Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 15, 2014 17:05:44 GMT -5
Do you have a habit of engaging in small talk with people you don't know that well?
Do you chat up store clerks, security guards, janitorial staff, fellow customers, people on the street, people next to you on the bus/airplane ect?
If people don't reciprocate your small talk, do you think they're mean or unsocial? Conversely, how do you react and feel when strangers chat you up when going about your business?
Is there a difference between casual acquaintances (like certain co workers) and complete strangers?
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Sept 15, 2014 17:06:59 GMT -5
I don't even small talk with people I know.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 15, 2014 17:10:03 GMT -5
This thread was somewhat inspired by MJ's "does money make you mean" thread a while back.
Apparently, some people think if you don't chat up the security guards and/or the janitorial staff at work, you're mean, or at least stuck up.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Sept 15, 2014 17:13:09 GMT -5
I will engage if someone else starts it. I won't start small talk with random people.
I may or may not be very talkative depending on how comfortable I feel with the situation, but I try not to be rude. If I feel uncomfortable, then all they may get is some vague reply like "yeah" or "I know".
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Sept 15, 2014 17:14:32 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm a chatter (but not on a plane!). Sometimes it's a good thing. When I'm out of town and using public transit, I often small talk with the driver. On three separate occasions, that saved me from getting lost when the drivers helped me find my correct stops or transfers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2014 17:16:27 GMT -5
Since I have been on Antidepressants I find my self speaking to people in grocery stores, the post office, restaurants and all kinds of places. Not talking their ears off, just casual short conversations.. Before the medication, I would not utter a word. I am shy and reserved but I have found so much of a difference!!!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2014 17:17:23 GMT -5
I'm not big into small talk. But I always say hello and goodbye politely to people when I should. I'm an adjunct professor, and my school has a policy, we need to either start at 8 am or finish at 8 pm. As much as I hate getting up early, I opt for the 8 am start. So when I get in at 7.30 (when the school opens) I often run into the cleaning staff, and always greet them warmly and politely. I don't ask them about their lives though, and (I'm realizing now) I don't even know their names. I find that most of the time people engage me when I'm standing on line, usually at the supermarket. I HATE going to the supermarket, there are always lines, and I am VERY impatient. I find that when they are negative, saying what I'm thinking (I can't believe they aren't opening another register!) I turn my back to them. But when they are funny, I'll engage with them. I know this may sound weird coming from me, because I post here plenty. I am much more comfortable with written conversation with people unless I feel comfortable with them. (Great attribute for a teacher LOL. Happily I feel totally comfortable in my classes LOL.) So I don't initiate conversation with strangers, but I sometimes engage in it, IF they address me first. I find that humor can go a long way.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 15, 2014 17:19:18 GMT -5
Well if I am out with my daughter, she kind of makes small talk a necessity because on the playground she will walk up to adults and start "talking" to them. Yesterday, she climbed up onto a porch swing style swing with some older lady that we didn't know. So, we just started talking asking if it was ok, things like that. My DS was playing with another kid, so I started chatting up his mom a bit. We found out they'll be in kindy next year together.
During the work week, I'm polite, but I don't initiate a bunch of small talk. The grocery store clerk last week was telling me all of his problems and I was like "I'm sorry sir. I hope things get better soon." That was a little too personal.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Sept 15, 2014 17:25:32 GMT -5
Depends on the situation, my mood, the other person(s), and what else I have going on.
I'll sometimes initiate a brief conversation (usually less than a minute) with a store clerk if there isn't a line and I'm in a bit of a chatty mood. Usually I'll greet them, do my business, thank them and leave.
I don't engage strangers on the street in conversation, or wait staff. I figure the wait staff has a job to do.
I will usually engage in small talk with my immediate co workers, but not everyone around me at work. I usually just thank the janitorial staff when they take out the trash, but I don't chat them up. The gate guard interactions are so brief there's no point in talking to them. Besides, when I come in for the morning there's always a long line of cars. People will get pissed off if you start chatting up the guards.
Whether or not I engage in conversation depends on my mood, the situation, and what I'm doing. I'll usually try to be polite, but don't like talking for any length of time with people I don't know.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Sept 15, 2014 17:27:15 GMT -5
I can be a chatter- under the right circumstances. I'll usually chat with the others in line waiting for coffee or something and only a couple sentences. Not in the grocery store- I'm too grumpy then.
I did have one lengthy conversation with a woman in the grocery store about pomegranates. When we left the area DS asked me who it was. I told him I didn't know. I had to tell him sometimes it's just nice to be nice.
But the clerk telling me their life story- no thank you.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Sept 15, 2014 17:30:17 GMT -5
I'll start with the qualification that I think there is a major difference between chatting to a random person on the train/bus and talking to the security guard or receptionist in the building where you work every day. And part of this is completely selfish. But as a receptionist/support person, I have been the reason people did not get a job (they were rude to me) and have seen that happen at other places, too. In some companies, your cordial relationship with the executive suite receptionist or the boss's admin can have a major effect on whether you get that next promotion. And beyond that, I have had major favors done for me by the receptionists I've worked with, or the security guards at the building front desk specifically because I have made an effort to talk to them and be nice. To me, being nice to people in those positions, including making small talk, is just good business sense.
I have less interest in talking to the person next to me on the bus/train/plane (sometimes even when it's my own husband or child).I'm generally pretty happy reading my book and listening to my music. And I do get annoyed when people try to interfere with that. In fact, I am willing to be down right rude if need be. (There was one man on the bus I used to ride that would only sit next to women- preference was young and pretty, but sometimes he had to settle for someone like me. He was intrusively chatty, stalkerish in his questions and overall gave me the creeps. After the first time sitting next to him, I very pointedly ignored him the next couple of times he sat next to me, and then after that, he started avoiding me, and I was glad of it.)
However, knowing there will be the few people you want nothing to do with, if you ride the bus with the same people every day, it doesn't hurt to be polite. Again, I've seen regular riders get the bus driver to hold the bus a couple minutes for another regular rider. On crowded buses, some riders will save a seat for another regular rider who gets on at a later stop. Or, we had a time period when we had new drivers on our route and they routinely ran very late (or, in one case, simply skipped our stop). People who only knew each other from the park and ride often then made carpool arrangements for the day while standing in line.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Sept 15, 2014 17:32:42 GMT -5
Yeah, it is the life story people that make me uncomfortable. It is like they don't understand normal social interactions & are just sharing way to much.
And then the people that are very opinionated on contentious subjects that make me uncomfortable as well. I find it out to be openly complaining about politics or abortion type subjects to strangers. You don't know how I feel on this subject, so why act as though I am going to jump on your bandwagon & totally agree. At the same time I have no interest in starting a debate with someone, so I just say "yeah" or something to acknowledge they spoke, but try to limit any further engagement.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 15, 2014 18:53:41 GMT -5
The grocery store clerk last week was telling me all of his problems and I was like "I'm sorry sir. I hope things get better soon." That was a little too personal. I'm uncomfortable making small talk with people I don't know. Even with people I know, I'm not great at small talk and try to steer things into subjects that we have in common and that might be interesting rather than chat about things like the weather. It takes me a long time before I'm comfy talking about anything personal with people.
About a year ago, I was getting a massage and the masseuse was politely trying to make small talk. If it's up to me, I'm really happy to just lay in quiet and enjoy the experience, but I can't ever think of a good way to stop small talk and don't want to be rude if they keep trying. Anyway, I was trying to keep the conversation on her not me, because I not only didn't want to get into my personal life but was too relaxed to want to talk. When she asked me if I had children, I replied that I had two boys and asked her if she had any. She got very upset and told me in great detail about how last year she had a baby that died. It was so sad and awful and I was dying for her and struggling with how to let her know how very sorry I was. It was horrible. And it all happened within the first 15 minutes of the hour long massage, so the rest of the 45 minutes was pretty tough on both of us. I still feel bad for her and guilty because I didn't really know what to say.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 15, 2014 18:57:10 GMT -5
And then the people that are very opinionated on contentious subjects that make me uncomfortable as well. I find it out to be openly complaining about politics or abortion type subjects to strangers. You don't know how I feel on this subject, so why act as though I am going to jump on your bandwagon & totally agree. At the same time I have no interest in starting a debate with someone, so I just say "yeah" or something to acknowledge they spoke, but try to limit any further engagement. It's too bad we're not Southern Belles, Angel, because then when Sally Stranger starts up with her strong views about a controversial topic, we could just smile sweetly at her, pat our chest and exclaim, "Well bless your heart!"
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 15, 2014 18:58:17 GMT -5
I have access to many moods, and chose to use them all throughout any given time period. Sometimes I chat, sometimes not. Sometimes I think people are a-holes when they don't reciprocate, sometimes I just assume they are doing their own thing. I like to keep myself guessing.
In England, does "chatting up" mean flirting? That was always how they used it on Coupling.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Sept 15, 2014 19:00:34 GMT -5
Only in my trusted groups.
I will pass a pleasant hello when meeting someone but usually no more than that. That's still risky.
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Sept 15, 2014 19:20:17 GMT -5
If I pass by someone's desk every morning and they greet me, I respond--I don't stop because my promotion makes them not worth my while.
I don't like to be "chatted up", and came this close || to filing a complaint against one of the "big" people who kept complaining to my supervisor I wouldn't chat them up. I come into your office, I greet you (is it really so hard for people to imagine a "good morning" although no, I don't say "how are you?"), I fix your computer and I leave--I could care less about your kids, your vacation plans, or what you did last weekend.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Sept 15, 2014 19:44:54 GMT -5
Random people assisting me in stores just a greeting and I move on normally. Sometimes a how's the weather, wow it's hot in here or so on.
At work going in the gate not too much chatting. I do say hello as they check my badge because it pays to know them. That way I leave my window rolled up when its pouring the rain or cold and if I forget my badge they'll do all the searching of my car for me.
When I enter the building I will sometimes talk a little bit with the ones I know. I'm not holding up the line though at that point. Sometimes they'll be talking about something and ask me a question. On my way out in the evening, I'll say have a good night or something similar when I pass the guard station.
I know a couple of the homeland security cops so when I see them I do stop to chat. When the black lab is roaming with them I will scratch his ears and pet him. I was half awake in line in the cafe one morning when he came and sat down in front of me to be petted. And of course I have to give his handler a hard time because I know he trained that dog to walk up to every woman in the building. The dog will come running up to me, nails clacking on the tile floor. I've never seen him greet a guy that way.
Other people I see a lot in the hallway I will exchange pleasantries with like the biker looking guy. The FedEx lady I also speak to as I sign for deliveries when the financial statement director is out. The mail guy is pretty anti social and I don't normally have to sign for stuff.
The janitorial staff I will typically greet and then I always thank them. I don't have long drawn out conversations like some of the staff though.
Basically if I see them around the building (huge complex though) I try to at least exchange greetings. It's definitely something I've had to make myself do.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 15, 2014 20:20:31 GMT -5
I chat with people all of the time, and have had some of the most interesting conversations. I have fun doing it. Most people are very nice, as long as I'm nice to them.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Sept 15, 2014 20:41:40 GMT -5
I'm a chatter...I don't talk much on airplanes but now I'm going to recline my seat and chit chat with all of you bitches next to me!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2014 20:55:39 GMT -5
For as introverted as I am, if I'm around people, I chat. Had a nice talk about henna with the three college guys who were smushed into the aisle with us tonight (so much for a germ buffer zone).
But I don't want to talk during a massage! I like to relax in quiet.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 15, 2014 21:25:11 GMT -5
I have access to many moods, and chose to use them all throughout any given time period. Sometimes I chat, sometimes not. Sometimes I think people are a-holes when they don't reciprocate, sometimes I just assume they are doing their own thing. I like to keep myself guessing. In England, does "chatting up" mean flirting? That was always how they used it on Coupling. I think so. And I found out what "knock you up" means over there. I remember hearing that the first time and cracked up and said "You got her pregnant?!" That's not what that means there. It means they are going to go visit you. Knock on your door so to speak. Or somebody was pulling my leg when they told me that. I have my moods of chattiness and my moods of just answering questions with as little words as possible. Just like I have moods of being knocked up. Sometimes I have a headache.
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ginpin
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Post by ginpin on Sept 15, 2014 22:43:14 GMT -5
I do inside sales, so I chat up my customers on the phone. It makes a connection with them, and tends to get me more orders. I also enjoy talking with them. In a store or other public setting, not so much.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Sept 15, 2014 22:55:25 GMT -5
I tend to chat with people, but I try not to overdo it. It does tend to serve you well to be informed any place you work. I figured out one of the companies I was working for was in big financial trouble before they filed for bankruptcy, just from comments people made to me from different departments.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2014 22:58:05 GMT -5
I am a chatterbox most times and don't mind if all signals are go from both sides. But if not, I do try to posture myself as one who is friendly if I and whomever else don't feel chatty.
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on Sept 15, 2014 23:36:57 GMT -5
I'll chat people up when we're both waiting in line at the grocery store. I had a nice chat with a couple of gals today - one at the Grocery Outlet and the other at the 99 Cent Store.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Sept 15, 2014 23:47:49 GMT -5
I used to be pretty shy and reserved, but working the desk at the library I have gotten to know many more people in my community, and now I naturally chat with them when they stop in. It is much easier now to chat with strangers, too. I try to follow others' lead - if they are inclined to chat, I'm usually happy to also, but if they show no interest I don't force it. There are plenty of regulars who love to chat, on all different topics - the latest book/DVD they loved or hated, a project they are researching, events coming up in town, school stuff, gossip (local or magazine).
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Sept 15, 2014 23:48:59 GMT -5
I don't think of myself as chatty. I have a really hard time when I'm getting my hair done and such. But if I know you, that's totally different!
I agree, talking a bit to people at your work place can be beneficial (or not).
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Sept 16, 2014 6:31:26 GMT -5
No. I am quiet. But I do greet people and smile.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 16, 2014 10:03:25 GMT -5
Well according to people here, I'm mean... but I don't think it has anything to do with whether or not I chat up the mail man... Psssstt...I've seen you chat up the hunky recycle dudes. It has more to do with the fact that you're just plain picky choosy selective. I'm with billsonboard; I don't even chat up people I know. I prefer to listen.
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