Advice for Fearful Flyers?

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Neither DS has ever been on a plane.  I used to fly quite a bit for work -- before kids, but haven't been on a plane since before 9/11.

A trip from Boston to Chicago is likely in the next few weeks.  The DS who would go with me doesn't want to fly.  He doesn't like the idea of being so high in the air.  (He also has life-threatening, anaphylactic, allergies to foods such as tree nuts which are often served as snacks in flight).  But, the drive is 1,000 miles...each way.  We would be in Chicago just for a long weekend.  

Any advice for fearful flyers?  The "flying is safer than driving" argument isn't working on him.  

[swamp]

Benadryl. Then you won't have to argue. 

[Deleted]

No advice. I get worse every time I fly and the last time was a year and a half ago.

I never liked it but now I hate it.

Drugs, maybe?

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

I don't have much fear of flying (except in small planes) but I do get really air sick.  I've found the best way to get through a flight is to sleep through it.  It is hard (coach isn't comfortable at all) but passing out  and waking upon arrival helps.  Try to schedule a really early morning or late night flight so u are at sleepy time.  Bring a soft pillow and get a window seat.  Have him keep the shade down and lean against the window to get comfortable.

If possible, be as far forward (or over the wings) as possible.  The back seems to get more turbulence plus u have to deal with sitting next to the line to the bathroom .


As far as peanuts, I wouldn't worry too much.  The airlines (except Southwest) have cut back so much you have to beg for some water.  They don't spring for snacks....  

[Deleted]

It's hard when it's an unknown. I agree some type of sedative. I like to keep busy. Personally I'm not allowing myself to watch any new Big Bang Theory until I hit my seat on the plane next month, then when visual needs to be off there is music or audiobooks, I like to close my eyes during take off. 

Most at flights seem to do pretzels rather than peanuts these days. Maybe call ahead.

[Peace Of Mind]

Advice for Fearful Flyers?

Don't fly!  You're going to die!!!!!!!!      



You should have been more specific. 

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2014 21:08:38 GMT -5 @xmascookie said:

Drugs, maybe?

A coworker who had a fear of flying said her doc prescribed Xanax and that helped. She said she didn't feel any different other than that she didn't worry. (Which made me wonder how I could get some for everyday use.)

You'd want to consult a doctor, of course. If DS is young, it may not have the same effects.

[chiver78]

your PM makes way more sense now.

I don't fly well either, so I don't have any suggestions there. my coping mechanisms involve booze, which aren't really an option for your DS. as far as the allergy, I thought some airlines would/could bleach-wipe an airplane for peanut-free flights if an allergy like that was made clear to them at some time prior to actual boarding. for all my allergies, this isn't one I happen to have, so I don't know for sure. you might want to ask that question if/when you end up flying.

is it possible to get a sedative? my sis is near certifiable if she has to fly anywhere. her dr will prescribe a few Xanax pills when she knows she has to fly somewhere and home again. she doesn't need it otherwise.

[Deleted]

Even some Benadryl or Advil PM or Bach's Rescue Remedy (if you believe in that stuff would help, I'm not sure you need a script sedative.

[justme]

FYI - I've been on a Southwest flight that made an announcement before we took off that peanuts wouldn't be served due to a severe allergy on board. The pretzels still were, and I think there was a candy too? Anyways, the allergy is definitely something you can mention to the airline if it's severe enough that someone eating it on a plane could cause a problem. 

[justme]

Oct 3, 2014 21:29:09 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Oct 3, 2014 21:08:38 GMT -5 @xmascookie said:

Drugs, maybe?

A coworker who had a fear of flying said her doc prescribed Xanax and that helped. She said she didn't feel any different other than that she didn't worry. (Which made me wonder how I could get some for everyday use.)

You'd want to consult a doctor, of course. If DS is young, it may not have the same effects.

No fear of flying, but I do have a xanax rx. I have it not for anxiety (it also relaxes muscles to a certain extent so that's what I have it for) but have taken it a few times in anxious situations. My only suggestion is if you do get an rx for it ask for enough so you can test drive it. For me it doesn't make me drowsy but I definitely notice a lack of worry, but my mom is practically falling asleep when she takes it. You'll want to know how he reacts to know when to take it. i.e. you don't want to have to drag your unconscious son onto the plane. 

[TheOtherMe]

I have never flown Southwest.  However, there are no free snacks on other airlines, even so-call low cost airlines.  Even Frontier's chocolate chip cookie is gone.  You need not worry about the snack, IMO.

Worst part for me is the airport and security.  I don't mind the flight, except for they are all so crowded now and the seats being smaller.  

I'd say benadryl for a child and tylenol PM for you to take the edge off.

[TheOtherMe]

Oct 3, 2014 21:31:38 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

as far as the allergy, I thought some airlines would/could bleach-wipe an airplane for peanut-free flights if an allergy like that was made clear to them at some time prior to actual boarding. for all my allergies, this isn't one I happen to have, so I don't know for sure. you might want to ask that question if/when you end up flying.

Unless they are on the first flight of the day for that aircraft, I don't see this happening.  Flights arrive at the gate, passengers get off and they start boarding for the next flight shortly after.  

[Deleted]

Xanax is awesome.  It was one of my ex's scripts and some got left behind when he moved out last year.  I used to have horrible anxiety, but it's gotten better as I've gotten older.  I used to have panic attacks a lot.  Anyhow, I've taken a few over the past couple years in high stress situations and they take the edge off without making me loopy at all.  But, they sometimes leave me kind of sleepy.

I'd test drive Benedryl on the kids first.  I have one that it knocks out and one that it makes hyper as all heck!  

[Nazgul Girl]

   I was going to suggest Jello shots when I read the headline, but that's out with sons involved.   Can you promise him a reward if he's good on the trip ?   

[buystoys]

I've flown a lot for work, but I also don't have issues with it.  My mom and sister both are nervous flyers.  My recommendation was always to try to get an aisle seat so it's easier to get up and move around if necessary.  I do have a bad back, so that's more important to me.  Mom used to ask for a window seat, but found the aisle made her feel like she had more room and that she could "move" if she needed to.

I also tended to travel with an MP3 player so I could just put on some music that would match my need, i.e. podcasts, relaxing classical, or head banging, dependent on mood.

[mmhmm]

Benadryl isn't a bad choice, IMO, but do test it first. It makes me jittery instead of relaxed. Maybe, though, all that's really needed is some time spent talking about it in a calm, matter-of-fact manner.

[Apple]

I don't have much for advice, but wishing you a lot of luck.  My son is also a very anxious flyer, he HATES it.  We haven't done any drugs, although I've been tempted to request a beta-blocker in the past. 
One of the flights we took, I bribed him   He had seen the first two "Lord of the Rings" movies, but not the third, so I told him I'd buy it and let him watch it on the plane.  It worked for him.

[bobosensei]

I haven't had nuts as a snack on a plane in a really long time.  Usually we get pretzels or nothing at all for short flights.

I think the biggest thing to help your DS is to model confident behavior. This means if there is sudden turbulence you don't clutch the seat and get a panic stricken look on your face.  Maybe explain to him the science behind flight so he understands that the plane isn't going to just drop out of the sky.

[plugginaway22]

I would reassure him and maybe get something to calm the anxiety, but I would not give in to driving.  Flying is something that in our world HAS to happen, so my kids would not have had the option to stay on the ground. 

[zibazinski]

I hate flying. I ALMOST wasnt that unhappy about the canceled Italy trip because of flying. I got Xanax. I'm not sure it helps with anxiety for me but it does help me sleep. But only every once in awhile. If I take it two nights in a row, it does nothing at all. 

[saveinla]

Southwest still serves peanuts - I flew back from Seattle last weekend and they gave peanuts and a drink. 
I love flying, so cannot imagine what you are going through.

[whoami]

I dont think anyone serves peanuts anymore (AA doesn't) but they do serve other types of nuts and there are no peanut police so other pax can bring them on.

Im sure he has an epi pen and there is a medical kit on board in case of emergency. Any time DH has had a medical emergency on board, they have had some sort of medical personal who has stepped up to help. They will also divert the plane if its a true medical emergency.

I would try out any sort of calming drug *before you leave the ground because the last thing you want is to take a med you've never taken before and have an adverse reaction. Benedryl has the opposite effect on me that it has on most people. I take it and Im hanging from the ceiling. I never recommend drinking because if you are drunk and flip out, you are going to jail if the flight diverts.

My decision to *force someone to fly would depend on how opposed to it they actually are and how badly they need to go to where ever they are flying to.

Lots of people are afraid to fly but manage to get themselves to do it. I wouldn't drag anyone, literally or figuratively, onto a plane they don't want to be on.

[zibazinski]

I'm trying to talk DF into letting me drive the car to Florida by saying how expensive it is to rent a car the whole time we are there. With his health issues being foremost in his mind, he will have to fly back and forth I suppose, more often that we figured on before. But I will need a car for when he can be there. It's a good excuse for me because I really don't want to get on a plane. Plus, I'd love a few days to myself in a car. Me and the radio. 

[Deleted]

Oct 4, 2014 9:09:51 GMT -5 saveinla said:

Southwest still serves peanuts - I flew back from Seattle last weekend and they gave peanuts and a drink. 
I love flying, so cannot imagine what you are going through.

Really?  You must fly out of airports with no TSA!

A few more thoughts:  ask DS what will work for him.  Maybe a new movie is enough.  Would an aisle seat work?  (I'm assuming he's not in a car seat; the airlines generally don't want those in the aisle seat because they'd be a hindrance in an emergency.)  If he has to sit by the window, would it help if he closed the shade?  I've also been on Southwest flights that they declared were peanut-free.  They're the most customer-focused of the major US airlines and I'd trust them to get it right if you're on them.  AA serves "premium snack mix", but only in Business and it's peanut-free.

I agree on modeling calm behavior although that's not easy with how airlines and airports are run now.  Make sure you get there early so you're not panicking at the TSA line, make sure you and your kids don't have any "contraband" that might hold up the line, etc.  Be prepared to stay calm and offer an explanation if they're "randomly" groped.  Yeah, it sucks but it happens.  No need to worry him ahead of time but if DS is singled out, take him aside and explain in whatever way is appropriate for you.  (My way would be "DS, you and I have talked about 'good touching' and 'bad touching'.  This man may have to do some bad touching because of over-zealous laws that let them check even kids like you for dangerous things.  We've all been through it.  It won't take long and I'll be right here.")  Check in on-line beforehand and, if you can, avoid checking luggage.  (But make sure all liquids are in your Freedom Baggie.)  If you have to, pay for seat selection.  Airlines have been notorious for assigning seats that split families up, then leaving them to sort it out with other passengers.

I still have moments when I'm in the window seat on a beautiful, clear day, enjoying a glass of wine and taking pictures, but most of the time, flying is an ordeal.  Whatever you can do to prepare your DS will help.

[saveinla]

I have not had any issues with TSA, even though I am profiled a lot and they pat me down almost every time. Everything is a hassle if you let it be . I figured I will put up with a few delays to get to enjoy whatever place I am visiting. 

[Tennesseer]

Amtrak from Massachusetts to Chicago? I imagine though tree nuts may be served in the food cars.

For example:

Boston-Chicago Amtrak

[toomuchreality]

I have driven 11 hours, to avoid a flight that was just over an hour. But I can make myself get on a plane if I have to. I do take plenty of xanax and valium before hand though.



GRG- I hope you enjoy your flight and your trip!  Maybe DS will love flying! 

[Deleted]

Sounds like I need to get my hands on some of this Xanax.

[TheOtherMe]

Oct 4, 2014 10:57:05 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Amtrak from Massachusetts to Chicago? I imagine though tree nuts may be served in the food cars.

For example:

Boston-Chicago Amtrak

My Amtrak from Denver to Iowa was a total nightmare.  I would never do that again.  We got on the train 6 hours late and then left the station and sat there I was told the next morning.  I was so tired, I had fallen asleep.  It was awful and the seats were very uncomfortable.  I was lucky as it was oversold and some people were in the food car until we got to Omaha.