jitterbug
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Post by jitterbug on Dec 28, 2014 22:49:46 GMT -5
My son is going propose to his girlfriend. He is the next of kin for his grandma (his dad, my first husband, is deceased) and the estate is large enough to make them pretty comfortable. I think his girlfriend is very sweet and not the type to get greedy (her favorite place to shop is Goodwill!) but you never know. He wants to do a prenup....but can you put "future inheritances from Grandma and mom will remain the sole property of me" in a prenup?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 22:52:44 GMT -5
Aren't inheritances normally considered non-marital property anyhow?
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 28, 2014 23:01:35 GMT -5
Aren't inheritances normally considered non-marital property anyhow? Just advise your son to keep the inheritance out of "community" accounts. So should be in accounts under his name only, separate from "joint" accounts. The moment the money touches joint accounts it is fair game!
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 28, 2014 23:10:21 GMT -5
I'm not sure, but I plan to with mine. Though I'd be inheriting property not cash. Well what I would want to protect. He'll also be signing something right as I get it too.
Honestly you'll need to consult a lawyer in his state to find out this info.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 0:32:32 GMT -5
As others said, so long as he doesn't co-mingle the assets he should be ok, but checking with a lawyer in your state doesn't hurt.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 29, 2014 2:53:47 GMT -5
Mostly. The big problem is trying to keep assets separate.
He should talk to a lawyer before hand if it's substantial.
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mwcpa
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Post by mwcpa on Dec 29, 2014 7:37:13 GMT -5
if any Moms and Dads are concerned about any future spouse of a child (and creditors to boot) consider setting up a trust in your Wills in a way that your child can enjoy the fruits of your gift and protect it from a spouse (and creditors) and maybe set it up to provide possible grandkids a benefit down the road.
See a trust and estate lawyer though before trying to do this on your own.... legal zoom probably won't do here....
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 7:57:04 GMT -5
If my fiancee came at me with that I would seriously question his commitment to me. We are both either All In or not at all. I wouldn't marry someone who already has one eye out the door.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 29, 2014 7:59:32 GMT -5
Has the girlfriend agreed to signing the prenup?
Have they discussed kids yet, and the lifestyle they want to live (or might want to live) when the kids arrive?
Have they discussed if that money will ever be used for the benefit of the marriage, and how? Or is it assumed that they will always be financially unequal in their marriage. How does she feel about that? How does your son?
My DH brought a good amount of assets to our marriage. Enough, that at 25, we knew our retirement would be fine, and that calculators told us we needed to save minimally for retirement.
Had he asked me to sign a pre-nup, I would not have married him. And told him so.
But, we also were planning on being me a SAHP, and I brought little assets to the marriage (but no debt, either.)
There was no way I was going to be a SAHP and have no access to money.
And, personally, knowing I was "poor" while my DH was "rich" in our early years of marriage provided me with a large chip on my shoulder that is still there today, though not quite as big.
I'm not saying that getting a pre-nup is a bad idea. But, just like everything else, the implications need to be discussed before he pops the question.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 8:02:51 GMT -5
He would have to talk to a lawyer or whoever draws up the prenup.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 29, 2014 8:12:35 GMT -5
So those that say no, what if the inheritance is family property not money? Say land and vacation home that has been in the family for over 100 years?
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 29, 2014 8:15:50 GMT -5
out of curiosity... how much are we talking?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 29, 2014 8:18:45 GMT -5
Even in community property states it's supposed to be untouched unless you commingle but as DF found out, a prick judge can simply even things up by giving more of the assets in event of divorce to the party who didn't inherit a bunch.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 29, 2014 8:34:37 GMT -5
So those that say no, what if the inheritance is family property not money? Say land and vacation home that has been in the family for over 100 years? My understanding is that property can remain sole and separate property as long as joint assets are not used to maintain and uphold the property. Seems best to have someone sign a document that says they understand they do not have a stake in the property, but you might have to have a separate bank account that is funded by your income or some other personal money that pays the taxes and the electricity bill, etc. I guess if you decided to live there you could charge your spouse rent. Or maybe you could charge him for nights you spend there on vacation - but I would get that in writing. You would hate to lose half the property because he buys a lightbulb for the bathroom or whatever.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 29, 2014 8:38:00 GMT -5
And yes...future inheritances is a standard in pre-nups from what I understand.
I would have signed a pre-nup, but that is because I had all the money when we got married. (Like, my negative net worth was not as negative as his negative net worth.) Technically, I still have more money than him because I maxed out my 401k while he was in law school. I will have to see the parameters of my parent's trust, but I am sure he wouldn't have a problem signing away his rights to it. He knows my father didn't work hard his whole life so my husband can run off with a young hottie.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 8:44:20 GMT -5
My first husband floated the idea of a prenup before we got married; he'd inherited $300K from his mother in 1983, the year nefore we married. I told him I'd run anything reasonable past my pwn lawyer but said I wasn't going to sign something that left me with nothing after, say 15 years of marriage and 3 kids. For me, a fair agreement might allow no share of the inheritance if the marriage ends in 2 years with no kids, but allow for an increasing share if it's a longer marriage and/or kids are involved.
In my case, he was too lazy to come up with any agreement and the only portion of the inheritance protected from his spendthrift ways was the down payment he put on the house. We divorced after 13 years with one child and I got 40% of the equity, but I'd been the sole financial support of the family for the previous 5 years.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 8:49:13 GMT -5
To me, marriage is about pledging your life and everything you own to me, and I to you. And, if you can't be All In and have one eye on the door, then no thanks. If I am good enough to be the mother of your children, then you are either going to come in committed to sharing all of yourself and your assets or hit the road.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 8:50:57 GMT -5
After two divorces I say screw the all in BS. I have to protect myself and my kids.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 8:53:54 GMT -5
I think it kind of depends on the stage of live too. I think that if you are young and likely to have children and are building your life together, then I see it more as an All In kind of thing. However, if you are both 55 and your kids are grown and you have done your careers, etc, then yes, I can see where that might make sense.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 9:07:03 GMT -5
However, if you are both 55 and your kids are grown and you have done your careers, etc, then yes, I can see where that might make sense. That's where I am now. DH and I married when I was 50 and he was 65 and I had tons more than he did but we'd been together for 6 years and I knew his financial habits. If I outlive DH I may not remarry, period. I've read too many nightmare stories where one spouse develops Alzheimer's and the other is left with very little to live on in order for Medicaid to kick in. In one example I saw, I'd be left with 3% of our current net worth. I'm not going to put myself in that position again.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 29, 2014 9:12:33 GMT -5
Amen. I have no intention of being a nurse with a purse to some old geezer. If I outlive DF, I'm done with it.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 29, 2014 9:16:07 GMT -5
I think it kind of depends on the stage of live too. I think that if you are young and likely to have children and are building your life together, then I see it more as an All In kind of thing. However, if you are both 55 and your kids are grown and you have done your careers, etc, then yes, I can see where that might make sense. What if you are 32 and have a kid with a previous marriage, and have been working non-stop for the past 10 years to build a business of your own. Meanwhile your child has paid the price for your ambition. Now you can breathe a little because your business is chugging along nicely, and you have met a very nice person with whom you would like to share your life with, and probably have children. Any protection for you and your kid?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 9:19:12 GMT -5
Any gifts I've gotten I've commingled. When it comes to final inheritance, I don't know.
I love my husband and would gradually commingle as we needed things. But I consider that not just mine, but my kids. And while I can't imagine my husband not thinking the same way... Any man who would end up with some young chippy in 20 years would not be the man I am married to... And so how would I know what he might do?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 29, 2014 9:42:33 GMT -5
Marriage is a huge crap shoot.
My concern is that the young lady will be protected should OP's son do something to cause the break up of the marriage.
Anyone is capable of anything.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2014 9:44:37 GMT -5
Funny, my first wife I never would have commingled inheritances but my current wife I definitely will.
She makes more than me and commingled a substantial sum when she did a tour in a warzone, pretty sure I'd have a significant complaint and rightfully so if I decided not to.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 29, 2014 9:45:20 GMT -5
So those that say no, what if the inheritance is family property not money? Say land and vacation home that has been in the family for over 100 years? My understanding is that property can remain sole and separate property as long as joint assets are not used to maintain and uphold the property. Seems best to have someone sign a document that says they understand they do not have a stake in the property, but you might have to have a separate bank account that is funded by your income or some other personal money that pays the taxes and the electricity bill, etc. I guess if you decided to live there you could charge your spouse rent. Or maybe you could charge him for nights you spend there on vacation - but I would get that in writing. You would hate to lose half the property because he buys a lightbulb for the bathroom or whatever. Ack! I didn't even think about the spouse spending time there and funds that could give him a claim. It's not winterized so we can't live there. Or about using both our funds for it. Ugh. All the more reason to buy a condo now to eventually use rental money as funds for the cottage. Or finally winning the lotto. That'd help.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 29, 2014 9:47:02 GMT -5
If I am planning to bear your children, then yes it is all in. And, I would most certainly advise my daughter to not sign a prenup. However, in later stages of life when you are past that point, I might take a different approach.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 29, 2014 9:51:01 GMT -5
My cousin was split from her husband and planning on divorcing him when my grandmother died and she got a nice inheritance. She did not want to have to split the inheritance with her husband. We were told that as long as she kept the inheritance in a separate account he would not have a claim to it. (I think my mom didn't end up sending her the check for the inheritance until after the divorce was finally anyway, just to be sure).. She lived in CA at the time.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 29, 2014 9:51:12 GMT -5
To me, marriage is about pledging your life and everything you own to me, and I to you. And, if you can't be All In and have one eye on the door, then no thanks. If I am good enough to be the mother of your children, then you are either going to come in committed to sharing all of yourself and your assets or hit the road. The only reason why I'd want to exclude the property is I wouldn't see it as mine even though my name is on the title. Throughout the years it's wisely only given to one child to avoid the messiness (God knows how many current owners there'd be after 100 years if they didn't!), but others in the family still used it. So it's not mine to lose.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 29, 2014 9:53:17 GMT -5
Marriage is a huge crap shoot. My concern is that the young lady will be protected should OP's son do something to cause the break up of the marriage. Anyone is capable of anything. I would imagine that she'd be as protected as if there wasn't an inheritance in the picture. Alimony, child support, or whatever the judge deems applicable. I may be weird, but I feel like the inheritance still sort of belongs to the person who passed on, and their wishes should be considered whenever deciding what to do with an inheritance. I feel like it's a complete separate thing from a marriage--just a bonus that can be helpful to the inheritor. But to quote the president, "they didn't build that". Whatever the couple builds together, that is what they split.
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