product of a mixed marriage, BTW. Mom was from Brooklyn and Dad was from the Bronx.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Apr 1, 2015 12:24:00 GMT -5
What Petunia says is true. For whatever reason, people who don't practice religion often decide they want to start after having children.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Apr 1, 2015 12:56:38 GMT -5
What Petunia says is true. For whatever reason, people who don't practice religion often decide they want to start after having children. I became an atheist after having children.
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garion2003
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Post by garion2003 on Apr 1, 2015 13:37:24 GMT -5
I was raised Christian Orthodox, my wife was raised...well, we don't know yet what religion However, now I'm a deist(kinda) and I believe my wife is agnostic(?). We got married at the courthouse; got there at 4:55 got out at 5:10pm Present were our son, my father in law and his wife and MIL. We agreed when our son was born to baptize him in the Orthodox Church-my first born, in a different country, on a different continent mind you and the wife(GF at the time!) agreed. Now at 16 our son is an atheist while our daughter whom we did not christen/baptize in any church, believes in God! If that's not confusing, I don't know what it could be. Somehow, we found a way to coexist and agree to disagree on religion but that was more or less a mutual agreement that faith is something absolutely private and personal and we will not steer the kids towards any faith but we will teach them about all and let them decide. If faith is that important that would be a non-moving issue, imagine what happens when you buy a house or raise kids together.
I think it shows that infant baptism (or lack thereof) is not an indication of later religious belief
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2015 13:50:33 GMT -5
DH is Catholic, I'm Episcopalian, well, so the parents and baptismal certificates say. We went the simple route and a friend of ours got a letter from the state to marry us and did a really short ceremony. Neither of us had any interest in the religious aspect and the families really don't care as long as they get fed. It was a nice SHORT lunchtime ceremony. Besides, the bride had to drive her mother home afterwards. Or did my sister take her? Don't really remember now. My FIL and had a conversation about it one day, not sure how it randomly came up, and he flat out said he didn't care what religion we were as long as we were all happy. 3 of us DILs are not Catholic and he really didn't care so long as we and his sons were happy. Now that's the way to go. My sister, on the other hand. Her MIL was a douche about the whole religion thing. Wouldn't even attend her bridal shower because she had a bug up her ass about it. At least his sisters are cool. They got married in a church, it just wasn't the Catholic church. I was quite surprised I didn't set the place a blaze.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 1, 2015 14:02:38 GMT -5
I can't understand why the Unchurched want to bother to get married in a Church though. I mean, why?
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 1, 2015 14:07:16 GMT -5
I can't understand why the Unchurched want to bother to get married in a Church though. I mean, why? I can think of a number of reasons . . .
Parental Pressure, ESPECIALLY if parents are paying for the wedding.
Ditto for Grandparent Pressure, ditto as above if GP's are paying.
Peer Pressure/Social Pressure.
I'm not saying these things are right, but they DO exist, especially for young couples.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 1, 2015 14:09:00 GMT -5
Pretty? Parents and family want it? All kinds of reasons. I wanted to be married in a Jewish ceremony. Michigan is insane about requirements for getting a license. Easier to get married in Florida.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 1, 2015 14:09:52 GMT -5
I can't understand why the Unchurched want to bother to get married in a Church though. I mean, why? I can think of a number of reasons . . .
Parental Pressure, ESPECIALLY if parents are paying for the wedding.
Ditto for Grandparent Pressure, ditto as above if GP's are paying.
Peer Pressure/Social Pressure.
I'm not saying these things are right, but they DO exist, especially for young couples.
Catholic churches are pretty, for the most part.... they can be excellent backdrops for wedding party photos.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 1, 2015 14:11:24 GMT -5
Ugh, I was raised Baptist. I'm glad I no longer am.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 1, 2015 14:12:14 GMT -5
I think the unchurched (or unsynagogued ) also want to embrace at least some traditions for themselves, not necessarily just to please the parents. There are aspects of religious practice that one or both of them appreciate because they are significant reminders of a childhood that was (presumably) happily spent in a house of worship. It's not so much the religious aspect that has meaning in their current lives, but perhaps the idea that they are not-quite-ready to let go of all that is past yet.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2015 14:18:01 GMT -5
I can think of a number of reasons . . .
Parental Pressure, ESPECIALLY if parents are paying for the wedding.
Ditto for Grandparent Pressure, ditto as above if GP's are paying.
Peer Pressure/Social Pressure.
I'm not saying these things are right, but they DO exist, especially for young couples.
Catholic churches are pretty, for the most part.... they can be excellent backdrops for wedding party photos. It was an Episcopalian church in downtown Lynn, no excellent backdrops there. Ick. I still have no idea why she wanted it. She is so far from the Cinderella fantasy dream wedding type of person that it still boggles my mind. It was our family church through my grandparents but neither of us went, although I guess she attended for a little while before the wedding.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 1, 2015 14:19:43 GMT -5
I can't picture anything in downtown Lynn being all that scenic. although, some friends of mine got married last fall in downtown Buffalo and it turned out just stunning. Lafayette Square, right out there in public in the middle of a Saturday afternoon.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 1, 2015 14:23:03 GMT -5
I can't understand why the Unchurched want to bother to get married in a Church though. I mean, why?
It threw me for a loop when DH insisted we had to have a church wedding since in the 5 years I'd known him he'd not once mentioned anything about religion or attended church.
But apparently there was a flame buried deep inside somewhere and this was a hill he felt he needed to die on. He wouldn't consider our marriage valid unless it was in a church with a minister.
It wasn't a hill I felt the need to die on so I went along with it to make him happy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2015 14:29:43 GMT -5
I can't picture anything in downtown Lynn being all that scenic. although, some friends of mine got married last fall in downtown Buffalo and it turned out just stunning. Lafayette Square, right out there in public in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. It isn't. Especially nowadays. Although when the trees on the Common are in leaf, you don't see to the other side so well so you can pretend it's pretty. Right now, it's a pit.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2015 14:33:38 GMT -5
I can't understand why the Unchurched want to bother to get married in a Church though. I mean, why?
It threw me for a loop when DH insisted we had to have a church wedding since in the 5 years I'd known him he'd not once mentioned anything about religion or attended church.
But apparently there was a flame buried deep inside somewhere and this was a hill he felt he needed to die on. He wouldn't consider our marriage valid unless it was in a church with a minister.
It wasn't a hill I felt the need to die on so I went along with it to make him happy.
Yeah, my hill to die on was that we were NOT going to Vegas to get married by Elvis in a drive-through. That's what DH wanted to do. I said no. I don't churches but I'm not doing that either. I never really gave any thought to the whole wedding process growing up. I have no interest in the Bridezilla shit and churches. I guess I just figured it happens by osmosis or something? I don't know. Cinderella ain't my style. Skulls and flames would have been more my ideal decorations.
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ken a.k.a OMK
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Apr 1, 2015 14:35:14 GMT -5
I think in most cultures a wedding is about the bride. So I would go along with her wishes to do it her way. But as others have mentioned, you should discuss what role religion will play in your life together.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 1, 2015 14:54:55 GMT -5
I still wish I'd had a religious wedding and a reception.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 1, 2015 15:00:39 GMT -5
I still wish I'd had a religious wedding and a reception. Hey, you still can! Why not just do it to piss off the bio-brat? You could make her head spin, steam come out of her ears and her eyes bulge just by saying out loud, "Yanno, your dad and I love each other soooooooooo much, we're gonna spend more of your non-inheritance on another wedding ceremony."
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 1, 2015 15:03:49 GMT -5
I can't understand why the Unchurched want to bother to get married in a Church though. I mean, why? Catholic guilt runs strong and deep.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 1, 2015 15:05:00 GMT -5
I can't understand why the Unchurched want to bother to get married in a Church though. I mean, why? Catholic guilt runs strong and deep. (so does Jewish guilt)
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Apr 1, 2015 15:05:58 GMT -5
I still wish I'd had a religious wedding and a reception. Renew your vows on your 1st anniversary, do it in a church, and have a big reception.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 1, 2015 15:08:10 GMT -5
I still wish I'd had a religious wedding and a reception. Renew your vows on your 1st anniversary, do it in a church, and have a big reception.
Awesome idea!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2015 15:08:18 GMT -5
Catholic guilt runs strong and deep. (so does Jewish guilt) Don't forget parental guilt. Thank Beelzebub mine didn't care.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2015 15:13:12 GMT -5
I wish we would have had the Elvis impersonator marry us, it was only like $50 extra at whatever "chapel" it was.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2015 16:09:42 GMT -5
-shucks2-What is pre cana? I have no idea.
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