How interested is your spouse in your work life?

[Deleted]

I'm not exactly sure what the point of this thread is LOL. 

When I first started teaching at my school, DH was chomping at the bit to see it. I felt uncomfortable just having him come in and giving him a tour, so I said, sorry, I'd rather you wait. Later that school year, an opportunity came up (he had to bring me something I'd forgotten). So he came to my school, I gave him a tour and introduced him to some of the staff and faculty.

My colleague (whose DH works less than a block away) said, wow, you're so lucky your DH cares, mine doesn't. He's never even seen the school, and he couldn't care less. 

Another colleague (my best friend at school, who has become a close friend outside school) had her husband pick her up for a weekend away. I said, is O going to come into school?! (I was hoping to meet him.) She said, you've got to be kidding me, he'll be waiting for me in the parking lot. 

Tonight was a big, catered school party. DH happily came with me and we had a great evening with the staff, faculty and students. I'm sure he was slightly bored part of the time but he happily talked to the admin and my colleagues. As language professors, my colleagues are generally a lot of fun, and they have a knack for making people feel comfortable.

But I'd say only about 25% of us brought our spouses (who were all invited, all staff and faculty all had two free tickets). And most of those who came with their spouses were the directors; much fewer staff and faculty brought spouses. Some people said their spouses had to babysit (obviously I don't know whether they can't afford a babysitter or whether their spouses just didn't want to come). 

But I was surprised that some colleagues said that their spouses just couldn't be bothered. DH and I have no problem with spending certain evenings apart, and we do, fairly regularly. But we both tend to "do our own thing" on weeknights, not on weekends or Saturday nights.

Thoughts?

ETA: I'm using "spouse" but "significant other" works too. 

[sarcasticgirl]

DH has been to my office once or twice and I'be been to his. Not necessarily because we were interested to see where each other worked, there just happen to be situations were it was necessary.
We chat about our work... Mostly complain like normal people. But we do t go into too much detail and neither of us are too terribly interested in the details.

Neither of us really have work events where our spouse can attend. I have tagged along on a business trip with him before and gone to dinner with his boss/ co-worker. And we have entertained his exboss while he was in town for a week.
He has met some of my coworkers once or twice...
I would say that if we had work events where spouses were invited, we'd go.

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[Deleted]

We spend so much time at work, I can't imagine not being interested in where one's spouse / SO works. Three of my four kids have been to my school too (DS2 went there, to the other campus, but he took some classes on my campus one semester). DD visited because we were supposed to go home together, there was a suicide on the train line and the trains were cancelled for 3 hours, so I took her to lunch and then we hung out in my staff room waiting for the trains to start running again. DS3 visited just because he wanted to see where I worked.

Maybe I'm weird LOL. Or maybe the fact that it's a school rather than an office means that there are more people coming and going so it's easier for people to visit. I'm definitely not the only teacher whose kids have visited. This said, my DH and kids visited to my office too, at my old job when I worked in an office (rather than a school). 

Dunno, I was just surprised at how many people (who I know are married / living with somebody) turned up solo tonight. 

[msventoux]

No spouse, but I've never brought even a long term boyfriend to any work functions.  Probably because I avoid going to them like the plague myself.  In relationships we've spoken about our jobs to each other, but I've found most people's eyes start to glaze over if you start talking about technical accounting or tax issues, and I try to leave work at work anyways.

Among my coworkers, I've met most of the spouses because they've stopped by the office to drop something off for my coworkers and we were introduced.  A couple go to the various parties, I've heard.  But the consensus seems to be that they're not overly interested in hearing about the details of what their spouses do during the day.  They do know enough to know when the various deadlines are and that they need to tread a bit more lightly around my coworkers then. 

[Deleted]

I generally avoid them too, Ms Ventoux, also like the plague LOL. Happily I receive very few invitations to work functions.

But this was a REALLY BIG DEAL for the school ... they don't do it very often LOL. 

[justme]

With my current company most spouses were brought to most after work things. Though it's definitely a small group and I was practically the only one not married.

[swamp]

DH is my political wife. He looks great in a ball gown. 

[justme]

To be fair, as the single person I do kinda wish the spouses wouldn't all show up to things planned outside of work, but I also realize as a single I'm in the minority. They're all nice enough, but being faced with a "and significant other" it's a heavy proposition when you have none and know everyone else does. You have to weigh not showing up with showing up solo with showing up with a date everyone will ask about four months later.

[Deleted]

Not at all. One of my biggest gripes is if something happens at work and I need to vent he just blanks out on me or shh's me.   It does help to redirect my anger.

I   listen his trivial (compared to mine ) work situations and at least I'm polite and nod my head.

We go to very few work functions, there aren't many anyway. Sometimes we go out with co workers outside of work.

[bean29]

Hmm, My company has one formal event per year, and occasional informal sports events in the company suite. DH enjoys my co workers and wouldn't miss it. We do have a few employees who come as singles, some divorced, one has an autistic child so I think his wife stays home with her.

Idk why your co-workers do not come as couples, but I think it is great they are willing to go alone.

I have gone on several business trips with my DH. I am very comfortable socializing with near strangers and so are my kids. My SIL goes on similar trips with DB and she says she is very uncomfortable talking to his co-workers.

My SIL is a stay at home Mom, but not at all socially awkward, I think we have talked about it here before that people often start conversations with what do you do, where do you work etc. So maybe that is why she is uncomfortable.

[Deleted]

First husband: totally bored, used to tell me my work was BS because I didn't manufacture anything (but he sure liked my income). He also drank a lot, so taking him anywhere was risky. I think it was a big problem for him that his first wife was an inorganic chemist (as he was) and they worked for the same company, so he never was an Accompanying Person before. He was also bad at small talk.

Current DH- just the opposite. He went to many conventions with me, whenever it was someplace we wanted to see. He was fine on his own during the day and socialized well at night. He was also a great sounding board and a source of common sense on office politics and, more importantly, could be trusted with confidential info although I was still careful what I told him. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I've met most of TD's coworkers and boss, he met mine when I worked.  He met up with me at most of my research meetings, and has met (and socialized) with many of the people I interact with from different institutions.

Like Athena's DH, if there was a session at the meeting he had interest in, he attended it....or he attended the sessions I presented in.  Otherwise, he would play tourist or sleep in and meet me for lunch.  Luckily, my boss was a bigwig in the meeting, so we didn't have to pay for him to attend the sessions.

[teen persuasion]

Since I work at the public library, and we are all book junkies, where I work is very nearly our second home.  The whole family often comes in to help out for events like book sales (lots of boxes of books to be hauled back to storage, etc).

DH just changed jobs, no work events there, yet.  I've brought him things at his previous job, but it is a closed campus, so no real visiting allowed.  I've attended Xmas parties with DH, and we've socialized with some of his assorted aides and their spouses over the years, even after they moved on to new positions.

DH is part of a volunteer fire company, and I've been to more events there.  This is a small town, though, so everyone is somehow connected or related to everyone else at least three ways here, or so it seems.  At his FC installation dinner, he was introducing me to people he'd told me about, and I was introducing him to politicians I knew from connections at the library.  One couple we both knew, B & S, they bought a house down the street from us.  We sat with his (B's) parents.  B's mom, I learned, is the aunt of 2 girls I know (older one dated DS2, younger is friends with DD3).  S's parents lived on the next street over from us, 3/4 of a mile as the crow flies, but we occasionally get their mail by mistake.  S's younger sister is dating DS2's roommate.  S also stops in the library often for books for her students.  This town is full of overlapping connections like that.

[Cookies Galore]

We both talk about work and he knows some of my friends I met there. He works for a small company and I have been to his work, and his boss and wife were at our wedding. My board's centennial celebration is coming up in the spring and we will be attending that.

[Deleted]

I don't have work until now but husband helps me to study. He is pretty smart for a boy

[Peace Of Mind]

Very!  Every day he wants to know what's for dinner.   


Seriously - back when I worked he was always meeting co workers when he came to take me to lunch, went to dinners out with the boss, attended seminars or functions that were after hours, helped put office furniture together or helped me with computer issues I wanted customized.  One job we painted my office and he helped me bring plants in and put my new bookcase up.  He'd listen to me gripe or pretended to.  Back when I had to travel he took me to the airport and waited until the plane left before he'd leave the airport, and he'd always be there waiting for me when I landed. 

Hmmmm.  NO wonder he was so on board with me quitting!   

[quince]

He's not interested at all in my work life, but he's interested in me, so will discuss my day, as I do his.  He's visited my office (back when I worked in one!), and I've visited his.  There's a Thanksgiving event we'll be attending that his CEO is hosting. Never attended an event for my workplace - happily, we cut back on family inclusive events by the time I got into a supervisory role, or I probably would have had to show up.

I actually love discussing his job with him. It's very interesting. We've gone out to dinner with his CEO, and obviously they talk shop. He's very happy with what he's doing. I'm sure I would not be attending events or finding his job a delightful topic if he was unhappy.

[Shooby]

We talk in generalities. But, with all the confidentiality issues and a small town, we really don't talk all that much.

[Deleted]

My first husband was Chairman of the Board of the small private school where I taught and where our kids went to school. There was no separation of work and personal life, which I didn't like.   He was more into the school than I was.  Teaching school can consume your life 24/7.

I talk some these days about the kids I teach and the people I work with to DH (second husband), but not much.  We go to only a few activities.  Going to the local watering hole after graduation doesn't interest me even if it does close to the general public so that no one can take pictures of teachers drinking.  (That's not a joke.)

We do see students that I've taught everywhere (every restaurant, every grocery store, every doctor's office, and so on), and DH is a good sport about it.  He gets called Mr. Ex's Name a lot. 

[plugginaway22]

Like Shooby, being in a medical field, I just talk in generalities. Or I might complain about an annoying co-worker.  DH works more with the public and seems to only share stories about the 'idiot' customers, while failing to mention the majority great customers!  Anyway, we let each other vent, and that seems to be enough.  When there is an event with spouses invited, we always would attend, but it doesn't happen that often.
Our jobs right now are truly just a means for us to stash money so that we can retire!  Haha, it has come to that with kids about gone and us being mid-50s!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

My husband and I work in the same field. It's nice that we can thoroughly discuss problems and solutions. However, the catch is that work can never fully go away. Usually during Christmas Break and the month of July I put a moratorium on all work-related conversations. I have to have a mental break from it or I cannot be a positive person in our marriage. The other problem is that I'm not well-versed in areas outside of our field of work. It's one of the reasons I come here--so I can hear other perspectives on life and our society.