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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 14:55:31 GMT -5
Does your family go all out for holidays, where everybody gets together and celebrates? Does anyone get mad if someone opts out and stays home?
My family does nothing. I like it that way. Thanksgiving is coming up . . . . Meh, maybe I'll make a turkey if I feel like it. No one expects it.
I exchange Christmas gifts with my two siblings and my one parent (about $25 a piece), but that's it. We never know when we will get together to do the exchange either. Sometimes it is months after Christmas before it happens.
I am perfectly fine staying home and watching movies by myself on a holiday. Heck, it's a paid day off work and I want to enjoy it.
If I worked retail, I would work on Thanksgiving. The uproar about stores open on Thanksgiving is ridiculous. Maybe some people have no plans and are okay working that day. Doctors and nurses have to work on holidays.
I bet some people would rather stay home than go to their in-laws or other family house.
Some people get sad and depressed when they have no where to go.
Thoughts?
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 10, 2014 15:08:14 GMT -5
Back when we were kids and in our 20's and 30's we had huge get togethers with my family every holiday. Then people got divorced and then step dad died people got brought into the family that other's didn't like and/or substance abuse issues became more prevalent we made get togethers smaller and smaller. Now most everybody has died and I can't stand one brother and the other I can't be around for long periods of time as he's so hyper and inappropriate so we either do our own thing or get together with friends and now and then with DH's family. His family does nothing since his grandmother died. She used to have huge get togethers at her house with all of their relatives (huge family!) but we rarely went. Now none of them do anything or just do their own thing. The older generation is dying out and we all have settled in to our own routines and lives. I love both ways. I loved all the excitement and laughs when the family was close (and I had the energy) and now we love the peacefulness of just doing our own thing. I got where I hated the expectations of cooking and having everything ready by a certain time every holiday especially when it was me doing all the work. We usually get invited to various forms of Christmas parties every year and at least do one of those.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 15:15:47 GMT -5
This year we aren't sure as I just started a new job that I work overnights and holidays are big baking times. Yay me. Usually we go to either my in-laws or my sister's for Turkey Day and I'll make a small turkey breast at home for us later as DH has some sort of bug up his ass about eating meat on the bone. Ok, sticking my hand in the bird grosses me out too, even with dish gloves. I don't know why as I have no problem ripping raw chicken apart and I eat my steak rare. DH just wants to stay home, order a pizza and watch "Criminal Minds" for the billionth time. ION Television usually does a marathon on holidays. Then he just sleeps through them anyway! Christmas: Family party few days before then Christmas Day do what we do. Which usually ain't much and involves copious amounts of booze for me. Then an extra long "nap" to sleep off the booze.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on Nov 10, 2014 15:19:56 GMT -5
We do some getting together on the holidays. Our biggest event is Christmas Eve.
I've worked in a retail bakery for the past 30 years. I bust my ass leading up to the holidays. Closed on New Year's, Easter, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
To those who complain that we aren't open on holidays-suck it. We deserve family time, too.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Nov 10, 2014 15:34:04 GMT -5
We usually have big family dinners for Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas day. Christmas Eve is the biggest one with almost everyone coming. Thanksgiving and Christmas day varies in how many people are there because the married siblings sometimes go to their in-laws.
I've cooked the last 6 or 7 Thanksgiving dinners; I always host Christmas day; and I've hosted the last 4 Christmas eves. I am NOT cooking this Thanksgiving. I guess the family will be going to a restaurant.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 10, 2014 15:43:27 GMT -5
We do some getting together on the holidays. Our biggest event is Christmas Eve. I've worked in a retail bakery for the past 30 years. I bust my ass leading up to the holidays. Closed on New Year's, Easter, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. To those who complain that we aren't open on holidays-suck it. We deserve family time, too. I think Malarky's avatar is giving us the bird. Just sayin'. We go to a small block party Thanksgiving morning; I have a race first thing, then shower quick and go to the neighbors for drinks and snacks. Most of the food I am making will be done in advance and in the fridge. Only the turkey gets cooked that day. Christmas is a problem for someone else. We show up with dessert and beer. We've had as few as six and as many as sixteen for Christmas dinner. New Year's Day is the do-nothing day. Well, take down the Christmas tree and vacuum up the pine needles. But otherwise, it's just lazy and restful.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 10, 2014 16:07:26 GMT -5
We usually do Thanksgiving at my grandparents' house. Then on Black Friday we do Thanksgiving with DH's family. Christmas Eve is with my grandparents. We get up early the next morning to do Christmas at home with the kids. Then around 9:30 we go to BIL's house to celebrate with his family. Then we go across the street to my parents in the afternoon. After that it's nap time! My grandfather passed away in September so I am not sure what we are doing for Thanksgiving this year, my grandmother hasn't decided if she wants to host or not. Not sure about Christmas Eve either. It's going to be hard on everyone no matter what we do that I know.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 16:13:12 GMT -5
We usually do Thanksgiving at my grandparents' house. Then on Black Friday we do Thanksgiving with DH's family. Christmas Eve is with my grandparents. We get up early the next morning to do Christmas at home with the kids. Then around 9:30 we go to BIL's house to celebrate with his family. Then we go across the street to my parents in the afternoon. After that it's nap time! My grandfather passed away in September so I am not sure what we are doing for Thanksgiving this year, my grandmother hasn't decided if she wants to host or not. Not sure about Christmas Eve either. It's going to be hard on everyone no matter what we do that I know. Doesn't all of that running wear you out? Wouldn't you rather stay home and relax?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 10, 2014 16:22:15 GMT -5
Not really. I've been doing Christmas Eve/morning since I was a kid. DH and I have been together for 10 years now.
We have a system we came up with a long time ago to manage the holidays because neither one of us wanted to give it up.
His brother lives only 20 minutes away from us, my parents are across the street. So it's not like we are spending hours driving everywhere.
My grandmother's house in Treynor is a bit of a PITA. However they spent most of my life in Kansas and then decided when they moved back to live 45 minutes away. Christmas Eve is the one time of year I've consistently seen them since I was a child. So DH sucks it up and drives us out there.
I'm off on Christmas Eve so I take the entire day to relax. I also usually take the 26th off to recharge and start sorting thru the kids' loot.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 16:27:47 GMT -5
We usually do Thanksgiving at my grandparents' house. Then on Black Friday we do Thanksgiving with DH's family. Christmas Eve is with my grandparents. We get up early the next morning to do Christmas at home with the kids. Then around 9:30 we go to BIL's house to celebrate with his family. Then we go across the street to my parents in the afternoon. After that it's nap time! My grandfather passed away in September so I am not sure what we are doing for Thanksgiving this year, my grandmother hasn't decided if she wants to host or not. Not sure about Christmas Eve either. It's going to be hard on everyone no matter what we do that I know. you don't do anything with DHs family for Christmas?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 10, 2014 16:28:16 GMT -5
BIL is DH's brother. We do Christmas morning with them after we have our time alone with the kids.
DH's family is HUGE. I was trying to add up how many people attend and I lost count.
It's usually us, BIL's family, SIL's family, DH's parents and BIL's best friend and his family. Sometimes BIL's estranged daughter and her three kids show up (long story). DH's eldest nephew had a kid and we had Abby so that's two more added to the mix.
SIL used to host but her house is now too small. She is the back-up host if the roads aren't clear because her house is in more of a central location for everyone.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Nov 10, 2014 17:21:59 GMT -5
We have pleasant holidays without stress. My brother's wife arranges everything, either hosting or her daughter hosting. She had 6 brothers and sister so now they have children and grandchildren and a great grandchild. Our side of the family is tiny so it is just my ISO and I invited. If her clan mostly shows up there can be 30 or more people, all really nice people I enjoy seeing. When they have other plans it can be as few as 8 people now. Last year Thanksgiving was at her sisters over 100 miles away but I was still invited. That sister and two other sisters were here for Christmas the oldest had her daughter and three adult grandsons and a great grandson with her. I remember when she was young and only had a son then when her daughter was an infant and now she is a grandmother and mother to 3 boys over 6 feet tall. The little guy didn't talk but pointed at candles, he wanted to blow them out, cute little guy. We have good food, nice people, wine for those that enjoy it. Gifts are pretty much not done anymore people who want to give gifts do before everyone arrives. My brother's youngest grand kid is 15 so not a childish occasion maybe an odd kid her or there a local sister has a grade school grandson. One year we had Thanksgiving at a buffet because my niece was getting divorced and she usually was hosting so we found a real break from tradition was in order.
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Nov 10, 2014 17:31:02 GMT -5
Everyone stays here Christmas Eve so we can all wake up together to bacon sandwiches, Bucks Fizz and chaos
We have an open table on Christmas day...seeing as there is enough food to feed a horse..... and we are usually joined by friends or relatives We even have to use the garden chairs.
Its mad and happy.....that's just the way we like it.
Someone, other than me.... will do a Boxing Day buffet.
We had a four year old with us last year.... and I had great fun pouring flour over wellies to make Santas footprints. I took him to the Christingle (Childrens) service and showed him the empty crib where Jesus hadn't yet been born.
He's not here until Boxing day this year.... but I'm sure we can still make it special for him.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 18:09:23 GMT -5
Holidays are way less important since my parents passed away. I have no children or significant other. I am welcome at the home of my sister's family, but I always feel like the outsider.
Just as content to stay home and get pizza and have a plate of XMAS cookies all to myself and watch some marathon program on TV.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 18:09:42 GMT -5
Holidays are way less important since my parents passed away. I have no children or significant other. I am welcome at the home of my sister's family, but I always feel like the outsider.
Just as content to stay home and get pizza and have a plate of XMAS cookies all to myself and watch some marathon program on TV.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 18:10:45 GMT -5
a..sorry. double post.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Nov 10, 2014 18:34:17 GMT -5
This year we will be alone so we are going with our church to serve Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day dinners at the homeless shelter. The 3rd Thursday is our normal day to go there so this year it's our time for these holidays.
Oldest g-dtr and her family have written us out of their lives, and other g-dtr just had a baby a couple of days ago and has already told me they won't join us for Thanksgiving. DD and her DH moved to Texas so we will be alone.
Things are so different this year. <sigh> The only constant in life is change.
OK, off my pity-potty now.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2014 18:35:53 GMT -5
Holidays are way less important since my parents passed away. I have no children or significant other. I am welcome at the home of my sister's family, but I always feel like the outsider.
Just as content to stay home and get pizza and have a plate of XMAS cookies all to myself and watch some marathon program on TV.
Same here, well, I have a DH but no kids. When my dad died, it just became another day. He was the one who loved Christmas and he collected Santa Clauses. A LOT of Santa Clauses. Just makes it depressing. My mother was take it or leave it about the holidays so it wasn't so bad when she went.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Nov 10, 2014 19:14:14 GMT -5
Yeah, big holiday gatherings. Lots of people and lots and lots of food. Prepared by Lutheran Church Basement Ladies. (For those of you who didn't grow up on the Great Plains, these women are the best cooks in the world. Except for, just maybe, on a good day, your Jewish Grandmother.) The only thing they couldn't make taste good was the lutefisk. But the lefse, krumkakke, rosettes, san bakkels, and other Scandinavian delicacies, oh my! My Grandfather was one of nine kids in a very close family (the older kids had raised the younger kids after my great grandparents died). So, just the siblings and spouses was 18 people. Then add the kids. They were a friendly goup. Another 16 people. And the older kids spouses. Add 7 more. And the grandkids. Add another dozen. (This friendliness seemed to pass from generation to generation.) A bit more than 50 people, depending on how many spouses and grandkids were added that year. All shoehorned into a little 50 year old farm house. So much body heat that the windows were kept open until the temps dropped below -20. Each of the young kids were forced to take their turn reciting their piece from their home church's Christmas Pagent. (God, that must have been so disjointed that it was completely incoherent. But, I don't remember two of the kids ever having the same part to recite.) And great uncle Odean (I wonder if whoever recorded his birth didn't know how to spell Odin) singing Christmas carols in Swedish. Now 50+ people with food and Christmas presents. That's a holiday gathering!
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flamingo
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Post by flamingo on Nov 10, 2014 19:37:31 GMT -5
My DH and I do our own thing on the holidays. We'll see my parents (who live 4.5 hours away) sometime between Thanksgiving an Christmas. We'll see my grandparents over New Year's. And gramma believes in inviting everyone over when we are there, so I'll likely see some random aunts, uncles, and cousins. DH's brother and father now live in Boston, and we will not be seeing them this year. DH will go see them in January. I get 2 full weeks off for xmas and new year's (yes, paid holiday time), so DH and I travel. This year, it's Vegas But all of this voluntary. Neither of our families pressures us to see them at the holidays. We do a pretty good job of seeing everyone throughout the year, so when we want to travel over the holidays when I have extra vacation, no one cares. In fact, most of my family are attention hogs, so they probably prefer that we aren't there to "steal the attention." And since they are loud and obnoxious to boot, i'm just as glad to be doing my own thing. Plus, DH and I get to do something FUN!
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Nov 11, 2014 0:04:43 GMT -5
Yeah, big holiday gatherings. Lots of people and lots and lots of food. Prepared by Lutheran Church Basement Ladies. (For those of you who didn't grow up on the Great Plains, these women are the best cooks in the world. Except for, just maybe, on a good day, your Jewish Grandmother.) The only thing they couldn't make taste good was the lutefisk. But the lefse, krumkakke, rosettes, san bakkels, and other Scandinavian delicacies, oh my! My Grandfather was one of nine kids in a very close family (the older kids had raised the younger kids after my great grandparents died). So, just the siblings and spouses was 18 people. Then add the kids. They were a friendly goup. Another 16 people. And the older kids spouses. Add 7 more. And the grandkids. Add another dozen. (This friendliness seemed to pass from generation to generation.) A bit more than 50 people, depending on how many spouses and grandkids were added that year. All shoehorned into a little 50 year old farm house. So much body heat that the windows were kept open until the temps dropped below -20. Each of the young kids were forced to take their turn reciting their piece from their home church's Christmas Pagent. (God, that must have been so disjointed that it was completely incoherent. But, I don't remember two of the kids ever having the same part to recite.) And great uncle Odean (I wonder if whoever recorded his birth didn't know how to spell Odin) singing Christmas carols in Swedish. Now 50+ people with food and Christmas presents. That's a holiday gathering! This reminds me of Thanksgiving dinners when I was growing up. My mom is second youngest of eleven, so tons of cousins. Thanksgiving dinner was held at her sister's house (they have seven kids), a modest three bedroom place. The dining room table was extended as far as possible, and sawhorses and boards brought in to make the table stretch into the living room. Aunt and her girls cooked dinner, we brought dessert (must include grasshopper pie), uncle made a production out of sharpening his knife and carving the bird. All were invited: BFs or GFs, friends from college, the four girls from across the street who were honorary sisters (matched in age all the girls in the family) and eventually their spouses and kids. After dinner, the dining room was returned to empty, and home movies were shown, with uncle in charge and the cousins providing commentary. I've seen aunt & uncle's honeymoon to the Poconos, family vacations to the CNE, and every one of aunt somebody else's outrageous hairstyles from the sixties.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Nov 11, 2014 0:30:02 GMT -5
I'm saddened that some can't have a happy, stress-free holiday family gathering.
Since I can remember (starting to really get into the holidays around age 5) , Christmas, Thanksgiving have always been festive and lots of fun.
My family must be an exception to the norm, from reading several posts. We were a family of 6. Two adults four kids growing up. We didn't have a lot of money, but weren't lacking. Holidays were for celebrating the occasion - thankful for what we had or the real reason behind Christmas. It was always a happy celebration.
Mom and dad always made a point of making those days special for us kids. Relatives coming over, a huge feast, enough gift-sharing to make everyone happy, even on a limited budget.
As we kids grew up and started our own lives/families, the gatherings got even larger - always full of fun, good food & boisterous laughter, playing games, pigging out, and enjoying all spending the day together.
Now that my parents are gone, as well as 2 of my brothers and 1 SIL (cancer), our gatherings are slowly shrinking. But the next generation is starting to pick up the ball and continue.
We also invite any friends who might want to join in on our fun or happen to be alone, over for the holiday. We alternate homes each year - the host house prepares the bird and stuffing, & others bring a side dish for the meal if needed (various veggies, salad, desserts, etc - all planned in advance).
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Nov 11, 2014 0:43:10 GMT -5
Holidays were never fun growing up, or later. They weren't a huge deal, but there were always stressful and unpleasant, mostly due to my father. As adults us kids usually kept showing up anyways just so we could spend time with my mom. Now that she's gone and I've cut off contact with my father I'll be spending the holidays alone since I don't have a significant other at the moment. It sounds sad, but I'm actually pretty okay that I no longer have to deal with the holidays and have to try to put on a happy face. I've had invitations from a couple friends to join them, but I'd rather not go. I have offered that they can use my being alone and needing to console me as an excuse if they need to get away from the craziness of their families.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Nov 11, 2014 7:25:01 GMT -5
In my family:
Thanksgiving is at a cousin's. She has done this holiday since 1969. It is VERY important in our family & part of DD2's divorce decree includes she gets the kids every Thanksgiving. there are a couple people/families that rotate years w/spouse family. Understood.
DD2 has had the immediate family for Chanukah since 2005. This may change this year.
DD1 has had the immediate family & a couple of good friends who are alone for Christmas since 2004 but no issue if we do not come.
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trippypea
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Post by trippypea on Nov 11, 2014 8:41:25 GMT -5
This will probably be the last year we do Thanksgiving at my parents' house. My mother is in ill health, and its too much work for her. There are usually 12 people, so I'll do most of the cooking this year at her house. I don't know who will be hosting next year because I am an hour away and no one ever visits us, and my sister never invites anyone over (I've been in her house twice in the last 20 years, lol, but yes, we get along fine!).
Christmas Eve, we spend at home (DH, our 2 kids, and I) and have a big seafood feast and watch movies. One of my favorite days of the year!
Christmas morning we spend at home so the kids can open presents in their own house, and then we travel the 1 hour to my parents' for Christmas Day. We stopped having a Christmas dinner a long time ago, and now it is a big buffet. In the evening, we pull even more food out, and the extended relatives start rolling in. Some years, we've had no one come, other years, 2 dozen.
While I like spending time with my own family at home on holidays, I do tend to get bored and wish I was around other people. Of course, once I am around the other people, I realize why I don't like being around large groups, lol...
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