When did you reach a balance you were happy with?

[TheHaitian]

Happy and at peace with the split between spending/saving?

And how?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm supposed to be happy with my arrangement?

I'll probably never be happy and neither will DH. We're too far at either end of the extreme to find a system that truly makes us happy.

But we're at peace with it (most days). He's accepted the fact that he does not get to spend every dime he makes and I've accepted I am not going to be able to stuff every penny under the mattress.

We could be doing A LOT better, but we could also be doing a lot worse. So I try not to let posting on here get me depressed. We already miles ahead of most of the people we know in real life.

How did we come to accept it? A shitload of fighting over the subject and a near miss with divorce. We finally decided if we were going to stay together we had to accept that neither one of us were going to get our way and we had to hack out a middle ground that we could both live with.

[quince]

When my husband and I moved in together, suddenly there was a surplus of money in the household.

Also, I was happy. I wanted to spend less, and he doesn't enjoy spending money, so less outflow.  

He would talk to me about the time he spent with Peace Corps, which changed his perspective on wealth and comfort, and it helps me to appreciate what I have.

I have money in the bank and I know I could sustain our lifestyle for at least a year without touching retirement if we were both unemployed. Peace of mind is fucking fantastic.

Sometimes(often) I get a bit twitchy about savings: I got used to a high savings rate, then we had a kid and moved out to the Bay Area.  Savings rate nosedive.  It's easy to be anxious about it: you can always decide it's not enough, either spending or savings. No matter how much you put away, you can wish your dragon hoard were bigger.  

I'm waffling on having a second kid because things are so awesome/in balance with the one. I might have to give up luxuries/savings with a second... 

But really, if you have what you need, and a reasonably sized, softish cushion to land on if things go awry, then everything else is gravy.  Luxuries or bonus savings, treat it all like extra, and remind yourself that you can do with less, and that stressing yourself out over finances past a certain point is taking away from enjoyment of BOTH spending and saving.

[gooddecisions]

When I was able to fully max my retirement accounts, I felt like I could spend guilt-free. Although, I will admit that even when I really need something, I still struggle over just buying it. Right now I need a new pair of running shoes. I know brooks are awesome, but I'm tempted to buy a $60 pair of saucony instead and hope they are good enough. Sigh.

[giramomma]

When I realized that being middle class didn't mean that you were one paycheck away from being homeless.

For me, it took getting a fully funded EF and fairly funded sinking funds to get there, and getting some years in my adult life.

And now, it's understanding that there is a season for everything. We saved like mad when we had #1 and #2. We can now spend like mad on things we need (air conditioners, braces, dish washers), and still be OK with the additional expenses of #3.

The season of spending will come to an end in a couple of years, and we'll be back to being able to have a good savings rate, again.

We will not be able to max our retirement accounts. We will never earn 100K in any given year. We gross 70K. Putting 40K of that towards retirement just isn't necessary or feasible.

I am also OK because we are a resourceful bunch. When I lost one of my teaching jobs, I got another job within week. (I elected to turn it down.) We always maintain our priorities and are willing to adjust as the situation dictates.

I also married a saver. So, that part has been very easy.

[Ryan]

Phase 1 of balance was when we bought our "forever house".  I had been stressing about saving enough money for the downpayment, since we pretty much lost all the equity in our current home and were going to be moving into a nicer area.  Once we got there, I knew I just needed to stick with the retirement savings going forward and I'd be fine.  

Phase 2 of total balance will be when our kids are out of daycare.  Next year, my daycare costs will go from $2200/month to $1400 after my oldest gets into first grade.  The following year it should go down to $725/month or so.  I know $725 probably sounds like a lot still, but in my mind it's a small price to pay for a lot of flexibility.  When we get to that point, our whole lives will be based around a 5 mile radius around my house.   My work is 5 miles away, my wife's is 2 miles away, and the kids school is a block away (with before/after school being in the same building).  What we pay in daycare, we'll save in overall commuting costs that most people pay.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

My favorite new motto is "Life is shor."

Too short to overly obsess about money, and to me, I will only ever be really happy with the balance when I finally have enough money that no balance is needed, LOL.

Since that ain't likely to happen in my lifetime (I married for love, LOL), I choose to do what I can, and then just let it go and live life.  

In other words, it's not about being happy with the balance.  It's about making a sincere effort and then just learning to live with the situation.  Life is too shor to base one's happiness on money.

JMHO.  YMMV and likely will.  

[kittensaver]

Like Ryan, I think we hit that balance with our "forever home." One of our huge (for us) "stability" goals (besides generating enough income to be comfortable) was to get enough equity in the property so that if in the future one of us became permanently ill or disabled we could sell the house and have enough from the sale to buy a smaller place (clearly NOT in La La Land) and have no mortgage. Having no mortgage would make living on one income pretty easy. As and long as our health and employment holds out, we are on track to have no mortgage when we retire (another stability marker for us).

Now that we have hit that goal  we are just plowing as much as conveniently possible (above the max 403(b) contributions) into savings. It's nice to hit a point in life where you can go to the grocery store without a calculator in hand and not fret at the total bill. We're not rich (ESPECIALLY not by La La Land standards), but we're comfortable. Our dishwasher died the day before Thanksgiving, and neither of us blinked when replacing it. We could buy a middle-of-the-road car with cash tonight if we wanted to. So I think we've found that "balance." But frankly, it took 30 years of saving and ignoring the Joneses to get there.

[haapai]

I'm not there yet. 

Doubling my income while freezing or reducing my fixed cash outflows helped a lot.  It's pretty amazing how long a person can live paycheck to paycheck if they avoid debt and are lucky.  My luck held for a decade, mostly because I avoided debt.  But when that lucky streak ended, it took years of skimping and applying increases in income to stabilization efforts to find a happier place. 

It's astounding to me how much of my income has to be set aside if I want stability.  I'm almost glad that I didn't know that when I started cleaning up my act. 

[Deleted]

I'm not really there, either. Every month is tight, but then I only take home $2270 a month of my more than $5000 a month salary. Out of that, I still pay $541 or whatever to my Roth, a $100 to grandkids' 529s, and $50 to the dog's account.

So there's no balance right now. I save more than I can "afford," but I usually feel like I have no choice. I am 61-years-old, and I'm not sure that I have more than five years left. I'm not even sure I can make it to 66 when I think of what happened to Athena.

I honestly picture myself working at CVS or some place in my old age to make ends meet, and that's with a pension, savings, and SS.  But it won't be somewhere that I have to prep to go to work and work at home afterwards.  That's the hard part of teaching despite what you guys think.  Like you, I'm never really off except for a month in the summer.  (We started back in late July last year.)  Unlike you guys, no one ever believes it. 

So, no, the balance isn't there.

[Deleted]

Maybe this sounds crazy.  When I was forced into retirement I was in a panic about money...... until I realized that between my pensions and disability, I have enough to pay my bills, buy appliances when needed, take little trips without dipping into EF or retirement funds.  True, I'm investing very little now, but I'm stable and my retirement funds are growing on their own.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I'm pretty close to what drama wrote without the "near miss of divorce" part. I don't think I can find actual peace until I've gotten the underwater houses taken care of. That could be another decade. 

[HoneyBBQ]

When my FireCalc estimate gave me 100% chance of success with my current plan of working 15 more years.

[lynnerself]

Pretty much always.

There have been maybe two years in my marriage (40 years) that were worrisome, with more money going out than in. But all that meant is we were drawing down savings.

Otherwise we have always lived below our means, saved consistently, but spent for thing we thought we important.

How? No student debt, 2 reasonable incomes and modest tastes.

Luckily DH and I were always on the same page.

[tallguy]

When did you reach a balance you were happy and at peace with the split between spending/saving?

Don't know.  I'm not there yet.  I still have too much trouble spending on myself.  Money is fine, and work became less irritating when I realized I didn't have to be there, but I still have a hard time spending. 

[justme]

I'm pretty at peace with my split. I could be saving more, but I'm saving way more than most 28 yo (600 something a month to 401k not including match and until my job change almost 300 month otherwise, now it's 800+ otherwise. Need to up my 401k but have to figure out if I'm buying first).

If I wasn't single I probably would be spending less (less nights out with friends) and I could probably cut back on what I spend on entertainment. But whatever.

[Formerly SK]

I don't think I'll be at peace until my kids are done with college.    

Otherwise, things are OK (not great, but OK).  Like others, my DH is a spender and I'm a saver.  We compromise continuously.

[msventoux]

Not there yet.  I'm satisfied with where I'm at, but not happy.  For a long time I was in the starving student save every dime mindset.  Then I went a little overboard with spending from spending years in the siege mentality of finances.  Now I think I'm finding equilibrium, but I'll be adding an HSA to max out into the mix, and since my house is getting older I'd like to up my sinking funds for major repairs.  Once that happens I think I'll be happy, but who knows?

[cronewitch]

I over saved so working on spending now investment were up 80K this year so even if I dipped into them next year I will be fine forever spending all I really want to spend. I have trouble spending, don't enjoy money going away so have to trick myself or psych up for it. I have been buying gift cards, that isn't like spending money, then I can spend gift cards and that isn't like spending money. I ordered Costco gift cards today, now I will buy new tires with gift cards not have to lay out real money, charged the gift cards since Costco doesn't take my credit cards but Costco.com does. Spending on other people makes me feel I could spend on me, I can afford it.

When working I over saved maxed 401K and ROTH and saved other money because I was racing to the end of my work life with profit sharing I could save 40K or so on a 60K salary.

[Deleted]

I don't think I ever will.  I don't make enough to save or spend at the level I'd like to.  I suppose after I retire and I'm not as worried about the saving part.

[midjd]

This is probably the biggest money issue I struggle with. I'm a big proponent of "make hay while the sun shines" and would rather squirrel away as much as we can while we're both young and healthy and able to work full-time. The other side of that coin is that it is important to enjoy the things/experiences money will buy while we're both young and healthy.

I have a hard time declaring that X level of savings is "enough" and that spending anything in excess of that amount is OK, even though our savings rate is pretty high.

DH is not a huge spender compared to the average person, but he definitely is compared to me, so I think that helps keep things somewhat in balance. 

[HoneyBBQ]

Honestly, if you read the literature, it's not that hard to make some sort of arbitrary boundary and stick to it.

The wealthy barber states to save 10% of your gross, spend the rest. I like this thinking because it is tied to your income level and spending level.

Other philosophies are just to max your 401k, spend the rest. This is sort of arbitrary. Does this include a ROTH IRA, too? What about a traditional IRA? What if you're self employed? etc.

It's not 1 size fits all. As Phil has described, he had a very different lifestyle than most. His recommendation is to live in Iowa. But that doesn't work for everyone. You gotta figure it out yourself, figure out what is most important, and go from there and have a little fun on the way.

[Bonny]

LOL, @anne81!

I'm still working on it myself!

[Cookies Galore]

I think we've found contentment rather than balance, but either feels fine to me. We save 10% of our take home pay, and with our total income and the area we live, I am currently content with that number. We could do a little better or we could do a hell of a lot worse! I want a healthy down payment for a house, so we're honestly about three years from home ownership. I tell myself I'm okay with that.
But in the meantime, we have a good amount of fun and don't feel pressure to live like anyone but us. I do need to find balance on me spending. I have absolutely no issue with spending the money on the gor-tex version of my running shoe, but $20 on a blouse? Heavens no!

[Deleted]

There were only 2 times in my adult life where I felt things were out of balance.

When I was married to my Ex, he spent everything he made and maxed out his credit cards and I was constantly struggling to clean up his messes and keep the essential bills paid. After I divorced him, things were much better. We were in a HCOL area and the mortgage (total PITI) was about half my take-home pay, but I was maxing out my 401(k) and made enough that DS and I did fine. I probably spent less on clothes and jewelry in those years, kept the same car from 1991-2003, and was able to keep the house in good repair but no fancy upgrades or new furniture.  I started dating second DH and our one extravagance was the travel budget, supplemented significantly by airline and hotel loyalty programs since I was doing some business travel and really knew how to work those programs. 

I've been blessed with good health and only 6 weeks of unemployment during a 38-year career, but I've also been very disciplined.  I never stopped or suspended saving, never raided the savings for "wants" and never used the HELOC for anything but loans that I repaid.  (Cheaper than other financing options, especially with tax-deductible interest, used to buy cars and a new heating/AC system over the years.) 

[Deleted]

I don't think there is one balance that works. I think you constantly need to rebalance based on life, needs, desires. 

[trimatty471]

Dec 30, 2014 17:16:08 GMT -5 giramomma said:

When I realized that being middle class didn't mean that you were one paycheck away from being homeless.

For me, it took getting a fully funded EF and fairly funded sinking funds to get there, and getting some years in my adult life.

And now, it's understanding that there is a season for everything. We saved like mad when we had #1 and #2. We can now spend like mad on things we need (air conditioners, braces, dish washers), and still be OK with the additional expenses of #3.

The season of spending will come to an end in a couple of years, and we'll be back to being able to have a good savings rate, again.

We will not be able to max our retirement accounts. We will never earn 100K in any given year. We gross 70K. Putting 40K of that towards retirement just isn't necessary or feasible.

I am also OK because we are a resourceful bunch. When I lost one of my teaching jobs, I got another job within week. (I elected to turn it down.) We always maintain our priorities and are willing to adjust as the situation dictates.

I also married a saver. So, that part has been very easy.

Yep.  And I lam learning how to live with less.

[zibazinski]

I wish I'd never left my job. Although I was burnt out, if I'd had hung in there, two people who made a bad job worse left and everyone says things were so much better then. Not having that paycheck and that health care really did me in. Selling my paid for home which cost me very little was another mistake. I rented and rent was high. I'm okay because of DF now DH but that kind of gets to me.

[TheHaitian]

Jan 3, 2015 12:22:29 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I wish I'd never left my job. Although I was burnt out, if I'd had hung in there, two people who made a bad job worse left and everyone says things were so much better then. Not having that paycheck and that health care really did me in. Selling my paid for home which cost me very little was another mistake. I rented and rent was high. I'm okay because of DF now DH but that kind of gets to me.

DH DH DH DH DH
No DF
But DH DH DH DH

Get used to it

[murphath]

When I wrote the last check for our 3 kids' college educations and they graduated to become self-supporting!