Daycare... or SAHD

[ambellamy]

We are expecting our first little bundle at the end of March, and while i'll have 12 or so weeks to spend with our goober before going back to work... I have to go back. I'm the "bread winner" for our family and make more money than my husband so I don't get a choice in the matter. We have no debt but our mortgage, have a decent 6 month emergency fund and have been putting money into retirement for the last few years.  

We are trying to figure out if its better for him to be a SAHD... or to pay through the nose for daycare... The cheapest place we have found is $720 for 4 days a month, but most of the typical commercial places are $1,000 and up a month since we live in high cost Southern California. We live in a one bedroom condo that I bought at the bottom of the market, which is why our mortgage is so small. We aren't planning to move because of our baby.

If we can get into the $720 daycare (it has a wait list even now), our budget would look something like this (we get 2 extra checks a year because we are paid bi-weekly:

My Paycheck Two $1,644.00

• Mortgage (P&I, Property taxes, MIP) $788.00
• Tithe: $196
• Perscriptions & Doctors visits $50.00
• "Roxy" Fund $50.00
• Groceries & House Hold Items $300.00
• Christmas Savings $50.00
• Car Emergency Fund $100.00
• Birthday savings $50.00
• cell phone allowance $60.00
  

Husbands Take home Pay: $608

• Tithe  $88.00
• Day Care $520.00
  

My Paycheck: $1,644.00

• Tithe:  $196.00
• HOA $295.00
• Insurance (2 Autos, earthquake, homeowners) $143.00
• Utility Bills (Electricity, Internet) $150.00
• Fast Offering $20.00
• Hubs Cell Phone $30.00
• Gasoline/Auto $250.00
• Date Nights $100.00
• Retirement Roth IRA Savings $255.00
• Pocket Money $80.00
• Car Registration Fund $25.00
• Dipers, baby stuff $100.00

Husbands Paycheck:$608

• Tithe  $88.00
• Savings/travel $100.00
• Daycare $200.00
• Discressionary $120.00
• Emergency Fund $100.00

Hubby's Extra Checks to Emergency Fund/Savings
My Extra Checks to Retirement
Hubby's Profit Share to Retirement/Savings/Mortgage (About 3-4k a year depending on how great their company is doing).

We could pay up to $1,000ish a month if we have to for daycare by sacrificing Roth IRA monthly amounts and some savings across the board. I have 8% of my paycheck going to my pension, he has 6% with a 3% match going to his 401-k so these amounts are what we SEE after taxes, etc. We would be able to max out one Roth IRA a year between the two of us with this budget on a $720 daycare budet, maybe $3k on a $1,000 daycare budget. The baby and I would be on my work health insurance, and Hubby would be on his own with his company).

If he does a stay at home dad, this would be out budget:

Paycheck One $1,500.00

• Mortgage (P&I, Property taxes, MIP) $771.80
• Tithe  $196.00
• Perscriptions & Doctors visits $40.00
• "Roxy" Fund $40.00
• Groceries & House Hold Items $300.00
• Car Emergency Fund $90.00
• cell phone allowance $60.00

Paycheck Two $1,500.00

• tithe  $196.00
• HOA $295.00
• Insurance (2 Autos, earthquake, homeowners) $143.00
• Utility Bills (Electricity, Internet) $150.00
• Fast Offering $20.00
• Hubbyts Cell Phone or land line $30.00
• Gasoline/Auto $200.00
• Date Nights $100.00
• Birthday savings $50.00
• Christmas Savings $50.00
• Pocket Money $80.00
• Car Registration Fund $25.00
• Savings/Discressionary $61.00
• Dipers, baby stuff $100.00

"Extra" Checks $1,600.00

• Tithe $196.00
• Clothes (saved annually) $500.00
• Vacation (saved annually - 1 trip to visit family) $700.00
• Splurge Purchase $104.00
• Retirement $100.00

"Extra" Checks $1,600.00

• Tithe $196.00
• Emergency Fund $500.00
• Retirement $904.00

We would have 8% going to my Pension... and $1,000 going to the Roth IRA a year.

What would you do

[ArchietheDragon]

Does he want to be a SAHD?

[gooddecisions]

You only posted your husband's "take-home". What other items is he paying with his income? Retirement? Insurance? It's much simpler if you annualize it. $720/month x 12 = $8640 - vacation credits - dependent care FSA (if you set one up). Your daycare care bill might be closer to $7500/year. Does he make significantly more than $7500/year?

Most people make the mistake of comparing the gross monthly cost of daycare to the net monthly income and totally forget to add back in tax with holdings to income, benefits, and subtract vacation credits from the daycare bill.

As for my household, we decided it would be best for us to both continue to work in order to fund retirement, education and housing needs. Unless you homeschool, there are only 3 or 4 years before they are in pre-school and then you're out of the job market and justify needing to be home for bus pick-ups and such.

That said, even the best financial arguments are blown if somebody genuinely wants to be home all day with the kids. Good luck with your decision.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

What is your DH's earning potential over time?  What does he contribute to retirement?  What is his employer's match?  Who carries the benefits in the family?  Can your income handle saving for two people's retirement and carrying benefits?

Daycare is expensive no doubt about it but over the grand scheme of things it's only for 10-13 years (maybe less depending on if you can arrange your schedules to be home before/after school).   During that time period whoever stays home will be losing the chance to increase their incomes and be losing employer retirement matches and the resulting compounding interest.

If you  cannot survive paying for daycare or your husband wants to stay home then do it.  

But if you can afford it consider how hard will it be for DH to re-enter the workforce should he decide to?   Will his skills become obsolete requiring he return back to school or start over completely in a new career?   What is going to be the impact as far as your career?  How solid is your job?  What if you want to switch jobs?   How will being the sole breadwinner affect that?

Daycare also does drop over time.   Infant rates are the worst but last at most 2 years.  In that time frame hopefully your incomes would be growing and you'll start to outpace daycare.  You won't  be paying $720- $1k forever.

Lots of people (women in particular) shoot themselves in the foot because they get caught up in looking at solely the cost of daycare without looking at the consequences of being out of the workforce for X amount of years.    Make sure that you do really come out ahead having someone stay home before you commit.

[tcu2003]

I'd start with asking if he really wants to be a SAHD. My husband would hate it - especially with a newborn if the newborn is anything like my 2-year old was as an infant. If it is something he would like, then it's definitely worth exploring. But I would almost never do it solely to save on daycare costs.

[Angel!]

Oct 15, 2014 15:10:52 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Does he want to be a SAHD?

  This is really the most important question.  Some people aren't cut out for it & don't enjoy it & others love nothing more.

[muttleynfelix]

I didn't go over your expenses, but like everyone says does he want to be a SAHD?  Is he cut out to do it?  Do you feel cut out to be the sole breadwinner?  Some people find it really stressful to be the only income to bring into their family.  Personally, I don't, but I have a very stable job and I like what i do and for the most part DH is cut out to be a SAHD.  Those things all help.  But DH mentioned to me a couple weeks ago about how "great life was because he hasn't worked in 5 years" (or something to that effect, it was pretty self deprecating).  I laughted at him and yeah, but you haven't had a day off in 5 years either.  Now that isn't exactly true, we've had a couple overnights without the kids, but it is hard.

Otherwise, go through Drama's questions about reentering the workforce and money

But if you can afford it consider how hard will it be for DH to re-enter the workforce should he decide to? Will his skills become obsolete requiring he return back to school or start over completely in a new career? What is going to be the impact as far as your career? How solid is your job? What if you want to switch jobs? How will being the sole breadwinner affect that?

These are all things you need to look at.

Make sure that you do really come out ahead having someone stay home before you commit.

I disagree with this.  Having a SAHP is as much an emotional decision as it is a financial one.  You can commit because you feel strongly about one parent staying home with the kid. You can commit if you can live/save on one income.  You can commit because you feel your family works better with one person at home?  Would we be better off financially with DH working?  At least when we only had one kid, we would have.  With 2 in daycare, it wouldn't be as much of a benefit to have DH working, but still a slight benefit.  

If your DH wants to be a SAHD, then go from there.  If he doesn't, then end of discussion.  You truly have to be all in to deal with being on "24-7" for 5 years. 

[Angel!]

Oct 15, 2014 16:45:38 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

I didn't go over your expenses, but like everyone says does he want to be a SAHD?  Is he cut out to do it?  Do you feel cut out to be the sole breadwinner?  Some people find it really stressful to be the only income to bring into their family.  

Also a good question!  How do you feel about him being a SAHD?

Some people like the SAHS.  Others hate it.  I liked it when it was working well - dinner was made, house was taken care of, etc.  When it wasn't working, it was hell & it caused a lot of tension in the house & we were both miserable.

[Deleted]

I am not Christian but my best friend is, and she has always explained to me that tithing now means giving "tithe, talent or time". From what I can see, you are tithing about 15%. I thought tithing was 10%.

I give to charity but frankly I don't get tithing 15% and only contributing 1K to my Roth. I'm not sure if that's 1K each or 1K for both of you. Either way, you're not really looking towards your own family's future. 

Will your church fund your retirement? I'm guessing not. 

Ambellamy, please believe me, I am NOT trying to be snarky. I realize that tithing and your church are extremely important to you. And that's great! But you still need to make ends meet, save for retirement, provide care for your new baby, etc.

If your DH wants to be a SAHP (and I agree with the other posts, that's the first question to ask), can you cut down on the MONEY you contribute (FOR NOW) and have him contribute his talent or time to your church instead?

Again, it doesn't have to be forever, just for a few years. If your DH is happy to be a SAHD and loves kids, maybe he can help with the Sunday school, or maybe he's handy and he can do repairs. That way you could contribute less money (again, short term!) until your child / children is / are old enough to go to school and reduce the daycare expenses.

Good luck to you!

[raeoflyte]

What does your husband do?  Is there any chance that he could get a non-standard schedule so you could reduce the need for daycare and not cut out his income/job skills?  That only works in some careers, and finding reliable, reasonably priced part time daycare can be difficult (and stressful!) but it is what dh and I have done.  Working opposite shifts is hard on the 2 of us, but good for the 4 of us so we continue to plug away at it.  

[Pants]

Chiming in here - looking at the numbers it clearly makes more sense for him to keep working. (That's not counting potential tax breaks though, you should investigate what your new AGI does to your tax burden.) And I'm a firm believer that if you are having a SAHP just to save on daycare that is a shortsighted decision - because what about when the kids go to school? Will you continue with a SAHS or will he try to get back into the workforce? How easy or hard will that be? 

My DH considered being a SAHP based on his income, but we ultimately decided it wasn't right for us. Which is great because since then he's been promoted twice and now brings home 1.5x what he did. Not having a SAHP worked out better for us in many many ways. 

But I agree with Mutt that having a SAHP is about way more than the finances. If you are doing this for financial reasons, the answer is no. If you're doing it for other reasons, then that depends on you and your DH. 

Btw, $700/month is not paying out the nose. Where I live we pay double that for an infant. I would take that deal and run.

[econstudent]

Oct 15, 2014 16:45:38 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Make sure that you do really come out ahead having someone stay home before you commit.

I disagree with this.  Having a SAHP is as much an emotional decision as it is a financial one.  You can commit because you feel strongly about one parent staying home with the kid. You can commit if you can live/save on one income.  You can commit because you feel your family works better with one person at home?  Would we be better off financially with DH working?  At least when we only had one kid, we would have.  With 2 in daycare, it wouldn't be as much of a benefit to have DH working, but still a slight benefit.  

If your DH wants to be a SAHD, then go from there.  If he doesn't, then end of discussion.  You truly have to be all in to deal with being on "24-7" for 5 years. 

I agree with muttley. Other than the "can we afford it" part of the discussion, I think that deciding to have a stay at home parent should be mostly not a financial decision. If you put a high priority on having a SAHP, it might make sense to do it even if the numbers don't quite work in your favor. If DH doesn't want to be a SAHD, even if he doesn't make anything more than what he'd contribute to retirement, I think it would be worth it to work.

You said $720 for 4 days/month. Did you mean week? Or am I missing something there?


Re: tithing, I'd guess that the numbers listed are 10% of gross. That's how most people I know who tithe calculate it. 

[Deleted]

Oct 15, 2014 18:26:16 GMT -5 Pants said:

Chiming in here - looking at the numbers it clearly makes more sense for him to keep working. (That's not counting potential tax breaks though, you should investigate what your new AGI does to your tax burden.) And I'm a firm believer that if you are having a SAHP just to save on daycare that is a shortsighted decision - because what about when the kids go to school? Will you continue with a SAHS or will he try to get back into the workforce? How easy or hard will that be? 

My DH considered being a SAHP based on his income, but we ultimately decided it wasn't right for us. Which is great because since then he's been promoted twice and now brings home 1.5x what he did. Not having a SAHP worked out better for us in many many ways. 

But I agree with Mutt that having a SAHP is about way more than the finances. If you are doing this for financial reasons, the answer is no. If you're doing it for other reasons, then that depends on you and your DH. 

Btw, $700/month is not paying out the nose. Where I live we pay double that for an infant. I would take that deal and run.

she said that was for 4 days a month, which is outrageous, but $1000 a month for full time infant care is a bargain in a HCOLA.

[Pants]

Oct 15, 2014 18:56:49 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

Oct 15, 2014 18:26:16 GMT -5 Pants said:

Chiming in here - looking at the numbers it clearly makes more sense for him to keep working. (That's not counting potential tax breaks though, you should investigate what your new AGI does to your tax burden.) And I'm a firm believer that if you are having a SAHP just to save on daycare that is a shortsighted decision - because what about when the kids go to school? Will you continue with a SAHS or will he try to get back into the workforce? How easy or hard will that be? 

My DH considered being a SAHP based on his income, but we ultimately decided it wasn't right for us. Which is great because since then he's been promoted twice and now brings home 1.5x what he did. Not having a SAHP worked out better for us in many many ways. 

But I agree with Mutt that having a SAHP is about way more than the finances. If you are doing this for financial reasons, the answer is no. If you're doing it for other reasons, then that depends on you and your DH. 

Btw, $700/month is not paying out the nose. Where I live we pay double that for an infant. I would take that deal and run.

she said that was for 4 days a month, which is outrageous, but $1000 a month for full time infant care is a bargain in a HCOLA.

You're right. I assume she meant $700/month for 4 days per week.based on her comment that that would be full time daycare for them (and the assumption that her DH wouldn't quit his job based on 4 days of daycare a month.)

[Deleted]

Singlemom, I'm guessing she meant 4 days a week, not a month. 

[Deleted]

Oct 15, 2014 18:59:20 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

Singlemom, I'm guessing she meant 4 days a week, not a month. 

I wasn't sure because I know part for an infant is very close to full time price.

[Deleted]

I wasn't sure either, but given the disparity between 700/mo for 4 days per month and 1000/mo for FT, I'm guessing she typed "month" instead of "week".

[ambellamy]

Oct 15, 2014 16:04:45 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Oct 15, 2014 15:10:52 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Does he want to be a SAHD?

  This is really the most important question.  Some people aren't cut out for it & don't enjoy it & others love nothing more.

He has suggested it and kind of wants to... He is thinking of doing a dry run and using paternity time after my 12 weeks are up where he won't loose his job if its not a good fit...

[ambellamy]

Oct 15, 2014 17:25:38 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Oct 15, 2014 16:45:38 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

I didn't go over your expenses, but like everyone says does he want to be a SAHD?  Is he cut out to do it?  Do you feel cut out to be the sole breadwinner?  Some people find it really stressful to be the only income to bring into their family.  

Also a good question!  How do you feel about him being a SAHD?

Some people like the SAHS.  Others hate it.  I liked it when it was working well - dinner was made, house was taken care of, etc.  When it wasn't working, it was hell & it caused a lot of tension in the house & we were both miserable.

He was raised with a sahm and he wants that for our kids to some degree.... But he doesn't have a college degree so leaving the workforce would make it harder for him to re_enter it. We would try to get him a part time job a couple nights working opposite hours of me since I work 5am to 2 pm 3 days a week and I'm off on Mondays, so if he worked part time we could make the job transition easier ... That's the only way sahd will work for him.

Financially, if we can afford daycare, we come out ahead if he works.

[ambellamy]

Oct 15, 2014 17:58:45 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

I am not Christian but my best friend is, and she has always explained to me that tithing now means giving "tithe, talent or time". From what I can see, you are tithing about 15%. I thought tithing was 10%.

I give to charity but frankly I don't get tithing 15% and only contributing 1K to my Roth. I'm not sure if that's 1K each or 1K for both of you. Either way, you're not really looking towards your own family's future. 

Will your church fund your retirement? I'm guessing not. 

Ambellamy, please believe me, I am NOT trying to be snarky. I realize that tithing and your church are extremely important to you. And that's great! But you still need to make ends meet, save for retirement, provide care for your new baby, etc.

If your DH wants to be a SAHP (and I agree with the other posts, that's the first question to ask), can you cut down on the MONEY you contribute (FOR NOW) and have him contribute his talent or time to your church instead?

Again, it doesn't have to be forever, just for a few years. If your DH is happy to be a SAHD and loves kids, maybe he can help with the Sunday school, or maybe he's handy and he can do repairs. That way you could contribute less money (again, short term!) until your child / children is / are old enough to go to school and reduce the daycare expenses.

Good luck to you!

The numbers posted are take home pay,so it is only a 10% tithe... But we are members of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, so all our church callings are unpaid volunteer work already and we both have callings. We tithe 10% of what we earn because we have been asked to and we want to receive those blessings.

Our church is good about helping those who come on hard times, so if we ever needed help, our church would help us financially. I've known members who have had the church temporarily pay mortgage and rent payments after layoffs, etc. 

[ambellamy]

Oct 15, 2014 18:59:07 GMT -5 Pants said:

Oct 15, 2014 18:56:49 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

she said that was for 4 days a month, which is outrageous, but $1000 a month for full time infant care is a bargain in a HCOLA.

You're right. I assume she meant $700/month for 4 days per week.based on her comment that that would be full time daycare for them (and the assumption that her DH wouldn't quit his job based on 4 days of daycare a month.)

Ya, I have Mondays off so 4 days a week is what we need for care.

My husband plans to ask his boss for a raise when the baby comes and see if there is an option for him to go part time as well... But he won't talk with his boss about that until we get closer to the goobers arrival.

My husband works in a warehouse as a shipping receiving and sales clerk for a national electric company called ced. 

[tcu2003]

Oct 15, 2014 22:56:11 GMT -5 ambellamy said:

Financially, if we can afford daycare, we come out ahead if he works.

More often than not, the financials work out and people can "afford" daycare - then it just becomes a choice about whether a SAHS is better for each family's situation. Many of us have commented over on the parenting thread that we have no idea what we were doing with our daycare/child care money before we had a kid(s). It somewhat magically appeared after kid(s) - obviously not really magic, but many of us were frittering away money that we could easily cut back on and did so.

[justme]

You guys should probably decide what you would prefer - a raise or PT for him. A boss might not be so ready to grant both unless he's doing a specialized skill set. 

Depending on what he does (re: does he have to stick to traditional work hours), with you getting off at 2 I would look to see if he could do PT after you get off - maybe like 3-7 every day. Or 8 hours on Mon plus 3-6 T-F - that would get him 20 hours a week but still be home at a normalish time. 

[Deleted]

He could also use the time when the kids are young to add a degree or job training if he wants. He could perhaps work on that around your schedule. 

[Shooby]

You have to be careful of not viewing Daycare expenses versus job income as an even trade. It isn't. There are many other benefits of a job that you need to consider. If he is working he is a least earning money toward Social security as well as possible pension plan, disability, life insurance, any health care benefits that his company may offer. Also, there is lost Opportunity cost. If he is staying home, then he is not out there in the workforce having face time and could miss potential opportunities that might enhance his career path.
And, going to one income as the sole provider can be a strain and a big stressor for you, especially if you have more children and are just plain tired as most of us are when our children are little.

And, consider this does not have to be an Either/Or situation. Far too often we think there are only 2 choices. It isn't "should he keep working FT at his current job OR be a SAHM for the next 20 yrs". There are many, many options that can be shades of that.
For instance, could he find a job at a different shift time so that would cut down the amount of daycare hours? COuld he work evenings, weekends, holidays, nights, etc with hours that would allow less daycare? Is there a job where he could work like 3 12 hr shifts a week instead of the traditional 8 hr day?
If he does become a SAHM, for how long? For the rest of your lives? Till you child goes to 1st grade? Are you planning on more children? Those are all things to consider.

I was exactly in your position at one time as I outearned DH. And, he did stay home for the first year of our oldest son's life. However, I personally did not enjoy that arrangement. He was very good with our son and took care of the household stuff, but I did not like having to be the one away from home working all the time. I was too tired to really enjoy quality time with my son. So, DH was fininshing his degree and then he went back to work FT and I cut to PT. Financially, with this arrangement, we made about the same money as when I was the only provider. But, it made a much nicer quality of family life all around. And, over the years Dh's income has steadily increased and he has a better benefit package than I do in terms of health care so that works well for us.

Anyway, think of it in less either/or terms and you can be more creative in finding solutions that work for your family.

[Shooby]

As for affording kids? Yep, daycare is expensive. But, dont' breathe a sigh of relief when your kid goes to School. Because in short order you will be transferring all that money to the Orthodontist. And, from there, to all the pricey stuff they need and then finally you will be forking over for college, weddings and grandkids, lol.

I haven't hit the forking over for college, weddings and grandkids yet but it is looming fast!

[yogiii]

I kind of cringe at people who know they want to work or want to stay home before they even have a baby (not saying that is the case with you guys).  I've known multiple examples where it worked out exactly the opposite once the baby arrived (parent felt isolated at home vs. the happy SAH they'd idealized or work obsessed person had a hard time leaving baby for so many hours a day). 

I feel like I've done just about all the roles.  I took almost 6 months off with my first, then returned to work full time.  When I had my 2nd, I took off a full year (had both kids at home with my 3y/o going to preschool 5 hours/week, so essentially a SAHM to both for a year).  Now my kids are almost 1.5 and 4.5 and I'm working 3 days/week but will return to full time when they are 2 and 5.  My husband likes Mondays and Fridays because those are the days I'm home and things are much less stressful for him.  When I work I'm out of the house before the kids are even up so he has to wrestle getting the two of them dressed, fed, etc and off to where they need to go on his own.  He enjoyed when I was home for a year for the same reason.  Even though I don't particularly like my job, we decided it was better for us to both work.  We're very risk adverse in this way and I guess we'd rather try to earn up and save now so if one of us does get let go from our job, or wants to stay home later to take care of an ailing parent, or just wants to stop the grind etc, we'll hopefully have the option to do so.

Being at home all day with the kids is very challenging as well.  My DH would not be able to do it, he'll admit that on his own.  He's a very involved father, will take off an hour in the middle of the day to go to my son's Halloween party at pre-K, takes him to soccer on the weekends, etc but that's so much different than being home with your kid all day.  It's a tough decision, talk it over some more with him and try to have a back up plan in place for whatever you decide in case it turns out to be not the best fit when baby actually arrives. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Neither my DH or I are cut out to be SAHP so I don't really have anything to add to that part of the discussion. 

But congratulations!   

[muttleynfelix]

Oct 15, 2014 22:56:11 GMT -5 ambellamy said:

Oct 15, 2014 17:25:38 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Also a good question!  How do you feel about him being a SAHD?

Some people like the SAHS.  Others hate it.  I liked it when it was working well - dinner was made, house was taken care of, etc.  When it wasn't working, it was hell & it caused a lot of tension in the house & we were both miserable.

He was raised with a sahm and he wants that for our kids to some degree.... But he doesn't have a college degree so leaving the workforce would make it harder for him to re_enter it. We would try to get him a part time job a couple nights working opposite hours of me since I work 5am to 2 pm 3 days a week and I'm off on Mondays, so if he worked part time we could make the job transition easier ... That's the only way sahd will work for him.

Financially, if we can afford daycare, we come out ahead if he works.

My husband works in a warehouse as a shipping receiving and sales clerk for a national electric company called ced.

While he may not be able to go back making the same amount, I don't think reentering the work force as a shipping, receiving, and sales clerk would be that hard. My BIL has taken several years off at a time to finish home remodels, help relatives, etc and has always been able to find a job when he is ready to go back to work.  

But what about you, do feel cut out for the "pressure" of being a sole breadwinner?  

If you both want him to be a SAHD, then I say try it. But realize that it is the personal side of personal finance not the financial side.  

[Deleted]

Oct 16, 2014 6:34:09 GMT -5 yogiii said:

I kind of cringe at people who know they want to work or want to stay home before they even have a baby (not saying that is the case with you guys).  I've known multiple examples where it worked out exactly the opposite once the baby arrived (parent felt isolated at home vs. the happy SAH they'd idealized or work obsessed person had a hard time leaving baby for so many hours a day). 

I feel like I've done just about all the roles.  I took almost 6 months off with my first, then returned to work full time.  When I had my 2nd, I took off a full year (had both kids at home with my 3y/o going to preschool 5 hours/week, so essentially a SAHM to both for a year).  Now my kids are almost 1.5 and 4.5 and I'm working 3 days/week but will return to full time when they are 2 and 5.  My husband likes Mondays and Fridays because those are the days I'm home and things are much less stressful for him.  When I work I'm out of the house before the kids are even up so he has to wrestle getting the two of them dressed, fed, etc and off to where they need to go on his own.  He enjoyed when I was home for a year for the same reason.  Even though I don't particularly like my job, we decided it was better for us to both work.  We're very risk adverse in this way and I guess we'd rather try to earn up and save now so if one of us does get let go from our job, or wants to stay home later to take care of an ailing parent, or just wants to stop the grind etc, we'll hopefully have the option to do so.

Being at home all day with the kids is very challenging as well.  My DH would not be able to do it, he'll admit that on his own.  He's a very involved father, will take off an hour in the middle of the day to go to my son's Halloween party at pre-K, takes him to soccer on the weekends, etc but that's so much different than being home with your kid all day.  It's a tough decision, talk it over some more with him and try to have a back up plan in place for whatever you decide in case it turns out to be not the best fit when baby actually arrives. 

because for some of us it's not an option so there's no point in even entertaining the idea of staying home if somehow you even decided you wanted to.