back at the hospital...

[ginpin]

Mom collapsed yesterday while getting ready to go to the store.  She was taken to the hospital, where they checked her out and said that she had an aneurism, that they would transfer her down to a hospital in my state, and to prepare for the worst.  Well, it ends up that she did not have an aneurism, but suffered brain trauma from falling.  Not sure what caused the fall, perhaps a minor heart episode or something.  So I am sitting here in her room, listening to her breathe.  She is still sedated, but is breathing on her own.  The doctor seems to think that she'll come out of this alright.  Just need to see how she is, when she wakes up.
Then the cousins informed me that they don't want to deal with her anymore, as she doesn't want to take care of herself.  So I guess I need to figure out what to do.  Ugg.

[Malarky]

<<<Hugs>>>>

Hope it turns out well.  Is there anyone there with your for moral support?

[ginpin]

My sis should be here in a while.  My gma and aunt are with me mentally for support.  But it still sucks.  

[mmhmm]

She's in the right place, ginpin. The hospital will be able to help you with decision-making, and find placement for her if that's what's decided. Just let the nurses know you need assistance in deciding what will be best for her when she's released.

[NastyWoman]

[Bonny]

Oct 5, 2014 16:02:25 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

She's in the right place, ginpin. The hospital will be able to help you with decision-making, and find placement for her if that's what's decided. Just let the nurses know you need assistance in deciding what will be best for her when she's released.

And

When the cousins say she doesn't want to take care of herself anymore what do they mean?

What's your mom's age and financial situation?

[Deleted]

I'm sorry Ginpin. Hugs to you, you will get through this, but I know it's not easy. 

[busymom]

So sorry, Hon!  

One thing to know is that the hospital social worker can be your best friend.  They can play the "bad guys", if your Mom is no longer a good candidate to live by herself.  When they reach a certain age, even something as simple as a bladder infection can make them fall.  (I'm dealing with a Mom whose health is declining, too.)

This may be the perfect time to move Mom closer to you, whether she ends up in assisted-living, or a nursing home.  Best wishes on the healing process!

[Deleted]

Hang in there and God bless you for being with her, Ginpin.   Hugs to you!

[ginpin]

She's only 59...going to be 60 at the end of the month, and doesn't have a penny to her name.  She moved in with the cousins when I wouldn't allow her to move back with me.  After her recent heart attack and other medical issues, she apparently is still smoking and not taking her meds.  So the cousins want to be shut of her.  I'll have to see what the social workers say.

[TheOtherMe]

So sorry.  

My mom was forced to quit smoking by a 10 day hospital stay.  If she hadn't quit smoking, mom and dad could not have moved up here and they would have been in big trouble during mom's final illness.

[milee]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom.  I'm also going to "go there" because I know from your prior posts that you cannot have your mom living with you full time for the long term.

There is a huge warning/danger/opportunity here.

Since she is in the hospital you have a very big opportunity here and if you handle it badly, the consequences will be bad and hard to undo. Hospitals cannot patients into a situation that isn't stable. So if they have an older person like your mom that will be basically homeless upon discharge, they cannot release her until that housing and care situation is settled. If you sign papers that you will be responsible for her care (and be careful, this can be in the fine print), they will release her to you and she will not only be coming home with you, you may find it impossible to ask her to leave later even if you want to. Right now, though, the hospital will want to get her discharged at some date, probably sooner than you'd suspect. If you refuse to accept her, they have in house social workers that have knowledge of local laws and relationships with most of the local senior housing and care centers.  If you refuse to accept her, you will get the hospital's considerable help in finding her an appropriate home.  If you take her home with you, you will most likely find it very hard on your own to find a similar situation plus you'll be dealing with her and she'll most likely be refusing to go anywhere.  You'll be screwed.

So do not sign anything and do not agree to take her home.  That will put pressure on the hospital for them to help you find a living situation for her. 

[Ombud]

Oct 5, 2014 16:52:43 GMT -5 ginpin said:

She's only 59...going to be 60 at the end of the month, and doesn't have a penny to her name.

OMG just  as it can be a long difficult process to get SSI (if it's granted at all)

I know this might sound harsh, but @patstab & milee are 100% correct. Don't sign anything

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2014 17:46:39 GMT -5 milee said:

I'm sorry to hear about your mom.  I'm also going to "go there" because I know from your prior posts that you cannot have your mom living with you full time for the long term.

There is a huge warning/danger/opportunity here.

Since she is in the hospital you have a very big opportunity here and if you handle it badly, the consequences will be bad and hard to undo. Hospitals cannot patients into a situation that isn't stable. So if they have an older person like your mom that will be basically homeless upon discharge, they cannot release her until that housing and care situation is settled. If you sign papers that you will be responsible for her care (and be careful, this can be in the fine print), they will release her to you and she will not only be coming home with you, you may find it impossible to ask her to leave later even if you want to. Right now, though, the hospital will want to get her discharged at some date, probably sooner than you'd suspect. If you refuse to accept her, they have in house social workers that have knowledge of local laws and relationships with most of the local senior housing and care centers.  If you refuse to accept her, you will get the hospital's considerable help in finding her an appropriate home.  If you take her home with you, you will most likely find it very hard on your own to find a similar situation plus you'll be dealing with her and she'll most likely be refusing to go anywhere.  You'll be screwed.

So do not sign anything and do not agree to take her home.  That will put pressure on the hospital for them to help you find a living situation for her. 

PLEASE read this and understand what discharging a relative into your care means. 

If the care becomes too much, and she goes back to the ER, and you refuse to take her home for fear of her health or because you cannot properly care for her, you can be reported to APS and charged with a crime. They tried to do that to me when my DH was clearly too ill to care for himself.

In my case, my DH died 4 days later, so I was cleared...

Once someone has stayed with you for a certain period of time, or you agree to care for them, it is nearly impossible to undo the situation and the medical professionals become ZERO help in the process.

[sapphire12]

Sorry you are going through this gin! I'm wishing for the best outcome for all involved. Keep us posted or come here to vent as necessary.

[taz157]

Oct 5, 2014 19:34:58 GMT -5 sapphire12 said:

Sorry you are going through this gin! I'm wishing for the best outcome for all involved. Keep us posted or come here to vent as necessary.

[Opti]

Oct 5, 2014 16:52:43 GMT -5 ginpin said:

She's only 59...going to be 60 at the end of the month, and doesn't have a penny to her name.  She moved in with the cousins when I wouldn't allow her to move back with me.  After her recent heart attack and other medical issues, she apparently is still smoking and not taking her meds.  So the cousins want to be shut of her.  I'll have to see what the social workers say.

I was just going to ask if she had any interesting medical history.

Still smoking is an issue, constricts blood vessels, so can contribute

to anything blood vessel related.

There are so many reasons that could have caused her

collapse, if it were me, I would do my best to not think ahead of whatever

results you will get via the doctors/hospital.

Sounds  sucky. Good luck and think good thoughts.

ETA: I would not use the term 'does not have a penny to their name' unless it

was drop dead accurate, i.e. no money at all in any account or in her possession,

no income, no assets. If it were true, she'd be indigent and qualify for lots of

government programs. Of course not being technically elderly, i.e. 65 or older,

will keep her out of some programs as well.

[toomuchreality]

All my best. I hope it goes well.

[Deleted]

So sorry and listen to milee and shasta.

[Nazgul Girl]

   Sorry, ginpin.   I hope that your mother's living situation is resolved and has a good outcome.   I think that the hospital social work department might be able to get her qualified for Medicaid from the sound of things, and she might qualify for SSI as well.   Hopefully, she can be placed in a skilled nursing home for awhile so that she can receive physical therapy.   

[kjto1]

Milee worded it so much better than I could have.  Please re-read her post.   We are here for you!

[Deleted]

Wow.  Only 59.  So sorry you're going through this. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs ginpin. 

Your mom is in a different state, right? 

[ginpin]

Mom was living in a different state, but is now back here.  The cousins have officially kicked her out, and are waiting for directions for her belongings.  <sigh>  I asked them to hold on to them and her dog for a while longer, til we can figure out what to do. 

I have been in contact with the hospital social worker.  She suggested that I file for SSDI for my mom...it will be interesting to see if we can get it.  The hospital finance-guy is working on the Medicaid part of it.  So hopefully we'll get somewhere on this. 

Right now Mom is still tubed and heavily sedated.  She has an infection in her lungs, so they don't want to remove the tube yet til it clears up.  She isn't as responsive as the nurses would like, but is responding some.  As for the brain trauma, it is just a wait and see thing...we won't know til we can wake her up. 

[The Captain]

ginpin - Of course you will be there for you mom but, DO NOT let her move in with you.

She was a wreck before this happened and will make your life miserable if you allow her to move in with you.

We are saying this over and over again because this will be the hardest time for you to do what is truly the right thing for both of you!!!

When you feel a moment of indecision come on, come back here and read our posts and realize you are not an evil person for doing the right thing.

[Peace77]

SSDI gas a 5 month waiting period. So, even if she is approved immediately, it will likely be at least 6 months before she gets a check.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oct 7, 2014 8:28:37 GMT -5 ginpin said:

Mom was living in a different state, but is now back here.  The cousins have officially kicked her out, and are waiting for directions for her belongings.  <sigh>  I asked them to hold on to them and her dog for a while longer, til we can figure out what to do. 

I have been in contact with the hospital social worker.  She suggested that I file for SSDI for my mom...it will be interesting to see if we can get it.  The hospital finance-guy is working on the Medicaid part of it.  So hopefully we'll get somewhere on this. 

Ok, I was afraid she was hospitalized in a different state and the social workers would not who to contact or now how to handle things in your state. 

[ginpin]

I'm trying to.  Sunday I spent 5 hours there at the hospital.  Monday I was attempting to go after work, but my new pup had a literal sh*t-storm in his kennel, so spent an hour cleaning that up.   So ended up staying for like 1/2 hour last night. 

It's tough, because I am not sleeping well, and I keep thinking about how this whole situation just sucks. 

[milee]

Oct 7, 2014 13:07:59 GMT -5 ginpin said:

I'm trying to.  Sunday I spent 5 hours there at the hospital.  Monday I was attempting to go after work, but my new pup had a literal sh*t-storm in his kennel, so spent an hour cleaning that up.   So ended up staying for like 1/2 hour last night. 

It's tough, because I am not sleeping well, and I keep thinking about how this whole situation just sucks. 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really hard.

And the hospital knows it, too. They know you're tired and worried and feeling guilty. So this is when they start talking to you about when and how you're going to take your mom home.   Do not let them guilt you into it.  Do not sign anything no matter how bad you feel and how badly they try to make you feel.  You will trade 10 minutes of feeling less guilty for spending the next 20 years of having your mom in your house - smoking, noncompliant with meds, needing medical care and being unpleasant to you all at once. 

[lexxy703]

I'm so sorry. I would hate to be in your or your mom's position. It sucks all the way around.