Why are so many kid so very nice?

[cronewitch]

My great niece with Down Syndrome is in high school now and going to swim meets. Most of the kids aren't special needs and some are popular kids. All of these kids are cheering her on and being very nice to her. A taller boy yelled across a room to her and when her mom asked who he was she said my friend. All the kids she meets seem to be so much sweeter than I would have expected. I know parents and teachers must have told them to be nice to everyone but kids don't usually be that nice.

My theory is peer pressure since those nice to everyone are admired they are competing to be the nicest. We see stories about kids doing nice things for special needs kids and they want to be like that. Her soccer team once let her make a goal, the other team allowed it, it seems to make them all happy so even if one was mean spirited he couldn't let them know.

She isn't an excellent swimmer she has poor muscle tone she sometimes gets too tired and gives up. Last time she got water in her goggles then the second time swam slow because she was tired. Today she tried really hard and didn't slow down. He coach told her mom she deserved a blizzard, she doesn't like blizzards but got ice cream and a hot dog.

So what do you think causes these high school kids to be so very nice?

[bobosensei]

So many celebrities are outspoken about these things too, so a lot of kids are just modeling what is now seen as "cool"

[mamasita99]

 I'm glad peer pressure and the desire to fit in is finally being used for good and not evil

Plus, looking at your great niece's situation from a special ed teacher's point of view: A lot of kids with special needs can be pretty damn fun! She might just be an awesome kid who makes people feel good, and others have picked up on that. Kudos to the students for picking up on the specialness inside of your niece

[Phoenix84]

In my experience, most high schoolers are nice. In my experience, the meaness comes more in elementary and junior high. At least that's what I remember.

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 26, 2014 9:50:56 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

In my experience, most high schoolers are nice. In my experience, the meaness comes more in elementary and junior high. At least that's what I remember.

Yeah, kids are total dicks in middle/junior high school. I remember some of the special needs room kids who I had electives with (art, gym, etc.) in high school being treated well. I hope I remember correctly.

[Regis]

My kids were really nice to others while in high school.  I attributed it to good parenting!  

[nogooddeed]

Many of the local high schools here have buddy programs for the special needs kids.  Meaning, that volunteers among the HS population take on the role of buddy to the special need kids.  Spending time with them, looking out for them, involving the special needs kids in activities they might not normally go to/participate in, etc.  That means that the HS student's friends get to know the special needs kids.  It seems to have made a huge difference in how all kids relate to each other.

[cronewitch]

Sept 26, 2014 10:42:35 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I think it's much more common now to see people with all sorts of disabilities out and doing regular activities.  Also, the people I've interacted with who have Down Syndrome are some of the nicest and happiest people you will ever meet.

Ours is not that way like expected she is very much stubborn and self determined. She is a little OCD and things need to be her way or she is very unhappy. Her dad kept saying the promised she would be cheerful. She is becoming more social as she ages and seems happier. She is a awesome child and adores her friends and is opening her circle of friends to include more than her two best friends.

[Deleted]

When I went to NGW's graduation last year the biggest cheers from the students were for the special needs kids. It was that way in my high school as well. We protected the special needs kids and encouraged them. We'd fight with each other like you wouldn't believe but special needs were just that. Honestly I have only ever seen special needs kids being picked on in movies or on tv. Maybe I'm just too sheltered but I have never seen it RL.

[chen35]

Agreed. My dad coached HS cross country for years, and they had a few special needs kids on the team. Everyone looked out for them, and cheered for them the loudest.

[MJ2.0]

yeah, no one picked on the SN kids in my high school.  Maybe it's that at that age everyone understands "this kid is different, it's not his fault, so let's not make his life harder than it needs to be."

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I never saw the special needs kids being picked on either when I was in school.

I haven't seen it in even the littlest kids. There was a child with shaken baby syndrome at Gwen's daycare for a few months and I never witnessed any of the children being mean to him.  

[Green Eyed Lady]

I find most kids are good kids who genuinely have compassion for those around them.  It's just that you hear about the few shitty ones more.  Guess they make for more "interesting" news.

[Bob Ross]

I dunno.  Sounds like it could be the setup for a soul-crushing prank.

Does your niece have telepathic powers, to start fires and move large objects?

If so, it might be time for a preemptive strike.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 26, 2014 12:16:06 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I never saw the special needs kids being picked on either when I was in school.

I haven't seen it in even the littlest kids. There was a child with shaken baby syndrome at Gwen's daycare for a few months and I never witnessed any of the children being mean to him.  

what are kids with shaken baby syndrome like?

Really small kids don't even see/care about differences IMO - they all just want to play and be happy.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I think it can vary. My brother is friends with the kid's mother and from what he reported the child's case was very severe.   His father is the one who shook him as an infant.

He wore a helmet, had no speech skills, poor motor skills, poor social skills.   He was also prone to seizures.

And he had a tendency to bite. We had a problem with him biting Gwen hard enough he caused bruises.   Then one day when I was helping Gwen tie her shoe he came over grabbed my arm and bit down hard enough he nearly broke the skin.    The teachers had to forcibly pull him off me. 

Freaked everyone out naturally.    The kids kept calling him naughty and I tried to explain that he was just "different" without going too far into detail.   I get that kids aren't going to fully understand why he did the things he did but it never seemed to translate into them being mean to him

[Sam_2.0]

Sept 26, 2014 12:03:54 GMT -5 cronewitch said:

Sept 26, 2014 10:42:35 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I think it's much more common now to see people with all sorts of disabilities out and doing regular activities.  Also, the people I've interacted with who have Down Syndrome are some of the nicest and happiest people you will ever meet.

Ours is not that way like expected she is very much stubborn and self determined. She is a little OCD and things need to be her way or she is very unhappy. Her dad kept saying the promised she would be cheerful. She is becoming more social as she ages and seems happier. She is a awesome child and adores her friends and is opening her circle of friends to include more than her two best friends.

DS is a genetic syndrome - but people that have DS still have unique personalities and preferences! It bugs me when people expect them to all have the same temperament. They are just as different as anyone else and to stereotype them is doing everyone a disservice.

[cronewitch]

My great niece has two best friends for many years they are sisters, one maybe a year older and the other a year younger than her. They didn't know she was special needs until the girls were about 12-14. One day the mom asked the sister two watch her for a few minutes and they wanted to know why. They said they thought she was just a dork like them. Even without knowing she was special they treated her differently. They were pulling pranks on each other and said they don't do that to her because it was her house. So it is ok to be mean to your sister but not your friend?

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 26, 2014 16:37:43 GMT -5 cronewitch said:

My great niece has two best friends for many years they are sisters, one maybe a year older and the other a year younger than her. They didn't know she was special needs until the girls were about 12-14. One day the mom asked the sister two watch her for a few minutes and they wanted to know why. They said they thought she was just a dork like them. Even without knowing she was special they treated her differently. They were pulling pranks on each other and said they don't do that to her because it was her house. So it is ok to be mean to your sister but not your friend?

Absolutely! It's an unwritten law!

[gooddecisions]

I think it is a new trend to be nice. Check out this story: www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/homecoming-queen-gives-bullied-friend-crown_n_5845644.html

[The Captain]

OK, it's like required. By the same token, if anyone else is mean to your sister you end them. Life is complicated like that.

No, it's simple.  No one give my sister shit except me.  

Easy peasy!

[Ryan]

Kids are way nicer now. I think parents are much more aware of the bullying effect and teach kids to be a bit more empathetic.  I'm not sure parents really cared whether or not a kid was included.  

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I agree with the shift for teenagers to being empathetic instead of spiteful towards those who have disabilities. In regard to crone's niece, part of that is the fact that it's a team, and they are there to support each other. 

However, as was also mentioned those with disabilities are still human. Everyone has their own personalities. If a person who has a disability is mean to those without, the "normal" ones will eventually give up trying to be nice. 

[NastyWoman]

Sept 26, 2014 16:37:43 GMT -5 cronewitch said:

o it is ok to be mean to your sister but not your friend?

DUHHH!!! Of course it is and fortunately I grew up with a good supply (4) of them And like Dark and the Captain already said: U toucha my sista I breaka U face And then some...

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 26, 2014 14:39:32 GMT -5 alwaysbeoptimizing said:

OK, I want to address Crone, but have to address DQ first.

You just made me a little misty. I just feel for those poor humans who are put at a disadvantage. I feel as much sympathy and empathy regardless of how they became limited/hurt/affected, but it seems to hurt more when it wasn't just "luck of the draw", but it was because someone hurt them.

I have a friend who's last job was photographing the retinas of shaken babies and toddlers for police investigations. It was incredibly important work, but i'm glad she's able to move on from that to something else.

To Crone's point: I think it's not considered cool to pick on someone with obvious special needs. It just makes the person doing the picking seem like a loser (not just a jerk, but a loser because they have to pick on a kid with special needs).

I think it's still considered OK by high schoolers to make the life hell of anyone who is different but doesn't have special needs (loner, introvert, people not dressed well, weird, etc.).  Hopefully this is changing too.  My nightmare is for my daughters to have the same "high school" experience I did.

I doubt it, according to my sister.  Her youngest is having a very difficult time in middle school, and some of the things done to her have been breathtakingly cruel....stopping just short of bullying.

[Formerly SK]

Sept 26, 2014 22:52:53 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

I agree with the shift for teenagers to being empathetic instead of spiteful towards those who have disabilities. In regard to crone's niece, part of that is the fact that it's a team, and they are there to support each other. 

However, as was also mentioned those with disabilities are still human. Everyone has their own personalities. If a person who has a disability is mean to those without, the "normal" ones will eventually give up trying to be nice. 

OMG you just touched on something that makes me beyond furious.   In the autism world around me, parents seem to have totally given up teaching their kids to be kind and have manners.  The "accept and embrace your child" movement seems to have morphed into a "no parenting" philosophy.  I cannot tell you how many times an autistic kid will do something like cut in line, or shout out how many times a teammate missed when trying to hit a baseball, or refuse to share the "fun job" because he wants it to himself, and the parents just laugh at how funny their kid's quirks are.  Seriously, do they not get that their kid will grow up and not have any friends?  No support system?  ARGH!!!!!!