How much does violence/suffering affect you?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH is a huge fan of American Horror Story.

I go back and forth with it because it can really get in my head at times.  The first season wasn't too bad.  I couldn't watch Asylum or Coven. So far Freak Show I can handle.

He plays a lot of video games too. There are some that are really messed up that I haven't liked him playing. Even he admitted Manhunt was too much.

Otherwise he plays mostly plays the Resident Evil, God of War and Assassin's Creed franchises. None of those video games bother me and I actually enjoy watching him play AC, it has a great story line.

[giramomma]

I don't gravitate to violent movies, in general. We will watch violent shows (sopranos, Boardwalk Empire, GoT), but when it gets bad I close my eyes. I don't really read violent books, either. We don't label violence as either "good" or "bad." It is either appropriate or not. To try to make Al Capone be a straight and narrow person in Boardwalk Empire wouldn't be appropriate. Saving Private Ryan got a big to-do (God, that dates me). Again, I wouldn't expect a war movie to focus on flowers blooming and what not. Same for Band of Brothers.

I don't identify with natural disasters or things that happen to other people far away. After 9/11, for example, I felt sad. But I wasn't glued to the tv set watching every moment of it, either. I wasn't paralyzed like some folks were. Nor was I worried about any terrorism/violence coming to my city. Famine in Africa was the big thing in the 80's growing up. Didn't "get" it. I suppose that makes me cold, on some level.

If it affects me personally, it's different. Kids I know getting hurt. It's upsetting. Kids in my school district going without food, proper clothing, etc I will do something about it as best I can.

We were friends with a dad that went off the deep end. Wrote a letter that said he was going to kill his wife and kids. That little tidbit got aired on the tv news. I cry for those kids, and the wife, my friend. My children were in lockdown at school because of this father. Upon reflection, now, I'm a little shocked at my reaction. It was upsetting to have my kids be in lockdown at school. Upsetting to see armed guards at their door. But, I still trusted the kids were kept safe, and they were. And, that was enough for me.

Our state capital was on lockdown for a while. I've been here for 20 years, and I cried when I had to go through a metal detector while walking around the capital. This is not my city. There was no voice of reason. 

[Deleted]

I can't handle it. I skip past violence if they're in the mysteries I read. I skim the headlines when something bad is happening somewhere in the Middle East but I don't read the gory parts. My Ex used to read tons on the history of the Holocaust- I don't know why.  Those are things that I know I need to be aware of (and I've visited both Theresienstadt and the Anne Frank House) but I can't dwell on them.

A friend once said that reading about/watching violence just added to the bad karma in the world.  She may have a point.

[Peace Of Mind]

Nov 20, 2014 11:49:43 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

DH is a huge fan of American Horror Story.

I go back and forth with it because it can really get in my head at times.  The first season wasn't too bad.  I couldn't watch Asylum or Coven. So far Freak Show I can handle.

He plays a lot of video games too. There are some that are really messed up that I haven't liked him playing. Even he admitted Manhunt was too much.

Otherwise he plays mostly plays the Resident Evil, God of War and Assassin's Creed franchises. None of those video games bother me and I actually enjoy watching him play AC, it has a great story line.

This ^^ (and Drama's first post which is too long and it wouldn't copy with the above) is a great example for me because it's so hard to explain what I can't stand and can handle.  I love scary movies when they aren't slasher  movies or overly violent.  AHS #1 and #3, to me, were awesome!  They were more super natural? maybe but they didn't traumatize me.  But AHS #2 I could not get through.  It got too violent and disgusting and "real" I guess. 

I can't handle watching boxing, fighting were somebody is smashing or kicking anybody.  I just can't stand it!  The news sucks.  I don't watch it any more.  I prefer to read about the world where I can pick and chose.  I HATE when they show previews of kids or animals being hurt or something disgusting like that where they just stick it in your face with horrible pictures or bits and pieces of the story.  HATE it!

I also can't handle any movies about war.  I used to be able to watch some but the past 10-15 years I just cry.  I'm pathetic. 

Animals and kids do me in.  They are not an option especially if they show it happening.  I have to leave the room.  Obviously in RL I would have to try to help them and I truly think I could hurt/kill somebody who is hurting either if they wouldn't stop when confronted.       

ETA:  Storms don't bother me as much.  They make me sad but I don't crumble. 

[quince]

I love video games and comic-book style movies. Exaggerated, cartoonish violence is fine by me: I never felt bad for Wile E Coyote.  Realistic portrayals of violence I try to avoid at all costs: makes me a bit ill and sticks with me in an uncomfortable way.


I try to filter articles I read as well. I understand bad things happen but I don't need the specifics, thankyouverymuch.  


Lately I've been more keyed up and touchy: I used to love House, but I have my husband turn it off whenever he wants to watch it because I can't handle people suffering. Pretty much since my ex BF died after suffering through multiple medical issues, I can't stop linking bad things medically to the people I love, especially my child.

[Bonny]

I've gone from a kid who used to have nightmares to a young adult who distanced herself to an old fart who tears up/cries with both fictional and real life scenarios.

I limit my exposure to TV News to about 1/2 day and a few minutes on line with a couple of the local papers where we own property. I like watching the CBS news which generally has a happy or heartfelt piece at the end. Yes, I'm a sucker for a happy ending...still.

I'm a big softy.

BTW DH cries as much as I do. What a pair we make!

[Deleted]

TV/movie violence doesn't bother me much although I can't watch real gory slasher movies...well...I do, but I'm hiding under the blankets during the gross parts.  Real life stuff on the news I don't like.  My mind is pretty good about making the distinction between the two and I don't get the emotional impact with fictional violence. 

[cktc]

Nov 20, 2014 10:09:04 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Fictional violence usually doesn't trouble me. I am a huge fan of the Walking Dead, True Blood, Boardwalk Empire, Breaking Bad and they aren't exactly peaceful shows.

I do get invested in characters if I've watched a show for a long time. I've had to stay up an extra hour to get over certain WD episodes that involved characters I cared about dying. The last few episodes of Breaking Bad were emotionally brutal as well. You know it's a good show when the death of characters effects you that much.

I can't handle slasher porn like Saw or Hostel, it gives me nightmares. There is something about those movies that is different from shows like WD when it comes to the violence involved. If DH wants to watch those types of movies he has to do it when I am not home.

In real life any stories involving children rip me to shreds. I cried at my desk over that recent case in Pennsylvania that is being called the worst child abuse/murder case in recent history. I didn't even read the entire article, just the headline and snippet on Facebook. It's stuck with me for days now.

Same with books like A Child Called It. WTF possessed me to read it I have no idea, but I can still quote pieces from memory and that was back in 8th grade.

I also can't handle stories about animal abuse. I have to change the channel every time that ASPC commercial comes on and I would cry at the Purina commercials about abandoned dogs.

Things like Katrina and school shootings bother me but not the same way. There is actually a psychological reason why we cry over things like the Purina commercial but say "Wow that sucks" to things like Katrina or Darfur.

It's a matter of scale. The human brain is designed to only process so much at time. Millions of people dying is too much for the brain to process, so it doesn't generate the same emotional response something that we can individualize and form an "attachment" to does.

That's why commercials for things like the ASPA show pictures of individual animals, we're more likely to connect and donate. You're more likely to donate if you see an individual child starving on a commercial than you are just reading about it in the newspaper.

This is pretty much how I am as well.

Fictional violence usually depends on context, and how it's depicted. I still cringe thinking about American History X, but then I hardly remember Kill Bill and there was so much more violence in that. 

Generally if it is senseless I don't want to hear about it.

[billisonboard]

Nov 20, 2014 10:53:08 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I'm asking both in the context of media, and in real life.

This is something I ponder - because it seems that often times shows we watch for "entertainment" contain alot of violence: torture, rape (mostly of women or maybe children - NEVER men), murder (men, women, sometimes children). Pretty much turn on the TV and you can find a show who's plot revolves around something horrible having been done to a woman (or a guy who got murdered).

...

If the story requires random anonymous characters to die just to move the plot forward, they'll likely be male. If the plot requires a tragic death that motivates the protagonists or shows how evil the villains are, the victim will be female. Similarly if the story demands random mooks get a beat down by a character to up the sense of danger or just show off how awesome the protagonist is, they will be male. Men Are the Expendable Gender

[thyme4change]

Nov 20, 2014 7:50:30 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

FSU school shooting last night.

I saw a little bit of the phone videos that some students had.  But they were mostly just a bunch of people huddled together.  I'm sure they were terrified, but you can't really see their faces enough to get a personal feel.  I do not feel emotionally connected and I guess I don't "feel" moved by the coverage I have seen.  Intellectually, I know it totally sucks, and how afraid I would be if I were there - and how terrified I would be if my kid was an FSU student, but it isn't an emotional response.

Today I saw this text that an FSU student sent to her father.  My reaction was most definitely emotional.  

[Phoenix84]

Nov 20, 2014 7:42:34 GMT -5 Shooby said:

It bothers me a great deal. Especially stories about kids or tragic instances with young adults. I have tried to tune out of the news and that type of thing so much. It can be very depressing when you really see all the human suffering. I always wondered how people could turn a blind eye. But, in reality, you only have your life to live and you just have to live it to its fullest and everyone on the planet is going to have their share of suffering as well. So, if you are happy today, it is OK to be happy today.

At the end of the day, I strongly believe that the only thing I can totally control is me. So while I feel sorry, if not on an emotional level, and intellectual one for victims, I can't really stop bad things happening to people. It is hard to establish a emotional connection when there's so many demands in my own life demanding my time, energy, and emotional investment.

[mmhmm]

I'm profoundly affected by violence and suffering. It hurts me somewhere deep. I don't watch television and I don't watch movies. What I read, I can control - and I do. While I've dealt directly with the results of violence, and with suffering brought about by illness or tragedy, it has always been taken very personally by me. As a nurse and a nurse practitioner, I've cried along with more families than I care to think about. It's just who I am and I don't think I want to change it.

[sesfw]

As a nurse and a nurse practitioner, I've cried along with more families than I care to think about. It's just who I am and I don't think I want to change it.

  Blessings my friend.

[Ombud]

I felt stressed when Palestinians shot those worshipping in the synagogue and the racist shot 3 outside shul in the Midwest

[Deleted]

Good excuse to murder >600 children

[weltschmerz]

I'm deeply affected by human suffering, but animal abuse hits me where I LIVE. I just can't handle it.

[Ombud]

Yes. Far too many Israeli children live in fear of the daily rockets levied at them. Thankfully the iron dome has held up so far

[mmhmm]

Nov 20, 2014 23:10:57 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Yes. Far too many Israeli children live in fear of the daily rockets levied at them. Thankfully the iron dome has held up so far

Interestingly enough, the Palestinians have no Iron Dome to protect them.

[NancysSummerSip]

Having worked in a profession that involves a lot of violence and bad people (courts and law enforcement) and another profession that covers it (journalism) I tend to intellectually compartmentalize a lot of what goes on in the world. I'm not immune to any of it; on the contrary, I have a great deal of compassion. But having seen and dealt with a lot of it from a third-party point of view is different from either experiencing it first-hand or just reading about it.

Violence against and abuse of children makes me mad, but on both an intellectual and visceral level. Even though I don't have kids, my reaction is that no one who does those things to those who cannot defend themselves should be allowed to get away with it, ever. I see no reason for forgiveness when someone hurts a child. It doesn't make my blood pressure rise on a personal level, because I have no kids of my own, but I do see a very good reason to dispense the harshest and possibly the most final kind of justice upon the perpetrator, if that makes sense.

[NancysSummerSip]

Nov 20, 2014 19:08:23 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Nov 20, 2014 7:50:30 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

FSU school shooting last night.

I saw a little bit of the phone videos that some students had.  But they were mostly just a bunch of people huddled together.  I'm sure they were terrified, but you can't really see their faces enough to get a personal feel.  I do not feel emotionally connected and I guess I don't "feel" moved by the coverage I have seen.  Intellectually, I know it totally sucks, and how afraid I would be if I were there - and how terrified I would be if my kid was an FSU student, but it isn't an emotional response.

Today I saw this text that an FSU student sent to her father.  My reaction was most definitely emotional.  

One of our local newscasters had a son in the library at the time of the shooting. She discussed it on the 6 p.m. broadcast last night. And wept on the air when she did. Basically, she said, "When my son called me during the shooting, I was no longer a journalist, I was a mom. I hope I am never this close to a news story again."

[movingforward]

Apparently it effects me quite a bit. I finished season 6 of Sons of Anarchy 2 hrs ago and I still can't get the ending out of my head.

I limit my exposure to the news because real life violence effects me even more.

[MarleyKeezy78]

I had a real hard time when the Sandy Hook shooting took place, I cried and debated for over a year whether I would send DS to kindergarten or home school. I couldn't imagine having something so horrible happen to him. It took a long time to come to my senses but he is a happy kindergartener this year. I have a really hard time with violence and the news gets me down as well as the torture porn type movies (Saw, Hostle and the such) I just can't see that type of stuff anymore. I actually have developed phobias because of this crap. I used to be awesome with powertools and loved shop class (only girl to get a A in my class) but now I am terrified of power type saws because of certain movies, also love to cook but have to use a bread knife or a steak knife at the sharpest because I am so scared I will slice myself really bad like in the movies   There's more stuff I am now freaked about now as well and I refuse to go to a movie theater anymore and haven't been to a mall in ages. No I am not totally home bound, but I do stay more in my comfort zone anymore because weird shit happens.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

If the fictional violence is something I can fathom, then it breaks me so I avoid such fiction with my whole being.  On the other hand, the premise of Kill Bill was so far out of my realm of knowledge and experience, I simply couldn't understand the point of the movie and was relatively unscathed.

In real life, however, I can be devastated -- I think I got an extra "empathy" gene or something.  In fact, I was reviewing the college scholarships awarded annually by our high school scholarship committee this afternoon in preparation for DSs applying.  I was in tears.  The 1980's took a toll on young people in my town -- car accidents, terminal illnesses, suicide, etc.  Burying a child is just the saddest thing I can imagine ever enduring.  It almost seems disrespectful to "win" a scholarship in a child's memory, doesn't it?

As for violence, I also read A Child Called It several years ago.  The movie Sybil came out when I was a teenager.  The beating death of the innocent white truck driver after the Rodney King verdict, the 9/11 murders, and war and terrorism and the bullies who shot bb pellets through my windshield when I contested a school matter -- all of this takes its toll on my psyche. At times, I genuinely and reasonably fear the human race is headed for self-destruction.

And while I have always believed we should honor and care for animals, my puppy has opened up a whole 'nother section of my heart to break when I hear about abused and neglected animals.  My dog IS a being with feelings, emotions, a sense of humor, etc.  Like humans, no animal is deserving of the horrific things some evil people can do.

Fortunately, there is still a lot of very real and very visible good in the world.  The trick will be to make sure the good and the kind people win.  

[TheOtherMe]

I can no longer read violent books and I don't play video games.

The Sandy Hook shooting was also very difficult on me.  I lived in Colorado when Columbine happened and the local news stations carried every funeral on television.  I cried my way through every single one.  For some reason, I couldn't stop myself.

Now that I am aware of the suffering in third world countries, I am deeply concerned.  I worry about ebola and what it is doing in Africa.  No I don't think there will be a catastrophic outbreak in the US.  Right now, a doctor friend is in Guinea helping.  He is not able to practice his type of medicine.  His type of medicine was very hands on.  I know as he was my doctor.  After he retired, he worked in Uganda treating HIV/Aids.  Now he is in Guinea helping through Doctors Without Borders.  The stories he told me when he worked at orphanages in Romania where the kids had HIV were horrifying.

I'm glad I have a heart, but sometimes it hurts to turn on the tv, so off it goes and on comes the music.


mmhamm, when my mother passed away, her hospice nurse and bathing aide came to see us and we all cried.  It was nice to know they are humans.  I respect their work so much--and yours.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Nov 23, 2014 22:19:31 GMT -5 MarleyKeezy78 said:

I had a real hard time when the Sandy Hook shooting took place, I cried and debated for over a year whether I would send DS to kindergarten or home school. I couldn't imagine having something so horrible happen to him. It took a long time to come to my senses but he is a happy kindergartener this year. I have a really hard time with violence and the news gets me down as well as the torture porn type movies (Saw, Hostle and the such) I just can't see that type of stuff anymore. I actually have developed phobias because of this crap. I used to be awesome with powertools and loved shop class (only girl to get a A in my class) but now I am terrified of power type saws because of certain movies, also love to cook but have to use a bread knife or a steak knife at the sharpest because I am so scared I will slice myself really bad like in the movies   There's more stuff I am now freaked about now as well and I refuse to go to a movie theater anymore and haven't been to a mall in ages. No I am not totally home bound, but I do stay more in my comfort zone anymore because weird shit happens.

Every time there is a school shooting, I react, in part, by memorizing my kids' outfits as they leave for school for days afterward.  I want to be able to give a clear description if it ever becomes necessary.  I'm kind of pathetic, over-protective, and creepy all at once, aren't I?

[Jaguar]

MarleyKeezy78 , GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl

[tallguy]

How much does violance/suffering affect you?

Almost not at all, honestly.  I am very good at compartmentalizing things, to begin with, and am also MUCH more ruled by logic than emotion.  I am also a big believer that nothing outside of me can really hurt me.  Only I can hurt me or allow myself to be hurt, and I limit the number of things that I allow to hurt me.  Violence is unfortunate, and it will at various times anger or disgust me depending on what it is, but unless it is in my presence I cannot prevent it.  Given that, why would I allow it to have any other negative effect on me?  Suffering is similarly unfortunate, but again I cannot prevent it.  Why allow either to claim another victim by internalizing it? 

[Deleted]

Nov 23, 2014 23:37:45 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Suffering is similarly unfortunate, but again I cannot prevent it.

If you visit who is lonely you prevent suffering. If you feed who is hungry you prevent suffering.

[tallguy]

Not the type I was thinking of, but I would disagree to an extent anyway.  The suffering already exists in your examples.  One can perhaps ameliorate it temporarily, but that is a much lower standard.

[busymom]

Nov 23, 2014 23:52:22 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Not the type I was thinking of, but I would disagree to an extent anyway.  The suffering already exists in your examples.  One can perhaps ameliorate it temporarily, but that is a much lower standard.

   IMHO, anyone can benefit from a little temporary help when they are suffering.  Sometimes just a bit of help, or a kind word, can give them the strength to continue on their own.