What's Going to Happen to Your Stuff?

[Bonny]

I've posted about our situation over in the Women in Red de-cluttering Thread. No kids, DH is an only child and we have A LOT of stuff. Some of it is valuable due to one of DH's relatives. I donated two swords to a museum but documenting provenance can be a job. I want to donate some of our furniture eventually but I think I'm going to have to work on the museum for an exhibit for "early life" of his relative. And of course the museum is located on the other side of the country. 

I've been thinking about foisting some of our other stuff onto my brother's kids. But according to this article they probably won't want it!  So what's going to happen to your stuff? If you knew your kids didn't want it would you do something different?

tablet.washingtonpost.com/culture/stuff-it-millennials-nix-their-parents-treasures/2015/03/28/0e75ff6e-45c4-11e4-b437-1a7368204804_story.html?tid=kindle-app

[Deleted]

I have no idea,  lots of stuff, no kids.

Some of the stuff are family heirlooms that will go to nieces and nephews and they probably wouldn't want it unless we tell them what it's worth.

The un-valuable stuff I really don't know. 

[Deleted]

Mar 28, 2015 10:43:15 GMT -5 @tbird said:

dumpster, most likely....except for the photos

Think anyone will want all my cat photos?

[Artemis Windsong]

It depends on what it is.  I hope I am able to clean things out before I am too far down to do it.

Heirlooms will go to my DD and GrD.  The rest don't want much.  They want to be able to move fast on new adventures.

Personal items like clothing to 2nd hand stores along with the rest of the furniture.

I have been cleaning up my late brothers estate items.  It's a tough job. 

[mmhmm]

LOL! Darling DD, of course. She's the family pack rat but isn't selfish or greedy. She'll see that those who want something get it. Whatever is left will become a family heirloom as far as she's concerned. 

[flamingo]

There are some things of my parents I would happily take. But, none of it is really valuable or even sentimental to me, other than my mom's jewelry. It's only me and my brother, so the jewelry is mine by default Clothes will get donated or tossed. Furniture is not my style for the most part.

My stuff, i don't know. My DH and I have nothing really valuable, and no kids or younger generations to give any of it to. Due to our age difference, I'll most likely be the one dealing with getting rid of stuff, and I'm not that sentimental. So, when the time comes, I'll declutter as much as I can so no one else has to deal with. I am the farthest thing from a pack rat, so really, there's not much!

[Bonny]

Mar 28, 2015 10:48:55 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

I have been cleaning up my late brothers estate items.  It's a tough job. 

It is.

I thought sorting through my mother's stuff was helpful with the grieving process. I was proud of the fact that I was able to give most of it to my brother's family. She had some nice stuff and I was glad to see that most of it could be used since I certainly didn't need any more things. Also I don't think I could have handled an estate sale where people would try to low-ball you to get nice things for nothing.

[swamp]

Don't know. Don't care. I'll be dead.

[Deleted]

My mother has entire buildings of stuff.  So not looking forward to that. I am hoping she decides to move at some point and deals with it. My step-father is dying, so maybe that will prompt her to eventually take me up on my offer to help her deal with the mess.

For my crap, I have been going through everything in the last couple years since DH died. I have tossed all the trash, donated stuff, sold other stuff, and still have a garage with a lot of random stuff to deal with.

I am going to move at some point, and I want to only move things that I need and want. 

Late-DH saved old car parts, old bottles of mystery gunk, and just weird stuff. So, every time I feel like a project day, I have a treasure hunt in the garage... Anything I find that is useful, like trash bags, light bulbs, whatever... I am using up before buying any of that item again.

I helped take care of my grandmother when she was dying from cancer. Her house had a TON of crap... It gave me a different perspective about leaving behind a giant mass of stuff that no one cares about but has to spend significant time dealing with.

[Deleted]

We aren't sentimental people and I hate clutter, so I hope DD donates or sells most of it, after picking something small she would like to keep.  We kept my aunts favourite 2 pieces of artwork after she passed and they hang in my house.  Everything else is gone.  Unfortunately it took 2 years, because DH was slower to part with things. 

[Shooby]

My kids can send it all to auction and sell it.

[kjto1]

Closing up my parents house while grieving - it wasn't easy on me.  I kept what was sentimental to me at the time to deal with later.  My DB took what he wanted, also. My brother and I don't have children (my Stepson is not interested) so there isn't anyone to pass stuff down to.  I ended up with all the pictures.  I sorted them by my Mom and Dad's sides of the family and passed them onto a cousin on each side that wanted to be the "caretaker" of the family pictures.  The pics of my parents vacations and such - I am about ready to toss.  My DB thinks I should find SOMEONE to pass them to, he's not understanding that that is just passing the junk onto someone else to have to toss.  So, I will deal with this stuff and keep him out of it - he's too draining (and he wants everyone else to do the work, store the items, etc.)

[thyme4change]

I don't have anything special.  If someone wants it, great.  If not, maybe some charity punishes poor people by giving them old lady furniture.  (I am assuming I will be old when I die.)  Maybe I will die right when my grandchildren graduate from college and they think getting a full set of vintage furniture is a good thing...until they realize that I also left them money, so they can afford to go and buy good furniture.  

My bigger fear is that our house is full.  And my MIL thinks the special history of the family is traveling through her china cabinet.  She has a least one piece of everyone's pattern.  And she is working on documenting it now, because I am suppose to care.  She has a whole cabinet displaying that weird Milk Glass stuff.  She proudly told me that she got it all using green stamps.  What the hell am I suppose to do with all that stuff?  I'm hoping my SIL will be the hero and take it all and treasure it.  My mother also has several sets of really nice dishes, and some cool artwork.  I'm hoping my sisters claim it.  They have bigger houses.  

Related and not...my mother just got rid of the couch she has had since 1965.  It lasted so long, it was back in style.  Very Mad Men.  It looked fine, but she said it crinkled when you sat on it.  She bought a new couch from Ethan Allen to replace it.  If her last couch lasted 50 years, the one she just bought will appear brand new, even if she lives another 20 years.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I was thinking about hat I want from my dad's estate.  There is very little.

My sister and I split my mom's jewelry when she died.  I took the box of letters that my dad wrote my mom while they were apart after dad died.  I read a couple, and they made me cry so I put them away fr awhile.  I asked for the Wedgwood Imperial bowl and candlesticks they bought while in England, and a few old platters/celery dishes that were my grandmother's.

There is also a print of Nightwatch that my mom bought my dad, as that was his squadron when he refueled Air Force One.

[quince]

The biggest weird accumulation of things is my bins of wool and related tools...would be worth something to a spinner, most people will be befuddled. Everything else: clothes to be donated, Ikea furniture to be given away or discarded, and electronics to be used or recycled.

My parents house looks like a magazine spread, except for the bits of furniture gnawed on by dogs. My mom is not big on clutter, but they also have a 4 bed/2 bath house for the 2 of them, so still some stuff to be dealt with...plus the contents of the garage.

My husband's parents... Mom + Stepdad: yikes. Burn it to the ground. Not exactly hoarders in need of intervention, but every non-floor horizontal surface is filled with knickknacks. Husband calls it cruft. Luckily my husband has stepbrothers that live in the area, so it can be their problem. His dad+stepmom: Also yikes, but more functional. Dad owns a tanning bed, tractor, etc....pretty much overkill on everything he might need some function of.  They have a granddaughter that they are raising like a daughter, and my husband's brother lived with them for his teen years, so once again, hopefully someone else's problem.

[Deleted]

We don't have much stuff.  It took us half a day to pack most of our house for the move to TX, though we left 99% of the tools.  The tools do have a decent value, I like quality ones.

I'm fine with any of our stuff being sold or used to live in if people want.  I'm not real sentimental about stuff if it's not being used, which is a departure from my family.


My parents... it's going to be crazy.  They're not exactly packrats, they don't collect junk and they have easy mobility through the house, but they are absolutely collectors of many things, useful, whimsical and arcane.  Their tool collection is particularly intense, since their joint occupation and retirement hobby is building.  They can do everything from digging foundations to roofing and finishing.  Mom is the planner and driver, dad is OCD about straight lines and fine work.  

Because of their prime hobby, their house is massive.  Mom designed it to have suites of rooms with private bathrooms, it's 3 stories and has 4 bathrooms so far along with a wine cellar, and they keep going.  They're looking to break ground for a new addition section next year.  According to mom, the whimsy in that section will be an X shaped set of staircases that meets at a central landing.  At the central landing, they're looking at putting in another secret door.  She got inspired by the Winchester Mansion many years ago.  As they build, they fill it with stuff they collect.  I think they've got like 5 dining tables scattered for hobby spaces?  Lots of tea tables and poofy recliners and the like too and rolling ladders on the bookshelves at spots.


There is no way my sisters would ever agree sell the house itself, and even I would be deeply divided.  Our parents put their soul into it for 3 decades and counting.  But it's such a behemoth to take care of.  It's on 20 acres of steep land, the driveway needs special care so it doesn't wash out, and the meadows are too steep/slippery for a riding mower, walking mowers only.  It's a long drive to a city for food and building supplies. 

It's 99.5% likely we'll all move in and live with my parents to take care of them when they're older, we saw them do it for Grandma M until she passed away at 100+, we know the drill, and there's 3 of us sisters.  I guess we'll sort things out a bit then.  I sort of wilt thinking about the scope of the place though, since I'd probably be the finance and management hub.

[Deleted]

My jewelry will go to my sister, sisters-in-law and DDIL. They can split it sort of evenly and my brother the executor will resolve any disagreements. I need to get back to writing up the stories of the jewelry items- they're from a lot of interesting times and places. 

I should specify that my sterling goes to DDIL next time I update my will.  My mother has a set of sterling and those of us who want it have our own, except for one SIL who has expressed an interest.  Mom mentioned that it was worth $6,000 and I said, "so what?  If DSIL gets it I'm glad it will go to someone who will treasure it".

Pictures:  I have many originals but DH has scanned decades of them and we've given electronic copies to many family members so they'll live on.

The rest- I don't care.  If they want to call in an estate sale company and just collect a check when it's done, that's fine by me.  Most of my things are decent quality but well-used.

Funny story about my Ex's grandmother- she died at 102 and at some point had bought herself a big-azz (like 6 carat solitaire) diamond ring.  Each of her adult children wanted it.  Then they found out that it was so valuable compared to the rest of her estate that whoever got it would have to write the others a large check.  Then nobody wanted it.  My SIL had it appraised and bought it from the estate to keep it in the family.

[Robert not Bobby]

Bonny...I'm no help here.

I/we don't keep "stuff" we don't need.

Donating is always wonderful...just don't accumulate things you don't need, or use or want.

[NoNamePerson]

My son will get my junk. But it won't be a big thing since I am not one to hang onto stuff. I am the queen of the dumpster/donations.

He is an only child and has no kids. He can do with it what he wants. He knows about the few valuable things but hell he can throw them into a dumpster/donate - I'm like Swamp - dead and don't care 

[sesfw]

I've had to help clean out 5 homes of relatives.  It's not fun. Family members came in and TOOK what they wanted/needed right then.  Pictures were sorted/discarded/kept and copied.  Same with letters, journals, financial records.

Trash in the dumpster, everything else went to auction and we left the house when that was happening.

Our home after Dh died.  I was getting ready to move 1800 miles and I place my hand on EVERYTHING and asked just one question.  Do I want to pay to move this.  If the answer was yes, then no problem.  If the answer was no, then it was trashed, given away, yard sale, donation.

I didn't change my mind on anything and was able to get rid of 90% of our stuff.  I kept pictures, mementos of our 37 years together and personal items from both of us.  Those 37 years are in 6 banker's boxes ........ and even then I've gotten rid of a lot of vacation/scenery type slides.

It can be done, but you have to physic yourself into it and pretend it's a stranger's home and stuff.

If DH#2 passes before I do it's going to be a mess.  DH and wife were/are packrats and it was like pulling teeth for us to downsize from 6K to 2K sq ft.  It's gonna be interesting.  LOL

[busymom]

Most likely, most of our stuff will end up in a dumpster, or donated to a charity. But, as I've discovered while cleaning out my childhood home, even the charities are picky about what they do & don't want. DD is sentimental enough to want family pictures, & some other items that have meaning, but I expect, like my Mom's house, the garbage man will get the lion's share.

So, I guess the moral of the story is buy things you REALLY want, for yourself, because most likely no one else will want them anyway...

[Shooby]

If I am dead, what do I care? What will happen will happen. You cant control from the grave.

[msventoux]

It will probably all go in the dumpster.  No kids or spouse, so I doubt anyone would care about any of it.  I've already scanned the few family pictures we have and shared them with family.  Our family never had heirlooms or anything of value so there's nothing to pass on really. 

[Shooby]

Mar 28, 2015 18:10:04 GMT -5 busymom said:

Most likely, most of our stuff will end up in a dumpster, or donated to a charity. But, as I've discovered while cleaning out my childhood home, even the charities are picky about what they do & don't want. DD is sentimental enough to want family pictures, & some other items that have meaning, but I expect, like my Mom's house, the garbage man will get the lion's share.

So, I guess the moral of the story is buy things you REALLY want, for yourself, because most likely no one else will want them anyway...

Well I think that is the moral of the story. My mom had a huge collection of cut glass. Her thing was not my thing. My thing doesnt have to be my kids thing. Stuff doesn't matter to me. The memories are what is important.

[Cookies Galore]

I'm taking it with me. :-)

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I get quite frustrated when my mother tries to give me stuff (shit) that she thinks I should want. I don't want it. I don't want to be a hoarder. I know that she finds me annoying, but she has SO MUCH STUFF. It's ridiculous. Once, she seriously showed up at my house with a sewing table/cabinet. She insisted it could fit in my house. I explained that I didn't want it; didn't need it; didn't have room for it. She tried to convince me that it would fit in the hallway. Right, except then we can't walk through the hallway. She grudgingly took it back to her house. She could have taken it to the Salvation Army, but no, she took it back home. 

So, we try not to keep much of anything. We're not true minimalists, but we're close. I have some heirloom quality furniture--rocking chair and dining room set. The rest of it, my kids can keep or sell or trash. I do not intend to leave them with too much to deal with. 

[stillmovingforward]

My god! After reading some of these stories I am sooooo glad my mother chose to downsize after my dad died. She moved from a 2,400 square foot house to a 700 square foot apartment. She only took what is important to her. And only has about a closet of 'storage' items. She gave me a bunch of boxes to 'keep, give to the kids, sell, throw away because I don't care'. If I was ruthless, it would take me 1 day and a bottle of wine to deal with everything she owns now.  I think I'll go out today and buy her a case of her favorite merlot in gratitude!

She did start in interesting habit.  If one of my kids (the only ones in the family) express a deep interest in one of her items, she labels it with their name and puts it in a locked trunk.  When the time comes, I am to go thru the trunk and ship the items off to each kid.  As they should be out of college and into the 4 winds by then................  The kids all know this but there is very little they have asked for.  90% of the items are quilts she has made.

[TheHaitian]

Gifted to family or donated.
Whatever is left : garbage

When we retire and kids are gone we might finally follow my wife dream in living in the city, close to everything.

So a small apartment will do, eat out everyday and travel. We will visit the kids vs the other way around....

Just day dreaming for now

[Tennesseer]

[TheHaitian]

Mar 29, 2015 13:51:33 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

My will stipulates a viking funeral, so it will all be piled up around me on a boat and burned.  Loop is supposed to sacrifice herself and go with me if I outlive her, but I'm not sure she'll actually be down when the time comes.  I currently don't own a boat, but I've got a few decades yet to save up enough that my estate could buy one.  The trick will be finding one that'll burn.  Most of them nowadays are made of fiberglass and foam.  They'd have to drench the thing in gasoline to get a decent fire going.

Pfftt boat? The new style is mansion

Burn down the mansion with all your belongings. Keep up with the times