TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 6, 2015 15:15:36 GMT -5
Good luck on the interview OP!!!
I know alimony usually stops if you get re-married but what happens if you get a job?
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jan 6, 2015 15:19:25 GMT -5
I think it depends on what state you live in. Here in CA you can pay alimony for life if you're married long enough and/or the circumstances lead the court to that decision. If your income changes you can go back to court and see about getting the alimony you pay reduced but you can still end up paying something.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jan 6, 2015 15:37:13 GMT -5
How it is here is called somewhat "the manner in which you are accustomed to living" so it's whatever number it is minus MY salary is what is alimony.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 6, 2015 15:38:31 GMT -5
How it is here is called somewhat "the manner in which you are accustomed to living" so it's whatever number it is minus MY salary is what is alimony. Forever? Damn..I would never get married if I could be on the hook for alimony forever! Then again, I'm not dumb enough to ever get married again, anyway
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 6, 2015 15:39:53 GMT -5
How it is here is called somewhat "the manner in which you are accustomed to living" so it's whatever number it is minus MY salary is what is alimony. So let's say you get 30k in alimony and now you get a job for 25k. Does that mean you just reduce your husband alimony payment to 5k?
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 6, 2015 15:43:26 GMT -5
How it is here is called somewhat "the manner in which you are accustomed to living" so it's whatever number it is minus MY salary is what is alimony. Forever? Damn..I would never get married if I could be on the hook for alimony forever! Then again, I'm not dumb enough to ever get married again, anyway You also have to look at the whole picture. If couple marries at 23, wife stops working at 25 to take care of the kids/house and now at 60 husband wants to upgrade to the newer model... I can get behind alimony for life in that case. There isn't enough time for the wife to learn new skills and support herself. On the other hand , I remember reading about a Dr that had to pay his ex wife alimony for life and his current wife was trying to get the alimony payment stopped or reduced because the Dr was disabled, not earning any money and needed care himself. But then you think: tough luck!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 6, 2015 15:45:04 GMT -5
Forever? Damn..I would never get married if I could be on the hook for alimony forever! Then again, I'm not dumb enough to ever get married again, anyway You also have to look at the whole picture. If couple marries at 23, wife stops working at 25 to take care of the kids/house and now at 60 husband wants to upgrade to the newer model... I can get behind alimony for life in that case. There isn't enough time for the wife to learn new skills and support herself. On the other hand , I remember reading about a Dr that had to pay his ex wife alimony for life and his current wife was trying to get the alimony payment stopped or reduced because the Dr was disabled, not earning any money and needed care himself. But then you think: tough luck! I can't get behind alimony for life. I look at it from the other end...the poor man already supported you for 35 years, it is time to become sufficient!
Seriously, I don't know why people get married in the states that have such liberal alimony laws....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2015 15:52:14 GMT -5
Forever? Damn..I would never get married if I could be on the hook for alimony forever! Then again, I'm not dumb enough to ever get married again, anyway You also have to look at the whole picture. If couple marries at 23, wife stops working at 25 to take care of the kids/house and now at 60 husband wants to upgrade to the newer model... I can get behind alimony for life in that case. There isn't enough time for the wife to learn new skills and support herself. On the other hand , I remember reading about a Dr that had to pay his ex wife alimony for life and his current wife was trying to get the alimony payment stopped or reduced because the Dr was disabled, not earning any money and needed care himself. But then you think: tough luck! My husband upgraded when I was 35. I feel weird even taking child support. I mean I'm happy to get it, but I wish it wasn't something I needed to "maintain the lifestyle" (which is how our child support is structured too...to maintain the lifestyle of the child).
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 6, 2015 16:31:10 GMT -5
You also have to look at the whole picture. If couple marries at 23, wife stops working at 25 to take care of the kids/house and now at 60 husband wants to upgrade to the newer model... I can get behind alimony for life in that case. There isn't enough time for the wife to learn new skills and support herself. On the other hand , I remember reading about a Dr that had to pay his ex wife alimony for life and his current wife was trying to get the alimony payment stopped or reduced because the Dr was disabled, not earning any money and needed care himself. But then you think: tough luck! My husband upgraded when I was 35. I feel weird even taking child support. I mean I'm happy to get it, but I wish it wasn't something I needed to "maintain the lifestyle" (which is how our child support is structured too...to maintain the lifestyle of the child). To me, child support is different. Both parents should support their child. But long term alimony just seems wrong to me. Why should a woman who married a rich man but can't support herself have a different lifestyle after divorce than a woman who divorced a poor man that can't support herself? I find it crazy.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jan 6, 2015 16:31:51 GMT -5
If that was the number then yes Haitan
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 6, 2015 16:44:15 GMT -5
You also have to look at the whole picture. If couple marries at 23, wife stops working at 25 to take care of the kids/house and now at 60 husband wants to upgrade to the newer model... I can get behind alimony for life in that case. There isn't enough time for the wife to learn new skills and support herself. On the other hand , I remember reading about a Dr that had to pay his ex wife alimony for life and his current wife was trying to get the alimony payment stopped or reduced because the Dr was disabled, not earning any money and needed care himself. But then you think: tough luck! I can't get behind alimony for life. I look at it from the other end...the poor man already supported you for 35 years, it is time to become sufficient!
Seriously, I don't know why people get married in the states that have such liberal alimony laws....
You see it as supporting others see it as teamwork. One handle everything at home while the other person earns a paycheck.... It is an agreement between both parties, if the man did not want it he could have said so 35 years ago. I don't want it and I have been saying so for the past 11 years and been re-stating it lately since we are looking at IVF in 6-8 months. But I have met men that required/ demanded that their wife stayed home because that is what it was like growing up. Then buddy don't bitch when it is time to pay the piper 20-40 years later when you decide you want the newer model!
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jan 6, 2015 16:51:06 GMT -5
I am resigned to the fact that people see alimony as a negative, do I want alimony NO I want an intact marriage however that is not happening so I will take the help I can get for the moment based on what the court or he/I decide.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2015 17:42:29 GMT -5
I am resigned to the fact that people see alimony as a negative, do I want alimony NO I want an intact marriage however that is not happening so I will take the help I can get for the moment based on what the court or he/I decide. I don't think alimony is a negative to the one receiving it. But, I could have ended up PAYING. Imagine making 35k with two kids and having to pay alimony. Aack. Even for a year or two would have sucked and I would have wanted to kill him. Glad he couldn't lawyer up.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jan 6, 2015 17:45:45 GMT -5
Well true MPL, it is not something I absolutely like to admit but it is also not something I will turn down.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 6, 2015 17:49:47 GMT -5
::You see it as supporting others see it as teamwork. One handle everything at home while the other person earns a paycheck....::
I'm not aware of anything in the alimony which makes it dependent on someone "handling everything at home" though. It's also not just when one person doesn't work. You could be lying in bed all day doing nothing, or out having a job of your own and still get alimony.
::But I have met men that required/ demanded that their wife stayed home because that is what it was like growing up.::
Nobody can make you do something you don't choose to do.
::It is an agreement between both parties, if the man did not want it he could have said so 35 years ago.::
Alimony is not an agreement between any parties, it is a court order. If I make $1M/year, and you have a professional job making $100K/year, I would still likely owe you alimony even though our agreement was that we both work full time at our jobs and that each of us supports our own spending habits.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jan 6, 2015 19:11:20 GMT -5
::It is an agreement between both parties, if the man did not want it he could have said so 35 years ago.:: Alimony is not an agreement between any parties, it is a court order. If I make $1M/year, and you have a professional job making $100K/year, I would still likely owe you alimony even though our agreement was that we both work full time at our jobs and that each of us supports our own spending habits. I know someone going through a divorce in the great no fault state of CA. She has grown kids with her spouse who decided after decades of marriage he wanted a girlfriend. Both of these people make very good money but the soon to be ex-wife made more. The husband is older than her and once she filed for divorce he retired so that his income drops and he can go for more spousal support.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 6, 2015 19:26:47 GMT -5
::You see it as supporting others see it as teamwork. One handle everything at home while the other person earns a paycheck....:: I'm not aware of anything in the alimony which makes it dependent on someone "handling everything at home" though. It's also not just when one person doesn't work. You could be lying in bed all day doing nothing, or out having a job of your own and still get alimony. ::But I have met men that required/ demanded that their wife stayed home because that is what it was like growing up.:: Nobody can make you do something you don't choose to do. ::It is an agreement between both parties, if the man did not want it he could have said so 35 years ago.:: Alimony is not an agreement between any parties, it is a court order. If I make $1M/year, and you have a professional job making $100K/year, I would still likely owe you alimony even though our agreement was that we both work full time at our jobs and that each of us supports our own spending habits. The discussion was geared more towards the OP's situation...
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Jan 6, 2015 22:09:58 GMT -5
Would there even be 18K to put into a 401(k) on a 25K gross for the year? What about all the payroll taxes and possibly any other deductions? Wouldn't there be atleast 3 to 4K in some sort of taxes? Would Nutty even have take home pay?? 25k × .925 = 23.125 yr - 18K = 5125 yr = > 100 wk. Just try living inside / eating on that. Plus not eligible for much assistance as it is your choice to not utilize monthly income. As to living on alimony, do they even still grant alimony anymore? Especially when there aren't minor children or a disability On a happier note, I think it's great that you're expanding your horizons and becoming self sufficient
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justme
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Post by justme on Jan 6, 2015 22:18:24 GMT -5
The alimony would also be taxed plus she'll have to pay for her healthcare et all.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 6, 2015 23:49:04 GMT -5
My boss got divorced a few years ago. Both parties in their mid-late 50's. No children at home.
He always made enough that he supported his wife either SAH or working in their child rearing years. Wife chose to SAH and homeschool.
My boss and his wife separated right after he paid for her to get her masters degree. She also received an inheritance, during the separation.
Boss pays 40K/year in alimony, lost half of his pension, etc. etc. etc. He now HAS to work until he's over 70 just to recoup his financial losses. We're not even talking about getting ahead.
He did quip to a co-worker that hindsight being what it is, he never would have given her the choice to stay at home.
Apparently, the alimony will go away if she gets remarried. Otherwise, no, he's paying it for a long time.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jan 7, 2015 0:30:35 GMT -5
I am pretty sure nutty knows what she will get in alimony. Glad she's looking out for her future as well. There are a lot of angles to think through though, and several different options. Knowing amount of alimony would help give more specific suggestions but the ones given have been good. I am really sorry, nutty, that you find yourself here. Its not fair. You went into it thinking you had a lifetime of happiness ahead. I hope you can find your happiness again ♡
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 7, 2015 8:52:51 GMT -5
My boss got divorced a few years ago. Both parties in their mid-late 50's. No children at home. He always made enough that he supported his wife either SAH or working in their child rearing years. Wife chose to SAH and homeschool. My boss and his wife separated right after he paid for her to get her masters degree. She also received an inheritance, during the separation. Boss pays 40K/year in alimony, lost half of his pension, etc. etc. etc. He now HAS to work until he's over 70 just to recoup his financial losses. We're not even talking about getting ahead. He did quip to a co-worker that hindsight being what it is, he never would have given her the choice to stay at home. Apparently, the alimony will go away if she gets remarried. Otherwise, no, he's paying it for a long time. Unfortunately no one thinks divorce can happen to them so they don't properly lrotect themselves. Any high income earner is foolish for supporting a spouse. 50% of marriages end in divorce so the odds are not exactly stacked in your favor. I still can't wrap my head around lifetime support. To be honest, that would be enough for me to say "fuck it" and quit my good laying job and flip burgers somewhere. It would be bad enough if I were the one that filed for divorce, but to have my spouse file for divorce and then I still have to support them for the rest of their lives? Oh hell to the no!
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 7, 2015 9:06:01 GMT -5
Any high income earner is foolish for supporting a spouse. 50% of marriages end in divorce so the odds are not exactly stacked in your favor. But they don't even have to support a spouse, they just have to May way more. If someone is a high level executive pulling in 200k-300k married to a school teacher making 50k... They will probably end up paying "some" alimony Most cases of "lifetime" support have 1 thing in common: LONG marriages! Which means that the "lifetime" isn't really that long...
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 7, 2015 9:15:25 GMT -5
My boss got divorced a few years ago. Both parties in their mid-late 50's. No children at home. He always made enough that he supported his wife either SAH or working in their child rearing years. Wife chose to SAH and homeschool. My boss and his wife separated right after he paid for her to get her masters degree. She also received an inheritance, during the separation. Boss pays 40K/year in alimony, lost half of his pension, etc. etc. etc. He now HAS to work until he's over 70 just to recoup his financial losses. We're not even talking about getting ahead. He did quip to a co-worker that hindsight being what it is, he never would have given her the choice to stay at home. Apparently, the alimony will go away if she gets remarried. Otherwise, no, he's paying it for a long time. Unfortunately no one thinks divorce can happen to them so they don't properly lrotect themselves. Any high income earner is foolish for supporting a spouse. 50% of marriages end in divorce so the odds are not exactly stacked in your favor. I still can't wrap my head around lifetime support. To be honest, that would be enough for me to say "fuck it" and quit my good laying job and flip burgers somewhere. It would be bad enough if I were the one that filed for divorce, but to have my spouse file for divorce and then I still have to support them for the rest of their lives? Oh hell to the no! you would still be on the hook for alimony because you have a high earning potential. You are choosing not to use that potential.
It would be different if you became ill, or your job became obsolete, or the average wage for that type of worker decreased because those aren't really in your control.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 7, 2015 9:15:33 GMT -5
Any high income earner is foolish for supporting a spouse. 50% of marriages end in divorce so the odds are not exactly stacked in your favor. But they don't even have to support a spouse, they just have to May way more. If someone is a high level executive pulling in 200k-300k married to a school teacher making 50k... They will probably end up paying "some" alimony Most cases of "lifetime" support have 1 thing in common: LONG marriages! Which means that the "lifetime" isn't really that long... I'd still be pissed off. I probably just wouldn't get married at this point . I don't even know if a prenup would be enough to prevent something like that. I just find it all absurd. A woman married a high income earner so she gets supported her entire life. A woman marries Joe the grease monkey and she gets nothing. To me it is just anothe way to steal from the rich I know I'm way off on a tangent here and this has nothing to do with the original post.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 7, 2015 9:16:18 GMT -5
But they don't even have to support a spouse, they just have to May way more. If someone is a high level executive pulling in 200k-300k married to a school teacher making 50k... They will probably end up paying "some" alimony Most cases of "lifetime" support have 1 thing in common: LONG marriages! Which means that the "lifetime" isn't really that long... I'd still be pissed off. I probably just wouldn't get married at this point . I don't even know if a prenup would be enough to prevent something like that. I just find it all absurd. A woman married a high income earner so she gets supported her entire life. A woman marries Joe the grease monkey and she gets nothing. To me it is just anothe way to steal from the rich I know I'm way off on a tangent here and this has nothing to do with the original post. Men get alimony too.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 7, 2015 9:21:08 GMT -5
Unfortunately no one thinks divorce can happen to them so they don't properly lrotect themselves. Any high income earner is foolish for supporting a spouse. 50% of marriages end in divorce so the odds are not exactly stacked in your favor. I still can't wrap my head around lifetime support. To be honest, that would be enough for me to say "fuck it" and quit my good laying job and flip burgers somewhere. It would be bad enough if I were the one that filed for divorce, but to have my spouse file for divorce and then I still have to support them for the rest of their lives? Oh hell to the no! you would still be on the hook for alimony because you have a high earning potential. You are choosing not to use that potential.
It would be different if you became ill, or your job became obsolete, or the average wage for that type of worker decreased because those aren't really in your control.
I'm pretty f'n spiteful. I would pick up and move and let him try to pursue the issue. If i had nothing to garnish Im not sure what they could collect. Not sure if I could get away with it but inside as hell would try God knows I know enoguh people who can't collect from dads so I can't imagine courts in PA would take more action for alimony than they do for child support
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 7, 2015 9:21:56 GMT -5
I'd still be pissed off. I probably just wouldn't get married at this point . I don't even know if a prenup would be enough to prevent something like that. I just find it all absurd. A woman married a high income earner so she gets supported her entire life. A woman marries Joe the grease monkey and she gets nothing. To me it is just anothe way to steal from the rich I know I'm way off on a tangent here and this has nothing to do with the original post. Men get alimony too. You are correct. I Should have said "spouse" like I did in my other posts.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 7, 2015 9:24:03 GMT -5
you would still be on the hook for alimony because you have a high earning potential. You are choosing not to use that potential.
It would be different if you became ill, or your job became obsolete, or the average wage for that type of worker decreased because those aren't really in your control.
I'm pretty f'n spiteful. I would pick up and move and let him try to pursue the issue. If i had nothing to garnish Im not sure what they could collect. Not sure if I could get away with it but inside as hell would try God knows I know enoguh people who can't collect from dads so I can't imagine courts in PA would take more action for alimony than they do for child support They take less. Unless the spouse applies for welfare. They the state sends the hoards to track you down and extract every penny from you.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 7, 2015 9:24:23 GMT -5
you would still be on the hook for alimony because you have a high earning potential. You are choosing not to use that potential.
It would be different if you became ill, or your job became obsolete, or the average wage for that type of worker decreased because those aren't really in your control.
I'm pretty f'n spiteful. I would pick up and move and let him try to pursue the issue. If i had nothing to garnish Im not sure what they could collect. Not sure if I could get away with it but inside as hell would try God knows I know enoguh people who can't collect from dads so I can't imagine courts in PA would take more action for alimony than they do for child support Lol you are spiteful! But that is the man you would have shared the best 40 years of your life with
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