Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 13:17:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2015 21:25:03 GMT -5
Three accounts works awesome for us, one for joint and the other two are entertainment funds with the same allowance. I think that works for one or two incomes.
|
|
bimetalaupt
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 9, 2011 20:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 2,325
|
Post by bimetalaupt on Jan 4, 2015 21:51:33 GMT -5
Nothing Bi. Professional kind of indicates 'paid' though oped Correct!!! You have a Great Eye for details. Celia was also a great front person with poker games, parties and keep my booking for relief pharmacy: she always keep the party in an uproar. At her funeral the church was full and the church entry was crowded with people that excided seats. Last time I talked to George W. he had not hear about her passing and was at total shock: Midland, TX is a small city and most every one know one or the other. I just was not ready for this at the age of 41. How do you put a $$$ on that? Talking about a plot for a kiss and tell romance novel. God Bless, BiMetalAuPt
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 4, 2015 21:51:48 GMT -5
That's kind of what I am questioning. And the answer currently is because that's what my husband wants...he wants separate because he doesn't want to worry about 2 people drafting from the same checking, because his parents fought about money and purchases a lot and he thinks it's because they both used the same account, and because he has business money/properties etc., that he is also managing so he already has his money divided up between multiple accounts, so it's all already complicated. I was in a different situation than you (no kids) but you may find my experience useful.
I quit my job when DH's (dear husband) job relocated from CA to AZ. I agreed even though I had a good job because; 1) DH had gifted me 1/2 of a substantial inheritance two years beforehand 2) His job paid considerably more than mine 3) I had hit a plateau in my career and was in a somewhat hostile work environment. 4) We agreed to keep the SF Bay Area house in case I hated the metro Phoenix area.
I would have not agreed to the relocation without substantial joint savings.
One of my "jobs" was to take over the books. We actually converted "my" checking account into a property account. Therefore at the beginning we had our savings account, a new joint/house account, our Southern CA cabin (inheritance) account, and now our SF Bay Area House account. It took us a bit of getting used to but we would work with a joint budget and each of us would have a monthly personal allowance. This was separate from groceries.
DH never carried the checkbook. Since I paid all the bills there wasn't any issue with overdrawing the account because he only used the ATM card for cash or picking up groceries. Anything else we discussed.
Eventually we added two more properties with their own bank accounts (and then moved to Bonn, Germany and added two more bank accounts!) and I continued to handle the books and the property management of the properties.
Although DH officially retired 2.5 years ago, I'm still working part-time.
ETA: I do think you need to put your foot down as oped points out. Quitting your paid job will change things. Although I stayed busy with our properties and volunteer work there was more than once when DH tried to pull the "I'm making the money and I will make the decisions" card.
Your DH is not your boss and he does not get to make the decisions. You guys are partners and you make decisions TOGETHER.
And that is fine if both people feel that way. I'm different. First, outside of a debilitating illness I can't imagine a scenario where I would support a a man. But assuming I did, I really would feel "this is my money and I will decide what to do with my money". Someone like me can never have joint finances.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Jan 4, 2015 22:08:08 GMT -5
I was in a different situation than you (no kids) but you may find my experience useful.
I quit my job when DH's (dear husband) job relocated from CA to AZ. I agreed even though I had a good job because; 1) DH had gifted me 1/2 of a substantial inheritance two years beforehand 2) His job paid considerably more than mine 3) I had hit a plateau in my career and was in a somewhat hostile work environment. 4) We agreed to keep the SF Bay Area house in case I hated the metro Phoenix area.
I would have not agreed to the relocation without substantial joint savings.
One of my "jobs" was to take over the books. We actually converted "my" checking account into a property account. Therefore at the beginning we had our savings account, a new joint/house account, our Southern CA cabin (inheritance) account, and now our SF Bay Area House account. It took us a bit of getting used to but we would work with a joint budget and each of us would have a monthly personal allowance. This was separate from groceries.
DH never carried the checkbook. Since I paid all the bills there wasn't any issue with overdrawing the account because he only used the ATM card for cash or picking up groceries. Anything else we discussed.
Eventually we added two more properties with their own bank accounts (and then moved to Bonn, Germany and added two more bank accounts!) and I continued to handle the books and the property management of the properties.
Although DH officially retired 2.5 years ago, I'm still working part-time.
ETA: I do think you need to put your foot down as oped points out. Quitting your paid job will change things. Although I stayed busy with our properties and volunteer work there was more than once when DH tried to pull the "I'm making the money and I will make the decisions" card.
Your DH is not your boss and he does not get to make the decisions. You guys are partners and you make decisions TOGETHER.
And that is fine if both people feel that way. I'm different. First, outside of a debilitating illness I can't imagine a scenario where I would support a a man. But assuming I did, I really would feel "this is my money and I will decide what to do with my money". Someone like me can never have joint finances. But this post isn't about you Miss T. You would never agree to be or support a SAHP. However the O.P. is from a soon to be SAHP; a decision to which they have jointly agreed.
She is not going to have income for a very long time. In addition, she will find that if she does attempt to rejoin the workforce after 10 or 20 years that her skills will be mostly unmarketable other than entry level. That's not only an economic blow it's also going to be a big psychic blow. All she needs on top of that is to be married to someone who gives her a small allowance because he's in charge because he makes the money.
I have seen too many formerly independent women take a huge dive in self esteem because they aren't "Paid".
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 4, 2015 22:17:36 GMT -5
And that is fine if both people feel that way. I'm different. First, outside of a debilitating illness I can't imagine a scenario where I would support a a man. But assuming I did, I really would feel "this is my money and I will decide what to do with my money". Someone like me can never have joint finances. But this post isn't about you Miss T. You would never agree to be or support a SAHP. However the O.P. is from a soon to be SAHP; a decision to which they have jointly agreed.
She is not going to have income for a very long time. In addition, she will find that if she does attempt to rejoin the workforce after 10 or 20 years that her skills will be mostly unmarketable other than entry level. That's not only an economic blow it's also going to be a big psychic blow. All she needs on top of that is to be married to someone who gives her a small allowance because he's in charge because he makes the money.
I have seen too many formerly independent women take a huge dive in self esteem because they aren't "Paid".
I was just saying that she can't demand that he act a certain way if that isn't the way he is wired. They aren't financial equals if he is the one making the money. We can all pretend she is, but at the end of the day he really is the one making the money. Hopefully they can come to an agreement that works for them. I just wouldn't approach it as "give me half of your money". And no, I don't remember if you are the one that recommended that. Everything is blending in this thread!
|
|
Knee Deep in Water Chloe
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 21:04:44 GMT -5
Posts: 14,241
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1980e6
|
Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 4, 2015 23:28:24 GMT -5
But this post isn't about you Miss T. You would never agree to be or support a SAHP. However the O.P. is from a soon to be SAHP; a decision to which they have jointly agreed.
She is not going to have income for a very long time. In addition, she will find that if she does attempt to rejoin the workforce after 10 or 20 years that her skills will be mostly unmarketable other than entry level. That's not only an economic blow it's also going to be a big psychic blow. All she needs on top of that is to be married to someone who gives her a small allowance because he's in charge because he makes the money.
I have seen too many formerly independent women take a huge dive in self esteem because they aren't "Paid".
I was just saying that she can't demand that he act a certain way if that isn't the way he is wired. They aren't financial equals if he is the one making the money. We can all pretend she is, but at the end of the day he really is the one making the money. Hopefully they can come to an agreement that works for them. I just wouldn't approach it as "give me half of your money". And no, I don't remember if you are the one that recommended that. Everything is blending in this thread! That was me who suggested it, though I never said demand
|
|
bimetalaupt
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 9, 2011 20:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 2,325
|
Post by bimetalaupt on Jan 5, 2015 0:52:42 GMT -5
Miss T.
It is our understanding most Husbands have learned behavior from their fathers or grandfathers. Like long term planning for your families well being on the event of the husband's demise. Most experts in life insurance we suggest a 10 year life expectancy for the wife above his expectancy. Look at it this way: many wives are not prepared for the financial demands of being single. In the long run most wives will gain control of 100%of the family assets. They will have to retain enough assets for sons and daughters as well as the family dog. I know I had 5 years insurance on my life ( as suggested by my insurance broker) and other income producing assets. The major policy I had also had 3X rider for accidental death. Celia had a bit less. I also had insurance from Walgreen's as well as profit sharing. I was told by our CPA I did a good job setting up the estate plan as well as retirement planning. IMHO: you have to work for the picture by reducing overhead and increase long term assets. The flow of creative properties were as much a future to Celia as Oil and Gas production was to Eric and me. The thoughts were these asset would be Celia's sooner or later. She needed to understand what was done so I had her go with me the all the signing. Celia and Ruth talked about my dad and I: they agreed we were two birds alike: I told her that I wanted to have $$$$$$ to find a good husband next time. She told me she have one already and a great son.
Thank-you for your time: God Bless you and yours Bruce
|
|
quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
|
Post by quince on Jan 5, 2015 0:56:26 GMT -5
Our household is currently one income, and we have separate accounts.
My husband pays the rent, then sends roughly half of what remains to one of my accounts. We both pay for groceries, etc, as things come up. We transfer money freely if one spouse or the other needs more funds. Both of us contribute to retirement and investments in our own names.
We decided that this was how it would be if one of us was unemployed (by mutual agreement) before we married or reproduced. I would not be unemployed, and probably would not have relocated away from my job, without this arrangement.
He is the one who is making the money. We are absolutely equals in financial decision making as long as this relationship lasts. He does have the ability to stop transferring funds to me arbitrarily, and control all the money that comes into his account thereafter. I have the ability to take my reasonably large amount of savings, and move the hell out, divorce him, and find a job. We both get to renegotiate where we live/ who works/ how we spend.
You need to decide what you can live with. I wouldn't stay in an arrangement in which my personal financial situation did not continue to improve along with the whole family's.
|
|
marvholly
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 11:45:21 GMT -5
Posts: 6,540
|
Post by marvholly on Jan 5, 2015 6:52:34 GMT -5
I am older and late DH & I did have a bit o separate accounts. We had a joint account where all funds were deposited and bills paid out of. However, we had individual savings/checking accounts for our personal spending mony.
|
|
Anne_in_VA
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:09:35 GMT -5
Posts: 5,545
|
Post by Anne_in_VA on Jan 5, 2015 7:57:51 GMT -5
We both work and have separate accounts in which our paychecks are deposited, however we freely transfer money to each other as needed. I pay some bills and he pays some, so it works out roughly even - we looked at the bills and came up with that plan.
When I retire in a couple of years, we'll revisit how we pay bills since my retirement will be less than I'm earning now and DH's will remain the same. He's almost 10 years younger than I am and will continue to work for another 10 years or so - he actually thinks he'll never stop working although I think he'll do more volunteer work.
I'm not sure how we'll change things, but we've been talking a bit about it.
My point is, it's something to be discussed as you are a team and need to make joint decisions. Good luck in working this out with your husband.
|
|
Shooby
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2013 0:32:36 GMT -5
Posts: 14,782
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1cf04f
|
Post by Shooby on Jan 5, 2015 8:05:58 GMT -5
I think you need to decide the money is not 'his and hers" but OURS. So, you are working together as a team to run the family. You need to sit down and seriously discuss how to proceed going ahead.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 13:17:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2015 9:45:44 GMT -5
I have been a SAHM for most of the last 12 years and we have separate accounts. A portion of DH's check gets deposited into my account. We have renegotiated what I get over the years, either due to him getting a raise or because something that one of us paid changed in some way. Both of us are pretty easy going with money, so there haven't been any power struggles.
|
|
Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
|
Post by Formerly SK on Jan 5, 2015 10:05:17 GMT -5
I think you are labeling things unnecessarily. In fact, you ARE living on just DH's income so there isn't any his/hers. You can divide the money into two accounts, but it doesn't make it his/hers. It's his income in two accounts.
I've been financially dependent on DH for 10 years now. We're both happy with this arrangement and plan to continue it indefinitely (I work PT but only make about 10% of his salary). We don't fight about money because we have a budget we agree to and we stick to it. Shared financial goals = no fighting. Your DH is misunderstanding the reason his parents fought.
I'm concerned that you have to use savings to fund a SAHP lifestyle. That seems the largest issue to me - that you need to withdraw money every month to cover part of your lost wages. Are you sure you can afford it long term?
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Jan 5, 2015 12:00:57 GMT -5
Even if he is building his savings up and I am depleting mine, it will still be awhile before they are equal. So, in that sense, I almost feel bad taking money from him. I know my savings won't last forever though, but my dilemma then becomes should I ask for a salary now? Or should I wait until things even out? Neither of us are frivolous spenders. Although I do find comfort in knowing I have a nest egg and safety net... Why are your savings depleting if you're living off his income? If you agreed that you're a single income household, then live off the single income and have your savings "forever." Personally, I'd move the bulk of that savings over to a brokerage account so it wouldn't be so tempting to raid. If you are not able to live off his income, then re-work the budget until you are. If it were me, I'd use a joint credit card for everything and have him pay it off each month- then no deposit or "salary" is necessary. Gas, groceries, clothing, activities, whatever goes on the credit card. But, then, I don't use cash or debit card for anything- even a $2 purchase. If you must have a little cash around, have him give you $100/month.
|
|
luckyme
Familiar Member
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 14:05:59 GMT -5
Posts: 826
|
Post by luckyme on Jan 5, 2015 12:08:25 GMT -5
I am always amazed and the twisted finances that are brought up here. So much bloody work.
This is how we work it. DH's income.
We have one account, and DH's paycheck goes into it. He pays all the house bills from that, and I charge everything on my credit card. My stuff is everything dealing with the kids, gas, groceries, the occasional dinner out, car repairs, whatever.
Then at the end of the month I pay the credit card off out of the account.
Doesn't get simpler than that, and there is no your money, my money, allowances, permission, and all the other BS.
|
|
❤ mollymouser ❤
Senior Associate
Sarcasm is my Superpower
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:09:58 GMT -5
Posts: 12,861
Today's Mood: Gen X ... so I'm sarcastic and annoyed
Location: Central California
Favorite Drink: Diet Mountain Dew
|
Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Jan 5, 2015 21:04:08 GMT -5
When we got married in 2002, we combined all of our finances in joint accounts/joint credit cards.
I take care of all bill paying and financial details because I want to, I'm better at it, and because he has a wonky work schedule that sometimes has him deployed out of the country for months at a time.
When we got married, we were a two income family. We considered all income to be "ours."
In 2005, we because a one income family. Our accounts and financial set up remained the same. We both consider all income to be "ours." (So does the State of California)
We do have an agreement that we check with the other before making non-necessary, unbudgeted big purchases (over $500). This doesn't apply to car repairs, replacing household appliances, etc.... sometimes I need to act when he's deployed and I'm not able to communicate with him for a few days.
This works just fine for us.
|
|
HappyLady
Initiate Member
Joined: Feb 26, 2011 11:39:13 GMT -5
Posts: 66
|
Post by HappyLady on Jan 5, 2015 23:07:35 GMT -5
I appreciate all the insight and different ways people do things. It will be helpful in my discussions with DH. So far, the easiest idea that I think sounds like it would work best would be having a joint credit card that can be used for groceries/family purchases, that I use. We could set a budget for not going over each month without discussing with each other. And he could pay it off at the end of the month. A "salary" or allowance each month makes me feel like I'm working for him, so I don't really like that concept--I want it to be a partnership. But I do like the card suggestion, I think that could meet both my need of having access to cash without going to him/asking for money, not making me dip into my savings for normal grocery expenses, or knowing how much cash he is going to give me, and would also meet his desire to have 'separate accounts.' I know he would give me money if I asked for it--but I don't like asking for it (it makes me feel like a kid)...which is why I am in this predicament of not wanting separate accounts. I think the card to be used for purchases idea would be the best of both worlds though--so thank you for all the helpful suggestions!
|
|