Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2011 13:39:06 GMT -5
"The spending more on the mistress than the wife shouldn't be a surprise at all. If the wife was giving the husband what he needed (or vice versa) then there wouldn't be a need for an affair."
So the only reason a man would have a mistress is because his wife is denying him sex? Seriously. are you this naive? How about she doesn't meet his emotional needs?, how about he is a cheating dog who likes the thrill of sneaking around?, how about one of them has unrealistic expectations?
Just curious - why do you have such a hateful opinion of women?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Mar 4, 2011 13:39:17 GMT -5
Shenandoah--Good point, and I wouldn't buy it. I hate car shopping with every fiber of my being, so even if we had enough set aside to do it, I'd make him do the leg work.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Mar 4, 2011 14:14:50 GMT -5
We had one account that everything went into. Paid bills and if either one of us wanted/needed anything, we bought it out of that account. Only after looking at the balance in the check book to make sure that there was enough money in there.
However, once we had children/daycare and a mortgage at 12% interest rate, those days were over. He was depositing his check and keeping some out. Not much but at the time, we needed every penny we made and then some. I found out when we went somewhere and needed a few dollars and no one had told me to bring cash. It had to be cash. He finally said 'I have some money put back.'
He thought is was kind of funny but not when I reminded him that I had borrowed money from my parents when we were short a few times.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2011 14:16:55 GMT -5
I daydream about keeping a secret account and being able to surprise dh with a car that he really wants. No way. DH and I have spoken about this and we're like raeoflyte and her DH. With a chunk of money that big, you both need to sit down and say, "is this what we want to do with the money?" It may turn out that even though that's the other person's dream car/vacation/piece of jewelry, they'll prefer that the money be spent getting debt out of the way, or going back to school, or taking a family vacation.
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The J
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Post by The J on Mar 4, 2011 14:27:22 GMT -5
This may be outside the scope of the article, but I never understood why people would let themselves be mistresses and let a married man buy them expensive stuff in exchange for sex. Do they have no self respect? It may not be about the stuff (sometimes it is, but not always). They could have a genuine emotional connection with the person. The spending of money can simply be a reflection of the newness of the relationship (the same way people tend to spend more money on a new girlfriend than someone they've been with for years).
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 4, 2011 14:35:04 GMT -5
The only one that resonated with me was not liking being the breadwinner. It's stressful as hell sometimes. It's the choice we've made, and by and large our life is great, but it does put added pressure on me that I'd happily live without.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 4, 2011 14:36:02 GMT -5
...:::"Just curious - why do you have such a hateful opinion of women?":::...
Well, the way you completely twisted my open ended words to support your own bias is a good start. YOU went straight to sex, not me. I said "what he needs" and I also said "vice versa" ie: women cheat too. If it was just about a man wanting sex, I'd have said so directly.
...:::"With a chunk of money that big, you both need to sit down and say, "is this what we want to do with the money?"":::...
I could see perhaps if a very specific set of criteria had already been met. Say you already had looked at the car and agreed upon the specific model, and agreed that the purchase would happen in the next few months (perhaps Feb or March) and then you surprised the other with it on christmas. But that is a pretty unlikely scenario.
...:::"They could have a genuine emotional connection with the person.":::...
Oh absolutely! Go to any relationship board and look for "I'm the other woman" threads. There are countless examples of her being strung along because he is "just waiting until <x> to serve her".
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Mar 4, 2011 14:59:10 GMT -5
"The spending more on the mistress than the wife shouldn't be a surprise at all. If the wife was giving the husband what he needed (or vice versa) then there wouldn't be a need for an affair."
I disagree - I've known several people who've had affairs that were getting everything at home. They were just lying, cheating dogs! There are people who are serial cheaters and will cheat no matter what.
I had a friend I was close friends with whose husband kept hitting on me. Turns out he cheated on her multiple times and she finally left him because of it. When I was single, I met what I thought was a really nice guy - turns out he was another serial cheater. Turned out I knew some of his extended family and it appeared that he's been cheating on girlfriends/wife since he was a teenager.
I do think that there are instances where one person isn't giving the other what they need - sex, companionship, or whatever, but that isn't always the case.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Mar 4, 2011 15:17:33 GMT -5
I have my own savings account - DH knows I have it, but I don't think he knows how much is in there (no, it's not $800,000!).
I have had several work spouses. I think DH has too. Depending on the job, it's just a really useful relationship. Like at home, one person runs the calendar "Billy has soccer practise tonight and don't forget to pick up milk on the way home" a lot of times my work spouse will be able to say "Don't forget that tomorrow is end of month so turn in your credits, and I saw that you entered an order this way and I know you always do it this other way, so I just fixed it for you." I spent 8 plus hours of my day at work, I don't think having that kind of friendship with a co-worker is out of bounds.
I do on occasion lie about the price of something, especially if DH thinks it's silly. Like if I spent $250 on a pair of shoes, I might tell him it was only $200. Money comes out of my allowance, so I don't really feel that I have to be 100% accurate about how I spend it.
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Mar 4, 2011 15:59:22 GMT -5
The only one that resonated with me was not liking being the breadwinner. It's stressful as hell sometimes. It's the choice we've made, and by and large our life is great, but it does put added pressure on me that I'd happily live without. Except that's not a secret.
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LlamaLlamaDuck
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Post by LlamaLlamaDuck on Mar 4, 2011 23:50:14 GMT -5
5. "I spend more on my mistress than I do on you."
Forty-one-year-old Bill, an insurance sales rep, says he loves his wife, but it's his mistress who gets all the pricey gifts. The Bay area resident, who asked that we withhold his last name to protect his family, gave his 26-year-old mistress an iPad and took her on a $2,500 ski vacation at a tony ski resort in Vail, Colo., for Christmas last year. His wife's gift: An espresso machine. The reason he spent more on his mistress, he says, is that she's still "in the spoiling stage." He says he no longer spoils his wife of 12 years, opting instead for "group gifts" for the whole family.
I cannot adequately express my loathing for this man.
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LlamaLlamaDuck
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Post by LlamaLlamaDuck on Mar 4, 2011 23:56:23 GMT -5
If he put half the resources into pleasing his wife that he does his mistress, he wouldn't...oh forget it.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Mar 5, 2011 0:02:18 GMT -5
I have TWO office spouses! It's okay, they know about each other (LLDD: Yeah, seriously. Who gives an interview like that, even?)
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❤ mollymouser ❤
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Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on Mar 5, 2011 0:24:23 GMT -5
My wonderful DH has Top Secret security clearance and he's active duty military, so I suppose he might keep some work-related military-type things secret from me. I used to be a trial attorney, and I certainly maintained the attorney-client privilege about my various clients.
Other than that, we don't keep secrets, really. Though he does choose not to disclose the purchase of gifts for me, until he actually gives them to me. (But since I monitor the credit card, I do see the charges and ask him to confirm that they were actual purchases he's made.)
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Mar 5, 2011 0:29:00 GMT -5
1. I have a secret Bank Account" well it WAS at first cause I took a loan to go to Rio Brazil (alone). But since then she has seen the bank envelop in the mail when sending my statements and she has seen my ATM card. so I guess it's no secret anymore.
2. I have an 'office spouse' I adore. not really? I share with her about work mostly and some home stuff. she doesn't share any of her personal with me, unless I ask, which I really don't. She doesn't know my B-Day, and we don't go to lunch. But she does come to me to vent about work. I've asked for a ride , plus borrowed her cars to run errands, and borrowed money. 3. pretend I never bought that doesn't apply to me 4. I earn more than you think. again used to be that way until she started doing my tax return 3 years ago. LOL 5. I spend more on my mistress. when I had one wayyy back -years ago! but that was only because mistress was really ghetto and didn't have much.
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DebMD (banned)
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Post by DebMD (banned) on Mar 5, 2011 6:17:09 GMT -5
1. I have a secret Bank Account" well it WAS at first cause I took a loan to go to Rio Brazil (alone). But since then she has seen the bank envelop in the mail when sending my statements and she has seen my ATM card. so I guess it's no secret anymore. 2. I have an 'office spouse' I adore. not really? I share with her about work mostly and some home stuff. she doesn't share any of her personal with me, unless I ask, which I really don't. She doesn't know my B-Day, and we don't go to lunch. But she does come to me to vent about work. I've asked for a ride , plus borrowed her cars to run errands, and borrowed money. 3. pretend I never bought that doesn't apply to me 4. I earn more than you think. again used to be that way until she started doing my tax return 3 years ago. LOL 5. I spend more on my mistress. when I had one wayyy back -years ago! but that was only because mistress was really ghetto and didn't have much. Welcome new poster!! Karma=1 [ you're exalted] . . .
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 5, 2011 8:04:13 GMT -5
I bought an investment property in Florida without telling him...does that count???
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 5, 2011 8:06:21 GMT -5
The only one that resonated with me was not liking being the breadwinner. It's stressful as hell sometimes. It's the choice we've made, and by and large our life is great, but it does put added pressure on me that I'd happily live without. I can see how that would be stressful.
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Jake 48
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Post by Jake 48 on Mar 5, 2011 15:12:46 GMT -5
I am vague about money I keep tucked in my wallet, DW knows I have "tuck money" and will ask for it to pay cash for something, but she replaces it. I have a "throw out account" at my CU, w/ 2-3k in it. I know how much DW makes per hour but I never see her checks and she works a lot of OT. She has a separate account for her consulting business that I have no clue what is in there.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 5, 2011 15:21:08 GMT -5
I am vague about money I keep tucked in my wallet, DW knows I have "tuck money" and will ask for it to pay cash for something, but she replaces it. I have a "throw out account" at my CU, w/ 2-3k in it. I know how much DW makes per hour but I never see her checks and she works a lot of OT. She has a separate account for her consulting business that I have no clue what is in there. ROFLMAO...I read that quickly as "fuck money" and thought, "yeah, that's a secret you might want to keep"...I don't know about your wife, but I wouldn't want to know my dh was paying hookers
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Mar 5, 2011 15:26:58 GMT -5
I am vague about money I keep tucked in my wallet, DW knows I have "tuck money" and will ask for it to pay cash for something, but she replaces it. I have a "throw out account" at my CU, w/ 2-3k in it. I know how much DW makes per hour but I never see her checks and she works a lot of OT. She has a separate account for her consulting business that I have no clue what is in there. ROFLMAO...I read that quickly as "fuck money" and thought, "yeah, that's a secret you might want to keep"...I don't know about your wife, but I wouldn't want to know my dh was paying hookers wouldn't it depend how much he was paying them?? :-)
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 5, 2011 15:30:03 GMT -5
Considering her pimp will beat you ass if you don't pay her, you'd know if he wasn't paying them.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 5, 2011 15:32:36 GMT -5
ROFLMAO...I read that quickly as "fuck money" and thought, "yeah, that's a secret you might want to keep"...I don't know about your wife, but I wouldn't want to know my dh was paying hookers wouldn't it depend how much he was paying them?? :-) No, if someone else is getting paid for sex...I want to get paid, too
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Mar 5, 2011 15:34:23 GMT -5
wouldn't it depend how much he was paying them?? :-) No, if someone else is getting paid for sex...I want to get paid, too what are your rates??
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 5, 2011 15:34:38 GMT -5
wouldn't it depend how much he was paying them?? :-) No, if someone else is getting paid for sex...I want to get paid, too According to some of the misogynistic posters, since you're a wife, you are.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 5, 2011 15:36:23 GMT -5
No, if someone else is getting paid for sex...I want to get paid, too According to some of the misogynistic posters, since you're a wife, you are. But you forgot, I don't have a real marriage since we don't share finances...so I think I'm going to start charging so I can build up my shoe fund
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Mar 5, 2011 15:36:49 GMT -5
No, if someone else is getting paid for sex...I want to get paid, too According to some of the misogynistic posters, since you're a wife, you are. Don't use those big words to try and confuse us...now get back in the kitchen :-)
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 5, 2011 15:40:46 GMT -5
According to some of the misogynistic posters, since you're a wife, you are. Don't use those big words to try and confuse us...now get back in the kitchen :-) Can I keep my shoes on?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 5, 2011 15:41:20 GMT -5
Don't use those big words to try and confuse us...now get back in the kitchen :-) Can I keep my shoes on? Not if they are crocks
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 5, 2011 15:41:32 GMT -5
According to some of the misogynistic posters, since you're a wife, you are. But you forgot, I don't have a real marriage since we don't share finances...so I think I'm going to start charging so I can build up my shoe fund Oh that's right. <<goes off to separate finances from DH so I can get more shoes>>
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