Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Festivus
Dec 26, 2014 12:11:31 GMT -5
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Dec 26, 2014 12:11:31 GMT -5
Thank you holly and Bon. The part that makes it seem like it was intentional to hurt DH is that they kept the elopement a secret. I understood that sometimes elopements are a supposed to be hat way, but it's not like we didn't know they were supposed to get married five months ago.
I know I don't know any of the intentions as fact. I know I'm overthinking. DH has also told me I am incorrect in my assumptions. I just don't understand and when that happens, I try to make up my own reasons.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 26, 2014 14:11:30 GMT -5
So grievances: I could write a book, but fortunately, I'm on my tablet so I won't. DS gave my kids minecraft toys for kids 6+. My kids don't know what minecraft is, and they're 2 & 4. MIL was invited to come at 5. She showed up at 3. I suspect DH in this, due to an offhand remark I made. She showed up to TG at 1, despite planning dinner at 4, (and stayed until 8). My kids take naps in the afternoon, and she is loud and wakes them up early. Plus, I want to relax a little. She stays way too long as well. It was past bedtime for the kids, and she was still clunking around in the kitchen. I can rinse dishes off and stick them in the dishwasher just fine, tyvm! Just gtfo already! Its not like we're not going to see her and have another Christmas with her next weekend. Oh wait, yes we are! And, can't she take her own TV home? It weighs only 10-15 lbs. If my DH must set it up, I guess he must, since she is incapable of trying to do anything for herself, despite being able to handle a digital camera quite well, but I'd really like to get it out of my F'in house already! (Sorry about the run-on sentence.)
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 27, 2014 12:01:36 GMT -5
Festivus airing of the grievances followup: Found out my brother has been working a seasonal job, FT with lots of overtime as a supervisor in a warehouse for the past 2.5 months. What to do with all that extra cash? Pay me back some? No - they are going on a weeklong new years trip to new orleans. I guess the sil is paying but at this point - I can only assume that he has completely forgotten owing me money. While - meanwhile - I'm going into debt for my and DD's schooling. I guess this is festering - even though I keep trying not to think about it. I wanted to say no when he asked to borrow it. I felt like I'd never get it all back, and seems I was right. Have you called him on it? I would.
I lost it with my folks when they wanted to borrow $5k agreed (in writing!) to a payment plan and then couldn't bother to call me when they couldn't make the payments. A couple of months later Mom left Dad and moved into an expensive apartment in the most expensive neighborhood in town. I wrote the loan off as bad debt and got a tax deduction.
Years later when my Dad stopped talking to my brother because my brother cheated him out of money I pointed out he and Mom had done the same to me he denied ever agreeing to the loan.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Dec 27, 2014 12:04:47 GMT -5
Festivus airing of the grievances followup: Found out my brother has been working a seasonal job, FT with lots of overtime as a supervisor in a warehouse for the past 2.5 months. What to do with all that extra cash? Pay me back some? No - they are going on a weeklong new years trip to new orleans. I guess the sil is paying but at this point - I can only assume that he has completely forgotten owing me money. While - meanwhile - I'm going into debt for my and DD's schooling. I guess this is festering - even though I keep trying not to think about it. I wanted to say no when he asked to borrow it. I felt like I'd never get it all back, and seems I was right. Gosh, Rukh! I'm with Bonny! Have you confronted him about this? There's no way I'd let this go without saying something to him. For me, it would be either he pay back the money owed (payment plan, if necessary) or don't ever darken my door with a request for help again. There's no excuse for him to treat you with such disrespect.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 27, 2014 12:06:00 GMT -5
facetious grievance: my roots are showing. There is far more grey than when I originally put this color on it. Sigh. serious grievance: DS#1 eloped last week. DH and I are hurt. I am especially upset because I've decided that they eloped because she doesn't like me and therefore punished DH. I can never fix this. This is the wedding that was supposed to take place this summer. She didn't want anyone from DS's family or his friends to attend then which is why they post-poned. BTW Chloe, this is where you need to just suffer in silence (or keep it between you and DH). This marriage is not going to work out if she is isolating DS from his friends and family. Looks like classic controller/abuser behavior.
BTDT!
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 27, 2014 12:16:28 GMT -5
Bonny, have you survived today? two days left? Leaves Monday a.m. Only two more days to go!
A funny/gross episode I have to share which thankfully I missed most of;
DH and MIL were driving to a flat walk near the beach. MIL: "I need to use the restroom". DH: "There isn't one here but I can turn around and we can go to one I know of." MIL: "No, that's o.k. I can wait." Five minutes pass MIL starts screaming: " I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW!". DH pulls into McDonalds and she goes into the bathroom. 30 minutes later DH stands outside the bathroom and says" Mom are you o.k?" Turns out she soiled herself, had taken all of her clothes off and was trying to wash them in the sink. I don't know what kind of shape she was in when she finally came out. When she came home I guess DH gave her her robe she stripped off and threw her clothes in the garbage and took a shower. When I saw her she blamed "all the rich food she's been eating".
No, she doesn't wear a diaper.
Today is my day to take her for a walk.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 27, 2014 12:31:12 GMT -5
Festivus airing of the grievances followup: Found out my brother has been working a seasonal job, FT with lots of overtime as a supervisor in a warehouse for the past 2.5 months. What to do with all that extra cash? Pay me back some? No - they are going on a weeklong new years trip to new orleans. I guess the sil is paying but at this point - I can only assume that he has completely forgotten owing me money. While - meanwhile - I'm going into debt for my and DD's schooling. I guess this is festering - even though I keep trying not to think about it. I wanted to say no when he asked to borrow it. I felt like I'd never get it all back, and seems I was right. Tell me the time, place and amount owed. I've been looking for a good excuse to go to NO and this is just the reason to go - retrieve Rukh's money. I can slide in and out of town undetected and it won't cost you a thing
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 27, 2014 15:15:48 GMT -5
I see why people say that you have to give money and not loan it. Unfortunately for my family I'm unwilling to give as much as I'd loan. I won't ever lend or borrow from family again. I don't get paid back. And when MIL has offered loans (2x and I/we never asked) she complained that we paid it off too early and it's been brought up multiple times as a way of claiming credit for some success we've had. That's too expensive interest for me!
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 27, 2014 18:01:21 GMT -5
I see why people say that you have to give money and not loan it. Unfortunately for my family I'm unwilling to give as much as I'd loan. I won't ever lend or borrow from family again. I don't get paid back. And when MIL has offered loans (2x and I/we never asked) she complained that we paid it off too early and it's been brought up multiple times as a way of claiming credit for some success we've had. That's too expensive interest for me! WTF? Does the bank get to claim credit when they loan you money, too? People are weird.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Dec 27, 2014 19:48:51 GMT -5
Festivus airing of the grievances: EX flew cross country with his wife for Christmas, now I really don't care if they flew to the moon, but to make excuses about why the kids could not come over for Christmas Eve and then tell the kids that he would call Christmas day to come get them to spend some time at their house (Ex and wife live about 15 miles away). He finally does call at 6 p.m. Christmas night to tell them where they are and says it is my fault that he couldn't tell them sooner.
WTF I don't care that they went to California, but to blame me for not telling the kids?
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Dec 27, 2014 19:51:57 GMT -5
Festivus airing of the grievances: EX flew cross country with his wife for Christmas, now I really don't care if they flew to the moon, but to make excuses about why the kids could not come over for Christmas Eve and then tell the kids that he would call Christmas day to come get them to spend some time at their house (Ex and wife live about 15 miles away). He finally does call at 6 p.m. Christmas night to tell them where they are and says it is my fault that he couldn't tell them sooner.
WTF I don't care that they went to California, but to blame me for not telling the kids? Holy freaking crap, he and her are such fucking assholes. I'm so sorry, really I'm sorry.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2014 20:02:32 GMT -5
Festivus airing of the grievances: EX flew cross country with his wife for Christmas, now I really don't care if they flew to the moon, but to make excuses about why the kids could not come over for Christmas Eve and then tell the kids that he would call Christmas day to come get them to spend some time at their house (Ex and wife live about 15 miles away). He finally does call at 6 p.m. Christmas night to tell them where they are and says it is my fault that he couldn't tell them sooner.
WTF I don't care that they went to California, but to blame me for not telling the kids? Holy freaking crap, he and her are such fucking assholes. I'm so sorry, really I'm sorry. Sue's ex has a special place in hell!
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Dec 27, 2014 20:05:04 GMT -5
I'm sorry for the kids, but now I think that's its kinda funny that he thinks that I would care if they were in town or not. Christmas Eve wasn't too bad as DD had to work until 8 p.m. But Christmas day I made sure that they were available all day so the kids could spend time with them. When we did not hear from him by noon, after all of us had texted and called him, with no response, I felt really bad for the kids. Then when I found out that they left town and didn't tell anyone, I was pissed.
The kids and I have had a great time this weekend anyway.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Dec 27, 2014 20:13:09 GMT -5
Holy freaking crap, he and her are such fucking assholes. I'm so sorry, really I'm sorry. Sue's ex has a special place in hell! Hell ain't good enough for them. Right now I'm spitting pissed and I'm not thinking nice things at all.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Dec 27, 2014 20:14:07 GMT -5
I'm sorry for the kids, but now I think that's its kinda funny that he thinks that I would care if they were in town or not. Christmas Eve wasn't too bad as DD had to work until 8 p.m. But Christmas day I made sure that they were available all day so the kids could spend time with them. When we did not hear from him by noon, after all of us had texted and called him, with no response, I felt really bad for the kids. Then when I found out that they left town and didn't tell anyone, I was pissed.
The kids and I have had a great time this weekend anyway. That's good for you and the kids. Is there any reason why they have to put up with this type of bullshit ?
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Dec 27, 2014 20:19:13 GMT -5
bonny and mmhmmm; I've started a thread on this. I could confront him - but what would that do? If he hasn't got money - and although he may have some right now - he is no longer employed? I'm rather willing to bring it up - but what exactly do I say? what is the thrust of the message? I don't know how to put it - what the goal is? The goal, for me, would be to have him understand that I'm not a money tree devoted to him. I'd want him to know he actually OWES that money and is expected to pay it back. I'd want him to come up with a plan to do so and sign an agreement to keep to the plan until the balance is paid. I'd want him to know if he cannot do this, he needs to say so right now - at which time, I expect him to use the door to get out of my sight and stay out of my sight until he becomes a man instead of a mooch. My goal, in short, would be to assure myself he understands I'm not his patsy and I'm never going to be his patsy - and, that I resent the hell out of the disrespect with which he's treated me. If you can't get the money back, you need to write it off as a bad debt and write him off as a mooch. At least, you can deduct the bad debt.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Dec 27, 2014 20:29:04 GMT -5
I'm sorry for the kids, but now I think that's its kinda funny that he thinks that I would care if they were in town or not. Christmas Eve wasn't too bad as DD had to work until 8 p.m. But Christmas day I made sure that they were available all day so the kids could spend time with them. When we did not hear from him by noon, after all of us had texted and called him, with no response, I felt really bad for the kids. Then when I found out that they left town and didn't tell anyone, I was pissed.
The kids and I have had a great time this weekend anyway. That's good for you and the kids. Is there any reason why they have to put up with this type of bullshit ? Well he is their "father", but contact with him has become less and less over the last year. More out of obligation than anything else. DD has 9 more months until she's 18 and DS still has 5 years to go. After that they can decide how much contact they want. Right now I try to encourage them to see him, but it really is up to them.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Dec 28, 2014 12:18:27 GMT -5
So we have had a really nice quiet Christmas. then I head out to my second job last night. As TheHaitian and any other retail people probably spend time checking out customer service numbers. This store has a survey with the hook that every week someone they pull a name for a sweepstakes for a gift card. Well the company has a script with the last line being "I hope you are highly satisified". They have been in freak out mode because lately most people who spend the time to do a customer service survey aren't calm, happy people. My CSI is still at 100% so mgmt comes freaking out to me to get more surveys. This time of year is tough but I promised I would try. Last night I am doing my thing and making sure to explain the survey to every single custome is explained the survey and gets the the script. I'm doing the express line. A youngish man comes in with one item. Thruthfully I really don't look or remember even if i do at what anyone has but I ring him up. As the register is going through I do the whole spiel and end by picking up his bag and handing him his receipt as I say "And I hope you are highly satisfied" as I realize his one and only item is a big old box of condoms.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 28, 2014 15:03:16 GMT -5
@tbird said: She does stuff like this all the time. We ask her if she needs/wants something and she says no. Then five to ten minutes later whatever it is; she's hungry, has to use the bathroom it's a crisis and SHE NEEDS IT RIGHT NOW! Drives DH bonkers because he tries to get her to plan a little ahead and of course everything becomes an emergency. < 24 hours....
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 28, 2014 15:43:56 GMT -5
@tbird said: She does stuff like this all the time. We ask her if she needs/wants something and she says no. Then five to ten minutes later whatever it is; she's hungry, has to use the bathroom it's a crisis and SHE NEEDS IT RIGHT NOW! Drives DH bonkers because he tries to get her to plan a little ahead and of course everything becomes an emergency. < 24 hours.... How did your DH turn out so "normal"?
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