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Post by tea4me on Mar 3, 2011 9:27:01 GMT -5
Did you ever notice a lot of the parents who talk about how much they LOVE their kids and how their kids are their life, don't work and provide for their children?
If I had kids, I think I would want them to have nice things and live comfortable lives.
Last night I was watching Dog The Bounty Hunter and they caught a guy that will be in jail for a long time. He was talking about how important his kids are to him. Yet, the kids do not have food or diapers. He did meth yesterday. I personally know people that talk about how great their kids are, yet they live off the system instead of providing for their kids themselves.
Why can't I understand this mentality???
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Mar 3, 2011 9:31:07 GMT -5
I cannot believe how many parents lifes are so empty and meaningless, that the only thing in their lifes are their kids. They have no hobbies, no interests, few friends... their spouses are unimportant, etc.
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patchwork150
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Post by patchwork150 on Mar 3, 2011 9:32:47 GMT -5
I have noticed this too, and it seems they fit in a couple of categories: 1. It is not THEIR FAULT that they aren't working/can't provide/whatever, life sucks and they got handed a hard life, and expressing their 'love' for their kids is the only thing they feel they can do 2. They feel that it's someone else's fault or responsibility to help them (the government, the father/wife, their parents, etc) 3. It's made up and they want to feel better about themselves so they make themselves out to be the loving parent
OR
4. They have had a real succession of rotton events, are trying their best, and are worried about their kids and the fact that they are not providing the way the should be (this is like 0.001% of the pop, but happens).
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Mar 3, 2011 9:33:07 GMT -5
Did you ever notice a lot of the parents who talk about how much they LOVE their kids and how their kids are their life, don't work and provide for their children? If I had kids, I think I would want them to have nice things and live comfortable lives. Last night I was watching Dog The Bounty Hunter and they caught a guy that will be in jail for a long time. He was talking about how important his kids are to him. Yet, the kids do not have food or diapers. He did meth yesterday. I personally know people that talk about how great their kids are, yet they live off the system instead of providing for their kids themselves. Why can't I understand this mentality??? The key part here is he did meth. By defination drug addicts aren't reasonable. All a drug addict cares about is getting more drugs. And they will say anything they have to to get them. This isn't about parenting it's about what drugs do to people.
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Urban Chicago
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Post by Urban Chicago on Mar 3, 2011 9:35:24 GMT -5
I love it when they "will do anything for their kids", except actually become involved in the kid's education instead of just complaining about the quality of the local public school.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2011 10:57:18 GMT -5
I cannot believe how many parents lifes are so empty and meaningless, that the only thing in their lifes are their kids. They have no hobbies, no interests, few friends... their spouses are unimportant, etc. My only hobby is cooking dinner, I'm interested in getting to bed before 11pm, and I haven't made any friends in this town since moving 120 miles away from home 4 years ago to be with my husband. I get up at 5am, take the kids to daycare, commute an hour to work, bust my ass all day, commute an hour home, pick the kids up, and go home. I'm exhausted but I'd rather spend those last few hours of the day with my kids and watching them learn and enjoy THEIR hobbies and interests than pursue my own. Weekends are spent doing the same. My kids are young (6 and 1.5) but time is flying by and soon enough they'll have lives of their own. I want to enjoy them while they are still here, so everything we do right now is for and with them. My husband is my best friend (and vice versa), and he has his own hobbies and interests (he plays different sports throughout the week). I don't have time for any of that now. I'll have time for hobbies, interests, and friends when my kids are grown and out of the house. My life is FAR from empty and meaningless.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Mar 3, 2011 11:02:40 GMT -5
I'll have time for hobbies, interests, and friends when my kids are grown and out of the house. My life is FAR from empty and meaningless
You counter argument is jumping from point to point, item to item and you are probably racing around rapidly. Typically illogical argument techique. I had three boys, I did that drill. We kept them occupied. Both I and the ex, both worked full time. The kids where not my entire life, not the only thing I existed for.
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schildi
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Post by schildi on Mar 3, 2011 11:16:33 GMT -5
Did you ever notice a lot of the parents who talk about how much they LOVE their kids and how their kids are their life, don't work and provide for their children? If I had kids, I think I would want them to have nice things and live comfortable lives. Last night I was watching Dog The Bounty Hunter and they caught a guy that will be in jail for a long time. He was talking about how important his kids are to him. Yet, the kids do not have food or diapers. He did meth yesterday. I personally know people that talk about how great their kids are, yet they live off the system instead of providing for their kids themselves. Why can't I understand this mentality??? Sounds to me like this is more about drugs than parenting. A drug addict will say anything to get more drugs, you picked the wrong subject line I think.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2011 11:20:13 GMT -5
I'll have time for hobbies, interests, and friends when my kids are grown and out of the house. My life is FAR from empty and meaninglessYou counter argument is jumping from point to point, item to item and you are probably racing around rapidly. Typically illogical argument techique. I had three boys, I did that drill. We kept them occupied. Both I and the ex, both worked full time. The kids where not my entire life, not the only thing I existed for. Perhaps I should have made it simpler... I find it sad, and a little offensive, that you would consider my life to be empty and meaningless because my kids are my life right now. My job as a parent is to provide and care for them, entertain and educate them - not pass them off to the side so I can socialize and pursue my own interests. When the time comes for them to move on and out of the house to live their own lives, I'll continue on with mine. I'm not trying to argue - I'm just telling you that not all people who put their children first lead empty and meaningless lives.
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Post by tea4me on Mar 3, 2011 11:37:32 GMT -5
My original post was about people that won't even work to provide for their children. They brag about how important their kids are, and their kids are their life, yet the expect others to provide for them.
If their kids are that important, wouldn't they want to take care of them (financially)?
vsnizzle: I am glad you are able to take care of your children. When you say your kids are your life, you prove it by providing their needs.
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Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on Mar 3, 2011 11:55:56 GMT -5
I'm just telling you that not all people who put their children first lead empty and meaningless lives.
Children should not be the first thing in the parents lifes. The relationship of the married couple comes first. Every marriage counselor and psychotherapist will say this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2011 11:56:42 GMT -5
My original post was about people that won't even work to provide for their children. They brag about how important their kids are, and their kids are their life, yet the expect others to provide for them. Sorry Tea, I didn't mean to start ranting, but SF's "meaningless life" comment struck a nerve. I understand your original post. I have a family member who also loves their children so much, they keep popping out more in spite of the fact that neither of them work. They all live with and sponge off the husbands father and do absolutely nothing to better their situation. Neither of them even have a GED, collect every government benefit they can find and bitch about never having any money, all while they are sucking down their hooch and cigarettes. I feel so sorry for the children, who are never properly supervised or taken care of. Hell, the oldest is 4.5 and is still in diapers (not Pull Ups, but diapers) because they are too lazy to potty train him. They tried once and bitched about having to clean up a mess. But they love them *so much*. Again, with the ranting. Sorry.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 3, 2011 12:02:27 GMT -5
I'm familiar with the workings of my county's Drug Court. All the moms say they love their kids more than anything, but that doesn't stop them from taking drugs, knowing they will end up in jail and their kids in foster care.
What people say and what people do are often 2 entirely different things.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 3, 2011 12:04:43 GMT -5
Are you kidding me? According to my IL's the day I had my kid, that was the day I, Lena, ceased to exist. Evidently, according to the cards that I have received since then, I will never need or want or know any other happiness, except for the happiness of motherhood
Oh, also, I am not suppose to get any rest, "me" time or do anything else with my life until all of my childrens' needs are met and over-met.
Lena
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Clifford
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Post by Clifford on Mar 3, 2011 13:00:01 GMT -5
I also think that it is just convenient for the parent to say the children mean so much whenever what the parent wants is threatened. When I was teaching HS, Andy's grades were terrible. Sent letters and never heard a word from the folks. Then baseball season came around and the mother shows up saying that because of me, Andy couldn't play ball. In truth, they wanted Andy to go through HS without wasting any of their time. He couldn't play baseball, made some noise, and they didn't like the distraction. Suddenly, they totally loved their kid, and I was the one causing the problem. There were similar events every other week from different parents. Loving your kids means being present and involved, and trying to help them better themselves. People claiming to love them and not doing these things are just blowing smoke or laying the groundwork to get something that they want for themselves. Regarding the other posts: you can certainly be involved while still having a life of your own.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 3, 2011 13:43:01 GMT -5
I'm just telling you that not all people who put their children first lead empty and meaningless lives.Children should not be the first thing in the parents lifes. The relationship of the married couple comes first. Every marriage counselor and psychotherapist will say this. If you made a living as a marriage counselor wouldn't you say "put the marriage first" by default though? I'm not saying it's not true, but referencing marriage counselors in this instance is a bit like saying "everyone should be heavily invested in annuities, every annuity salesperson will say this". I do agree it's sad when all people think they have to live for are their kids. You need SOMETHING else.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 3, 2011 14:03:23 GMT -5
Vsnizzle, your life is not your own right now because of your schedule. However, I strongly urge you to take at least one night for yourself to just go to a book store or just do something to re-boot your energy and care for yourself. My Aunt used to not cook on Sunday and this was in the 60's when moms still were at home, she just felt she needed and deserved a "day off" and the kids ate cereal and my Uncle grilled if it was summer or they ate at my Grandma's. You need to be a bit more selfish and I strongly urge you to make sure you and your husband re-connect as much as possible. Put those kids to bed early and talk/play board games/cards/whatever while the laundry is going.
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Mar 3, 2011 14:07:46 GMT -5
I'm just telling you that not all people who put their children first lead empty and meaningless lives.Children should not be the first thing in the parents lifes. The relationship of the married couple comes first. Every marriage counselor and psychotherapist will say this. If you made a living as a marriage counselor wouldn't you say "put the marriage first" by default though? I'm not saying it's not true, but referencing marriage counselors in this instance is a bit like saying "everyone should be heavily invested in annuities, every annuity salesperson will say this". I do agree it's sad when all people think they have to live for are their kids. You need SOMETHING else. Well actually, depending on how strictly you follow the Bible, Ephesians Chapter 5 says (paraphrasing here) that you are to put God first, then your spouse and then your children. I agree that our children should be a priority, but they shouldn't be the end all and be all of our existence. The downside of always putting them first is they "might" grow up to believe that their wants come first no matter what the situation (read entitled).
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Mar 3, 2011 14:11:24 GMT -5
Vsnizzle, your life is not your own right now because of your schedule. However, I strongly urge you to take at least one night for yourself to just go to a book store or just do something to re-boot your energy and care for yourself. My Aunt used to not cook on Sunday and this was in the 60's when moms still were at home, she just felt she needed and deserved a "day off" and the kids ate cereal and my Uncle grilled if it was summer or they ate at my Grandma's. You need to be a bit more selfish and I strongly urge you to make sure you and your husband re-connect as much as possible. Put those kids to bed early and talk/play board games/cards/whatever while the laundry is going. Agree 100%. My mom was on a bowling league. Every Monday night she fed us and then left to go to her league. They went to a weekend tournament every May. For me, one of the advantages of divorce was that my girls were gone every other weekend so I was able to have that time to do what I wanted, not what they needed.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 3, 2011 14:11:34 GMT -5
Did you ever notice a lot of the parents who talk about how much they LOVE their kids and how their kids are their life, don't work and provide for their children? If I had kids, I think I would want them to have nice things and live comfortable lives. Last night I was watching Dog The Bounty Hunter and they caught a guy that will be in jail for a long time. He was talking about how important his kids are to him. Yet, the kids do not have food or diapers. He did meth yesterday. I personally know people that talk about how great their kids are, yet they live off the system instead of providing for their kids themselves. Why can't I understand this mentality??? What I hate about this post is that I know exactly what you mean. It might be a harsh statement, but if your kids are all you have going for you and you take pains to let everyone know that about your life... you're most likely not a great parent.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 3, 2011 14:13:49 GMT -5
I'm not trying to argue - I'm just telling you that not all people who put their children first lead empty and meaningless lives. There's a big difference, IMO, between putting your kids first and viewing them as your sole accomplishment in life. Biggest, sure. But "only" suggests a huge problem to me. I'm somewhat sore about this because one of the worst moms I know is constantly insisting that her kids are her life and she'd do anything for them and her Most Important Purpose in Life is raising them well and they are what she Lives For. Yet she's not willing to make the most basic sacrifices for them.
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ihearyou2
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Post by ihearyou2 on Mar 3, 2011 14:19:40 GMT -5
I had one friend who said they put their kids first and predictably their marriage suffered. Parents who spend all their time on their kids aren't really interested in their kids per se, they either have issues or are running away from other things that are problems in their lives. You gotta have balance, your life, your marital life, your friends, and your kids.
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Post by bobbysgirl on Mar 3, 2011 14:23:38 GMT -5
VSNITTZLE: Karma for you! You won't be sorry you are investing in your family.
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Post by bobbysgirl on Mar 3, 2011 14:26:16 GMT -5
I'm just telling you that not all people who put their children first lead empty and meaningless lives.Children should not be the first thing in the parents lifes. The relationship of the married couple comes first. Every marriage counselor and psychotherapist will say this. With all due respect, SAV, why is your wife an ex if you invested so much time in her. I'm not being snarky here. It just appears to be an oxymoron.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2011 14:26:32 GMT -5
Vsnizzle, your life is not your own right now because of your schedule. However, I strongly urge you to take at least one night for yourself to just go to a book store or just do something to re-boot your energy and care for yourself. My Aunt used to not cook on Sunday and this was in the 60's when moms still were at home, she just felt she needed and deserved a "day off" and the kids ate cereal and my Uncle grilled if it was summer or they ate at my Grandma's. You need to be a bit more selfish and I strongly urge you to make sure you and your husband re-connect as much as possible. Put those kids to bed early and talk/play board games/cards/whatever while the laundry is going. Thanks for the advice, but my husband and I haven't DIS-connected. We're extremely happy. We do have time to ourselves after the kids are asleep, and are planning a much needed kid-less vacation for a week this summer. I have time to myself every Sunday morning when my hubby takes the kids to church so I can grocery shop and shower alone, haha. Maybe I'm not presenting my case very well. I don't shout it from the rooftops that my life revolves around my kids, I have made a shit-ton of sacrifices for them, they are clean and well-cared for and I have a full time job to support them. I've got a lot of great things in my life BESIDES my children. I've accomplished a lot before I had them, and I will accomplish a lot after they are gone. My only issue in this thread was the comment that insinuated my life was "empty and meaningless" because my kids are everything to me at this point in time. It was just a ridiculous assumption.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2011 14:28:13 GMT -5
VSNITTZLE: Karma for you! You won't be sorry you are investing in your family. Thanks! ;D I'm not sorry in the least - we have a fantastic, loving, happy, and healthy family to show for all the hard work we put into it.
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Post by bobbysgirl on Mar 3, 2011 14:35:07 GMT -5
And I agree with the mommy time out thing and keeping a close relationship to the spouse.
My time out was as simple as a 60 minute bath with no interruptions once a week. My DD1 just told me dad wouldn't let them knock on the door and the line to use the facility was growing long!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 3, 2011 14:43:08 GMT -5
Children should not be the first thing in the parents lifes. The relationship of the married couple comes first. Every marriage counselor and psychotherapist will say this. And they have such great track records at both raising kids and maintaining marriages. I mean seriously, why don't you ask homeless people for career advice while you're at it.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 3, 2011 14:56:07 GMT -5
After decades of following 1,118 physicians who graduated from the Hopkins School of Medicine between 1948 and 1964, researchers found a 51 percent divorce rate for psychiatrists and 33 percent for surgeons, rates higher than those for internists (24 percent), pediatricians and pathologists (each 22 percent). The study revealed a 32 percent overall physician divorce rate. If you really want good advice on keeping your marriage together, ask your kid's pediatrician. Their divorce rate is less than half the national average, whereas psychiatrists are right at the national average. Or, put another way, psychiatrists seem to know as much about keeping a marriage together as a random group of strangers you pick up off the street.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 3, 2011 15:19:07 GMT -5
Some posters (and it won't take you long to figure them out) just hate women and it seems, their lives in general. Don't let them get at you.
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