How approachable are you?

[msventoux]

I've been told I have resting bitch face, but I still have strangers approach me and overshare, in my opinion.  Within the past few days:

 I was eating in a hospital cafeteria after visiting a friend, and a woman came and sat down at my table and started telling me all about her life and the struggles she's had with her son who is in the hospital.  There cafeteria was mostly empty, but there were 3 or 4 other people at different tables. 

I had a man and his wife approach me at a crowded oil change place and talk to me about my very common type of vehicle, which morphed into stories of where they grew up and all of the issues they've been having with their kids.

I've had several people engage me in conversation when standing in lines, and some of them quickly turned into disclosing problems they were having with drug addicted family members, marital problems, etc.

I would think maybe people are just trying to connect during the holidays, but this happens all the time...maybe offloading on a stranger is a safe outlet for them.  I understand making trivial chitchat, but most of these one-sided conversations go beyond that.  Maybe I should try smiling more, since clearly the bitch face thing isn't working out for me.

So do you have random people approaching you to tell you the details of their lives?  Do you approach strangers in person and overshare?  Should I give up my business career and become a therapist? 

[whoisjohngalt]

Not.at.all!!!!

I make terrible first impression as well

[zibazinski]

Yikes! Maybe your face isn't as bitchy as you think/hope?

[Bonny]

Now you know why their family members turned to drugs and alcohol; these folks won't shut up!

[Cookies Galore]

Nov 30, 2014 20:14:37 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Yikes! Maybe your face isn't as bitchy as you think/hope?

That gave me the lolz.

[zibazinski]

[NoNamePerson]

I've had "I'm Easy" erased from my forehead. Now no one approaches me 

[Deleted]

I have some guy at work (a custodian) who asks me why I'm not smiling. It really annoys me. I'm not smiling because I'm thinking hard about some problem. I'm sorry that I don't smile constantly.

It's annoying either way.

[zibazinski]

I think I'd say bcuz you're bugging me!

[Deleted]

My goodness, yes! People have always said I look mean and/or unapproachable. But if someone says something to me in a friendly manner, I usually respond politely. Sometimes that leads to strangers telling me all kinds of personal stuff that I didn't ask about.

One time I was in the waiting room at a doctor's office and this lady started telling me her whole life story and tried to show me what seemed like a million pictures of her kids. I thought I'd escaped when they called me to the back. But after I saw the doctor, I could barely talk to the lady at the front desk because the other lady was leaving too and trying to talk to me. Then she told me she had to use the restroom, she'd be right back. As if I was suppose to wait on her! I practically flew to my car and screeched off the parking lot. WTF is wrong with people?

That was an extreme instance, but strangers do tell me a lot of things that leave me shaking my head. I'm not sure what it is about me that makes them do that. Maybe they're drawn to people that look mean.

[billisonboard]

Back in my wilder long hair and jeans days, I was signed up for a one day class at the community college in central Seattle. I drove from my home in the sticks to one of those edge of town bus stops. The morning commuter bus had only one seat not taken by all the Suits and Dresses, the one next to me.  I just smiled as I stretched out over the two seats. 

[Opti]

Maybe your bitchy face makes people think you have problems similar to theirs

at that's why you look the way you do?

[msventoux]

I think I should go back to online shopping!  Or I need to be rude when approached rather than attempting to be politely dismissive. 

[whoisjohngalt]

I don't know what's better, looking bitchy like me or nice and approachable, like my husband.

For awhile, I stopped going to stores with him bc I would turn away for a second and the next thing I know - someone is chatting him up.  And he doesn't stop them!!!!  

Once he went to the scrapbooking store with me and while I was signing up for a class, he sold two ladies some cutting machine.  Nope, he wasn't working there.  They asked him about it and he went into the whole explanation and they bought it.

When I was pregnant with my oldest, we were in a baby-items store.  I went to look at some stuff, come back a few minutes later and he is yapping with two women - mother and daughter.  Evidently, they felt so close to him that they decided to try to touch my stomach.  Needless to say, it didn't end well.......

Oh and whenever people meet me first and then him - it's pretty much unanimous that he is the "nice" one in the family.

[bobosensei]

I often have the problem of people oversharing despite the fact that I don't really care about the details of others lives.  I think that people mistake my silence during the conversation as a "safe place to share" or an invitation to continue and many people who only know me in a casual manner think that I am much, much nicer than I actually am.  So I hear all sorts of things all the time from people.  Despite not talking a lot I know everything about everyone else, and I hear tons of gossip.

I usually take a book with me when I am going to have to be somewhere waiting.  Sometimes people still try to engage.  And I think those people are just extreme extraverts and/or have no life or other outlet so they believe that everyone they come across is a new friend.

My husband likes to talk.  His younger brother came over for a visit over the summer and everywhere we went they would start talking to whoever was around.  I find that so painful.  I don't want to pretend to be nice or care about a stranger.  I mean I can exchange pleasantries just fine, and I would help someone if they needed it.  I just don't long to know and hear about other people's lives.  I see no reason to start a conversation with the people at the table next to you, and then keep talking for 30 minutes.

[milee]

Nov 30, 2014 20:33:46 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

I have some guy at work (a custodian) who asks me why I'm not smiling. It really annoys me. I'm not smiling because I'm thinking hard about some problem. I'm sorry that I don't smile constantly.

It's annoying either way.

I never thought about how this is a form of sexual harassment until I saw this: www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/10/29/the-story-behind-that-10-hours-of-walking-in-nyc-viral-street-harassment-video/

The video follows a modestly dressed woman as she simply walks around the streets of New York with the purpose of capturing any street harassment that might happen.  It's very telling and creepy and unfortunately, an accurate - if condensed - look at what is thrown at women.  If you watch the video, a large portion of the harassment is phrased very similarly to what Susana mentions.  It's men telling the woman to smile or asking why she's not smiling or responding to their "compliment", etc. 

I'm guessing the custodian at Susana's school isn't going around asking the male staff why they're not smiling...

 

[justme]

Ugh. I have a brf and I hate being told to smile. I also can't remember any female besides my mother telling me to smile and can't recall any make friends saying it (they may ask me what's wrong though).

[justme]

Nov 30, 2014 20:47:29 GMT -5 Opti said:

Maybe your bitchy face makes people think you have problems similar to theirs

at that's why you look the way you do?

I actually think is more them trying to cheer the person up. Either by "hey someone wants to talk to you" or "hey your not the only one with problems/they're not so bad". Could be wrong though.

[NancysSummerSip]

Nov 30, 2014 20:33:25 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

I've had "I'm Easy" erased from my forehead. Now no one approaches me 

I had mine erased, too. That Botox stuff is amazing. Now, of course, my face is no longer "resting bitchy." It's just bitchin'.



No, I am not approachable at all. I don't mean to be. It's just who I am.

[Deleted]

The smiling thing annoys me to no end, my expression is just kind of there, not smiling, not frowning, just there. If you want my annoyed to no end look tell me I'm not smiling enough.

[Waffle]

I have twice had the casual "Hi, how are you?" question turn into a monologue of life problems - once the main problem was an alcoholic husband, difficult in-laws and impending divorce (darn I just walked into the breakroom to use the microwave).

Another time it turned into a very sad story about how a car accident (roughly a year prior) left one twin daughter severely injured and another dead - included some info on spousal abuse and rotten lawyers (you're just supposed to be emptying my trash can, lady).

I don't think I generally come off as approachable to strangers, but acquaintances take advantage (although they probably don't see it that way) of my "niceness".

[ArchietheDragon]

I am a New Englander through and through. I am not approachable.

[Bonny]

Dec 1, 2014 6:46:36 GMT -5 milee said:

Nov 30, 2014 20:33:46 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

I have some guy at work (a custodian) who asks me why I'm not smiling. It really annoys me. I'm not smiling because I'm thinking hard about some problem. I'm sorry that I don't smile constantly.

It's annoying either way.

I never thought about how this is a form of sexual harassment until I saw this: www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/10/29/the-story-behind-that-10-hours-of-walking-in-nyc-viral-street-harassment-video/

The video follows a modestly dressed woman as she simply walks around the streets of New York with the purpose of capturing any street harassment that might happen.  It's very telling and creepy and unfortunately, an accurate - if condensed - look at what is thrown at women.  If you watch the video, a large portion of the harassment is phrased very similarly to what Susana mentions.  It's men telling the woman to smile or asking why she's not smiling or responding to their "compliment", etc. 

I'm guessing the custodian at Susana's school isn't going around asking the male staff why they're not smiling...

 

LOL, you don't spend much time over in EE do you? I think the thread that discussed that video pushed 20 pages. Errr make that 30 pages.  It's now on page 3 of EE if you want to check it out.

And then my follow up thread about what happens if you respond got locked because some posters got so overwrought on the subject.

Milee you,

[saveinla]

whoisjohngalt,

I think we may be married to the same person - every time we go to the store, he usually attracts someone and they want to talk to him for almost an hour.

Every time he comes home from a trip, he tells me stories of the person who was sitting next to him - amazing professor at some great university, Bruce Lee's neighbor, somebody's acquaintance etc.etc. I tell him I feel sorry for the people who are trapped next to him, but I have found that people like him and give him their address and phone number even, to contact them later .

[busymom]

No, I don't smile all of the time. But, apparently I'm "approachable", because people come up to me all the time. (Maybe it's the blonde hair?)

One of my Scandinavian redhead friends has the same problem.  It gets REALLY bad if we go downtown in the nearest large city.  We have a running joke between us.  We've both decided we've got "talk to me if you're having mental health issues" tattooed on us, because that's usually the type we attract downtown. 

Or, maybe it's easier to spill your guts to a stranger, rather than someone you know? 

[milee]

Dec 1, 2014 10:30:53 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Dec 1, 2014 6:46:36 GMT -5 milee said:

I never thought about how this is a form of sexual harassment until I saw this: www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2014/10/29/the-story-behind-that-10-hours-of-walking-in-nyc-viral-street-harassment-video/

The video follows a modestly dressed woman as she simply walks around the streets of New York with the purpose of capturing any street harassment that might happen.  It's very telling and creepy and unfortunately, an accurate - if condensed - look at what is thrown at women.  If you watch the video, a large portion of the harassment is phrased very similarly to what Susana mentions.  It's men telling the woman to smile or asking why she's not smiling or responding to their "compliment", etc. 

I'm guessing the custodian at Susana's school isn't going around asking the male staff why they're not smiling...

 

LOL, you don't spend much time over in EE do you? I think the thread that discussed that video pushed 20 pages. Errr make that 30 pages.  It's now on page 3 of EE if you want to check it out.

And then my follow up thread about what happens if you respond got locked because some posters got so overwrought on the subject.

Milee you,

I avoid EE so hadn't seen any of that.  Since you pointed it out, I took a look. 

Interesting that it's perfectly OK to make comments like "what did she expect?  Can't walk around with boobs like that in a bad neighborhood" and similar misogynistic comments, yet as soon as posters start to "bicker" (AKA disagree with a particular poster), that the very act of disagreement needs moderating. 

I need to go re-read the COC.  I wasn't aware that there were rules against bickering or that it was appropriate for mods to make value judgments on the content of posts.

[milee]

Oh, ick. Bonny, I wish you hadn't pointed that other thread out to me. I hadn't even gotten to the pages where it's an actual mod claiming that any woman with a certain chest size is going to be impossible to ignore and then goes on to explain that he can understand what it's like to be an attractive woman that's being harassed because he chose to wear a certain type of clothing that people made fun of when he was younger... so he understands just how women feel because it's the same thing.  

[Cookies Galore]

Dec 1, 2014 13:27:23 GMT -5 milee said:

Oh, ick. Bonny, I wish you hadn't pointed that other thread out to me. I hadn't even gotten to the pages where it's an actual mod claiming that any woman with a certain chest size is going to be impossible to ignore and then goes on to explain that he can understand what it's like to be an attractive woman that's being harassed because he chose to wear a certain type of clothing that people made fun of when he was younger... so he understand just how women feel because it's the same thing.  

Not going to EE makes it easier to ignore those posters (for me). Ick.

[Bonny]

Dec 1, 2014 13:27:23 GMT -5 milee said:

Oh, ick. Bonny, I wish you hadn't pointed that other thread out to me. I hadn't even gotten to the pages where it's an actual mod claiming that any woman with a certain chest size is going to be impossible to ignore and then goes on to explain that he can understand what it's like to be an attractive woman that's being harassed because he chose to wear a certain type of clothing that people made fun of when he was younger... so he understand just how women feel because it's the same thing.  

I know. I was absolutely stunned by some of the responses. That's why I posted the article about the guy who got knifed by the jerk who was making comments about his girlfriend.

I pointed out the thread to you in order to avoid WWIII.

[Deleted]

To answer the question, I am in no way approachable,  just like Archie, a New Englander.

Responding to comments about EE, while I stay over here mostly, I really like some of the posters over there!