Lizard Queen
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103/2024
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Post by Lizard Queen on Aug 25, 2014 18:20:19 GMT -5
I'm not the best, but I'll keep it if I remember to.
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mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Aug 25, 2014 18:28:01 GMT -5
I don't share anything told to me in confidence. It's probably because of my profession.
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billisonboard
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Member is Online
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Post by billisonboard on Aug 25, 2014 18:36:19 GMT -5
I will attempt to preempt people from telling me anything they want to keep secret. I just general don't care enough to be involved.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Aug 25, 2014 21:52:05 GMT -5
I don't like gossip so I've always kept secrets. But since I'm very quiet most people don't get close enough to tell me their secrets. I'm not curious at all about other people's lives.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Aug 25, 2014 22:36:01 GMT -5
I'm terrible at keeping secrets. I have been working on getting better, but I apparently have zero self control.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Aug 26, 2014 0:23:24 GMT -5
I guess it depends on your version of secrets.
I have worked in the medical profession for years, with access to people's medical charts. I have worked as the assistant to an executive director and an office manager with access to people's personnel charts. There are things I have learned because I had to know them to do my job, but have never told anyone. I don't think of those things as secrets. That is confidential information and not mine to share, and I don't think about it beyond that.
If you are a friend or co-worker chit chatting with me and sharing a secret, you should assume I will tell C. But I am also very up front with this. I have asked, more than once, if someone was comfortable with me sharing it with him, and if they say no, I tell them they should probably stop talking to me about it. But I also hold to that when sharing things with my friends. If I am telling something to someone in a committed relationship, I assume I am also telling their partner. Unless it's about a gift for their partner, or I'm helping them plan a surprise party, I assume that when I tell one, I am de facto telling the other. If I don't want one half of a couple to know something, I won't tell the other half.
Beyond talking to C, though, I am very good at keeping secrets. And C is forgetful about anything that doesn't actually have an impact on us, so he never remembers other people's secrets that I share with him.
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Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Aug 27, 2014 16:22:42 GMT -5
Oh, I thought you were going to tell us a secret!
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 27, 2014 16:44:10 GMT -5
Depends what it is. When DH and I were engaged his sister lived with me for a while. I caught her and her BF having sex on my couch. All she could say to me is "don't tell my brother". She liked to pretend to be pure and innocent. They later broke up and he was my roommate for a few months. Found out she had an abortion. I sat on those for about 10 years. But yes, one day I told DH.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2014 16:51:26 GMT -5
I'm old so I forget everything as well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 17:27:29 GMT -5
I'm old so I forget everything as well. I forget a lot of gossip. A lot of times people will say "Remember when I told you about such-and-such" and I actually don't remember. Sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other. I've always been good at keeping secrets but I learned the hard way to just keep my mouth shut, period. I had a coworker that I considered a friend. We hung out together outside of work. She was married but was openly dating another man. They behaved like a couple and didn't try to hide it. I mentioned something about them dating to a mutual "friend", not thinking it was a big deal because everyone knew she was dating him. Well, that person didn't know and they took it back to her family and her husband. My friend confronted me, I couldn't deny that I'd told that person. Of course she was angry with me, I understood that and it was just a huge mess that made me feel so terrible I cried. She never came back to work, she and her husband divorced and she and I didn't talk for years. It's been several years now, and I still feel bad when I think about it because we were friends and whether everybody knew or not, the information shouldn't have come from me.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Aug 27, 2014 17:59:24 GMT -5
I forget a lot of gossip. A lot of times people will say "Remember when I told you about such-and-such" and I actually don't remember. Sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other. I've always been good at keeping secrets but I learned the hard way to just keep my mouth shut, period. I had a coworker that I considered a friend. We hung out together outside of work. She was married but was openly dating another man. They behaved like a couple and didn't try to hide it. I mentioned something about them dating to a mutual "friend", not thinking it was a big deal because everyone knew she was dating him. Well, that person didn't know and they took it back to her family and her husband. My friend confronted me, I couldn't deny that I'd told that person. Of course she was angry with me, I understood that and it was just a huge mess that made me feel so terrible I cried. She never came back to work, she and her husband divorced and she and I didn't talk for years. It's been several years now, and I still feel bad when I think about it because we were friends and whether everybody knew or not, the information shouldn't have come from me. So your friend was openly cheating on her husband and somehow you were the bad guy? Sounds like you were better off without her as a friend. If it hadn't been you that "leaked" the info, it would have been someone else.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Aug 27, 2014 18:00:44 GMT -5
I’m pretty good about keeping people’s confidences around people they know. If the information is somehow relevant to my own life I will share tidbits with people who are less acquainted. For instance, I’m not going to tell my family or mutual friends, that my sister and her children are moving to Hawaii, her business to tell, but I see no harm in telling my own friends because I’m going to miss my nieces and nephews and I need to process.
The best secret I have kept, a dear friend confided she was pregnant and asked me not to share. Okay, her business, didn’t even tell my SO. Couple weeks later, my SO and I are visiting, men folk are talking, and her DH asks my SO “did cktc tell you she’s pregnant?” Well it just so happens earlier that week I had a horrible stomach bug and was throwing up all morning. SO totally thought he was talking about me. Oh how I laughed, I’m still laughing.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Aug 27, 2014 18:21:27 GMT -5
I'm old so I forget everything as well. I forget a lot of gossip. A lot of times people will say "Remember when I told you about such-and-such" and I actually don't remember. Sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other. I've always been good at keeping secrets but I learned the hard way to just keep my mouth shut, period. I had a coworker that I considered a friend. We hung out together outside of work. She was married but was openly dating another man. They behaved like a couple and didn't try to hide it. I mentioned something about them dating to a mutual "friend", not thinking it was a big deal because everyone knew she was dating him. Well, that person didn't know and they took it back to her family and her husband. My friend confronted me, I couldn't deny that I'd told that person. Of course she was angry with me, I understood that and it was just a huge mess that made me feel so terrible I cried. She never came back to work, she and her husband divorced and she and I didn't talk for years. It's been several years now, and I still feel bad when I think about it because we were friends and whether everybody knew or not, the information shouldn't have come from me. I had something similar happen many years ago. <<deleted>> I probably will delete this soon but wanted you to know you aren't the only one who screwed up. I was just luckier.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 12:14:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 18:44:32 GMT -5
I forget a lot of gossip. A lot of times people will say "Remember when I told you about such-and-such" and I actually don't remember. Sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other. I've always been good at keeping secrets but I learned the hard way to just keep my mouth shut, period. I had a coworker that I considered a friend. We hung out together outside of work. She was married but was openly dating another man. They behaved like a couple and didn't try to hide it. I mentioned something about them dating to a mutual "friend", not thinking it was a big deal because everyone knew she was dating him. Well, that person didn't know and they took it back to her family and her husband. My friend confronted me, I couldn't deny that I'd told that person. Of course she was angry with me, I understood that and it was just a huge mess that made me feel so terrible I cried. She never came back to work, she and her husband divorced and she and I didn't talk for years. It's been several years now, and I still feel bad when I think about it because we were friends and whether everybody knew or not, the information shouldn't have come from me. So your friend was openly cheating on her husband and somehow you were the bad guy? Sounds like you were better off without her as a friend. If it hadn't been you that "leaked" the info, it would have been someone else. Seriously. A secret by definition is not openly done in front of coworkers and whoever else with no attempt to hide it. If she meant to not get caught by her husband, she tactically did a pi$$-poor job, and I view it as pretty sad that she blamed you. If I'm going to kill someone, I won't then put the corpse in the front seat of a car and drive around in broad daylight. It's not really a secret at that point, IMO, and I'm not going to blame the person who mentions it to someone else who calls the police.
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chiver78
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Current Events Admin
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Post by chiver78 on Aug 27, 2014 19:02:54 GMT -5
POM, you didn't screw up. you were icy w/the cheater when you shared the indiscretion. frankly, if she ever had any expectation of your confidence, you wouldn't have been in a position to be icy w/her, ever. just my two cents.
stories like the stuff on this thread page, stuff like this is why I think I'm sheltered or on the spectrum somewhere, undiagnosed. I can't even wrap my brain around sharing some of the things I've seen shared online - anonymous or otherwise. I understand reaching out to support networks, and I do the same.....but some of the things I've seen people reaching out for support are things I'm not sure I'd ever admit in a place that was forever visible.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 12:14:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 19:36:44 GMT -5
POM, you didn't screw up. you were icy w/the cheater when you shared the indiscretion. frankly, if she ever had any expectation of your confidence, you wouldn't have been in a position to be icy w/her, ever. just my two cents. stories like the stuff on this thread page, stuff like this is why I think I'm sheltered or on the spectrum somewhere, undiagnosed. I can't even wrap my brain around sharing some of the things I've seen shared online - anonymous or otherwise. I understand reaching out to support networks, and I do the same.....but some of the things I've seen people reaching out for support are things I'm not sure I'd ever admit in a place that was forever visible. Are you referring to my post? Just curious.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Aug 27, 2014 19:50:54 GMT -5
POM, you didn't screw up. you were icy w/the cheater when you shared the indiscretion. frankly, if she ever had any expectation of your confidence, you wouldn't have been in a position to be icy w/her, ever. just my two cents. stories like the stuff on this thread page, stuff like this is why I think I'm sheltered or on the spectrum somewhere, undiagnosed. I can't even wrap my brain around sharing some of the things I've seen shared online - anonymous or otherwise. I understand reaching out to support networks, and I do the same.....but some of the things I've seen people reaching out for support are things I'm not sure I'd ever admit in a place that was forever visible. Are you referring to my post? Just curious. specifically, not at all. sorry to call out Phoenix, but there are many things that I read the same way he does, if from an entirely opposite view source - things that I feel are so far out there that I have to ask is that really normal? I just think I've lived a pretty sheltered life in that the wake effect of cheating is really not that big in my circles. not sure how much of that has to do with the dynamics of my little bubble, but it is what it is. no offense intended, I promise since my sis has been teaching in a private LD school, she's realized that both of us have a few things that went undiagnosed as kids. that was the source of my comment.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 12:14:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 20:02:32 GMT -5
No offense taken. I just didn't quite get what you meant and wondered if my post sparked your response.
Unfortunately, I know a lot of people that are unfaithful in their marriages and relationships. So many that I've started to wonder if I'm naïve for thinking its not suppose to be like that. But that's a whole 'nother story.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 27, 2014 20:17:37 GMT -5
I'd tell ya but I'd have to kill ya.
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andreawick
Established Member
Joined: Oct 3, 2012 9:28:04 GMT -5
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Post by andreawick on Aug 28, 2014 8:32:42 GMT -5
I figured, but I wanted HIM to spill it! LOL that's how pregnancy happens...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2014 14:00:09 GMT -5
"The wise ole owl sat in the oak, the more he heard, the less he spoke. The less he spoke, the more he heard. So take heed from this wise ole bird. "
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