Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Oct 10, 2014 12:19:31 GMT -5
I don't drink often, but when I do, I like to sing about goblins. Same with driving/DUIs, damaging property, hurting yourself/accidents, performance problems at work, failing at interpersonal relationships, etc etc etc. It's the negative life consequences that determine "the drinking problem." Clearly many people can drink socially/occasionally and never have any negative life consequences.
I'm currently rereading a great book called Take Me With You. The main character was (like me) a pretty regular drinker but never had any issues with any of the above. So he figured he didn't have a drinking problem. His wife was the same way. Then one day, she got into an accident with their teenage son - totally the other driver's fault, he was drunk and slammed into the passenger side and their son was killed. Only here was the kicker - she had alcohol in her system too. Just under the legal limit but some. So he stopped drinking as of that day and began going to AA meetings. And a large part of the book is devoted to him wondering if he's "really" an alcoholic since the other people in the meetings had such horrifying stories of ruined lives and so forth, and nothing bad ever happened as a result of his drinking... yet, he didn't WANT to stop and wasn't sure if he could. It really hit home for me because I'm pretty much like him. I wonder sometimes how it would be for me if a doctor told me that due to a medical condition, I could never drink alcohol. Honestly, it would be really hard for me to never drink again. I really like to drink. But I've never had "a problem" with it in the sense that kittensaver described. So I don't really have a "reason" to stop. Except that I sometimes wonder if I could (without help) if it was necessary. Tl;dr - I wonder sometimes if really, really loving alcohol to the point where it would be tough for you to give it up is one of the warning signs of addiction if nothing in your life has suffered from drinking. Meh. My advice to you is to stop thinking about it so much and learn some rousing songs about goblins.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 10, 2014 12:19:58 GMT -5
How easy would it be for you to stop eating chocolate forever? Or ice cream forever? or tuna fish forever (if that's what gets you going?)Exactly, that's what I tell myself when I pour that third glass of wine It's an interesting question though because all alcoholics have to start somewhere and I bet a LOT of them start at the "well I could give this up if I wanted to, but why should I?" stage. I agree that if you can't moderate yourself when you want to then you might have a problem.
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Oct 10, 2014 12:22:03 GMT -5
Same with driving/DUIs, damaging property, hurting yourself/accidents, performance problems at work, failing at interpersonal relationships, etc etc etc. It's the negative life consequences that determine "the drinking problem." Clearly many people can drink socially/occasionally and never have any negative life consequences.
I'm currently rereading a great book called Take Me With You. The main character was (like me) a pretty regular drinker but never had any issues with any of the above. So he figured he didn't have a drinking problem. His wife was the same way. Then one day, she got into an accident with their teenage son - totally the other driver's fault, he was drunk and slammed into the passenger side and their son was killed. Only here was the kicker - she had alcohol in her system too. Just under the legal limit but some. So he stopped drinking as of that day and began going to AA meetings. And a large part of the book is devoted to him wondering if he's "really" an alcoholic since the other people in the meetings had such horrifying stories of ruined lives and so forth, and nothing bad ever happened as a result of his drinking... yet, he didn't WANT to stop and wasn't sure if he could. It really hit home for me because I'm pretty much like him. I wonder sometimes how it would be for me if a doctor told me that due to a medical condition, I could never drink alcohol. Honestly, it would be really hard for me to never drink again. I really like to drink. But I've never had "a problem" with it in the sense that kittensaver described. So I don't really have a "reason" to stop. Except that I sometimes wonder if I could (without help) if it was necessary. Tl;dr - I wonder sometimes if really, really loving alcohol to the point where it would be tough for you to give it up is one of the warning signs of addiction if nothing in your life has suffered from drinking. I've wrestled with the same question. For now I decided I'll cross that bridge when/if I get to it. In the mean time
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Oct 10, 2014 12:44:18 GMT -5
Same with driving/DUIs, damaging property, hurting yourself/accidents, performance problems at work, failing at interpersonal relationships, etc etc etc. It's the negative life consequences that determine "the drinking problem." Clearly many people can drink socially/occasionally and never have any negative life consequences.
I'm currently rereading a great book called Take Me With You. The main character was (like me) a pretty regular drinker but never had any issues with any of the above. So he figured he didn't have a drinking problem. His wife was the same way. Then one day, she got into an accident with their teenage son - totally the other driver's fault, he was drunk and slammed into the passenger side and their son was killed. Only here was the kicker - she had alcohol in her system too. Just under the legal limit but some. So he stopped drinking as of that day and began going to AA meetings. And a large part of the book is devoted to him wondering if he's "really" an alcoholic since the other people in the meetings had such horrifying stories of ruined lives and so forth, and nothing bad ever happened as a result of his drinking... yet, he didn't WANT to stop and wasn't sure if he could. It really hit home for me because I'm pretty much like him. I wonder sometimes how it would be for me if a doctor told me that due to a medical condition, I could never drink alcohol. Honestly, it would be really hard for me to never drink again. I really like to drink. But I've never had "a problem" with it in the sense that kittensaver described. So I don't really have a "reason" to stop. Except that I sometimes wonder if I could (without help) if it was necessary. Tl;dr - I wonder sometimes if really, really loving alcohol to the point where it would be tough for you to give it up is one of the warning signs of addiction if nothing in your life has suffered from drinking. I've wrestled with the same question. For now I decided I'll cross that bridge when/if I get to it. In the mean time ditto. and well said, Firebird.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Oct 10, 2014 12:52:04 GMT -5
Using that logic every man is a sex addict.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 10, 2014 13:04:19 GMT -5
So happy there are so many closet non-problem drinkers besides me
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Oct 10, 2014 13:20:35 GMT -5
Both my father and Dh's father are alcoholics. We drink occasionally. Both my sister and his sister are alcoholics. One drinks alot, the other never does but they both have the tendencies. Take away my coffee though- and there is going to be hell to pay.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Oct 10, 2014 13:33:37 GMT -5
Hello, my name is vonna, and I am a coke addict (as in Coca-Cola -- fully leaded, not diet, not decaf). I used to drink it from the time I got up until the time I went to bed. But, when I hit my late 30's, I guess my metabolism slowed down enough that I started gaining weight. I was either going to have to buy larger uniforms (I was still in the navy) or stop drinking coke.
Vanity won, or my distaste for wasting money on buying larger uniforms won (who wants to spend money on ugly polyester blend khakis?) and I broke my coke habit. I still can't keep it in the house, because I can drink it non-stop. I only allow myself to drink coke when we are travelling, and occasionally I order it at restaurants.
I do drink alcohol, and I know it has a lot of calories. I guess if it ever got to the point that I thought it was causing weight-gain, I may try to cut back. But so far, so good. I do love wine, and a good gin and tonic now and then . . . .
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Oct 10, 2014 14:10:28 GMT -5
How easy would it be for you to stop eating chocolate forever? Or ice cream forever? or tuna fish forever (if that's what gets you going?)Exactly, that's what I tell myself when I pour that third glass of wine It's an interesting question though because all alcoholics have to start somewhere and I bet a LOT of them start at the "well I could give this up if I wanted to, but why should I?" stage. I agree that if you can't moderate yourself when you want to then you might have a problem. Bingo.
It is also important to remember that many addictions (alcohol and other substances) are progressive diseases. Just sayin' . . .
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kent
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Post by kent on Oct 10, 2014 14:27:43 GMT -5
FWIW....I believe that, to determine whether or a person has a problem with alcohol, you need to see what those around that person feel. Most people with a problem are not able to admit one exists whereas those around him/her have a much clearer grasp on things.
Case in point. My ex just revealed to me yesterday that her bf has expressed concerns about the quantity of alcohol she consumes - she said it's about three glasses of wine per evening (I don't know if there's any other alcohol or daytime use involved).
My advice to her was to consider his input - it has to be telling her something - he wouldn't be talking about it if he didn't think there was some sort of problem. I sent her the link I posted about Ryan and asked her to do ME (and herself) a favor and watch it in private.
Here's hoping she does.....
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 10, 2014 14:50:17 GMT -5
My advice to her was to consider his input - it has to be telling her something - he wouldn't be talking about it if he didn't think there was some sort of problem. I sent her the link I posted about Ryan and asked her to do ME (and herself) a favor and watch it in private.
Agreed. If DH or anyone else close to me expressed concern about my drinking, I would take that really seriously. FWIW, I do feel I'm able to moderate. If I'm at lunch and everyone is having a drink, I will too but I stop at one. If I decide that two drinks at a happy hour is enough because I have to drive home later, it's no problem to stick to that. But reading the book kind of freaked me out because I was like, "Hey that sounds like... me... does that mean *I* have a problem? And if I have to ask myself that, does it mean the answer is yes?"
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Oct 10, 2014 15:50:37 GMT -5
I didn't answer Phoenix's question earlier, but I'm probably in the 10-15 drinks a week camp when I'm not nursing. Now, I'll have a glass of wine or a bottle of beer every other night or so, but I am admittedly looking forward to weaning DD so I can drink more. I'm also in the "I don't think I would want to stop drinking" camp. I did manage to give it up for 10 months while I was pregnant, and significantly cut back for another 10.5 months and counting, so I guess I'm OK.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 10, 2014 15:52:26 GMT -5
If Mid is okay, I'm okay! Bi-coastal drinking and sushi buddies FTW! (Props for continuing to nurse, I barely made it six months.)
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Oct 10, 2014 16:29:45 GMT -5
You can be addicted to something without it ruining your life. If you drink 5+ days a week, and just the thought of giving it up gives you anxiety you're probably physically and psychologically addicted to the substance. That doesn't mean it's ruining your life, or really even a problem, but it is a characteristic of your life/personality. Yeah, and even moderate drinking can reek havoc on your body, and cause doctors to label you an alcoholic. I think that is the aspect of my drinking that worries me the most. I can hold alcohol well, don't really get hangovers, and pretty much just drink it because I enjoy the taste. I'm still at the point where I could give it up if I wanted or had to, but I have alcoholics on both sides of my family so I try not to push it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2014 17:14:30 GMT -5
You can be addicted to something without it ruining your life. If you drink 5+ days a week, and just the thought of giving it up gives you anxiety you're probably physically and psychologically addicted to the substance. That doesn't mean it's ruining your life, or really even a problem, but it is a characteristic of your life/personality. Yeah, and even moderate drinking can reek havoc on your body, and cause doctors to label you an alcoholic.** I think that is the aspect of my drinking that worries me the most. I can hold alcohol well, don't really get hangovers, and pretty much just drink it because I enjoy the taste. I'm still at the point where I could give it up if I wanted or had to, but I have alcoholics on both sides of my family so I try not to push it. cktc, are you in my family? My mother's side is (was), loaded with raging alcoholics. My mother was one, her parents were, at least 2 of her sisters (never met the third so don't know) and one of my cousins on that side. He went to rehab about 5 years ago. He was sucking down a 12 pack of beer a night, I guess. I know there isn't jack to do in the back of beyond in northern NH during about 10 months of the year but it also had a lot to do with genetics. Apparently his father's side was full of raging alcoholics as well. I don't get hangovers unless I drink beer or red wine. I don't know why. I can suck down 2 bottles of white in 2 hours and be just fine when I wake up from my stupor but half a bottle of red gives me a raging headache. And if I wanted to drink beer I'd drink my own pee. Pretty much the same thing to me. It goes in and goes right back out. **When I had my seizure, they initially thought it was brought on by my drinking the night before, except I had only one drink. I was saving the blowout for the next night as it would have been my mother's birthday and my first one since she had passed. Turns out it had something to do from meningitis as an infant. Geez. Talk about a delayed reaction. I still think my mother whammied me somehow..
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Oct 10, 2014 17:36:40 GMT -5
Yeah, and even moderate drinking can reek havoc on your body, and cause doctors to label you an alcoholic.** I think that is the aspect of my drinking that worries me the most. I can hold alcohol well, don't really get hangovers, and pretty much just drink it because I enjoy the taste. I'm still at the point where I could give it up if I wanted or had to, but I have alcoholics on both sides of my family so I try not to push it. cktc, are you in my family? My mother's side is (was), loaded with raging alcoholics. My mother was one, her parents were, at least 2 of her sisters (never met the third so don't know) and one of my cousins on that side. He went to rehab about 5 years ago. He was sucking down a 12 pack of beer a night, I guess. I know there isn't jack to do in the back of beyond in northern NH during about 10 months of the year but it also had a lot to do with genetics. Apparently his father's side was full of raging alcoholics as well. Haha, maybe! Red wine headaches are actually quite common. I don't have a problem myself but the sulfites that are added to a lot of reds give a lot of people migraines. Some do better with organic reds, but if it's not your thing maybe best just to leave it that way.
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milee
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Post by milee on Oct 10, 2014 18:13:49 GMT -5
My advice to her was to consider his input - it has to be telling her something - he wouldn't be talking about it if he didn't think there was some sort of problem. I sent her the link I posted about Ryan and asked her to do ME (and herself) a favor and watch it in private.
Agreed. If DH or anyone else close to me expressed concern about my drinking, I would take that really seriously. FWIW, I do feel I'm able to moderate. If I'm at lunch and everyone is having a drink, I will too but I stop at one. If I decide that two drinks at a happy hour is enough because I have to drive home later, it's no problem to stick to that. But reading the book kind of freaked me out because I was like, "Hey that sounds like... me... does that mean *I* have a problem? And if I have to ask myself that, does it mean the answer is yes?" I'm not at all saying you have an issue, just that your description reminded me of something DH and I dealt with years ago. Before we had kids and when we were both high earners in Phoenix, we had a super fun, fast moving group of friends. Lots of parties, drinking, travel and fun. Man it was fun. But over the years it became increasingly obvious that a few had quickly slid down the road from social drinker to person with a serious problem. One got into a DUI that hurt an innocent person and another got into a majorly embarrassing argument at a high end restaurant on DH's birthday (obviously both were drunk) within a short period of time. There may also have been a wild night after a charity ball where um, I may have gone home wearing only the scarf that matched my formal dress. Anyway, although I don't think either DH or I had an addiction, we were falling into regular drinking during the week followed by lots and lots of drinks on the weekend at parties or on random weeknights with friends which started to add up. I could easily go for a week or more and not drink, but I had no desire to give up drinking, mainly because it sounded so very socially isolating. So I made a conscious effort to start tapering off our drinking, especially on nights at home, with the idea that it might keep us from going down that slippery slope and still allow us to drink with friends. It worked well for us, I just stopped serving wine with dinner for about a year. And then, when I got pregnant, it wasn't a big deal to stop completely during that time. After the kids, we never drank as much again, but mainly because we were too busy and tired.
Not sure it's a similar situation or applicable, just noting that if you're worried, maybe it's worth cutting back a little to put the brakes on and see how that works.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 10, 2014 19:58:38 GMT -5
I used to drink a whole bunch in college and law school. I got concerned in law school when one night I drank a six pack of beer (and not light beer) and didn't feel a thing.
I slowly tapered off once started working. Now I'm just lame.
I have a glass of wine about twice a week. If we go out for dinner, I'll have wine or a G&T. I like foofy drinks in the summer when I go out with friends.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Oct 10, 2014 21:58:13 GMT -5
So happy there are so many closet non-problem drinkers besides me I am not in the closet! I need to get an alcohol-pride flag so I can wave it. Proudly.
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Oct 11, 2014 8:32:44 GMT -5
Same with driving/DUIs, damaging property, hurting yourself/accidents, performance problems at work, failing at interpersonal relationships, etc etc etc. It's the negative life consequences that determine "the drinking problem." Clearly many people can drink socially/occasionally and never have any negative life consequences.
I'm currently rereading a great book called Take Me With You. The main character was (like me) a pretty regular drinker but never had any issues with any of the above. So he figured he didn't have a drinking problem. His wife was the same way. Then one day, she got into an accident with their teenage son - totally the other driver's fault, he was drunk and slammed into the passenger side and their son was killed. Only here was the kicker - she had alcohol in her system too. Just under the legal limit but some. So he stopped drinking as of that day and began going to AA meetings. And a large part of the book is devoted to him wondering if he's "really" an alcoholic since the other people in the meetings had such horrifying stories of ruined lives and so forth, and nothing bad ever happened as a result of his drinking... yet, he didn't WANT to stop and wasn't sure if he could. It really hit home for me because I'm pretty much like him. I wonder sometimes how it would be for me if a doctor told me that due to a medical condition, I could never drink alcohol. Honestly, it would be really hard for me to never drink again. I really like to drink. But I've never had "a problem" with it in the sense that kittensaver described. So I don't really have a "reason" to stop. Except that I sometimes wonder if I could (without help) if it was necessary. Tl;dr - I wonder sometimes if really, really loving alcohol to the point where it would be tough for you to give it up is one of the warning signs of addiction if nothing in your life has suffered from drinking. If you had no access to alcohol for days would that be whatever or difficult for you? I think as long as you don't run crazy sniffing shot glasses were alcohol had been - you are ok. No?
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Oct 11, 2014 8:34:43 GMT -5
How easy would it be for you to stop eating chocolate forever? Or ice cream forever? or tuna fish forever (if that's what gets you going?)Exactly, that's what I tell myself when I pour that third glass of wine It's an interesting question though because all alcoholics have to start somewhere and I bet a LOT of them start at the "well I could give this up if I wanted to, but why should I?" stage. I agree that if you can't moderate yourself when you want to then you might have a problem. What if you can moderate yourself but you don't want to?
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ktunes
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Post by ktunes on Oct 13, 2014 2:14:50 GMT -5
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