Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2014 20:28:05 GMT -5
I know a lot of you aren't seniors. I'm almost 61, and I'm not at this point. But we keep saying that saving for retirement gives us options. This is one.
My former mother-in-law has moved into an upscale senior community that charges $4500 a month. She can afford it and more. For this, she gets an upscale one-bedroom apartment with granite and stainless steel; it has a washer/dryer. She got to bring her own furnishings, and they sent a consultant to look at her home to help her see what would fit. She gets two meals a day of her choice. If one's breakfast, it is a hot buffet. Lunch and dinner are in a dining room with cloth napkins and tablecloths; you order off a menu. She gets "maid service" once a week; they clean plus wash the linens. There are activities all day long plus a fitness center associated with a major hospital (not located there, but they run the fitness center). They provide transportation to the doctor and Publix (on Senior Day, of course) with religious services at the church. However, at this point she still has her own car.
Supposedly, she is very happy. She is 82 and has mild dementia. I call it mild, but she has accused my ex's wife of stealing and trying to kill her. I don't have a dog in this fight and just listen with extreme interest.
Anyway, her moving there upset me for a lot of reasons. For me, this community would be like high school again. Who will you eat lunch with? Lol. Won't you make friends and see them gradually disappear to the other "floors"? They don't ask the family. They just decide it is "time." The other floors are various stages of the "senior living experience."
This would be so not for me although a modified version might work. I could enjoy maid service, for example. But I'm guessing there is no Happy Hour.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 30, 2014 20:38:52 GMT -5
There is one of those around me. I want to move in now.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2014 20:39:49 GMT -5
If that includes all the activities, nursing care etc it actually isn't that expensive. There wouldn't be very much left to spend money on, a few gifts and some personal items. That would be a nice set up for the last few years.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on Nov 30, 2014 21:06:59 GMT -5
Cheaper than my gma's but she gets 3 meals but her place sounds much smaller. I think it is good for seniors bec they have activities and are monitored for problems. Trying to decide now if to move her to assisted living. She prefers to stay in independent living but her ability to do so is slipping
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Nov 30, 2014 21:23:23 GMT -5
I would totally do it. I'm a people person by nature so one if my biggest fears is growing old alone. I used to audit assisted living facilities and some of them were really well run.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2014 21:29:18 GMT -5
If that includes all the activities, nursing care etc it actually isn't that expensive. There wouldn't be very much left to spend money on, a few gifts and some personal items. That would be a nice set up for the last few years.t There is no nursing care at this point. She lives in an upscale apt. in a senior community with great amenities. Really, Swamp? It sounds good until I wonder how you spend your day. I loved the idea of my 98-year-old aunt watching PBS until 3 a.m. She woke up at noon. If my former MIL doesn't check in by nine, she gets a call.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Nov 30, 2014 21:32:24 GMT -5
We have a place like that in this small town. When I checked in 2008 the cost for independent living was $3500 per month and they didn't take 'charity' funding. The facility goes from independent to skilled nursing and hospice, with a price adjustment with each move.
The nicer places charge so much because they can. In the last years people, especially single, are tired of responsibility.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2014 21:32:48 GMT -5
You said there are activities all day long. If she is still mobile she can do whatever she does all day long if she doesn't live there. Plus company for dinner every night, people to do the activities with...what is not good with this?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2014 21:40:38 GMT -5
You said there are activities all day long. If she is still mobile she can do whatever she does all day long if she doesn't live there. Plus company for dinner every night, people to do the activities with...what is not good with this? I guess not seeing my ex every day. He lives across the street and helped her with the farm. My daughter lived only a couple of miles away. All of the grandkids love to bring their kids to the farm. They still are. She just isn't there. It just isn't for me so I guess that colors my response. I am not as casually social so I don't want to return to high school.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Nov 30, 2014 21:46:49 GMT -5
If she is happy there then it works.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Nov 30, 2014 21:47:44 GMT -5
Why does it upset you?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2014 21:47:52 GMT -5
That's a pretty strong negative reaction to the new home. How much was everyone going over there and taking kids there when she has been accusing people of stealing and trying to kill her? At that point I will want to be taken care of more and have less responsibility than taking care of a farm that everyone else just visits.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Nov 30, 2014 21:50:31 GMT -5
My ISO had an aunt live in one. She got cancer and was a widow so sold her house. She got a nice little apartment with a microwave, tiny frig and sink. The dining room had three seatings a day but if you missed breakfast they had rolls and coffee later and they had a bottomless fruit bowl all the time. She liked to take a couple of fruit to her apartment and make a bowl of soup for lunch but dined at night. They could walk to a grocery but a pint of ice cream was too tall for her frig freezer. Housekeeping came once a week and changed the bedding and took away the towels so she only had to wash her clothing. They had an exercise room with TV and a piano room. People came in to do your hair and nails. You could come and go as you pleased not a locked place. She didn't drive so having no real shopping to do it was perfect, no meals to cook unless you wanted to. Her only complaint was dining she said they took a couple hours to get everyone seated so it was easier to get fruit, rolls and coffee for breakfast and make her own lunch. Her cancer killed her but her kids didn't need to sell a house since she already did. The house paid for her few months in the expensive apartment. It was beautiful, grand rooms with fresh flowers and the staff treated them like honored guest.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2014 21:50:40 GMT -5
That's exactly what I have in mind when I can no longer live independently. I want my life to be as rich as it can be given whatever limitations I have. One of the reasons I've been saving so diligently for retirement is that I do not want to end up strapped into a wheel chair in front of the TV in a traditional nursing home.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Nov 30, 2014 21:53:03 GMT -5
If that includes all the activities, nursing care etc it actually isn't that expensive. There wouldn't be very much left to spend money on, a few gifts and some personal items. That would be a nice set up for the last few years.t There is no nursing care at this point. She lives in an upscale apt. in a senior community with great amenities. Really, Swamp? It sounds good until I wonder how you spend your day. I loved the idea of my 98-year-old aunt watching PBS until 3 a.m. She woke up at noon. If my former MIL doesn't check in by nine, she gets a call. It's overlooking a golf course, surrounded by walking trails, and my cousins husband is the chef. I can still come and go,as I please.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 30, 2014 21:56:09 GMT -5
I'm with Swamp -- sign me up now. (Except if I'm paying that much, I want the freedom to sleep in.)
My grandpa is almost 90 and still mows his own grass, cleans his own gutters, and tends a half-acre garden. Although he is in great shape and enjoys doing these things, if I am lucky enough to make it to that age with my mind intact, I don't want to have to lift a finger. Living my last few years without having to make any decision more serious than "what should I order for dinner tonight?" sounds great.
ETA -- if you're having trouble living independently and can afford skilled care, isn't this the best option? As I see it, the other choices are a regular nursing home/assisted living facility, 24/7 nursing service, or depending on your family to take care of you. None of those seem ideal.
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Tired Tess
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Post by Tired Tess on Nov 30, 2014 23:13:37 GMT -5
I'm also ready to move in.
The place where my Mom is living is wonderful. Clean, good food, outings.
I told the kids that when the time comes just make sure I'm clean and not lonely.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Dec 1, 2014 1:25:33 GMT -5
It doesn't sound half bad now!
There's a number of those facilities here. The price doesn't seem out of line to what I've heard from others who have researched it around here. Some of them are basically duplexes with little yards so the people who are able to can do a limited amount of gardening if they want, and can have a small dog and cat live with them. Others have apartment units with additional care options, then there's the full care option for those who aren't ambulatory or are too senile to care for themselves at all.
I've been involved in the financials for some of them and some are extremely well run. There's also a tremendous demand for them. The last unit I was involved with had a waiting list with wait times of over 2 years. If my mom would have outlived my dad I would have encouraged her to live in one of the units.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Dec 1, 2014 2:27:08 GMT -5
I understand what you are saying southernsusana. I am not a super social person now, for example if we go on a cruise I don't like doing the group activities, so I can't imagine that will change much when I am older. It does sound awful to me to be put in a situation where I have to be social at meal times or where someone is watching and maybe thinking my health is deteriorating more than it is because I don't want to be around people all the time. I would prefer to just significantly downsize my home, probably to an apartment, then get help with cleaning, cooking, and home health care if/when needed.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2014 6:23:33 GMT -5
There is one of those around me. I want to move in now. I tried to get my mother to move into one. Their activities list was extensive - I would have moved in just for that, plus not having to cook.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Dec 1, 2014 7:20:01 GMT -5
My Dad was in a place like this. Not quite as upscale as no stainless & granite BUT he had a 1 bed apt w/HUGE closets, a small kitchen, 3 meals/day, activities, entertainment, housekeeping 1x/week all included for about $35090/month back in 2012ish. There were optional added costs for nursing care and/or day trips.
Don’t know what it costs now. I would guess 4k/month. We have quite a few facilities like that in metro Chicago. When my time comes I plan to move in. The only question is whicj DD I would choose to live near.
Dad chose NOT to be social & generally ate at a 2 top by himself, sat by himself during evening entertainment. His main complaint was that the population ‘got SOOO’ old. Well, so did he.
Personally, I was not happy w/most of the menus so I probably will need a more $$ place when my time comes.
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milee
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Post by milee on Dec 1, 2014 8:09:12 GMT -5
Not sure how I'll feel about it when I'm 80+. Right now, the 40 something year old me thinks it has some appeal (housekeeping, no maintenance, and - if they're done well - the cooked meals) but that you'd have to be very careful to understand what the actual community was like before making the move. Arranged activities and close living can sound great on paper but how much I'd enjoy them very much depends on the overall tone and character of the group of people that live there and participate.
One way that these places would be more interesting is to get more of a mix of ages. Not that most 40 year olds want the exact same stuff an 80 year old would, so some adjustments would need to be made to attract the age mix, but the community overall would be more interesting, appealing and vibrant if it's not all one age group. That's what I find in the group things I'm part of, anyway. You need a mix for it to be fun and interesting.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 1, 2014 8:39:30 GMT -5
It really depends on the person and what kind of condition they are in. When my mom went to assisted living it was because she was really struggling at home and with health issues. She was not in the condition to socialize even though they had activities. And, once she no longer had any responsibilities like shopping for groceries or washing or own dishes or taking care of the her home, then it was like a kind of death for her. She just got up to eat meals and then sat in her room. But, at that point in her declining health it was really all she could do so that was the best place for her in that regard but it was still sad. She didn't last there long before she had to go to skilled care.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2014 8:49:21 GMT -5
I wouldn't like it, but dorm living in college didn't appeal to me either.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 1, 2014 8:53:41 GMT -5
My grandmother has been in assisted living for 8 years this Christmas. My grandfather had severe dementia at the time that he moved in--very paranoid, and wouldn't listen to anyone in the family. My grandmothers eyesight was declining rapidly and she couldn't see if the stove was on. Its been a god send, and while they didn't want to move in they had a lot of good years there. The doctors there were able to get dgf on a decent medication cocktail that kept the paranoia in check and he would go with the flow with the staff and other residents. Dgm took full advantage of the activities for many years. Theirs costs about twice what you've listed for just the basics and everything adds more money. At this point it might be more cost effective to move dgm in with one of us and have 2 full time caregivers, but she is happy where she is and a move could stress her out more. It is heartbreaking to lose so many friends as people pass away or move to more skilled facilities, but if the opposite is that she stayed home sitting on her couch not making friends or doing any activities I'll still take the assisted living route.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2014 9:03:30 GMT -5
Yesterday I was talking to my sister who lives near Charleston, SC; she said they're building a giant new complex of this type in her area.
My grandfather moved into something like this when he remarried after my grandmother died. He and his wife had their own apartment for years; she died and eventually his health deteriorated to the point that he needed in-home caregivers 24/7 and it was eating up his remaining savings. He moved to the "health center" (happy talk for the nursing home section) and died a few months later at 95. It worked out well for them even though he referred to his fellow residents as "the inmates".
Msventoux mentioned working with the finances of some of these places (and noting that many were very well-run, thank heaven). That's an area of big concern for me. Many charge "entry fees" and they have to make assumptions about how often the units get vacated due to death or a move to long-term care. If they're over-optimistic about how often they can turn the units over, they can run into trouble. One community near us had promised that if you left, you got your entrance fee back. Apparently they didn't have a nursing home unit so many residents counted on getting that back to fund a nursing home if needed. Now the management is short of cash and unable to make those payments. For me, that's a nightmare scenario. I'd want to move into a place with a long track record (or run by a company with a long track record).
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olderburgher
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Post by olderburgher on Dec 1, 2014 9:22:35 GMT -5
"It just isn't for me so I guess that colors my response."
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 1, 2014 9:27:25 GMT -5
There is no nursing care at this point. She lives in an upscale apt. in a senior community with great amenities. Really, Swamp? It sounds good until I wonder how you spend your day. I loved the idea of my 98-year-old aunt watching PBS until 3 a.m. She woke up at noon. If my former MIL doesn't check in by nine, she gets a call. It's overlooking a golf course, surrounded by walking trails, and my cousins husband is the chef. I can still come and go,as I please. I think my Grandma lives there. She seems to like it a lot. My dad says the food is really good.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Dec 1, 2014 9:38:05 GMT -5
One question: Is this for just a single person living there? What would be the cost for a couple?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 1, 2014 9:38:25 GMT -5
We have a facility that has a bunch of different options. You start in the apartments. As your health gets worse and you need more care, you move to a different building in the complex where you get more nursing care. As you get ready for the end, you get moved to another building for that.
The costs are enormous, and the wait lists just as long.
I've known folks that put there parents there. It works out well, actually for the elderly couple, particularly when one is declining in health and the other isn't. The person in worse health just gets moved to a differently building. The healthier partner can have very easy access to their ill spouse, and still enjoy creature comforts, etc.
I could totally see my inlaws moving to senior apartments like that. But, they are all about making sure they have everything taken care of in their final years. (They've had their funeral planned at least since they were 65). And, frankly I'm sure the 4500 is fairly close to what they are spending now per month, especially since they still have a mortgage. And they have granite countertops and stainless steel appliances.
I guess I wouldn't get too upset about countertops and stainless steel appliances. I'd much rather see them in upscale senior housing than in student housing. IMVHO, it's worse to have a student go into debt so they can have a top of the line kitchen and laundry in the unit.
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