mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 16, 2014 10:08:04 GMT -5
I'm not a chatter but I'm friendly. I try to keep a smile on my face and to be responsive to others. I always say hello to those with whom I'm interacting (like cashiers, etc.) and will interact at the level they seem to want. I'm just not going to stand there and carry on an inane conversation while others are waiting to check out, or whatever.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Sept 16, 2014 12:29:45 GMT -5
I try to be polite and would never walk in the building I work at and not say hello to the receptionist or security guards. that just seems rude to me. As far as in places like the grocery store or post office type places it is hard not to say hello as most of us know each other here. I can't think of a way to not stop and say hi to the parents of my DD's best friend or my son's 5th grade teacher although I have to say I actually know my son's 5th grade teachers entire family from her parents to siblings too. It is that type of area. My township actually got it's second grocery store a few years ago and it's first drug store maybe 4 years ago. I can't explain how excited people were to have that CVS open! It was like they had never seen a drug store before. When the new grocery store opened it had a line to the main hwy with people pushing their shopping carts like on black friday sales except this was a plain old Saturday and it was normally priced grocery store. I have noticed now from my pt job that people go grocery shopping on the same day and time every week and go to the same cashier every time. So a lot of them actually look at it as an expected social interaction. While i like to consider myself friendly it is everything I can do to do everything I have to do to ring you u,p while answering a barage of questions. And it starts out with the ones I am required to say although i would ask how they are doing anyway. But I will get things like how is DD doing at college?, What is her major again?, How is she liking living there? Is DS enjoying middle school?, Do you miss coaching soccer? And the list goes on and on and on! And while I am trying to answer their questions and ask how their kids are doing, I am having an internal conversation of my own that is fighting to win with things like, cucumbers are 4162 and then the number of them, corn is 4077 and they probably have 10 because that is the sale, a bag of ice is 0875700007 and tell them they can grab it out of the case as they leave, the pineapple has a bar code but the round one won't scan so look in the drawer for the square one I put there last week. hey they have an Eagles jersey on and it is game day so I need to get the CSR to give me a 5% off coupon for their order, did that bakery item ring up right I thought it was BOGOF and on and on. It really is more thinking that I have to do for my real job. Who knew I was also being judged for being too friendly also.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 16, 2014 13:20:09 GMT -5
I have access to many moods, and chose to use them all throughout any given time period. Sometimes I chat, sometimes not. Sometimes I think people are a-holes when they don't reciprocate, sometimes I just assume they are doing their own thing. I like to keep myself guessing. In England, does "chatting up" mean flirting? That was always how they used it on Coupling. I think so. And I found out what "knock you up" means over there. I remember hearing that the first time and cracked up and said "You got her pregnant?!" That's not what that means there. It means they are going to go visit you. Knock on your door so to speak. Or somebody was pulling my leg when they told me that. I have my moods of chattiness and my moods of just answering questions with as little words as possible. Just like I have moods of being knocked up. Sometimes I have a headache. I've never actually heard anyone use it, but I've read it in the Sherlock Holmes stories.
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Spellbound454
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Spellbound454 on Sept 16, 2014 13:47:11 GMT -5
Sure.... knocking up means banging on the door to get someone out of bed. They used to pay people to get them out of bed. being knocked up means pregnant..... or a piece of furniture can be knocked up.... ie quickly assembled A knocking shop is cockney for a brothel and knockers are boobies...... Chatting up means tying to get off with someone....so no.. I don't do that but yes I pass pleasantries with almost anyone......nothing deep and meaningful... just the weather or something.
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quince
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Post by quince on Sept 16, 2014 13:53:13 GMT -5
I start moving away or hiding behind my husband when he starts chatting with people. I'm very uncomfortable around social interaction.
I do smile and engage in small talk when someone addresses me, and I do try to smile most of the time and make eye contact, but seriously...eww. People.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Sept 16, 2014 13:58:01 GMT -5
The grocery store clerk last week was telling me all of his problems and I was like "I'm sorry sir. I hope things get better soon." That was a little too personal. I'm uncomfortable making small talk with people I don't know. Even with people I know, I'm not great at small talk and try to steer things into subjects that we have in common and that might be interesting rather than chat about things like the weather. It takes me a long time before I'm comfy talking about anything personal with people.
About a year ago, I was getting a massage and the masseuse was politely trying to make small talk. If it's up to me, I'm really happy to just lay in quiet and enjoy the experience, but I can't ever think of a good way to stop small talk and don't want to be rude if they keep trying. Anyway, I was trying to keep the conversation on her not me, because I not only didn't want to get into my personal life but was too relaxed to want to talk. When she asked me if I had children, I replied that I had two boys and asked her if she had any. She got very upset and told me in great detail about how last year she had a baby that died. It was so sad and awful and I was dying for her and struggling with how to let her know how very sorry I was. It was horrible. And it all happened within the first 15 minutes of the hour long massage, so the rest of the 45 minutes was pretty tough on both of us. I still feel bad for her and guilty because I didn't really know what to say.
First of all, a masseuse SHOULD just keep quiet and let you enjoy the experience. I've learned the hard way to mention it to them beforehand that I am not rude, but I don't chit-chat during a massage. I'm there to fully relax while enjoying their expert treatment. Second, what happened to your masseuse is terrible, but she kind of set herself up for the question. She asked you first if you had children, so the polite thing to do is return the question. Sorry you were uncomfortable, but IMHO she was at fault there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2014 14:02:02 GMT -5
I have never had a massage where the masseuse tried to talk to me during? ... Most play music.
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Sept 16, 2014 14:25:05 GMT -5
Normally people always come up to me and there I go...
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Spellbound454
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Spellbound454 on Sept 16, 2014 14:27:14 GMT -5
Yep, hence the phrase.... "You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery" Pissed is drunk and when someone on here told me the were pissed... that's what I thought they meant. Pissed-off is annoyed......or piss-off.... is an impolite way of telling someone to go away..... sometimes said jokingly.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Sept 16, 2014 15:07:47 GMT -5
The few massages I've had, all different places, there is a pre-massage form you fill out noting your trouble areas and pressure preferences, the last one had a conversational preference section as well. Kind of nice, but weirdo that I am, answering accurately caused too much anxiety so I made myself out to be chattier and instantly regretted it.
I try to be friendly, but I'm not generally a chatter. I tend to be super private until I get to know people well, so until then it is comments about the weather and current events which makes for lots of vague answers and awkward pauses. I'd rather get people to talk about themselves.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 16, 2014 15:39:02 GMT -5
I'm uncomfortable making small talk with people I don't know. Even with people I know, I'm not great at small talk and try to steer things into subjects that we have in common and that might be interesting rather than chat about things like the weather. It takes me a long time before I'm comfy talking about anything personal with people.
About a year ago, I was getting a massage and the masseuse was politely trying to make small talk. If it's up to me, I'm really happy to just lay in quiet and enjoy the experience, but I can't ever think of a good way to stop small talk and don't want to be rude if they keep trying. Anyway, I was trying to keep the conversation on her not me, because I not only didn't want to get into my personal life but was too relaxed to want to talk. When she asked me if I had children, I replied that I had two boys and asked her if she had any. She got very upset and told me in great detail about how last year she had a baby that died. It was so sad and awful and I was dying for her and struggling with how to let her know how very sorry I was. It was horrible. And it all happened within the first 15 minutes of the hour long massage, so the rest of the 45 minutes was pretty tough on both of us. I still feel bad for her and guilty because I didn't really know what to say.
First of all, a masseuse SHOULD just keep quiet and let you enjoy the experience. I've learned the hard way to mention it to them beforehand that I am not rude, but I don't chit-chat during a massage. I'm there to fully relax while enjoying their expert treatment. Second, what happened to your masseuse is terrible, but she kind of set herself up for the question. She asked you first if you had children, so the polite thing to do is return the question. Sorry you were uncomfortable, but IMHO she was at fault there. No doubt - I totally and completely agree with you that it was not appropriate for her to bring the subject up at all. But the problem is that no matter how the subject arose she's a human being that is thinking about the worst experience of her life and although I wish it hadn't come up at all, I think the need to be kind and empathetic seriously trumps any other etiquette requirements at that time. She was obviously devastated and I wish I had been able to say better things to address that.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Sept 16, 2014 16:24:25 GMT -5
I do not (muthaf&%kin' stranger danger yo) but DW does, to which my typical response is the facepalm, soon followed by the double facepalm.
But this is probably one of the reasons why she's all bubbly and popular (right up to the point when she does it to the wrong person and gets serial killed) while I'm all mean and hate you.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Sept 16, 2014 16:32:19 GMT -5
I do not (muthaf&%kin' stranger danger yo) but DW does, to which my typical response is the facepalm, soon followed by the double facepalm. But this is probably one of the reasons why she's all bubbly and popular (right up to the point when she does it to the wrong person and gets serial killed) while I'm all mean and hate you. Hahaha! Funny and so true. Except reverse the roles: DH talks to anyone and everyone and is completely clueless to subtle signals as far as whether they want to engage in conversation in return. I get annoyed, impatient, and have been known to wander off and do my own thing until he's finished. Then he has to come and find me.
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Spellbound454
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Spellbound454 on Sept 16, 2014 16:39:34 GMT -5
Good thing about having social skills is that you can end the conversation easily and walk away.... You don't need to wait to get murdered....Its just a very light banter If someone has a nervous breakdown on me... or offers me heroin...I'll say "I've gotta go...nice meeting you"
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Sept 16, 2014 16:47:06 GMT -5
I don't know, spellbound454, sometimes it's harder to escape the crazies than it sounds! Several years ago DH started talking to some lady at the grocery store and within minutes she informed us that a tree branch had fallen on her at our state fair that year and caused her some serious head trauma. She then followed us around the entire store, basically joining us while retelling that story multiple times and then stood in line with us, too. I mean, I'm sorry for her situation but sometimes it's best just to not start talking at all.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Sept 16, 2014 16:49:08 GMT -5
Good thing about having social skills is that you can end the conversation easily and walk away.... You don't need to wait to get murdered....Its just a very light banter If someone has a nervous breakdown on me... or offers me heroin...I'll say "I've gotta go...nice meeting you" At that point it's too late. That weirdo has already taken your casual exit as a declined marriage proposal, and is now mentally sizing up your lower back dimensions for his skin-suit.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 16, 2014 17:12:32 GMT -5
Yeah, it is the life story people that make me uncomfortable. It is like they don't understand normal social interactions & are just sharing way to much. And then the people that are very opinionated on contentious subjects that make me uncomfortable as well. I find it out to be openly complaining about politics or abortion type subjects to strangers. You don't know how I feel on this subject, so why act as though I am going to jump on your bandwagon & totally agree. At the same time I have no interest in starting a debate with someone, so I just say "yeah" or something to acknowledge they spoke, but try to limit any further engagement. Yeah, I hate it when strangers start talking to you about politics. It's like they can't conceive of anyone in the world disagreeing with them. Whether or not I agree with them is irrelevant.
If someone I don't know on the street starts a long winded conversation with me, starts sharing their life story, or discusses politics or religion, I immediately cover my wallet with my hand and become more aware of my surroundings. In that scenario, I'll usually suspect someone is trying to con or rob me.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 16, 2014 17:17:35 GMT -5
And then the people that are very opinionated on contentious subjects that make me uncomfortable as well. I find it out to be openly complaining about politics or abortion type subjects to strangers. You don't know how I feel on this subject, so why act as though I am going to jump on your bandwagon & totally agree. At the same time I have no interest in starting a debate with someone, so I just say "yeah" or something to acknowledge they spoke, but try to limit any further engagement. It's too bad we're not Southern Belles, Angel, because then when Sally Stranger starts up with her strong views about a controversial topic, we could just smile sweetly at her, pat our chest and exclaim, "Well bless your heart!" You otta meet up with mmhmm, she's a southern belle.
Anyone who's spent any time in the south knows that "bless your heart." actually means "screw you."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2014 17:33:19 GMT -5
I was going to answer Milee's question, and then Rachet's, but I see I'm too late LOL.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Sept 16, 2014 18:30:56 GMT -5
Sometimes, especially when I get bored. I figure most people are used to being ignored, so reaching out to them every now and then might just be what they need to pick them up.
Of course, I get paid to BS with people, so I have gotten good at it.
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JustLurkin
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This is what you look like right now.
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Post by JustLurkin on Sept 16, 2014 19:19:16 GMT -5
I'm uncomfortable making small talk with people I don't know. Even with people I know, I'm not great at small talk and try to steer things into subjects that we have in common and that might be interesting rather than chat about things like the weather. It takes me a long time before I'm comfy talking about anything personal with people.
About a year ago, I was getting a massage and the masseuse was politely trying to make small talk. If it's up to me, I'm really happy to just lay in quiet and enjoy the experience, but I can't ever think of a good way to stop small talk and don't want to be rude if they keep trying. Anyway, I was trying to keep the conversation on her not me, because I not only didn't want to get into my personal life but was too relaxed to want to talk. When she asked me if I had children, I replied that I had two boys and asked her if she had any. She got very upset and told me in great detail about how last year she had a baby that died. It was so sad and awful and I was dying for her and struggling with how to let her know how very sorry I was. It was horrible. And it all happened within the first 15 minutes of the hour long massage, so the rest of the 45 minutes was pretty tough on both of us. I still feel bad for her and guilty because I didn't really know what to say.
First of all, a masseuse SHOULD just keep quiet and let you enjoy the experience. I've learned the hard way to mention it to them beforehand that I am not rude, but I don't chit-chat during a massage. I'm there to fully relax while enjoying their expert treatment. Second, what happened to your masseuse is terrible, but she kind of set herself up for the question. She asked you first if you had children, so the polite thing to do is return the question. Sorry you were uncomfortable, but IMHO she was at fault there. Wow, Milee, what a tough spot to be in. I agree with greeniis10 she brought it on herself. Maybe it was the anniversary or something, she should have taken the day off if so.
One of my closest friends tells me Happy Birthday on the wrong day *every* year...for like 20 years...say it was today, Sept 16th, she would wish me Happy Birthday on Sept 14th, same wrong day every year. Every year another friend says to her, on Sept 16th, you know today is Lurkin's birthday. Every year she jumps on my case for not correcting her. You wish me well on the wrong day, so what, I'm supposed to turn down well wishes?
This year when it happened, she came and mentioned it, I made light of it, it was no big deal. When she was leaving, she stopped in the door, looked very sad and said "Did you know Sept 14th is the day my younger brother died?" I was so shocked, I knew he died when he was in high school, but had no idea of the date, and she rarely mentioned him. I asked her to sit down and tell me a story about him, and she did. She was crying with happy tears and hugged me and said I always make her feel better. I was so glad I never said anything mean to her about telling me Happy Birthday on the wrong day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2014 19:31:32 GMT -5
Of course, I get paid to BS with people, so I have gotten good at it.
This intrigues me! What do you do, Tractor?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2014 19:35:29 GMT -5
Milee, ouch! I've had only 2 massages in my life but I can't imagine having to hold a conversation during them, let alone about something like that.
Your story reminded me of something. Whenever DH's late mom went to the hairdresser and the hairdresser asked her how she'd like her hair cut, she'd answer, "in silence". I've been fantasizing about doing the same thing for literally decades, but I just don't have the nerve.
And my hairdresser still wonders why I trim my hair myself in an effort to space out my haircuts ... and this is after I switched hairdressers because this one talks less, and cuts faster.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Sept 16, 2014 19:46:37 GMT -5
I'm somewhat reserved and quiet around people I don't know well (yeah, I know - hard to believe).
I do chat up clerks at my grocery store, but I know most of them since I've shopped there for a few years and they're close acquaintances if nothing else. Just friendly banter in passing.
If I'm in a crowd of strangers at a party or gathering, I tend to hold back and hang around the ones I know - or those who the person I'm with knows.
In more casual settings, if I'm at a gathering with family/sibs, I tend to open up more with any of their friends who are present (parties, etc)
Good to see Bob Ross adding his gems of wisdom & experience.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Sept 16, 2014 20:47:32 GMT -5
Milee, ouch! I've had only 2 massages in my life but I can't imagine having to hold a conversation during them, let alone about something like that. Your story reminded me of something. Whenever DH's late mom went to the hairdresser and the hairdresser asked her how she'd like her hair cut, she'd answer, "in silence". I've been fantasizing about doing the same thing for literally decades, but I just don't have the nerve. And my hairdresser still wonders why I trim my hair myself in an effort to space out my haircuts ... and this is after I switched hairdressers because this one talks less, and cuts faster. My hairdresser is fabulous in this regard. We chit chat while she puts the highlights. When she cuts my hair she's totally in the zone and not talking. I love getting my hair done. It's my time to just relax and zone out.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Sept 16, 2014 22:36:18 GMT -5
I don't however people will chat me up - guys and gals
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Sept 16, 2014 22:48:02 GMT -5
I do not. I'm extraordinarily introverted and find small talk annoying and draining. I work with a couple of chatty Cathy's, so at the end of the day I really can't tolerate much more. I try to be polite to people, but I'm it seems most people want to tell me their deepest, darkest secrets after spending two minutes together. I haven't figured out if it's because I don't talk much that they spew out their life stories to fill the silence, or if they think we'll never see each other again so there's no harm in unburdening themselves.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 17, 2014 7:32:23 GMT -5
Milee, ouch! I've had only 2 massages in my life but I can't imagine having to hold a conversation during them, let alone about something like that. Your story reminded me of something. Whenever DH's late mom went to the hairdresser and the hairdresser asked her how she'd like her hair cut, she'd answer, "in silence". I've been fantasizing about doing the same thing for literally decades, but I just don't have the nerve. And my hairdresser still wonders why I trim my hair myself in an effort to space out my haircuts ... and this is after I switched hairdressers because this one talks less, and cuts faster. I switched hairdressers last time because the prior one did a fantastic job but it took hours. I don't get color or highlights, just a cut and dry so although I do have a lot of hair and it's long, I think two hours is just unreasonable and beyond torture. Granted, if the blow dry is a good one with a round brush, the blow dry alone will take around 45 minutes, but still... With that last hairdresser, the final straw was when we'd have tourist season down here and she'd get busy, so she'd double book clients and the two hour cut would turn into a three hour ordeal as she'd go back and forth trying to juggle and fit people in. Again, she was a master and the hair looked great, but it was just too much time to take to get my hair cut. I started feeling like I needed I might need to bring an overnight bag.
I've found a lady who not only cuts well, but quickly. She doesn't double book and doesn't mind if I don't talk. I'm in heaven. One of the first appointments, I nicely let her know that I wasn't being rude, but that this appointment was the only time of the day I got to sit still without working so I was going to take a minute to read the WSJ or work on my lap top and looked forward to catching up with her later. She was fine with that and now I pretty much do that each time. No, the cut isn't quite as awesome as the prior lady's cut, but I get to sit in silence and I'm out in less than an hour. It's the bomb.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Sept 17, 2014 8:01:46 GMT -5
My stylist will squeeze guy cuts in while my highlights are cooking. I don't really care. I go 3-4 times a year and it's 2.5-3 hours that I can just relax. The flip side is she will do anything to squeeze me in even if she's booked. If I went more often I might care about the time. To be honest though she's pretty efficient. I have long, thick hair so it's a beast to get highlighted, untangled, cut and styled.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 17, 2014 8:17:47 GMT -5
I chat people up, especially locals when I'm out of town. I've found awesome out of the way breakfast and dinner places that way plus what not to bother with.
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