Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 22, 2014 13:13:02 GMT -5
Soccer? *-*-*-* Hugs Gira. Lots of hugs.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Sept 22, 2014 13:20:22 GMT -5
In the context it was used I thought maybe it was a variation of friend of a friend- but I have no idea what it actually stands for. Crap I'm old.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 22, 2014 13:36:26 GMT -5
Hugs to you too dayjawho. I can't imagine that.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Sept 22, 2014 13:44:17 GMT -5
Wow, giramomma and dayjawho <I can't figure out how to tag you!>
Thank you so much for offering the perspective of the "snoop-ee"
Your perspectives help me understand a bit more about how I feel about the issue, even though I have not been through it. I grew up with my parents completely respecting my privacy, as well as my sibs. We were raised to respect the privacy of others. Reading someone else's mail, or looking through their belongings was just wrong.
So, I guess I just have done the same with my kids, and luckily my DH is the same way.
The thought of snooping through my kids stuff and reading their texts and emails seems very intrusive to me, and I can't imagine doing it.
That being said, I suppose there could be instances where it becomes necessary. It just hasn't so far, and I hope I am never put in the position where I think it is warranted.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Sept 22, 2014 13:54:11 GMT -5
Soccer? *-*-*-* Hugs Gira. Lots of hugs. I wondered if anyone would get that. FIFA is a soccer game on x-box that seems to take up most of they boys free time. They would rather play video games than chase girls....sad, I know.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Sept 22, 2014 14:04:16 GMT -5
Soccer? *-*-*-* Hugs Gira. Lots of hugs. I wondered if anyone would get that. FIFA is a soccer game on x-box that seems to take up most of they boys free time. They would rather play video games than chase girls....sad, I know. FIFA also takes up some spouse's free time.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Sept 22, 2014 14:19:37 GMT -5
I wondered if anyone would get that. FIFA is a soccer game on x-box that seems to take up most of they boys free time. They would rather play video games than chase girls....sad, I know. FIFA also takes up some spouse's free time. Time he should be spending chasing you!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 22, 2014 14:28:00 GMT -5
Unless they give me a reason to I don't plan on snooping but I will make it clear I reserve the right to.
I had a decent amount of privacy growing up but every once and awhile my parents would remind me I wasn't as private as I wanted to believe. For instance with the computer was in the living room and my parents did reserve the right to glance over my shoulder from time to time. But they never looked thru my instant message conversations or read all my emails.
I plan on keeping tabs on their online life. I am not going to cyberstalk but I am going to make sure I am familiar with whatever passes as social media when they are older. That way I can log on if I feel that something is wrong and see what's going on.
Don't plan on reading their texts but I want them aware that if they give me cause I reserve the right to since I'm paying for the phone/plan.
They'll have privacy unless they give me reason to take it away. I know too many parents who were ostriches and their kids were a real mess. I also know parents that went to the opposite extreme and their kids' ended up a mess.
So I'm hoping I can walk the fine line like my parents did. Give my kids enough privacy they don't feel violated but not so much privacy that if something major happens I'm left without a clue.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Sept 22, 2014 15:33:01 GMT -5
For me, it's important for my kids to know they have the ability to be themselves at home, to have the space they need to process life, and to know that they are emotionally safe at home. I don't want them to be in and out of therapists in their 20's like I was. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, giramomma and @dayjawho. That's the kind of scrutiny that would make any kid feel unsafe and threatened.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Sept 22, 2014 18:50:45 GMT -5
I don't know yet, but I'm pretty much leaning towards if has to do with them an another person then I'm leaving it open, such as cell phones and texting. I reserve the right to make sure they are not doing something that can get me in trouble, like drugs or drinking. However, when it comes to their private thoughts like a journal then I'm leaving that alone.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 22, 2014 18:55:49 GMT -5
I am really not all that interested to read their teen angst. I rarely check their stuff. However I reserve the absolute right to read any and all text messages when or if I choose. I pay the bill. It's MY phone , my computer , etc. My prerogative. When my son was 14 he started getting in some minor trouble so then I did check for a period of time.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Sept 24, 2014 23:12:22 GMT -5
GF's daughter know that we pay for the phones, so we have the right to read through text messages and any social media. They're good kids, and we live in a small town, so anything happens, other parents are on the phone to us.
GF and the girls play a game where if they manage to get their hands on one of the others' IPhone, they flood it with pictures, usually hundreds of second-by-second selfies. That is really the most we get into.
We've managed to chase them off of Facebook, and one of them is on Twitter.
They always want me to meet their boyfriends or whoever they're currently dating, not yet realizing that I'm automatically going to dislike whoever they are dating at this age.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Sept 24, 2014 23:43:23 GMT -5
My son is 19, and I have never read his texts (except those that he showed me). I have never logged onto his account or read his emails. I don't open snail mail either, unless he specifically asks me to. I don't search his bedroom either, but do go in occasionally to check for cat puke (he's away at college right now).
I don't open my husband's mail either, have never searched his cell phone, or read his email.
DD is 9, and so far has no cell phone or internet presence. However, I don't expect I will be snooping through her stuff either.
Guess I won't be winning any "mother of the year" awards!!
I'm pretty much the same, I try to respect other family members' privacy. Then again, with five kids, there are lots of times there seems to be little privacy around here. We've got an old house that us a little quirky. There is no hall for the upstairs bedrooms, they all open into each other, so you have to pass thru two bedrooms to reach DD3's room at the end. We deliberately placed the family PC in the center of the house, next to the fridge, so no privacy there. No TVs in the bedrooms, only public rooms. Honestly, I don't have the time to snoop on everyone's stuff. They all tell me more than I want to know, most of the time, whether it us about them or one of their sibs. And we live in a small town where everyone knows everything about everyone else. I'm not pleased about having to screen the computers at work, now. Someone has been looking at porn, and that led to viruses, so I'm playing cleanup/block it.
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quince
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Post by quince on Sept 24, 2014 23:51:19 GMT -5
I plan not to spy and hope like hell my kids never gives me a reason to.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Sept 25, 2014 0:12:22 GMT -5
Getting YOU in trouble? I'd be more concerned about the kid getting in trouble than myself.
When a kid reaches a certain age, it's time to allow them some privacy - but as long as they're a minor, and living under your roof, you have the right to snoop or have access to their online activity - or anything else they're doing. Isn't that the job of a parent - to protect their kid - even if they don't like it?
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Sept 25, 2014 1:22:56 GMT -5
That's fine for you, Shaun - but in the last decade, how many teens (either male or female) have been lured away and bad things (including rape, or murder) happened to them by online predators they met while "chatting online" - Facebook "Friending" of strangers to get "Neighbors" playing "FarmVille", chatting/becoming "Friends of Friends", etc, , or using sites such as Twitter, etc
I'm not sure of your daughters' age(s), but I'm of the understanding from previous posts that they're still relatively young.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 25, 2014 7:30:03 GMT -5
We have the password for our 16 year olds facebook account, and that was one of the stipulations for letting her have it. I've never logged into it, but my wife does periodically. Like Scottish Lassie said, there are too many instances of creepiness and electronic bullying and such out there.
As far as going through there stuff or there room, I've never done that either. I guess it happens when my wife goes through their clothes every year or toys when they were younger, to get rid of old stuff.
Privacy is respected in the house. We wouldn't go through their diary even if we suspected something was up. But we wouldn't need to, we can talk to them about difficult topics and so far it's worked well. I apparently started a system in our house by taking whichever kid is driving me nuts and saying "let's go have a little/private talk" and taking them by the hand to whatever room is empty to talk about what's going on. Now my not quite 5 year old boy will take me by the hand and say "let's go have a private talk" and leading me to an empty room. then he starts talking about dinosaurs or Kindle time or Angry Birds or that he pooped in his underwear. DD is 6+ and she does it too but she usually talks about emotions or how DS has more toys in his room than her. It's just stranger/funnier the way DS does it. I'm hoping this bods well for our future.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 25, 2014 7:34:32 GMT -5
DS is very introverted. I'm sure I've mentioned that. When he got to about 5 th grade I bought him a journal. When he wanted to talk about something he wrote it down and left it open on his desk. I would read it and then at bedtime, I'd come up to "tuck him in" like the OLDEN DAYS, and we'd chat for a bit and eventually he'd tell me what was on his mind. Thank heavens I was still married then because it'd take forever for him to open up, still does, and DD could be such a pest of she thought he was getting more attention than she was so I'd tell her Dadnto take her for an outing or something to keep her busy.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 25, 2014 9:17:08 GMT -5
All hypothetical at the moment for me, but I would do it if I was suspicious of something. Probably not if I wasn't suspicious.
I think kids having privacy from their parents is a privilege. Something that can be given and taken away as the situation dictates.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Sept 25, 2014 9:26:05 GMT -5
Do you do things like read your kids' text messages, look around their room when they're not there, that kind of thing? Only when you're suspicious or just in general? Are kids entitled to privacy in your house? They shouldn't be entitled to a privacy. If they aren't doing shit - they have nothing to hide. Same as I tell Dh with pockets...
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 25, 2014 9:29:57 GMT -5
DS is very introverted. I'm sure I've mentioned that. When he got to about 5 th grade I bought him a journal. When he wanted to talk about something he wrote it down and left it open on his desk. I would read it and then at bedtime, I'd come up to "tuck him in" like the OLDEN DAYS, and we'd chat for a bit and eventually he'd tell me what was on his mind. Thank heavens I was still married then because it'd take forever for him to open up, still does, and DD could be such a pest of she thought he was getting more attention than she was so I'd tell her Dadnto take her for an outing or something to keep her busy. This post made me chuckle, zib. My DD had some sort of switch on a timer. She didn't open up until after midnight. Then, she could go on for hours. Made for many a sleepless night, but she never hesitated to tell me anything. Neither, for that matter, did my son. He was just a little more civilized with his timing.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 25, 2014 9:32:41 GMT -5
DS used to come home from being out. I'd hear his car and realize he was just like me. JUST on time. Then he'd come in and talk. I'm in bed, in the dark, and he'd come in and sit on my bed and yak. I hope I mumbled a few times and made noise so he thought I was listening. I'm asleep pretty much but he wants to talk. To this day I'm clueless as to what he ever said.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 11:24:49 GMT -5
My son is only 12 and not texting people much. I don't let him have electronics in his room and will probably continue that. My main reason now is he'd stay up too late playing games, but later I can monitor what he's doing better that way. He leaves his ipod and phone in the kitchen charging stations when he goes down to bed. He needs a computer or laptop for school now, so I think we're going to put a desktop in the dining room. He has his own email and Facebook account (which he isn't really interested in), but I've only went through his email once. He got a lesson in signing up for all the auto send things from everywhere then. His inbox was so packed with crap you couldn't find anything from individuals and he was missing all his scouting emails. you can put parental controls and time limits on a laptop
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 12:53:20 GMT -5
You can, but the kid is sitting on the laptop noodling around with it, so it's easier to find a way to disable them. We put our time limits on the router by MAC address. The kid's machines lose internet connectivity after 10pm on school nights. If they're in trouble for something, turning in homework late or whatever, they lose internet connectivity on their machine until we turn it back on. Nice. I need to figure out how to do that. Right now I just say he has to go down to his room at 9pm. I don't care what he does once he's down there, but all he has are books and Legos.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 14:10:30 GMT -5
You can, but the kid is sitting on the laptop noodling around with it, so it's easier to find a way to disable them. We put our time limits on the router by MAC address. The kid's machines lose internet connectivity after 10pm on school nights. If they're in trouble for something, turning in homework late or whatever, they lose internet connectivity on their machine until we turn it back on. huh? if I put in that the kid can be on the laptop from 7-9, why would I need to disable the internet at 9 when in my scenario he can't do anything at all once 9 rolls around?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 25, 2014 14:14:29 GMT -5
Because the kid is probably better at you on the laptop. Doesn't matter what your skill level is, chances are good that the 12 year old is better. Or has a friend that is and who will share how to get around the standard parental control stuff on computers.
And you're not disabling the entire Internet for the house, just for that one device. But this does assume that you are not sharing a device with the kid(s)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 14:18:08 GMT -5
Because the kid is probably better at you on the laptop. Doesn't matter what your skill level is, chances are good that the 12 year old is better. Or has a friend that is and who will share how to get around the standard parental control stuff on computers. And you're not disabling the entire Internet for the house, just for that one device. But this does assume that you are not sharing a device with the kid(s) everybody has their own laptops and for the youngest, I periodically check the report so I can see that he wasn't on any sites after whatever time. I know it only disables for that device but I would also have to do it for his phone since he has a smartphone. I'd rather he realize that he needs to turn off electronics at a certain time so he gets enough sleep before getting up for school.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 14:18:24 GMT -5
Ok, totally jumping off topic (sort of), but my son needs something to do homework on. These Chromebooks are on sale on Woot today and I'm thinking it would be good because all their homework is on Google Docs. computers.woot.com/offers/hp-14-dual-core-chromebooks-w-free-4g-14?ref=cnt_dly_tlBut maybe a desktop in the dining room would be better? (I think I just asked about this a few days ago, so excuse me if I didn't process any responses. Just saw the sale today, LOL).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 14:19:00 GMT -5
As long as it works, cool. For my kids a computer without internet connectivity might as well be a big paperweight, so shutting off the connectivity is pretty much the same as powering it off completely. do you disable it from their phones too?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2014 14:21:08 GMT -5
Ok, totally jumping off topic (sort of), but my son needs something to do homework on. These Chromebooks are on sale on Woot today and I'm thinking it would be good because all their homework is on Google Docs. computers.woot.com/offers/hp-14-dual-core-chromebooks-w-free-4g-14?ref=cnt_dly_tlBut maybe a desktop in the dining room would be better? (I think I just asked about this a few days ago, so excuse me if I didn't process any responses. Just saw the sale today, LOL). years and years ago we all shared a desktop and I would never want to go back to that....especially since I want to be able to sit in bed and do stuff on a laptop and the kids may want to do their homework somewhere other than where the desktop is set up.
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