milee
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Post by milee on Oct 14, 2014 10:38:44 GMT -5
Maybe things are different now, but when I was in high school/junior high, I remember the teacher prompting the class to turn in homework. Usually at the beginning, they'd do something like "hand in your homework, pass it to the person in front of you."
If you had it with you, you'd remember to turn it in. if it was in your locker or left at home, that might be another story.
How does it happen at your kids' school? Does the teacher just not mention to turn in your homework and just expect the students to leave it in a tray on their desk or something? It varies in each of my sons' classes. Some teachers do prompt like you're mentioning and some don't. Even with the prompt, though, that's not a 100% guarantee they'll stop what they're doing and fish it out of the disaster area they call a backpack...
There is a little light at the end of the tunnel. After years of this, both of them seem to have finally gotten over the not turning in homework thing. Neither has had that issue this year. Finally.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Oct 14, 2014 10:39:48 GMT -5
My DSnow22 struggled with organization and motivation ALL through school. All I can say is that it gets better. School was easy for him, so he never had to try very hard. he made it through his first semester at college with 1 B and the rest As. Second semester got a little harder and he actually got a C. That was a wake up call for him and he has made straight As a few times but sometimes has 1 B. He has a great overall gpa and has taken initiative to study and pass 3 actuary exams on his own.
It took a lot of motivating him as a teen to get him there.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Oct 14, 2014 10:58:55 GMT -5
My DSnow22 struggled with organization and motivation ALL through school. All I can say is that it gets better. School was easy for him, so he never had to try very hard. he made it through his first semester at college with 1 B and the rest As. Second semester got a little harder and he actually got a C. That was a wake up call for him and he has made straight As a few times but sometimes has 1 B. He has a great overall gpa and has taken initiative to study and pass 3 actuary exams on his own. It took a lot of motivating him as a teen to get him there. That's kind of how it was for me too.
High school easy. I was able to get a 3.4 GPA with very little effort.
The first year of college was pretty much the same, good grades with little effort. The first 1-2 years of college is basically a repeat of high school.
Once I started getting into more advanced classes though, I got poor grades. The difficulty ramped up significantly and I had to actually start studying for exams.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 14, 2014 11:18:43 GMT -5
My DSnow22
I totally read this as "Dear Snow."
This is a great thread. I am bookmarking it and also keeping my fingers crossed that Babybird goes gently into a cryogenic freeze during this period of her life, re-emerging as a fully fledged young adult.
I hated being a teenager, I hated being around teenagers and I'm not wild about them now. "It will be different when it's my kid, though."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2014 11:27:40 GMT -5
Any reason he might not be looking forward to college? Nervous about the process?
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Oct 14, 2014 11:32:30 GMT -5
The kids I knew growing up who had a parent that was a "friend" instead of a parent were the one's who had houses you hung out because you could do pretty much anything. I've run into some of those people over the years and the majority are doing squat with their lives almost 15 years out of high school. The fact that your kid is a good student and you're involved puts him light years ahead of those people but all teenagers need a kick in the ass every now and then. The world's changed a lot since I got out of high school while it's even more important to focus on the next steps in life but most kids don't think about the future too far out because they're teenagers. They don't realize what all of us have come to realize which is the fact that time seems to fly by once you hit the real world.
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Regis
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Post by Regis on Oct 14, 2014 11:42:55 GMT -5
We've been struggling with this problem with DS4, lately, too. Just got five week reports, and he's got a 30 in history! Turned in something too late, and it was majority of the period's grade. Last semester, it was problems with chem labs. He can manage the XC training and meets and invitationals, but school stuff falls by the wayside. Missed the bus this morning because he was emailing a file to print in school, some thing he had a long weekend to take care of AND we reminded him several times. We've tried hands off, we've tried mentioning things daily to keep on top, not sure what the answer is. You tried this yet? 1. Scrub the floors with your toothbrush 2. Wash every blade of grass 3. Watch a PBS garden show marathon with mom 4. Paint the garage then watch it dry 5. Dust the books. Like all 800 of them. Take each one off the shelf, flip the pages and vac in between.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 14, 2014 11:52:10 GMT -5
If you feel like your reaction last night was over the top, I would suggest that you talk to your son about it and explain that you know he's a good kid and you want the best for him. The consequences of missing this deadline could have long term impacts and while you didn't react the right way, you also want him to know how important this is to you--for him to have the best success going forward.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 14, 2014 15:10:01 GMT -5
Can suck sometimes. I struggle with being a dad who wants to maintain open communication with my sons (no daughters), but I also need to be a hard ass to kick them in the butt once and awhile to get them moving. My dad was a very strict, quick to strike asshole when I was growing up, we learned to fear him and never had a relationship with him when we were younger. Now that he's older, he depends on us, but that's another topic. I don't want my kids to fear me, and in general I've done a good job with that, but last night I needed to get my oldest off the couch to get some things done to meet college application deadlines. I don't think it went well. I know I'm not his friend, and I've told him that he has to have the application done by Wednesday to meet the admission requirements, and after asking him to do it twice over the course of an hour last night, I had to get really upset in order to get a response. UGH, why are teenagers so apathetic and short sighted? I'm trying to help him get things in place for his future, but he is only worried about the here and now. Not much of a question, but for some reason this is weighing heavily on me this morning. Is it better to let your kids fail even if you are the one who ends up paying for it? How do you make them see that even the slightest bit of effort will go a long way towards their future? If you're not a girl, bike, car or video game/TV you don't exist! Give him time and let him be hungry (don't starve him just don't do so much for him or give him too much). You will be amazed how much they can do on their own when they need to.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Oct 14, 2014 16:00:14 GMT -5
Knowing how lazy I am, I am terrified that offsprings will turn out like me, so.....I've been brainwashing trying to teach discipline as much as I can right now. I don't think they are there most of the time, but the other night I overheard my 6 yr old telling his grandfather that he needs to get off the phone bc "i need to finish things that I have to do so then I can do things that I want to do". I got all excited and started patting myself on the back, until this morning when he told me that he needs to finish his TV show before we can start school work.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Oct 14, 2014 16:59:46 GMT -5
#dadlife
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 15, 2014 6:14:03 GMT -5
I don't think they are there most of the time, but the other night I overheard my 6 yr old telling his grandfather that he needs to get off the phone bc "i need to finish things that I have to do so then I can do things that I want to do". I got all excited and started patting myself on the back, until this morning when he told me that he needs to finish his TV show before we can start school work.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 15, 2014 8:46:33 GMT -5
We need to pin this and re-visit in about two years! Junior high is rough - for both boys and girls. With two boys and a girl, my experience is that the girls can just get plain nasty. But don't worry. My daughter just came home from college for the first time (fall break). Now that she's had to do a lot more for herself without DW and me around, she's a much more pleasant young lady. And to answer the OP, yeah, sometimes you have to give them just enough rope to almost hang themselves. Yea, umm nasty doesn't fly in my house. We have ways of making her "adjust" her attitude. 1. Scrub the floors with your toothbrush 2. Wash every blade of grass 3. Watch a PBS garden show marathon with mom 4. Paint the garage then watch it dry 5. Dust the books. Like all 800 of them. Take each one off the shelf, flip the pages and vac in between. She gets a choice from the above, we are reasonable and want her to develop a sense of independence after all . Or she can change her attitude. My books still need a good dusting... Does she ever just say she isn't going to do it?
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Oct 15, 2014 9:02:15 GMT -5
Yea, umm nasty doesn't fly in my house. We have ways of making her "adjust" her attitude. 1. Scrub the floors with your toothbrush 2. Wash every blade of grass 3. Watch a PBS garden show marathon with mom 4. Paint the garage then watch it dry 5. Dust the books. Like all 800 of them. Take each one off the shelf, flip the pages and vac in between. She gets a choice from the above, we are reasonable and want her to develop a sense of independence after all . Or she can change her attitude. My books still need a good dusting... Does she ever just say she isn't going to do it? She tried that once. Found out that I follow through on my promises. I have no problem calling a friends' parents and telling them she can't attend a sleepover/birthday party, etc because of her poor behavior. She's only 11/12 but I've only had to do that once. We don't tolerate disrespect or bad attitude in our house. FWIW for the most part the same rules apply to the parents as well. Being in a bad mood is understandible, but we sincerely try not to direct it at each other.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2014 9:03:17 GMT -5
I don't know the answer, but I was thinking about that myself last night. My son needs to be cattle-prodded into everything and frankly, I'm tired. I have enough on my plate as it is without having to make sure his homework is done and I wonder if I'm hurting him more than helping by going through it every night. Once he's off on his own will he just be a total slug without external forcing? he's still in middle school, right? now is the time to let him fail and see what the consequences are. detention for missed homework - oh well. having to spend weekends doing make-up work - oh well. sucks but otherwise yeah, you'll be calling him at college to see if his work is done.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2014 10:02:19 GMT -5
I don't know the answer, but I was thinking about that myself last night. My son needs to be cattle-prodded into everything and frankly, I'm tired. I have enough on my plate as it is without having to make sure his homework is done and I wonder if I'm hurting him more than helping by going through it every night. Once he's off on his own will he just be a total slug without external forcing? he's still in middle school, right? now is the time to let him fail and see what the consequences are. detention for missed homework - oh well. having to spend weekends doing make-up work - oh well. sucks but otherwise yeah, you'll be calling him at college to see if his work is done. It's hard. I'm trying to cut him a little slack, because this is his first year of homework ever (7th grade) and we're both trying to get used to this. He also started swim team, is in scouts, plays in jazz band and is trying to get his online training done for hunter safety before his field day on the 25th. I think we're overbooked. Last week he did 7 hours of practice for swimming and I'm just so stunned he's doing that without complaining that I hate to cut it back. He needs to lose some weight (or at least not gain any while his height catches up) and isn't interested in any other kind of physical activity.
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Jake 48
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Post by Jake 48 on Oct 15, 2014 10:52:21 GMT -5
Tractor, Anyone can father children, it takes a real man to be a dad, so pat yourself on the back for giving a shit how the boy is doing. Its called Tough Love. Since you mention college applications, I'm assuming DS is 17-18 years old?? I teach an internship program for high school seniors and tell my students that at 18, the only thing mommy and daddy can do for you is throw money at lawyers. In the real world you are considered an adult based on age, maturity is not a factor. It is time to step up to the plate and start taking personal responsibility for your life, mom and dad can help, but they can't /won't do it for you. I've been lucky, my sons and I have a great relationship, even though you have to be a hardass sometimes. As for my my DSD, I have always been the complete opposite of her biological father. He has basically fucked the kid over and DW and I pick up the pieces w/ DSD. She confides in me with boyfriend issues, women problems and calls me for advice. As for the women problems, I try to pass that off to her mother but I get "Jake" you answer your phone when I call, so tag your it, lucky me. On a funny note, DS1 and I were talking about my parenting/dad skills, his reply " having you for a dad is like being raised by wolves" So hang in there, being a dad is the greatest job in the world, at times it is frustrating but the rewards are ten fold.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Oct 15, 2014 11:23:58 GMT -5
Thanks Jake, I know I'm doing the right thing, but it's sometimes hard to find positive reinforcement when you need it. For a quick update, we sat down at 6:00am this morning and went over the application and any other forms that he needed and submitted them before I left for work. It was his suggestion, so I know he listens, just doesn't react on my schedule. One application down, five more to go...
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 16, 2014 11:15:35 GMT -5
he's still in middle school, right? now is the time to let him fail and see what the consequences are. detention for missed homework - oh well. having to spend weekends doing make-up work - oh well. sucks but otherwise yeah, you'll be calling him at college to see if his work is done. Plus, middle school grades don't count for anything unless he's applying to a specific high school. He never had homework before 7th grade? I thought these days they were totally cracking down with the 19 pages of worksheets every night for 1st graders. At least the last time my now-10yo DN showed me her homework, it looked like quite a bit to me.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Oct 16, 2014 15:00:12 GMT -5
I think you did well with the situation, tractor.
If it makes you feel better, my wife just showed me a study the other day about teenagers acting irrationally because their brains are going through changes and adapting, etc...as if the world needed a study to figure that out ! All they really need to do is ask any teenage parent. We could have told them that and saved them all the time!
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Oct 21, 2014 15:25:06 GMT -5
Can suck sometimes. I struggle with being a dad who wants to maintain open communication with my sons (no daughters), but I also need to be a hard ass to kick them in the butt once and awhile to get them moving. My dad was a very strict, quick to strike asshole when I was growing up, we learned to fear him and never had a relationship with him when we were younger. Now that he's older, he depends on us, but that's another topic. I don't want my kids to fear me, and in general I've done a good job with that, but last night I needed to get my oldest off the couch to get some things done to meet college application deadlines. I don't think it went well. I know I'm not his friend, and I've told him that he has to have the application done by Wednesday to meet the admission requirements, and after asking him to do it twice over the course of an hour last night, I had to get really upset in order to get a response. UGH, why are teenagers so apathetic and short sighted? I'm trying to help him get things in place for his future, but he is only worried about the here and now. Not much of a question, but for some reason this is weighing heavily on me this morning. Is it better to let your kids fail even if you are the one who ends up paying for it? How do you make them see that even the slightest bit of effort will go a long way towards their future? You could tell him that if he's not in college, he has to be working or you are going to move him out. Then, offer to help him get a job at the sewage treatment plant. Or the car wash. Or some other job that pays next to nothing, is hard to do, has unpleasant conditions, etc. The worse, the better. Nothing like a demonstration of what it's like not to have a college education to motivate a person to do what you need to do to get one.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Oct 21, 2014 18:34:14 GMT -5
Can suck sometimes. I struggle with being a dad who wants to maintain open communication with my sons (no daughters), but I also need to be a hard ass to kick them in the butt once and awhile to get them moving. My dad was a very strict, quick to strike asshole when I was growing up, we learned to fear him and never had a relationship with him when we were younger. Now that he's older, he depends on us, but that's another topic. I don't want my kids to fear me, and in general I've done a good job with that, but last night I needed to get my oldest off the couch to get some things done to meet college application deadlines. I don't think it went well. I know I'm not his friend, and I've told him that he has to have the application done by Wednesday to meet the admission requirements, and after asking him to do it twice over the course of an hour last night, I had to get really upset in order to get a response. UGH, why are teenagers so apathetic and short sighted? I'm trying to help him get things in place for his future, but he is only worried about the here and now. Not much of a question, but for some reason this is weighing heavily on me this morning. Is it better to let your kids fail even if you are the one who ends up paying for it? How do you make them see that even the slightest bit of effort will go a long way towards their future? You could tell him that if he's not in college, he has to be working or you are going to move him out. Then, offer to help him get a job at the sewage treatment plant. Or the car wash. Or some other job that pays next to nothing, is hard to do, has unpleasant conditions, etc. The worse, the better. Nothing like a demonstration of what it's like not to have a college education to motivate a person to do what you need to do to get one. I know a few people who work at the sewage treatment plant, it really isn't that bad of a job, even when they have to clean the screens.. But that's another topic.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 21, 2014 18:46:02 GMT -5
Ugh. The lack of organizational system is such a toughie. Until they get some sort of system they can live with, it's an uphill battle of encouragement, structure, modeling and sometimes just letting them fail. (Not sure I'd be able to do that last one on the college app process, though.)
Is it wrong that I'm a little bit relieved that I'm not the only one who has knuckleheaded kids who complete their homework but don't always manage to turn it in?
WTH is up with that? I could understand it if they didn't do the homework, but to put in the effort and then not bother to just hand it in? Does not compute, does not compute... feel like my head is smoking and building up pressure to explode when I discover that one.
Right there with you!!! DD would be carrying a high A average if she didn't get half off for late turn in. Send them to private school We got detentions for missing homework without a valid excuse from a parent. Only happened to me once in 8th grade and I learned. I had to arrange my own ride home after detention since I had missed the only bus.
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