Funny marriage phrases

[tloonya]

When a man
steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.

King
David







After marriage,
husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face
each other, but still they stay together.

Sasha
Guitry







By all means
marry.

If you get a good
wife,

you'll be
happy.

If you get a bad one, you'll become a
philosopher.
Socrates







Woman inspires
us to great things, and prevents us from achieving
them.

Anonymous







The great
question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a
woman want?"

Dumas







I had some words
with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with
me.

Sigmund
Freud







'Some people ask the secret of our
long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant

two times a
week.

A little candlelight,
dinner,

soft music and
dancing.

She goes
Tuesdays,

I go Fridays.'

Red
Skelton







'There's a way of transferring funds
that is even faster than electronic
banking.

It's called
marriage.'


Sam
Kinison







'I've had bad luck with
both

my wives.

The first one left
me,

and the second one
didn't.'


James Holt
McGavra







Two secrets to keep your marriage
brimming.

1. Whenever you're
wrong,

admit it,

2. Whenever you're right,
shut up.


Patrick
Murray







The most
effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it...
once

Nash






You know
what I did before

I
married?

Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous







My wife and I
were happy

for twenty
years.

Then we met.

Henny
Youngman







A good wife
always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.

Rodney
Dangerfield







A man inserted
an 'ad'

in the
classifieds:

'Wife wanted'.

Next day he
received

a hundred letters.

They all said
the

same thing:

'You can have
mine.'

Anonymous






First Guy
(proudly):

'My wife's an angel!'

Second
Guy:

'You're lucky,

mine's still
alive.'

Anonymous
 

[sesfw]

Thanks for the laugh.  

[TheHaitian]

Sept 13, 2014 9:59:55 GMT -5 sesfw said:

Thanks for the laugh.  

X 2

[Nazgul Girl]

   These are really funny !    

[achelois]

Only a widow can say exactly where her husband is.

Most men know that women dream of having two men at the same time. But they don’t understand that in those fantasies one man is cleaning the house and the other one is cooking.

[toomuchreality]

I got nothin'.    But those were really good! 

[tloonya]

Sept 13, 2014 10:07:55 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Sept 13, 2014 9:59:55 GMT -5 sesfw said:

Thanks for the laugh.  

X 2

Got to contribute something...somehow...

Love this one:

Look for a new partner while having an old one.
No one goes to a shoe store barefoot after all

[Deleted]

Not a phrase, I know. But so funny to me. (By the way, this thread is so funny. Thanks for the laughs.)


Bob was in a lot of trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed off, and started to give him the rounds of the kitchen.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.