Having a Calgon Take Me Away Day A Vent

[giramomma]

Just Venting.

It's been a hard 24 hours. I've lost another 1-2 students. My day job was really, really bad yesterday. Just found out DH forgot to apply to a good full time job.

Got completely deflated about one of DS's activities.

And the kids are acting like turds this morning.

I am unaccustomed to life being hard. When it actually was, I was naive enough to not understand that it was hard. We had a really long stretch of easy, comfortable. Good. Even when things weren't easy.

And now I can't make decisions because I made one bad one by not taking another job that fell into my lap, pretty much. I don't trust that I can make good ones anymore.

I don't know how people do this day and and day out for decades. I can barely handle 5 months of it..
Just hoping to get it out here so I can remain present for everything that I need to be..

[Deleted]

Have a good cry. Watch a sad movie, wallow in how freaking hard it is,  eat something totally inappropriate. Let the kids watch videos all day. 

And in an hour or so, wipe yourself off, count your blessings, physically list them out if you have to. Compare your life to others that have it worse. 

Is is there anything you can do to minimize some of the stress?

Are your expectations realistic? 

I thought husband was SAH? 

[Bonny]

You WILL have many other opportunities. Don't beat yourself up about the ones you missed. Stay open to embrace the new ones.

Some stretches of life seem like the best you can do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other...and success is measured by NOT killing your spouse and kids.

Go take a walk. Lock the bathroom door and take the bath.

Hang in there; you'll get through this.

[NoNamePerson]

Instead of Calgon Take Me Away how about a Magic Carpet Ride? It will get you further away into fantasy land for a while. You can always fly back at some point 

[tloonya]

Jan 24, 2015 10:53:15 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Instead of Calgon Take Me Away how about a Magic Carpet Ride? It will get you further away into fantasy land for a while. You can always fly back at some point 

Or instead of Magic Carpet Ride - smoke pot  and you will feel like if Calgon took you away on Magic Carpet.

[NoNamePerson]

Jan 24, 2015 11:03:43 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Jan 24, 2015 10:53:15 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Instead of Calgon Take Me Away how about a Magic Carpet Ride? It will get you further away into fantasy land for a while. You can always fly back at some point 

Or instead of Magic Carpet Ride - smoke pot  and you will feel like if Calgon took you away on Magic Carpet.

I like the way you think   

[Formerly SK]

I'm sorry.  Everyone has those days/weeks/months/years.  I agree all you can do is hunker down and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Sort of like going up a hill during a marathon.  But, eventually do you reach a crest and can return to normal pace.  Sometimes you even get to coast downhill. 

I've been presented with a lot of hills on my marathon.  The one gift from that is I'm much tougher than the average Joe.  My belief in myself and my ability to overcome is pretty high.  Not saying I won't bitch about it, but I know I can handle whatever comes my way (knock on wood).

What are your four walls?  Meaning, what are your core priorities?  For me they are my marriage and my kids.  I'll add financial stability to that, but I'm totally willing to take on debt if necessary.  Everything else in my life is on the chopping block if need be.  When DS1 was dx with autism as a todder, I threw away all my houseplants because I just couldn't mentally deal with them.  3-4 years later I started buying them again.  Just an anecdote, but you get my point.  If you are overwhelmed or life has just become "too much" start cutting some stuff.  Really, nothing matters but your four walls.

As an aside, I've always felt by your posts that you had an overwhelming amount of stuff on your plate.  Two jobs, three kids with heavy activities, volunteering...it sounded unsustainable unless you are one of those high energy people who thrives off decorating cupcakes at 1am for school function the next day (I know a few of those).  It could be that your pace is too fast long term, and you need to slow down a bit to run that marathon.

[Formerly SK]

I heard a singer interviewed on NPR yesterday and she sang this song.  I loved it.

AMANDA PALMER

"In My Mind"
(feat. Brian Viglione)

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm one hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
In the faraway here and now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of of discipline
Never fucking up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
But that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
And I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says I'm living in the moment
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this, win this fight
But maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be

[Deleted]

I try really, really hard to focus on what's good in my life.  It's so easy to get distracted by the bad things and forget about everything else. 

Then when all else fails, there's always chocolate...and bacon....bacon is really good too. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

[tloonya]

Jan 24, 2015 12:30:59 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I try really, really hard to focus on what's good in my life.  It's so easy to get distracted by the bad things and forget about everything else. 

Then when all else fails, there's always chocolate...and bacon....bacon is really good too. 

When do we get a break? From bad things?

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2015 13:35:22 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Jan 24, 2015 12:30:59 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I try really, really hard to focus on what's good in my life.  It's so easy to get distracted by the bad things and forget about everything else. 

Then when all else fails, there's always chocolate...and bacon....bacon is really good too. 

When do we get a break? From bad things?

Friday nights at the Black Horse.

[suesinfl]

-hug-Sorry that it's been a rough time for you, but you can get through this. Maybe you just need a day or two to just concentrate on  you and the positives in your life. 

Today is my day "off" from life and I'll pick up again tomorrow.

[Cookies Galore]

Jan 24, 2015 12:21:23 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

I heard a singer interviewed on NPR yesterday and she sang this song.  I loved it.

AMANDA PALMER

"In My Mind"
(feat. Brian Viglione)

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm one hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
In the faraway here and now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of of discipline
Never fucking up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
But that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
And I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says I'm living in the moment
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this, win this fight
But maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be

I LOVE AMANDA FUCKING PALMER!

[msventoux]

Pretty much most of 2014 was like that for me.  Many days the best I could do was just get up and make it through another day.  Sometimes I didn't bother and just called in sick and stayed home in bed.  I got to the point that anything that hadn't been having an overall net positive impact on my life got eliminated, whether it was an inanimate object or a relationship. 

The last couple of months have been much better.  Sometimes you get to the point you need to reevaluate what really matters to you, both in the short term and long term and work from there. 

[giramomma]

Jan 24, 2015 12:19:03 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

.

As an aside, I've always felt by your posts that you had an overwhelming amount of stuff on your plate.  Two jobs, three kids with heavy activities, volunteering...it sounded unsustainable unless you are one of those high energy people who thrives off decorating cupcakes at 1am for school function the next day (I know a few of those).  It could be that your pace is too fast long term, and you need to slow down a bit to run that marathon.

Actually, I am like that. I thrive when I am under the gun, so to speak.

And I'm doing much less than I was a year ago, work wise. And I am having time to take care of myself. DH are even getting out together again more..

Most of this is that folks are changing the rules on me, so to speak without consulting me first. I can handle it in teaching, or in my kids' activities, or at my dayjob. Even two out of three is OK. But not all three.

I've been involved with a work project for two years. I should have been pulled from it a year ago, when it was clear the project was going no-where. They hired someone that would be taking over my efforts in the project, or so we thought. Another part of my department doesn't seem to think so.  The other part of my department  thinks I will keep doing what I'm doing. My boss and I are meeting Monday to figure out my exit strategy from this group. I've been patient for over a year. I'm done.

I offered to help DS with the transition from cubs to boy scouts. Our scout troop is poorly run. Two months ago, I was led to believe they wanted to do things "the right way." I just found out last night, indeed, they have no interest in running a scout program like it should be. If I let DS join the troop he wants, I'm setting him up for failing. If we look at other troops, he's going to be sad that he's not with his home group. If he joins another troop, there's less options for scouting to be our thing like it's been.

Not only did I not follow up with the job I got, but I've been trying to work with someone that led me to believe that I would have meaningful work and would get paid for it...I haven't been paid for the work I've done. Which, I don't mind calling it an in-kind donation. But, just tell me that from the start. I was perfectly happy giving my time.

I know for the most part none of this is going to matter in 5 years. Or, likely even next year.

I just don't like chasing after moving targets when the targets are changing willy-nilly because of someone else. I like it much better when people are forthright with their expectations.

Anyway, this has been helpful.

[Deleted]

Is it too late for DH to apply for that job (assuming he wants to)?

 

[giramomma]

Jan 24, 2015 16:46:24 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

Is it too late for DH to apply for that job (assuming he wants to)?

 

Probably.

[giramomma]

Thanks again, all. It is better.

I've just emailed someone asking for clarity on whether or not I'm a paid employee or if my time should be used as an in-kind donation. I've made it clear that I don't care which it is, just as long as I know what's going on.

I have a meeting with my direct supervisor about getting me off the fruitless project later today. I'm suspecting that I've gotten stuck between a few people's political crap at work. Our last communication over the issue wasn't particularly positive.

DH and I set a decision deadline for scouts. My DH is so cute. He says he's burned out from it (he was a former leader), but he's the one for pushing on why the troop is making the decisions it is (whether it's coming from the scoutmaster or the troop committee.) I really don't care about the why, because it doesn't change anything.

A bunch of my students cancelled yesterday. So, I had a good day with the littlest. We played several games, we baked, we played play dough. And I was able to take care of a few things.

[Deleted]

I can see getting burned out with Scouts.  It's a LOT of work and it only gets worse when they move from Cub Scout to Boy Scouts. 

[zibazinski]

I'm sure we all have regrets. I know I sure do. Even now. I could have left teaching after DD went to college and gotten a good paying job. Wish I had. I regret never making much money. I love DH but I'm tired of the constant stress of his health. Two steps forward and three steps back. I'm sorry I married my ex even though I got some good things out of it.
There are still more good things than bad things in my life when I do a column spread. That's what DF now DH said to do when I couldn't decide about going through with it or not. So I did. Some very practical things are on that YES side. They outweighed the NO side. He laughed when he read it and still teases me over it. He's a good person. I'm just not the marrying kind. But it's over and done with. I forget about it most times. I've been single so long that it just feels odd not to be. One of the reasons I'd like do over in life is that I would have stayed single, even if id have had kids. No stigma anymore in not being married and having kids. Plus, I'd have pursued a career that I wanted. But I still have had a pretty good life all in all. Regrets? Sure. But that's life.

[giramomma]

Jan 26, 2015 8:48:01 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I can see getting burned out with Scouts.  It's a LOT of work and it only gets worse when they move from Cub Scout to Boy Scouts. 

My DH actually mostly got tired of dealing with parents. He did work alot, but he also had quite a bit of help for a while.  The kids, he loves. As it turns out, I think it's the same issue for me, too.

My boys and I have taken it rather easy this year. We got all our stuff done in September and October. So our den meetings have consisted of going bowling and playing laser tag over actually working on requirements. I've also ramped back our meetings because all my boys are in basketball, and it's a rather huge commitment...

I have to work before I get the stink eye...

[Deleted]

Jan 26, 2015 11:11:07 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jan 26, 2015 8:48:01 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I can see getting burned out with Scouts.  It's a LOT of work and it only gets worse when they move from Cub Scout to Boy Scouts. 

My DH actually mostly got tired of dealing with parents. He did work alot, but he also had quite a bit of help for a while.  The kids, he loves. As it turns out, I think it's the same issue for me, too.

My boys and I have taken it rather easy this year. We got all our stuff done in September and October. So our den meetings have consisted of going bowling and playing laser tag over actually working on requirements. I've also ramped back our meetings because all my boys are in basketball, and it's a rather huge commitment...

I have to work before I get the stink eye...

Boy Scouts there are so many requirements for advancement and it's not like the parents can sign them off like in Cub Scouts.  It's all very official and some of the merit badges take months to complete. They meet every Monday instead of a couple times a month and he has a camp out and service project every month too (except December).  Now he has to fulfill a leadership role to get his Star rank so he's training to be the Scribe.  Tonight he has two meetings to get to.  A PLC meeting to shadow the current scribe and a planning committee meeting for the high adventure camp they're doing next year.

Some days I just want to walk away from the whole scouting thing, but my Dad really pushes it and DS doesn't want to quit.