HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 16, 2014 13:05:49 GMT -5
What "image" are you talking about? They don't have to project any "image" to suit someone else. How they spend their money is their business. If grown adult children are "mad" or whatever, who cares?Obviously moneymom does or she wouldn't have started half a dozen threads seeking advice on exactly that. ETA - I was wrong, it's actually 11 separate threads on stepkid/money issues. It's kind of creepy you went back and counted... obviously this is hard for her and she posts about it here.
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Deleted
Joined: Jul 5, 2024 12:24:20 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2014 13:08:02 GMT -5
Obviously moneymom does or she wouldn't have started half a dozen threads seeking advice on exactly that. ETA - I was wrong, it's actually 11 separate threads on stepkid/money issues. It's kind of creepy you went back and counted... obviously this is hard for her and she posts about it here. Well, it's not like she scrolled through months of posts. Just click on a posters name and you can see all the threads they've started.
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HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 16, 2014 13:10:54 GMT -5
I don't want her to feel bad or like someone is keeping track. Maybe I misinterpreted.
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midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
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Post by midjd on Dec 16, 2014 13:12:23 GMT -5
Obviously moneymom does or she wouldn't have started half a dozen threads seeking advice on exactly that. ETA - I was wrong, it's actually 11 separate threads on stepkid/money issues. It's kind of creepy you went back and counted... obviously this is hard for her and she posts about it here. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif) I was just curious since it seemed like there had been a lot. It takes 10 seconds to click on someone's name and go to "recent threads." I was actually trying to stick up for her, since Shooby implied that she is foolish for caring if her stepkids are mad at her, but she obviously does...
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moneymom
Familiar Member
Joined: Mar 26, 2014 11:33:25 GMT -5
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Post by moneymom on Dec 16, 2014 13:20:10 GMT -5
I came here once for opinions on my skids and you guys gave great advice. I think it's kind of obvious this had become my safe place to come and talk about all the issues pertaining to my skids. A big group of you guys know the whole situation so it was nice to come here and vent. However I know I'm beating a dead horse and I am taking steps to moving on. I posted yesterday that I'd love to stay here and start posting about other MM topics.
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midjd
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Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
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Post by midjd on Dec 16, 2014 13:23:21 GMT -5
You've taken everyone's comments with a lot of grace, and I hope you do stick around! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) I'm sorry if I came off as creepy.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Dec 16, 2014 13:25:45 GMT -5
midjd isn't creepy. She hardly ever stands under my window singing love songs while throwing doll's heads at the house anymore. She's really made a lot of progress! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 16, 2014 14:14:33 GMT -5
LOL! Well, there are no shortage of passionate opinions here about every subject under the sun!
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Lizard Queen
Senior Associate
103/2024
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 22:19:13 GMT -5
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 16, 2014 15:46:44 GMT -5
I read these childcare costs and I couldn't have even afforded to work at all if I had had to pay anything like those. Those are killers, would make me think twice about having kids. I pay $115/week for the first kid and $100/week for the 2nd kid. Feel better? ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png) (But, yeah, I know what you mean--yowza!.)
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Dec 16, 2014 16:17:39 GMT -5
Well remember my kids are 43 and 45 so we are talking eons ago, I would have had to add money to my meager salary back then. Right, but we are talking about today. You were in accounting (I think), your salary today wouldn't be meager.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 16, 2014 16:23:41 GMT -5
Well remember my kids are 43 and 45 so we are talking eons ago, I would have had to add money to my meager salary back then. Right, but we are talking about today. You were in accounting (I think), your salary today wouldn't be meager. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif) last I remember, the CPI for urban wage earners and clerical workers was around 300 for a 1980=100 base. (So just triple it)
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 16, 2014 16:45:17 GMT -5
You've taken everyone's comments with a lot of grace, and I hope you do stick around! ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) I'm sorry if I came off as creepy. LOL. I didn't mean anything personal, like YOU were a creep (well, maybe you are ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) ) I just hope it doesn't dissuade her from posting. I mean, Doxie had 23421 threads of the same topic and she stuck around for quite awhile.
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chen35
Senior Member
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Post by chen35 on Dec 16, 2014 17:18:09 GMT -5
And now how old are they? It sounds like your heart is in the right place. Continue to be an advocate and eventually the relationship will be more functional. My step mother never once said a bad thing about us, even if we deserved it and she never once did a bad thing to us. She cooked for us, cleaned up after us, taught us fun camp games and crafts and even defended our behavior.I wasn't like that unfortunately. I've made many mistakes. In certain situations I have spoken up. Example: when SD was 16, she asked DH if she could get a tattoo. He nicely told her no and reminded her she would be an adult soon and could do what she wants then. The next weekend she comes over all excited and says "hey guys, look at my tattoo!!". I tried to remain calm and wasn't going to say anything until she mentioned that she had a "friend" do it at home. I freaked out and immediately started telling her that is the reason that kids are not allowed to get tattoos because they can get infected from shared needles, etc. I also asked her why she even bothered to ask DH if she could get one when she wasn't going to honor his answer. This was one situation that set her off to hating me for about a year. Then we start to get back on track...and something else happens. It was really hard for me to not speak up in certain situations because I felt like I practically raised her for a few years. DH would be at work and I was the one taking her everywhere and setting up her doctor appointments, etc. We bonded in the younger years and I felt like she was my daughter. So I treated her as if she was. I'll probably get flamed, but just taking this post at face value (I haven't really followed your story), I don't think this is an unreasonable response. I hate when people say that the step parent needs to just butt out. Especially when you've helped raise the kids since they were little. All of the sudden they are teenagers and you are supposed to just be their buddy? I think that is a big reason second marriages don't typically work out. I think the stepparent needs to work with the parent and be on the same page, same as if it was your own kids you were parenting. Of course you have to figure out what works for your situation. But what did you SD expect? That you would LOVE that she went against her fathers wishes and did something incredibly stupid?
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 16, 2014 17:22:16 GMT -5
It isn't just stepkids like that. If you disagreed with my ex or now disagree with DD, they go ballistic. If you aren't FOR them, you're not being SUPPORTIVE!
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moneymom
Familiar Member
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Post by moneymom on Dec 16, 2014 18:59:29 GMT -5
It isn't just stepkids like that. If you disagreed with my ex or now disagree with DD, they go ballistic. If you aren't FOR them, you're not being SUPPORTIVE! I should have asked this a long long time ago, because I read all your posts and appreciate your advice... what does "DF" mean??
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 16, 2014 19:38:39 GMT -5
Darling fiance. If I can bring myself not to panic, it'll be DH come January 1.
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moneymom
Familiar Member
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Post by moneymom on Dec 16, 2014 19:44:03 GMT -5
Darling fiance. If I can bring myself not to panic, it'll be DH come January 1. oh wow!!! CONGRATS!!!
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Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Dec 16, 2014 20:21:19 GMT -5
There is more that was considered in my decision to SAH. Our taxes have been reduced and then there's the fact I no longer pay for gas in my car (very rarely!). I also have time to do my SAH mini-job I referenced above. My DD has a little job too where I can save more for her (she has her own acct). And most importantly, I have been more available for my former foster child who is in a bad situation. I know it sounds like I am trying to justify not working. But the truth is I love to work. I just feel with our current situation, all the things I'm doing in lieu of working outweigh working. I am really excited to be back in the workforce again when that time comes (maybe sooner than later?). You don't have to "justify" diddly squat. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
Have you set up that automatic transfer to a savings account yet? Seriously. Cut back on some of the discretionary and set some cash aside for life's little curveballs. GE Capital Bank is paying 1.05% right now.
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Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Dec 16, 2014 20:28:10 GMT -5
My goal wouldn't be to make my kids mad at me. But, they don't get to direct me on how I spend or whatever. As for people making assumptions, why is that my concern? If I buy a new car, should I be concerned about someone's assumptions? I really don't understand what that even means. To an outsider? No, why should you care what they assume? Let 'em kick rocks. But to your own kids? Yes, it does matter. If for no other reason than to model good money management for them.
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Plain Old Petunia
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bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Dec 16, 2014 20:34:37 GMT -5
Darling fiance. If I can bring myself not to panic, it'll be DH come January 1. Yay!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 16, 2014 22:03:03 GMT -5
My goal wouldn't be to make my kids mad at me. But, they don't get to direct me on how I spend or whatever. As for people making assumptions, why is that my concern? If I buy a new car, should I be concerned about someone's assumptions? I really don't understand what that even means. To an outsider? No, why should you care what they assume? Let 'em kick rocks. But to your own kids? Yes, it does matter. If for no other reason than to model good money management for them. I already do that. But if they think they are entitled to whatever they think they are entitled to then no. Just because I can " afford" to give them money as adults doesn't mean I must or should. And if they get mad because I buy a new car or whatever I chose while they have to learn to manage their own money then oh well.
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