Senior Living for $4500 a month? For you?

[swamp]

Dec 1, 2014 8:46:06 GMT -5 @tbird said:

lol - I am really at all the folks wanting to move in right now .

I guess I'm not there yet - mainly - gardening . I guess once I'm tired of that - then I could sign on.

The cost is less than 60k/yr - and since it seems to include everything but clothes and gifts, not really a big $$.

I kind of take this interest by so many as a big negative on the stresses of the working world. If there is one thing I struggle with as a single head of householder - is balancing the job/career world with the household maintenance, food shopping/cooking, and cleaning. And the childcare and pickup/dropoff used to be another large pressure to coordinate in there. Oh - and all the bill paying/money mgmt stuff, too.

I can garden at my place.

[swamp]

Dec 1, 2014 9:27:25 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Nov 30, 2014 21:53:03 GMT -5 swamp said:

It's overlookinjg a golf course, surrounded by walking trails, and my cousins husband is the chef. I can still come and go,as I please. 

I think my Grandma lives there.    She seems to like it a lot.   My dad says the food is really good. 

She does. And the food rocks. The chef used to work as a head chef at a high end restaurant in a resort area.

[skubikky]

Nov 30, 2014 20:28:05 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

Supposedly, she is very happy.  She is 82 and has mild dementia.  I call it mild, but she has accused my ex's wife of stealing and trying to kill her. 

Anyway, her moving there upset me for a lot of reasons.  For me, this community would be like high school again.  Who will you eat lunch with?  Lol.  Won't you make friends and see them gradually disappear to the other "floors"?  They don't ask the family.  They just decide it is "time."  The other floors are various stages of the "senior living experience."

If she has diagnosable dementia at 82, it was a wise decision for her family to seek out an assisted living arrangement for her.  It is best to do it while she is doing relatively ok instead of having to do it in an emergency situation or when something bad happens.  I would guess that you are not cognizant of what it was taking to make sure that she was well cared for and safe in her home.  If she has dementia it was probably becoming more of an issue for her to oversee all aspects of living independently.  It is also a very good thing that the facility that was selected has the various "levels" of care available as opposed to having to move her as her care needs increased.
You can't just walk into these places and say we need to move my elderly parent in tomorrow.  It doesn't work like that.
I don't really agree with your statement that "they don't ask the family".  The well run and quality facilities have an ongoing relationship and status provided to the families.    They evaluate the resident as to their specific needs when they move in and of course are aware on a day to day basis what their needs are and what additional assistance will be required as time goes on.

Someone like this women is very fortunate to be able to afford and have access to such a care facility.

We are in the process of having my Dad move to such a place.  Until you actually walk that path of having to care for an elderly or infirm family member I would suggest that you keep your judgement in check.  I assume that this is the grandmother of your children?  Go and see her and get an actual view of what it is like.

[Deleted]

That is part of my drive to accumulate, so I can live in a really nice senior home when the time comes. I have seen too many distant relatives end up in state run old people mills where the hope is sucked out of you upon entering.

Also if you are a single male at that point it's really easy picking up chicks at those places cuz the guy to girl ratio

[skubikky]

Dec 1, 2014 9:03:30 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Yesterday I was talking to my sister who lives near Charleston, SC; she said they're building a giant new complex of this type in her area.

My grandfather moved into something like this when he remarried after my grandmother died. He and his wife had their own apartment for years; she died and eventually his health deteriorated to the point that he needed in-home caregivers 24/7 and it was eating up his remaining savings. He moved to the "health center" (happy talk for the nursing home section) and died a few months later at 95. It worked out well for them even though he referred to his fellow residents as "the inmates".

Msventoux mentioned working with the finances of some of these places (and noting that many were very well-run, thank heaven). That's an area of big concern for me.  Many charge "entry fees" and they have to make assumptions about how often the units get vacated due to death or a move to long-term care.  If they're over-optimistic about how often they can turn the units over, they can run into trouble.  One community near us had promised that if you left, you got your entrance fee back.  Apparently they didn't have a nursing home unit so many residents counted on getting that back to fund a nursing home if needed.  Now the management is short of cash and unable to make those payments.  For me, that's a nightmare scenario.  I'd want to move into a place with a long track record (or run by a company with a long track record).

The fee at the one we're looking at is $1500.  No big deal.
This is assisted living with 3 levels of care before a resident would have to enter a nursing home.

[Shooby]

When I get to the point that all I can really do is sit and watch TV, then I really don't care all that much where I end up. If I get fed and taken to the potty, i'm good.

[happyhoix]

My mom moved to an independent living community and she loved it. She had her own one bedroom townhome, but there was also a cafeteria on campus, as well as a fitness center, activity center, chapel, etc. Except for getting groceries  and going to the doctor, she could do everything she wanted to do right there. They had movie nights, BBQ's, they had a pontoon party boat that people could take out for picnics - she really enjoyed all the social activities. She even had a 'gentleman friend.' 

Unfortunately she had a stroke and had to move to a different facility that offered a higher level of care. At this point she needs assistance to bathe, to get to the toilet, to get dressed, etc. She uses a wheelchair. Her memory is poor, to the point she can't remember which of her children had grandchildren, and can't keep straight which daughter is which. She is also miserably unhappy, but that's not due to where she is staying - that's due to her belief that she should be driving her own car and living back at her townhome in the senior community where she had so much fun. She can't do puzzles anymore, or knit, or any of the things she used to like to do, and this makes her miserable. However, the facility she's at is very nice - good homecooked food, they do activities every day, and the staff are very respectful to her, even when she's being a really crabby bitch to them.

 

[Deleted]

Dec 1, 2014 10:04:09 GMT -5 Shooby said:

If I get fed and taken to the potty, i'm good.

More likely you'll be put into adult diapers.  Easier in the staff that way since they have to tend to you only when it's convenient for them.

[973beachbum]

Dec 1, 2014 14:51:14 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Dec 1, 2014 10:04:09 GMT -5 Shooby said:

If I get fed and taken to the potty, i'm good.

More likely you'll be put into adult diapers.  Easier in the staff that way since they have to tend to you only when it's convenient for them.

My MIL is in a nursing home and can't walk, talk or go to the potty on her own and no she isn't in adult diapers.  They absolutely take her to the bathroom as needed.  I will add that it is in a pretty poor area and almost all of the residents are paid for by medicaid.  There are a few choices of nursing homes in the area, we liked this one the best of the ones that had spots open, but they are all pretty much medicaid residents. 

While I'm sure some places keep adult diapers on people so as to not have as big a mess, if they don't get there in time, it shouldn't be an expectation.  That level of care isn't acceptable IMO. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 1, 2014 15:19:42 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

Dec 1, 2014 14:51:14 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

More likely you'll be put into adult diapers.  Easier in the staff that way since they have to tend to you only when it's convenient for them.

My MIL is in a nursing home and can't walk, talk or go to the potty on her own and no she isn't in adult diapers.  They absolutely take her to the bathroom as needed.  I will add that it is in a pretty poor area and almost all of the residents are paid for by medicaid.  There are a few choices of nursing homes in the area, we liked this one the best of the ones that had spots open, but they are all pretty much medicaid residents. 

While I'm sure some places keep adult diapers on people so as to not have as big a mess, if they don't get there in time, it shouldn't be an expectation.  That level of care isn't acceptable IMO. 

Absolutely..... 

I was in a rehab center that was also a nursing home and I was the youngest person there.  I do know that they did put some in diapers, but the diapers were due to the lack of control of the patient, NOT that there wasn't someone to help them to the bathroom.

I was not allowed to go to the bathroom unescorted, and I cannot think of a single time in the 3+ weeks I was there that there was any lag in getting an escort.  And believe me, getting me out of bed was way more difficult than getting an elderly person out as I had no hips.

[973beachbum]

Dec 1, 2014 15:50:16 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 1, 2014 15:19:42 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

My MIL is in a nursing home and can't walk, talk or go to the potty on her own and no she isn't in adult diapers.  They absolutely take her to the bathroom as needed.  I will add that it is in a pretty poor area and almost all of the residents are paid for by medicaid.  There are a few choices of nursing homes in the area, we liked this one the best of the ones that had spots open, but they are all pretty much medicaid residents. 

While I'm sure some places keep adult diapers on people so as to not have as big a mess, if they don't get there in time, it shouldn't be an expectation.  That level of care isn't acceptable IMO. 

Absolutely..... 

I was in a rehab center that was also a nursing home and I was the youngest person there.  I do know that they did put some in diapers, but the diapers were due to the lack of control of the patient, NOT that there wasn't someone to help them to the bathroom.

I was not allowed to go to the bathroom unescorted, and I cannot think of a single time in the 3+ weeks I was there that there was any lag in getting an escort.  And believe me, getting me out of bed was way more difficult than getting an elderly person out as I had no hips.

I don't even think MIL has had to wear them.  She actually can control that pretty well.  She had a massive stroke though and has almost no use of one side of her body, which would actually be better if she had the mental capicity to understand this.  They have to use this weird thing, that reminds me of a cherry picker that auto shops used to remove engines from cars, to haul her up and get her to the bathroom.  I'm sure that while they are doing that someone isn't getting the attention they want for something deemed less important, but every call for something like this or medical problems is answered very promptly. 

I'm not sure the people screaming because their TV remote doesn't work necessarily agree though.

[kittensaver]

Dec 1, 2014 15:50:16 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 1, 2014 15:19:42 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

My MIL is in a nursing home and can't walk, talk or go to the potty on her own and no she isn't in adult diapers.  They absolutely take her to the bathroom as needed.  I will add that it is in a pretty poor area and almost all of the residents are paid for by medicaid.  There are a few choices of nursing homes in the area, we liked this one the best of the ones that had spots open, but they are all pretty much medicaid residents. 

While I'm sure some places keep adult diapers on people so as to not have as big a mess, if they don't get there in time, it shouldn't be an expectation.  That level of care isn't acceptable IMO. 

Absolutely..... 

I was in a rehab center that was also a nursing home and I was the youngest person there.  I do know that they did put some in diapers, but the diapers were due to the lack of control of the patient, NOT that there wasn't someone to help them to the bathroom.

I was not allowed to go to the bathroom unescorted, and I cannot think of a single time in the 3+ weeks I was there that there was any lag in getting an escort.  And believe me, getting me out of bed was way more difficult than getting an elderly person out as I had no hips.

This was my exact experience as well, although I was "completely weightless" on my left leg (thank goodness my hips worked ).

[Shooby]

Some people age well and some don't.

[shanendoah]

If I develop dementia, but am otherwise pretty physically healthy, I totally want to live in a dementia village.

I will almost certainly buy LTC insurance around the time C turns 50 (so 10 years from now). Given our experience with MIL, I definitely want the insurance so that I know the care will be paid for, and not have to be paid for by my kids out of their own pockets.
My mom got LTC insurance around age 55. Her's costs a little more, but if she never uses it, a significant portion of the premiums will be returned to her estate.

I really like the communities that start at independent living and go up through skilled nursing care. It lets the person stay in the same community (with friends nearby to be able to visit them, no matter what stage) and there's a lot less change staying in the community than going from one place to another.

Will that be right for me? I don't know. Right now I'm thinking Canary Islands for where I retire (65-75 degrees year round). I'll have to look and see what kind of options they have. (And if they'll take any LTC insurance, or if it won't matter as their technically part of Spain and have universal healthcare.)

[TheOtherMe]

We moved our parents to independent living in June 2013.  Best decision we ever made and they both agreed.  Where they live is a place where you buy your apartment and when you leave, 85% is returned.  That means DS and I don't have to sell a house and we know the $ amount that will be returned.  You do pay rent.  When mom was still alive, they charged $50 for an extra person.  The only other expenses dad has now is telephone, renter's insurance, cleaning and food.  Add to that health insurance that is taken from his bank account.

Mom was able to stay there and receive hospice care in the apartment until she passed away.  That was what she wanted.  Several others have done the same thing since she died.  Unless dad dies suddenly, he most likely will have to go to assisted living, which costs more. It does include food and cleaning and 3 levels of care.  If you are too ill for that place, they send them to a nursing home.  Dad has told us that he absolutely does not want to go to assisted living or a nursing home.

At the place where dad lives, they do have their tables at bingo, etc.  Dad is finally going to the day time music events and has friends there--male and female.  I would guess they gossip a lot in the assisted living part.

I have been turned down for LTC insurance so many times because of my health problems, so I may well end up in a place like dad is now in.  I am actually old enough to move in now.

[movingforward]

My plan is to move to a place like this in my 80s.  I am a social person and not having to worry about meals or cleaning when I am old makes a lot of sense.   

[Tiny]

Yeah, the potential for the "jr High mentality" bothers me about places like this. Add in people with mental impairments (mild dementia, drug side effects, or addictions) and it starts to sound like a group of people I'd be exhausted hanging around with. I didn't navigate those grade school/high school waters very well and I'm very glad I can choose to NOT be in those kinds of situations (aka I can do stuff by myself or do with stuff with a group I want to be with and who wants to be with me).

A friend's mother is in a "senior community" and unfortunately Mom is being shunned by some of the "popular girls". Mom is the only woman on the floor not invited to their parties/get togethers for example. OK, I hear that Mom is pretty rigid and vocal in her religious beliefs (maybe a bit of dementia starting?) and that and some of her other opinions have put off the other ladies.

My friend is worried and trying to get the "people in charge of the senior community" to help with her mother. Sucks to be 80 and ostracized from your peer group AND not be able to get away from it.

Not sure what the solution is.

[Tiny]

Yeah, the potential for the "jr High mentality" bothers me about places like this. Add in people with mental impairments (mild dementia, drug side effects, or addictions) and it starts to sound like a group of people I'd be exhausted hanging around with. I didn't navigate those grade school/high school waters very well and I'm very glad I can choose to NOT be in those kinds of situations (aka I can do stuff by myself or do with stuff with a group I want to be with and who wants to be with me).

A friend's mother is in a "senior community" and unfortunately Mom is being shunned by some of the "popular girls". Mom is the only woman on the floor not invited to their parties/get togethers for example. OK, I hear that Mom is pretty rigid and vocal in her religious beliefs (maybe a bit of dementia starting?) and that and some of her other opinions have put off the other ladies.

My friend is worried and trying to get the "people in charge of the senior community" to help with her mother. Sucks to be 80 and ostracized from your peer group AND not be able to get away from it.

Not sure what the solution is.

[souldoubt]

My better half works at a facility that has residents who can do everything on their own all the way to people on the other end of the spectrum with physical disabilities, dementia, alzheimer's, etc.  My biggest concern when I get old to the point my body starts to fail me is that once I can't remain active my mind will start to go like I've sen happen to some of my relatives.  The facility I mentioned has a lot of activities in house, they take the residents shopping and on other daily trips and they do vacations which residents can opt to do if they can afford it.  No idea what it costs but if it provides someone the care they need and others the lifestyle that keeps them going it's well worth it.  I know other facilities don't provide as much but even those ones are making the most out of what they have trying to provide a good quality of life.