Askholes

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oct 13, 2014 14:40:53 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

Rainy and chilly here.

Same here but that means soccer practice is cancelled!  Woohoo!

[kittensaver]

Oct 12, 2014 18:46:13 GMT -5 tallguy said:

Because they are not asking for advice.  They are hoping for confirmation of what they already want to do. 

And no matter how far down the list they have to go, as soon as they get it they're good.  

Exactly. I used to work in HR, and we called this "shopping behavior." As in: keep shopping your question or concern around to everyone you know until you get the answer you want.

[Firebird]

I wish it would get rainy and chilly here.  It's not supposed to be fricking 95 degrees in mid-October. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oct 13, 2014 15:00:28 GMT -5 Firebird said:

I wish it would get rainy and chilly here.  It's not supposed to be fricking 95 degrees in mid-October. 

I'll trade you tomorrow's weather, if both of ours are the same as today.    I just don't want soccer practice today!

[Nazgul Girl]

   I don't give much advice anymore, since I am seldom asked, and people get defensive if they want me to help them straighten out their finances, but realize that I mean business and need their actual financial info, bills, etc. to do an analysis ( for nothing ), and draw up a plan.

   I am reminded of the coworker that had two payday loans out, and realized she was in pretty deep.  At the time, I had more tolerance for other peoples' crap, and told her I would help her, but needed to know her take home salary, what she spent her money on, see her bills, etc.  

   She got upset with me, and said " I guess you want to get all up in my business ! "  She then refused to give me any info.   I told her that was unable to help her without the necessary info.  El Duh !    I mean, she was really pissed at me.

   So, a year and few months passed, and she asked me for help again.   This time, she had SIX payday loans out.   I just looked at her sadly and said, " Oh dear.   That's not a place you want to be in " and left it at that.   She was just too far gone.   

   She shoulda taken my help when I offered it.   

   

[tallguy]

Oct 13, 2014 10:48:28 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Oct 12, 2014 18:32:26 GMT -5 midjd said:

Why do people ask for advice and then do the exact opposite of what you suggest?

I can understand ignoring unsolicited advice, but I'm mystified as to why people go to the effort of asking for advice and then ignore it -- or even get pissed at you if it's not what they want to hear. (Maybe this should go into the "self-sabotage" thread...)

Hmmm, I always thought advice was NOT a directive or a command.   I often ask for people's opinions or advice on stuff 'cause I'm accumulating "information"  so I can make the best decision that right for me and my situation.  I want to hear their point of view or hear about their experience.  I DON"T want them to make the decision for me - I'm not handing control of my decision to them.  I'm looking for additional perspectives - like what they THINK I should do (based on the info they have about the situation).    

If I took my brother(s) advice about what car to buy I'd be driving a 6 person SUV with a hitch -  that wouldn't fit in my garage.  I'm single. I'm 5 foot 2.  I don't drive very much.  I do sometimes 'chauffeur' friends - usually not more than 3 (so 4 passengers).  I don't own a boat or a traileer.   Why would I need a SUV?  

If I took my brother(s) advice about investing I'd be 20 percent stocks/80 percent bonds/cash.   <-- ok that's a bit of an exaggeration but it's close.  They are retired or 5 years away from retirement - I've got 10 to 15 years before I retire. 
Why would I take their advice about asset allocations?   BUT, they did have useful info on investing in general and about what things they were doing/finding as they started winding down their careers, etc.

Just a couple notes on this....

1.  If people are not qualified to give advice appropriate to you, and YOU KNOW that they are not qualified to give advice appropriate to you, why would you ever ask them? 

2.  If you are just accumulating information then you ask the question differently.  "I'm looking at (or thinking about) x.  Tell me about your experience with...."  You are showing them a certain amount of respect, but you are not asking advice so cannot be accused of rejecting it.  

And for the record, I don't give a damn what ANYONE thinks I should do.  Ever.  That is my decision, based on the sum of knowledge and experience which I possess.  Even if someone else did manage to know me that well, there is not a chance in hell that I would ever consider their opinion of more value than my own.  I know what mine is based on.  I don't know that for theirs. 

(Admittedly, part of the difference here is likely semantic since you are claiming the right to make your decision independent of anyone you ask.  But I am a believer that the word choice matters, so as not to leave a wrong impression.  I hope that's clear.) 

[tloonya]

An example:
I have a new exterminator.
he charged me $150 for the first visit and rats are still eating stuff in a walk-in refrigerator.
So I am calling him and asking him what to do expecting 'I'll be there to take care of an issue for which you paid me'
instead he is suggesting me to build shelves!!! and put stuff up higher. WHAAAAAT? Rats can clime.
This is not the answer I want to hear so I said NO, I am not spending money to build shelves.
So he said you have to clean the floor from whatever pieces of veggies are on the floor.
I said RATS don't eat pieces on the floor, they getting into BOXES that are on the pallets!

So I am reporting him and getting my money back.

[zibazinski]

That's why I charge things. No satisfaction? No pay.

[tloonya]

I wrote check. It was cashed on the 9th.

[movingforward]

My brother is notorious for asking someone's advice and then doing the exact opposite.  Sometimes he even comes back and says "hey, I did what you suggested which was X" .  Okay, what is it that you heard because that does not even remotely resemble what I said.  After many years I have figured out that if you say two words that he agrees with then he only hears those two words and absolutely nothing else.  Honestly, I don't know why he feels the need to justify his actions.  If he wants to do something then just do it.  Typically, when he asks for advice it is something money related and I think he actually knows what he wants to do is the wrong thing and is therefore seeking out some one to tell him it is okay.  I guess making his mind some how believe that someone else agrees with him makes him feel like what he is doing is right.