Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Nov 12, 2014 9:36:40 GMT -5
The arch nemesis thread brought something to mind and I was wondering if anyone else ever went through something similar. I used to have a job where I had to work (via phone and computer) with a man from another company. He was always changing things at the last minute and just in many ways making my job more difficult. I just cringed when I picked up the phone and it was him.
He and a few of his coworkers were scheduled to come to our plant for a visit. He died in a freak bicycle accident before the trip. His co-workers were going on and on about how wonderful he was and how they were going to miss him. I just sat there thinking - I sure didn't know that wonderful guy that they are talking about. And although I never expressed it, I was relieved when he died - not that I ever wished him dead, but I did wish him out of my life.
So, do any of you have any similar stories, or am I all alone in this terrible thought?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Nov 12, 2014 9:41:20 GMT -5
Never have I been "relieved" or "happy" that someone died. However, there have been a few I don't miss one bit.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Nov 12, 2014 9:43:49 GMT -5
I must admit I wasn't heartbroken when my first husband passed away. He made my children's lives miserable. I don't know that I was happy about his death but I sure wasn't unhappy about it, either.
I have been happy FOR some people who have died. My father was one. He had no quality of life left. His passing was a blessing.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Nov 12, 2014 9:49:02 GMT -5
I must admit I wasn't heartbroken when my first husband passed away. He made my children's lives miserable. I don't know that I was happy about his death but I sure wasn't unhappy about it, either. I have been happy FOR some people who have died. My father was one. He had no quality of life left. His passing was a blessing. Regarding your father - I certainly get that. My mother's stepmother had been ravaged by diabetes before her death. We also felt that her passing was a blessing.
It's hard to separate, but I think I was really happy that I didn't have to deal with that guy anymore - I could have been just as happy if he had been promoted to some job where I didn't have to deal with him, that just didn't happen to be the way it happened.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 12, 2014 9:54:23 GMT -5
There are times when I wish I could talk to my mom about certain things but those thoughts are offset by the real fact that it's more of a relief than grief.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Nov 12, 2014 9:54:30 GMT -5
Wow - that is a tough situation to be in. I would feel guilty, as I guess you are expressing. There were 2 people who were making my job situation extremely miserable - one was the nemesis, the other was a client Exec Dir who I think was entering dementia and was at a somewhat functioning but forgetful and paranoid state and would call me at 4:45 pm and then seriously just tell me how terrible I was for a whole hour, blame for things I had no input or control over, etc. etc. It would be the same phone call almost all the time, but we would hash through it and resolve her concerns, and then 3 weeks late - same thing. Like she forgot. Then - suddenly - she retired! OMG - working with her whole group is so much easier, as well as more productive! Then - the nemesis quit! I did not think he ever would as he had pushed off so much work and he was doing scarcely half the work the rest of us were. Thankfully - he really wanted to move to another state for personal reasons. There was one other client director who was a "burr under the saddle" as someone put it. But he has since stepped back and hasn't been *quite* as much of a jerk. I can't say that I would have been able to muster any sympathy if something had happened to the first two. I'm truly thankful that I was able to get through their reigns of t/error and they both moved out of my life and now - everything is going relatively smoothly for me. I can't in my heart wish them well - so I try not to think of them at all, so I don't think wicked or evil thoughts. If I heard of something such as this, I'd try to show outwardly the affect appropriate to the situation, but I fear that would not be mirrored internally.... Yes, this. This is something that happened years ago, so I don't remember all the details, but I do think I was able to say something heartfelt about how terrible it must be for his wife and children (he left young children behind). But, I just couldn't bring myself to join in on all the "Oh , how I'll miss him and he was such a great guy type comments).
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Nov 12, 2014 10:33:33 GMT -5
There is a lot of relief that FIL is gone, as he was very sick and his disease was taking a massive toll on hubs (ALS), but I am also secretly relieved I don't have to deal with him anymore.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Nov 12, 2014 10:35:39 GMT -5
I must admit I wasn't heartbroken when my first husband passed away. He made my children's lives miserable. I don't know that I was happy about his death but I sure wasn't unhappy about it, either. I have been happy FOR some people who have died. My father was one. He had no quality of life left. His passing was a blessing. ditto for me!
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milee
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Post by milee on Nov 12, 2014 10:47:24 GMT -5
Yes.
Never wished anyone dead, but have been relieved not to have to deal with them any more.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 12, 2014 10:49:57 GMT -5
This came to mind:
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Nov 12, 2014 10:52:28 GMT -5
I was pretty relieved when my Grandpa on my dad's side died. He had Alzheimer's and for the last 3 years didn't recognize me and the last year didn't recognize my parents. The 3 years before that were pretty bad too as he was still at home and there were rough moments - like when he decided to replace a gate when Grandma was gone to a meeting and I was 12 and I was like Grandpa, just wait for the weekend and my dad will be here. Or the time he wet himself and remembered to take his wet clothes off, but not put clean clothes on. Everyone was outside and I went back in to grab a bowl and there was my Grandpa, completely naked. Ugh. Unfortunately, when I think of him (he died when I was 18), I don't think of the good parts, before the disease took over, I tend to think about those last 6 years. Everyone else remembers the good, but I'm stuck on the bad. I will also say, while I'm angry my BIL died, I feel some relief too HE can't let us down/break our hearts any more. Now we don't have to worry about the next time he falls off the wagon. Now MIL can leave the house to visit people and not worry about what he is going to do.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 12, 2014 11:00:42 GMT -5
My aunt was in a car accident and was basically a vegetable for 9 months. I would have preferred that she got better, but, IMO, death was better than the way she was just existing.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 12, 2014 11:07:26 GMT -5
Yes. My mother. She suffered from Alzheimer's Disease. I was saddened though when her mind died several years before the rest of her did.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Nov 12, 2014 11:17:13 GMT -5
I don't regret when people pass away when it is time for them to.
My grandmother went into a nursing home when she was 84 and had dementia. Since I live ~8 hours away, I was only in the area to visit my family, and was told she did not recognize any visitors (even her own sons who visited at least weekly) and would get agitated when she did not know who people were. So I never visited her. She lived several years, apparantly had a fairly healthy body but her mind was gone. It was a releif to all when she passed away.
I was relieved when my FIL passed away. I never had any real relationship with him and he had failing health for the last 10 years of his life. Although he had some health problems, the end came very quickly, he went into the hospital with pneumonia seemed ok for 2 days then died on the 3rd day. Unfortunately the timing sucked for my DH and my family and it was the week of my family's vacation (we go the same week every year). We were there with my 2 sons and 2 GFs and were 13 hour drive away. DH got all kind of grief from his family because he did not immediately rush to the hospital even when he thought he would recover. FIL actually died on my father's birthday, we had to leave that evening with 6 of us, drive 9 hours to my home, change from vacation to wedding clothes, then get up the next day and drive 4 more house, because MIL insisted on having a quick funeral. Also had to fly DD in from Texas.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Nov 12, 2014 12:45:37 GMT -5
I was relieved when the MIL died. C was too. For him, he had lost his mom 12 years earlier in a major car accident. The woman that came out of that was not the woman who had raised him. MIL was difficult and a lot of work. When she lived with us, we had the "murder isn't a reason for divorce" joke. Once we got her into her own place, it was still like dealing with an eleven year old on occasion. Then she had surgery that was supposed to make her more independent. In the end, it killed her. And I was just happy it was over. It's not the most gracious thing I could say, but it's true. My life became instantly less stressful and easier once she passed.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 12, 2014 13:50:27 GMT -5
Yes. My mother. She suffered from Alzheimer's Disease. I was saddened though when her mind died several years before the rest of her did. Aw, Tenn. My mother was the reverse; mind was good, but her body died piece by agonizing piece. I will never be able to forget those last days and hours. There's no one I hate that much that I'd wish such an end on them. My maternal grandmother was a miserable human being. I don't think my mother was all that sorry to see her pass away. The woman never smiled, never had a nice thing to say to or about anyone, and nothing made her happy. Caring for her was a burden on all of us, and at the end, we weren't rejoicing, but it was a relief.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 12, 2014 13:53:49 GMT -5
Never had anyone die and be happy about it.
I was relieved when my grandfather passed. We kept getting multiple different answers on quality of life and how long he'd live with his inoperable brain tumor.
The not knowing is what was driving me insane. I was relieved once he passed because I no longer had to deal with the stress of waiting for a phone call.
I was also relieved that he didn't linger in his condition.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Nov 12, 2014 13:54:53 GMT -5
I had a client who treated everyone horribly. And I mean everyone. His neighbors hated him. The town officials hated him. I used to joke that he was immortal, because Satan didn't want to be harassed by this man, and he certainly wasn't going to heaven. When he finally did die, I had visions of the scene from the musical "Scrooge", of the townspeople dancing on his coffin and singing "Thank you very much, that's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me."
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Nov 12, 2014 16:20:30 GMT -5
I must admit I wasn't heartbroken when my first husband passed away. He made my children's lives miserable. I don't know that I was happy about his death but I sure wasn't unhappy about it, either. I have been happy FOR some people who have died. My father was one. He had no quality of life left. His passing was a blessing. ditto for me! Me too. Alzheimers is a miserable disease.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 12, 2014 17:36:44 GMT -5
Yes. My mother. She suffered from Alzheimer's Disease. I was saddened though when her mind died several years before the rest of her did. Aw, Tenn. My mother was the reverse; mind was good, but her body died piece by agonizing piece. I will never be able to forget those last days and hours. There's no one I hate that much that I'd wish such an end on them. My maternal grandmother was a miserable human being. I don't think my mother was all that sorry to see her pass away. The woman never smiled, never had a nice thing to say to or about anyone, and nothing made her happy. Caring for her was a burden on all of us, and at the end, we weren't rejoicing, but it was a relief. Other than the way our mothers passed, I would swear you were my sister regarding maternal grandmothers. My maternal grandmother resented my mother from the day she found out she was pregnant with her. My grandmother was planning on divorcing my grandfather back in 1923 when she found out she was pregnant with my mother. That pregnancy ended all hope of divorcing my grandfather. That grandmother was always nasty to my mom. At the end of WWII, and after she graduated from college, my mother got as far away as possible from her mother. Mom worked for the U.S. government on the U.S. occupied Japanese island of Okinawa, which is where she met my father. Grandmother lived in North Dakota and we in Massachusetts. When my mother would dutifully call her mother to say hello, my mother made sure one of us kids was on the extension phone which insured my grandmother would be nice to my mother. When my mother was in her late sixties, she went for one of her occasional visits to North Dakota to visit her mother. After the visit, I remember my mother telling me that while she was packing to leave her mom's place and fly back to Massachusetts, her mother called up the stairs and said, "Is there anything I can help you with, dear?". My mother wistfully told me if only she had called her 'dear' all her life.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Nov 12, 2014 18:56:09 GMT -5
When I read the subject line, two people immediately came to mind:
The ex-husband of a very close friend committed suicide several years ago. He was bipolar and an alcoholic, and never really accepted either diagnosis. My friend confided in me that she was relieved he was gone, and felt very guilty for feeling that way. I told her not to feel guilty, she had never wished him dead, but she wasn't wrong to be relieved that he would no longer be able to cause such angst to her and her kids (long story, but lots of drama -- it was really hard on ALL of them.)
My ex-MIL. I was not glad or relieved when she died. But, I experienced feelings I never had before. Usually when people I know die, I feel sad, and grieve their death. With her, I grieved her life. She was just miserable, and made everyone around her miserable. I thought it was very sad.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2014 19:00:53 GMT -5
If my enemy will die still I'm gonna feel sad for his family because probably they are not creepy.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 12, 2014 22:12:15 GMT -5
I wish my friend who died of brain cancer had lived long enough to see the jerk of a husband who had been seeing his high school sweetheart for who knows how long and finally divorced her after accompanying her to sign so that he would get survivor's benefits on her pension had a brain aneurysm and died instantly. She suffered for six long months with her cancer and he died instantly. I did feel sorry for their children who, though adults, now had no living parents at a young age.
I was relieved when my mom died. We had so many crisis situations from January 1 through May 19. At the time, I remember DS saying she wished both mom and dad had gone in a car accident because now we have to take care of him.
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wmpeon
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Post by wmpeon on Nov 12, 2014 23:00:11 GMT -5
I felt relief when my dad passed, because I wouldn't be responsible for supporting him financially in the future, and could more comfortably save for my own retirement. It was an emotion I didn't expect, and not something I could talk about with family. I'd worried a lot about what would happen when dad couldn't work anymore and his children would need to take care of him. Dad lived in a state of perpetual financial crisis, and I resented always being the go-to money person whenever dad was in a bind.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Nov 12, 2014 23:02:37 GMT -5
My ex died and I hadn't seen him for many years. I happened to see it the SS death index when looking up people I used to know. He had already been dead several years when I found out. I was slightly relieved to know he wouldn't ever find me and I didn't need an unlisted phone number anymore.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 12, 2014 23:18:38 GMT -5
Preface: I have a dog. I LOVE animals. I mean no harm to any animal.
When I was 12, I had a paper route in our neighborhood. I had to ride my bike or walk to deliver the papers and/or to collect the weekly payments.
There was one dog that was just absolutely vicious. He would growl and bark and jump up on people in a threatening manner. His owner just blew it all off and wouldn't control or restrain the dog. Unfortunately, the owner was a police officer and so calls to the police to complain about the dog went unaddressed. If I spied the dog ahead of me while walking or riding through the neighborhood, I would instantly turn around and go home and even skip the rest of the route unless I could get a ride. Mind you, the whole neighborhood was victim to this dog.
One day, I was cutting through the woods behind the houses on my street to a friend's house (ironically, to avoid the dog), and lo and behold, that vicious, untrained animal was laying in the woods. My heart stopped. I tried to find a quiet way around him which is impossible with leaves and twigs crunching beneath one's feet. But, he never woke. He never moved. He was dead. I raced home and told my mother who called the owner. I practically danced with joy to know that my movements in my neighborhood were no longer determined by this vicious beast. I was so happy when the owner wheeled the dog's body out of the woods in a wheelbarrow and through my yard to the street. It was such a relief to be free of his reign of terror.
That is the ONLY time in my life that I was happy to see anyone or anything die. Life is just too darn precious to celebrate the loss of it by anyone.
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Nov 12, 2014 23:18:55 GMT -5
I'll be relieved when mother can finally move on. She has no quality of life. Blind, nearly deaf, unable to leave her bed ... it's just no way to live and she's absolutely miserable. For her, death will be release. I only wish it to come softly, gently and kindly. That's really all I ask.
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steff
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Post by steff on Nov 13, 2014 1:09:22 GMT -5
There was relief when my Grampa passed away after suffering with Alzheimers. He wasn't suffering anymore. It will also be a relief when my Gramma passes because she is also suffering thru Alzheimer's & dementia. She talks often about how she is ready to go so she can meet Jesus.
I had total indifference to finding out my dad had passed away. Wasn't necessarily happy or relieved, but more like "ok" and that was it. I had no relationship with him, no contact & was to be honest, quite surprised that his gf felt it was extremely important/urgent that she find me & let me know.
Now there will be a full blown party when my brother's dad dies. And we will have no shame in celebrating the death of a monster. No one is going to search for them to let them know like with my dad, but we usually check for a death certificate every couple of years. We know as of a few months ago, he's still sucking air.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Nov 13, 2014 3:38:32 GMT -5
When I was 9-10 I was happy that my abuser died. I am/was sorry for those that loved him, but I was not one of them and they wouldn't have, if he had done those things to them. I was glad I didn't have to worry about that any more.
Like others, I was relieved when a few people died... Like my mom, who also had alzheimer's, and my dad and sister who had cancer. Not happy, but very relieved. It's a completely different feeling IMO.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2014 3:50:38 GMT -5
Not yet.
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